Never Say Never - eddiemunsons80sbaby (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

"No, Janice, it's absolutely hopeless. I am telling you. I'm done with dating," Aly sighed as she wiped the crumbs off the table and into her hand from Eli's after school snack.

Making her way to the garbage can, she brushed them in. Grabbing the empty cup of chocolate milk, she popped it into the dishwasher, trying to stay on top of things so she didn't have to do a last minute clean-up when all she wanted to do was go to bed.

"You can't just give up," her friend urged. "Come on, Aly. You've only been on a few dates so far. I know they've been duds but the right guy is out there. I know he is."

"I really don't think he is. I've been on four dates in the last month and they have all been awful. And I only went on those dates because you've been pushing me to put myself out there, might I remind you. I was perfectly content with my life the way it was. The only guy I need in my life is my son. I'm telling you. Good guys don't exist."

"Except you know that's not true because you had one."

Aly's heart stuttered in her chest at the reminder. That familiar pain that tightened its hold until she felt she couldn't breathe. It didn't matter that it had been two years. Any mention of Justin's name and she was instantly sent straight back there, struggling, fighting for air she couldn't find, descending into the pitch black of despair that had swallowed her whole for far too long.

But she couldn't let it consume her, not anymore. She knew what she needed to do. Remembering her therapist's words, she didn't fight it back, letting the pain wash over her for a moment.Accept your emotions. It's okay to feel them. Let them come, acknowledge them, and then move on. Don't get stuck. Forward motion. Always forward motion. Remember the 3-3-3 rules when it gets overwhelming.

Her eyes roamed through her kitchen, searching for three objects. The box of Scooby snacks that Eli had, the smiling face of his favorite cartoon dog looking up at her. The tulips on the table that she'd picked from her garden two days ago, bringing a little spring into the house. The bright painting to the left of the fridge that Eli had made for Mother's Day last year, his handprints creating bright yellow and orange flowers, with the wordsIf mothers were flowers, I'd pick you.

She felt herself returning from the dark, her chest loosening as she closed her eyes, focusing on sounds now. Her son's feet moving across the floor of his bedroom, a lawnmower running a couple houses down, the low rumble of a motorcycle driving down the street.

It was working. Aly wiggled her fingers, rotated her ankle, rolled her head around on her shoulders. 3-3-3. Three sights, three sounds, and three movements. And just like that, she was back. Hand on the table, she slowly sat down in one of the wooden chairs she'd so lovingly sanded and refinished the summer after they bought this house, opening her eyes. She was centered. She was okay. She was moving forward whether she wanted to or not.

He was gone. There was no changing that. And as much as she'd wanted to curl up and die after it happened, she knew she couldn't. She had Eli, this sweet little soul who depended on her, who was hurting too, and she had to be what he needed. She had to pull herself out of her grief to be the stability and strength he needed. Fake it until you make it, right? That had worked for a while until it didn't.

"Aly?" her friend's voice called through the receiver. "Hey, are you okay? Is it happening again? Do I need to come over? Come on. Just say something, honey."

"No. No. I'm okay." Her fingers pressed gently against her forehead, wondering if it would ever get easier. Everyone said it would and sometimes she could even go hours without thinking about him but when she did, it would all come crashing down around her. He'd left her alone, alone to care for their son, alone for eternity based on the dating pool out there. "Sorry. I just...I'm fine."

"You sure? Because I've already got my keys in my hand and I can be there in ten minutes."

Aly smiled. Of course Janice already had her keys in her hand. She was Aly's lighthouse in a storm, her safe harbor, her source of encouragement and support. She'd been there to pick her up when she could barely lift her head. She'd been the one to convince her to go to therapy. She'd been the one to come over and cook dinner for Eli, playing games with him, amusing him so he wouldn't notice that mommy was falling apart in her bedroom on days when she just couldn't find the strength. Janice was her lifeline and she had no idea where she would be without her. She certainly wouldn't be the functioning human being she was right now.

"No. Really. I promise you, Janice. I am fine."

"Okay...but you know I've always got you. Just say the word, girl and I'm there. Anytime. Anything you need."

"I know. And I love you so much for it."

"I love you," Janice stated. "You're my soulmate, you know."

Aly laughed, "What about Matt? I don't think he'd appreciate hearing you say that."

Her friend snorted, "Oh, he knows. It was part of our vows. Didn't you know that? He took this woman and her best friend on the day we got married. He's aware of his place in my life and he's okay with it because he loves you too. Also, he doesn't have a choice because he knows I'd get rid of him before I'd ever let go of you if he tried to make me choose. You're always my first choice."

Matt would never make her choose. Janice had met Matt a little over a year ago and they had just gotten married in July. It had been a beautiful outdoor wedding on the beach. She'd been the maid of honor. Janice hadn't even asked her, not really, just rolled her eyes when Aly asked if she planned on it and said she didn't have to ask because it should have been assumed. Eli had been so handsome in his little tux as their ring bearer. Aly had fought back tears throughout the day, memories of her own wedding day ripping her apart. But she'd held it together, reminding herself that this was her friend's day. She was supposed to be overjoyed for her, not wallowing as she tripped down memory lane.

Aly loved Matt and the feeling appeared to be mutual. He was perfect for her best friend. He was the rational to Aly's crazy, the simple to her complicated, the organization to her chaos. He was absolutely crazy about her and every single one of her little quirks, including her intensely close friendship with Aly and Eli. He'd been openly accepting of Aly being their third wheel from day one.

They'd only gone on five dates when he offered to take Eli to the batting cages for a few hours so the girls could enjoy an afternoon. When Eli got back, red-faced and shiny, a huge smile on his face, Aly had given her friend a look that said everything without her having to speak. It said hold onto this one. And her friend had been smart enough to do just that. They were already talking about trying for a baby and Aly couldn't wait to plan a shower and shop for all the cute little baby things. To be Auntie Aly, to cuddle a sweet little one against her chest again, to inhale that delicious newborn smell.

Everyone always said it went by too fast. She'd thought they were crazy when she was in the midst of sleepless nights and a screaming baby, feeling it would never end. But they were not joking. Her sweet little baby, with his head of downy blond hair, just like his father's, had somehow become a little boy in what felt like a span of seven minutes instead of seven years. She found herself willing time to slow down, to let her keep him little for just a while longer, but it just kept racing ahead, leaving her frantically trying to catch up.

"So, anyway, what was so awful about this one?" Janice asked, bringing her back to the present moment.

"Ugh...what wasn't awful? He showed up to the restaurant already drunk. He kept trying to touch me, stroking my arm and placing his hands on my thigh. He kept slurring about how he was going to show me the night of my life. He ordered spaghetti and was eating it with his fingers, just picking up the noodles and dropping them into his mouth. It was disgusting. His hand was in a cast and when I asked what happened, he told me he broke it punching out the car window of his ex because he caught her cheating on him last week."

"Holy sh*t!"

"Seriously! I can't make this stuff up, Janice. It's so bad out here. I don't know why women even bother trying. From the guy who seemed okay until I walked into his place and he had the pile of toenail clippings on his coffee table to the guy who asked for the barista's number while I was standing next to him to the guy who invited his ex so she'd see him with me to this guy, I'm just done. Maybe we only get one shot at real love in our lives and Justin was mine. Maybe that's all I get. I mean, it was only ten years but a decade of happiness is more than some people get. Shouldn't I be happy with that?"

"No. I refuse to believe that," Janice argued. "Aly, you are far too amazing to spend the rest of your life alone."

"I'm not alone. I have you and Eli."

"Yes, but one day, Eli will be all grown up and move out and start a life of his own. And yes, you will always have me but do you really want to live in that house all by yourself? Don't you want someone to fall asleep next to, someone to wake up next to, someone to rub your feet after a long day, someone to be your person?"

"You're my person. Justin was my person."

"Aly..."

"Janice, I just...this dating site thing isn't for me."

God, it was so awful. With the birth of the internet, online dating was a fairly new thing. But when she wasn't getting e-mailed dick pics or getting asked if she was looking for a booty call, then she was getting tricked by guys who acted like they were normal until she met them and found out they were anything but.

"Okay. So, ditch the dating site. Honestly, it probably wasn't the best idea but Lauren was going on and on about these hot guys she'd met on there. She said it was like a pond full of fish and any woman could have her pick of them. I figured it would be worth a shot. At least, it would be a good place to start. I should have known better. It's Lauren. She'll hook up with anybody and gets bored way too easily. I am sure a different guy every night is exactly what she's looking for. Maybe you just need to meet someone more organically?"

Aly sighed, "And how exactly do you think I'm going to do that between work and Eli? I don't have a lot of down time."

"No, I know, but maybe try to pop into the coffee shop more or the bookstore? I mean, you could do the bar but you're more likely to find a sleaze who's just looking for a one night stand or the guy with the tan line where his ring should be. Lord knows I've made that mistake more than once. But a bookstore, a coffee shop, the library? You might find a nice guy there, an intellectual who reads and writes poetry in his spare time. Oh! Maybe find your own Mr. Coulson."

"Except I've actually been kissed and I am not a reporter and I definitely am not passing for a high school student," Aly laughed, remembering how in love she and Janice had been last year in the theater. "and trust me, Michael Vartan is not teaching at the local high school."

"Okay, fair enough. But don't give up. You deserve the world, my friend. You deserve a man who looks at you like you're the moon and stars because you are. I know he's out there."

"Janice, I..."

"Mommy! You have to take me to baseball practice, remember?"

Aly's eyes shot over to her son and then up to the clock. She'd completely forgotten. After Matt had gotten him into baseball, he'd begged her to let him join the little league team this year at school. She'd dreaded having to lug him to practices and games, giving up what little free time she had, but she could never deny her son anything. Their first practice started in fifteen minutes and now they were going to be late. Just one more reason for the mothers in this town to judge her and her inability to do it all as a single mom.

"sh*t! Janice, I have to go. Eli has baseball."

"Okay. Ohh, maybe you'll find a hot single dad."

"Oh my god. Good bye," she huffed, hanging up. Her brain raced, thinking back to the paper that had come home with him about practices. What did he need to bring? "Okay, okay. Eli, go grab your mitt and I'll fill up a water bottle for you."

Her son raced off up the stairs and she groaned, knowing he'd probably be yelling down to her in two minutes that he couldn't find it. She grabbed his bright blue water bottle, quickly filling it with tap water. Was there anything else? She smacked her forehead loudly. Cleats! She was supposed to buy him baseball cleats and she hadn't.

"Mommy! I can't find my glove!"

Aly closed her eyes, inhaling slowly through her nose before making her way to the stairs, "I'll find it. Just change into your athletic pants and a long sleeve shirt. And grab a sweatshirt, honey. It's kind of chilly out today."

Eli sat on the floor, pulling his pants on, when Aly entered the room. Her eyes did a quick scan, instantly finding the glove, lying on the floor right next to his bed. With a small smile and a shake of her head, she bent down and grabbed it, tossing it to her son just as he stood up, all dressed and ready.

"Ready to go?"

"But my shoes. I don't have baseball shoes!" he yelled, pointing at his feet as if she wasn't aware.

"I know buddy. I'm sorry. Mommy forgot but I will stop tomorrow right after work and grab you a pair, okay?"

"But then I won't be ready for baseball! All the other kids are going to have the right shoes and I won't!"

"Eli, we don't have time to stop at the store right now or you'll be late." She walked up to her son, cradling his face, her favorite face in the world. Cobalt blue eyes, so like his father's gazed up at her, anxious about not fitting in, not having the right things. "Look, I will explain to your coach. I'm sure he will understand."

"He's really nice. He's Jeremiah's dad. I like Jeremiah. He's my best friend. We play superheroes at recess all the time. He's Superman and I'm Batman. And sometimes we swap lunches because his dad always packs peanut butter and jelly and you always pack bologna and sometimes we like to switch. I asked you if he could come over and play and you said maybe but he's never come over. Remember?"

Aly winced at her son's words. It came back to her, months ago, Eli asking if his new best friend could come over to their house. She'd said maybe, the answer she gave when she didn't have one or she was too busy to stop and really answer him. Being a single parent was hard. It was exhausting, often leaving her feeling like there wasn't enough of her to go around.

"I'm sorry, buddy. I shouldn't have said maybe and then forgotten about it. I'll talk to his parents about it after practice today, okay? Now, come on. Let's get going so you're not too late."

__________________________________________________________

Aly barely had the car in park before Eli was jumping out, racing across the pavement, eager to join his teammates on the diamond. She made her way over, taking in the gathering of young players, the air full of energy and excitement. Bringing a hand up to cover her eyes against the glaringly bright spring sun, she watched as Eli ran up to a young boy with a full head of caramel brown hair.

That must be Jeremiah. Wow, that kid was going to be all the girls could talk about when he got older with a head of hair like that. Eli pointed at him with a huge grin and she gave her son a thumbs up, letting him know she'd seen. He would never let her forget it if she didn't follow through on setting up a playdate.

"Aly! Hey! Eli's playing this year?"

"Oh, hi Tracy," she replied with a smile as Jackson's mom walked up with a coffee in hand. "Yeah. Janice's husband, Matt, has really gotten him into baseball and he was so excited to play."

"It's so good that he has someone to stand in as a strong male role model in his life. You know, with his dad gone and everything."

Her teeth gritted, the smile she was working so hard to keep plastered on her face now painful. Of course. Aly couldn't possibly be enough for her son. He had to have a man in his life to be whole. It didn't matter that she worked her ass off to make sure that her son never went without. It didn't matter that she'd had to step up and work even harder, take on the job of two people. It would never be enough.

"Yeah, we're really grateful for Matt. He's really great. Eli just adores him."

Tracy leaned in, looking like the cat who got the cream, Aly's faults as a mother forgotten. "Have you seen the baseball coach?"

"No. I...I just got here but I do need to talk to him. Eli's become best friends with his son this year and he's never going to let me live it down if I don't don't talk to him about Jeremiah coming over to our house to play."

"Lucky you. I'd do anything for Jackson to come play at our house if it meant his dad would come over to play too."

"Umm...aren't you married?"

Tracy laughed, shrugging, "I mean, what Tom doesn't know won't hurt him, right? Seriously, wait until you see this guy. I am talking about grade A beefcake, honey." She rolled her eyes, her head following, over to the right where a man was bent forward, pulling baseballs out of a bucket. "I just want to take a bite out of it. Have you ever seen anything so delicious?"

"Ooh! Are we talking about the coach?" asked Lilian as she idled up, her tongue running along her upper lip. "Have you ever seen such a delectable slice of cake in your life?"

Aly grimaced. No, they weren't wrong. The ass that was currently up in the air, making it impossible for her not to notice, was quite nice. No. That wasn't fair. There wasn't a Georgia peach in existence that could outdo the one in front of her. He filled out a pair of jeans better than most women did. However, the way these women were drooling over him was pathetic. They were married. They were moms. And this guy, no matter how great his ass was, was a person. He wasn't some piece of meat to be ogled.

"Well, thanks for pointing him out to me. I think I'm going to try to talk to him before he gets busy," she said, eager to get away from these bored, spoiled housewives who were looking for excitement to fill their monotonous days. Striding over to him, she paused, realizing she had no idea what his name was. "Uh...excuse me? Coach?"

He straightened and turned and she gasped. Oh hell. The front view was even better than the back. Two eyes, the color of honey, peered down at her, coating her in their sticky sweetness, filling her mouth, making it impossible to speak. Jeremiah came by that head of hair honestly, his caramel locks falling effortlessly around his face. He smiled and it was even worse, lightning striking her where she stood. His entire face was pure sunshine, warming her from the inside out.

"Yeah?" he encouraged when she hadn't said anything.

"Uh...oh...I'm so sorry," Aly stammered, eyes closing, shaking her head. What the hell was wrong with her right now? "I'm Eli's mom, Aly Randall."

His eyes lit up with recognition, his hand running through those beautiful locks. Another lightning strike, but in an entirely different place, when she realized how large his hands were. Long thick fingers that had her thinking things she really should not be while standing at a child's little league practice. Shame filled her as she realized she was no better than those moms she'd just judged.

"Oh! Of course. Jeremiah talks about Eli non-stop. He's been bugging me for months to have him come over."

"Well, that's actually why I came over to talk to you. Eli's been bugging me too and I promised him that I wouldn't leave practice without setting up something with you. So...is there any time over the next week that works for Jeremiah to come play?"

"What works for you?"

"Any afternoon or evening is okay, as long as there's no practice. But of course then Jeremiah would be unavailable too so that would be silly. And obviously, you'd be coaching so you know when there's practice. But I, yeah, anyway, I work in a pediatrician's office and I get off at three every day so that I can get Eli from school. So, I am available for a date. I mean, for the playdate. For the kids. To have a playdate. At my house."

The corner of his mouth curved into an amused smile and she just wanted a hole to open up in the dirt and swallow her. Why was she tongue twisted like a fifteen year old girl who was trying to talk to the cutest guy at school? She was a thirty-two year old woman. She'd been a wife. She was a mother. She was a nurse. She was educated. She'd gone to college. She should be able to string words together to make a coherent sentence.

"How about tomorrow?" he asked and she noticed how his eyes flitted down to her left hand, her bare ring finger. "I actually have a meeting tomorrow night and my best friend is busy so I have no one to watch Jermiah. If you wouldn't mind him coming your way for a couple hours, it would really help me out."

"Oh, no. That would be fine. What time?"

She did not focus on the fact that he needed a babysitter. She did not think about how it sounded like Jeremiah's mom wasn't in the picture. She definitely did not feel a thrill that made her stomach flip at the thought of what that could mean for her. Nope. No reason for her to care if he had a woman in his life.

"Four thirty? My meeting is at five. It shouldn't take more than an hour so I should be there by six thirty."

"Four thirty is great. I'll make the boys dinner and I'm sure they'll be more than happy to have a couple hours to play. No need to rush or anything."

His head tilted, tongue tracing his bottom lip, one eyebrow lifting, "Or I could grab a pizza on my way over. You know, as a thank you for helping me out and everything."

"Oh..." Her stomach twisted at his words, the drop on the roller coaster, plunging fast, fear and excitement colliding within her at the thought of him hanging out at her house. The two of them sitting at a table, sharing food, talking. Those warm eyes, like the earth when the sun comes up in the morning, staring into hers. "That would be nice. I mean, Eli will be ecstatic. He would eat pizza every night if I'd let him."

"Great." He flashed her that smile again and she swayed on her feet, completely dazzled by that flash of white teeth, the way his eyes crinkled in the corners.

"Daddy! Come on! Stop talking! We're ready for practice!"

"Duty calls," he joked, wiggling his eyebrows as he leaned in, his mouth so close to hers that she could smell the peppermint gum on his breath. "We'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah...see you tomorrow." Aly stood, frozen as she watched him make his way toward the group of second graders eager to start running around the bases. It suddenly hit her that she still didn't know his name. Cupping her hands around her mouth, she yelled, "I didn't get your name!"

He turned, grinning, "Steve! Steve Harrington!"

Hi everyone! I am so excited about this one. I have been wanting to write a Steve fic for a long time and have been scared to because I didn't think a lot of my readers would be interested. But I decided, why not? Either people read it or they don't but this story has been haunting me for far too long. And it's something I need to do for me. However, with this one I am not going to have a regular posting schedule because with keeping up with Everybody Hurts, I don't want to make any promises. I was just so excited to get the first chapter done and I couldn't wait to share. If you're reading this, thank you so much. Love you, mean it, with all my heart. You all are the best.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

“It seems to be just a case of the common cold,” Aly told the worried mother. “Dr. Wilson said she just needs rest and to make sure she drinks lots of fluids. She should be back to herself within a few days.”

“Thanks. I know I’m probably being silly rushing her in here but she kept waking up last night, crying, and I’m all alone. I’ve just been exhausted having to do everything on my own. It’s been so hard. And with her not feeling well, neither of us have gotten much sleep the last few days. My husband’s in the Air Force and he’s currently deployed and we don’t know when he’s going to get to come back home and my parents live three hundred miles away.”

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Let the feeling come. Acknowledge the feeling and then move forward. Aly closed her eyes for a moment, centering herself, not letting this one burrow too far in before she forced it back. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to push them away but sometimes it was necessary. Like now. She couldn’t be the nurse who assured the nervous mother if she was busy trying to find three things to look at, smell, and move. It wasn’t reassuring to have your medical professional falling apart in front of you.

Pressing her index finger to her thumb, she allowed herself to feel the sensation, to know she was here. She wasn’t back there. No one was waiting on the other side of the door to give her the news that would send a wrecking ball through the middle of her life, destroying and altering it forever. She was strong. She was handling it. She was moving forward. Opening her eyes, she put on her best smile.

“Of course. I can’t imagine how challenging that must be for you.” Actually, she could, but this was not the time or place to share her own story. This was the time to be an empathetic ear, to listen to her patient. It was not the time to unpack her own trauma or make this about herself. “Please, no need to apologize. You call us whenever you need to. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.”

The mother thanked her, lifting her three year old into her arms. Aly directed her which way to go. Parents often got a bit turned around in this place, the hallways like a maze to the various exam rooms, like a figure eight. This practice was a thriving one, one that kept her very busy, her days packed with back-to-back appointments. But she preferred it that way. It made her days go faster.

After she finished college with her Bachelor’s of Science in nursing, Aly had immediately gotten a job at the local hospital. She’d loved it. The hours were long and she was exhausted all the time but it had been fast-paced and so rewarding. However, it had also been heartbreaking as some children who came into the hospital were there to stay and would never again leave. They would never get tucked into their own bed again, never run through their own backyard again, never sit on the floor of their living room on a Saturday morning eating cereal while watching cartoons again. The job had not just been physically exhausting but mentally and emotionally exhausting as well.

After she’d found out she was expecting Eli, Justin had suggested that maybe she needed something a bit more predictable. It would be hard for her to work twelve hour shifts with a baby at home. It would be even harder to watch children suffer, watch parents in the darkest moments of their lives, when she had a little one at home. Aly wasn’t sure how she could face that kind of heartbreak and then go home to her own child, hoping it never happened to them.

Still, she wouldn’t have given it up if it weren’t for Justin being in the military. With his job, he would often be gone for months at a time, leaving her alone. It hadn’t been a problem before but with her parents living across the country and his parents more than three hours away, they were limited when it came to help. So, she’d applied to the new local pediatrician's office, delighted when she got a call that same week, inviting her in for an interview.

She’d been there ever since, watching as Dr. Wilson’s practice grew. He was young, just a bit older than her, and new to the job but his warm demeanor and empathetic ear quickly had every mom in town bringing their child to him. It probably didn’t hurt that he was pretty damn good looking too.

“Hey Rita, I’m going to take my lunch if I don’t have any more patients for a bit,” she told their receptionist as she placed the child’s file into the cabinet.

“That’s fine. Your next appointment isn’t for an hour so you’re good. I’ll have Sarah handle anything that pops up while you’re out.”

“Thanks.”

Aly grabbed her lunch bag from the fridge and made her way out of the office, heading for the pond. When it was nice out, she always chose to eat her lunch out here, a little escape from the fluorescent lights and germs of the office. Finding a bench, she sat down, pulling out her bologna sandwich. It wasn’t her usual choice but it had simply felt easier to make two this morning instead of trying to come up with something else for herself.

Aly pulled out her phone, dialing the number of the one person she’d been desperate to talk to after the events of yesterday. Janice was a photographer. She did great business and had multiple clients who came back to her again and again for family portraits, baby pictures, and senior photos. She worked from home, which also meant her hours were flexible and she was almost always available to take Aly’s calls. Sure enough, her best friend picked up after two rings.

“Are you sitting under your tree?”

Aly laughed, “How did you know?”

“Because it’s your lunchtime and that’s what you always do when the sun is shining. Are the geese around?”

“Yep. The five little babies are swimming with mom and dad. They’re so cute. Little brown fluffballs that look so soft and sweet. I just want to cuddle them.”

“I wouldn’t try it. Geese can be nasty.”

“You don’t have to tell me. Remember when Eli was two and he wanted to feed them and those two geese hissed and opened their wings wide when he got too close. We didn’t know they had a nest right there. I know they were just protecting their babies but that scared the sh*t out of me.”

“Well, Eli’s your baby. Of course you were scared,” Janice laughed. “Oh my god. That poor kid. He won’t go anywhere near them now. It cemented itself into his brain and gave him a complex. He’ll probably hate those feathered fiends for the rest of his life. So, how was his first baseball practice? Did he love it? Matt can’t wait to talk to him about it.”

“He did. He talked my ear off the whole way home. His best friend is on his team and his coach is the kid’s dad. He loves him and said he was so nice and fun. He’s really patient with the kids. When Eli missed the ball for the third time, he was so upset with himself. The coach was so sweet, giving him some pointers, and assuring him he could do it.”

“Oh…okay, hold on. Wait a minute. Why do you sound like that when you’re talking about his coach?”

“Like what?” Aly demanded.

“Like you did in high school when you used to talk about Josh.”

“What? No I don’t.”

“Yeah you do! You’re all gushy. You sound like a Disney princess about to break into song among the forest animals who are going to help you clean your home about the guy you just met in the woods.”

Aly snorted, “Oh please. No I don’t. I’m just glad that his coach is so kind since Eli is new at this.”

“Uh-huh…so, this coach isn’t cute?”

“I mean, yeah, he is…objectively speaking, most women would say he was very attractive.”

“Most women, huh? And what about you?”

“Yes, okay? Yes, I think he’s very attractive. Anyone with eyes would see that he is good-looking. You should have heard the moms at practice going on about his ass. Married moms basically saying they would cheat on their husbands for this guy. I swear, the housewives club is scary. But it’s just…he’s just Eli’s coach. His son is coming over to our house later today to play with Eli.”

Steve was attractive. Hell, he was possibly the most attractive man she’d ever laid eyes on and that made the guilt just twist in her stomach even harder. Justin had been the love of her life. How could she be so turned around by some guy she barely even knew? They’d spoken for all of three minutes. She didn’t know anything about him besides the fact that he coached kids baseball.

“Oh, is he now?”

“Janice, stop. Eli and Jeremiah have become best friends this year and Eli asked forever ago if he could come over and I completely forgot about it and it never happened. He asked again yesterday so I promised him I would set it up. That’s all it is.”

“And is his dad coming over to play too?”

Aly groaned, her hand coming to her forehead, “Do you have to say it like that? And no he’s not. He has a work meeting. So, I’m kind of helping him out, I guess, but not really because I was going to invite the kid over anyway.”

“So, he’s just dropping him off and picking him up?”

“Well, he may have offered to grab a pizza on his way back to thank me for watching his kid. Which is completely unnecessary because I asked for him to come over before he ever told me about his meeting. I wouldn’t even have known I was babysitting for him if he wouldn’t have told me about it. I never would have expected him to hang around while our kids hung out.”

“Hmm, so you’re going to be having dinner with him, then?”

“And our kids,” Aly reminded her.

Janice had this all wrong. Of course she did. He was just being friendly. Their kids were friends and they wanted to spend time together. He’d said it himself, Aly was helping him out of a bind with childcare issues. That was all. He was just being nice and buying everybody dinner. Their sons were going to be there. It wasn’t like it was a date.

“Still. You know, I said maybe you could find a hot, single dad at practice and look at you, finding one on the first go! He is single, right?”
“I think so. He said his best friend was busy and he had no one else to watch Jeremiah. That would make me think the mom isn’t in the picture but I honestly have no idea. We barely talked because he had to start the practice.”

“Well, you should have plenty of time to talk tonight and get clarification on his status.”

“I don’t need clarification on his status. I told you, I’m done with all of that. I had Justin. There is no way I will ever find anything that can begin to compare with what we had.”

“You definitely won’t if you just throw in the towel. Come on, Aly. Would it really be so bad to just talk to him a bit? I’m not saying you have to jump his bones tonight. I mean, probably wouldn’t hurt. You haven’t been laid in two years, my friend. Your vagin* could use some airing out. Clear all the cobwebs that have settled, you know?”

“Jesus, you are so foul,” she sighed, catching sight of a young family heading into the office. The dad had a little boy on his shoulders. He said something to the mom and she grinned, leaning up onto her toes to kiss him. The sight sent familiar pangs of the loss of what could have been, what should have been, through her.

“Maybe but you know I’m right. Anyway, if you’re going to be such a prude, then just talk to him. Be his friend. If your kids like each other that much, chances are this won’t be the only time you’re around each other. And then who knows?”

“Yeah…who knows…” she sighed, thinking she did know. The universe was never going to let her get that lucky twice. Something had to be wrong with this guy.

___________________________________________________________

Aly folded the towel from the dryer as she watched Jeremiah and Eli race around the backyard, dressed up in Eli’s superhero costumes. Her son had an entire bin of them. He was obsessed. Comic books and action figures covered the shelves in his bedroom. Eli had always loved superheroes but Matt, who was a self-proclaimed, very proud nerd, had gotten him into comics. Most of the items Eli now had came from Matt himself, stuff he’d kept since he was a kid.

She’d survived the drop-off, being cordial and friendly without giving off any signals that she was interested in anything more. At least, she thought she was. It was hard to concentrate when that man looked so damn good, standing there in gray slacks and a yellow sweater. When his cologne hit her olfactory nerves, a woodsy scent of sandalwood and pine, she had gripped the door frame, fighting back the swoon that was quickly coming on. But no, she was sure she kept things professional, just two parents in the midst of an exchange for a playdate.

Besides, she wasn’t even sure she was interested in anything more. Aly didn’t even know how to do more at this point. It had been so long since she’d spent real time with any man that wasn’t Justin or Matt. And even if Janice kept pushing her to move on, even if it had been two years, she wasn’t sure she was ready.

And she wasn’t sure if Eli would be ready. His therapist said he was doing well. He had adjusted as best as you could expect a child who’d lost his father to adjust. But did that mean he was ready to see his mom with a new guy? Was it fair to bring someone new into his life that could just disappear? What if she started something with someone and it ended badly and he lost another male figure and his best friend at the same time? Would he be so well adjusted then? He had settled into their routine, him and her against the world. Aly wasn’t sure she could change that on him.

He’d only been five when it happened but Aly had made sure that he’d never forgotten his daddy. A picture of him and Justin sat on his nightstand by his bed. It was one of her favorites, taken at the pumpkin farm when Eli was four. He held a giant pumpkin, looking so proud, when really Justin was holding the bottom of it for him, both of them beaming their matching smiles.

The two of them talked about him often, Aly sharing stories with him of her and Justin and him and Justin. Reminded him how much his daddy had loved him. She couldn’t allow him to forget. She couldn’t do that to Justin whose smile could have lit up the entire planet the first time he laid eyes on his son.

“Mommy! We’re hungry!” Eli yelled as he and Jeremiah came racing in the back door.

She glanced over at the clock, “Well, Jeremiah’s dad is bringing pizza and he should be here any minute. Do you think Superman and Batman can wait just a few minutes to eat?”

Eli groaned, dramatically tumbling down to the floor, “But fighting crime and saving the world is hard work. It makes us so hungry, mommy.”

“Okay…how about you two have some strawberries?” she offered, thinking it wouldn’t be too filling and it would get something good in their system before they loaded up on carbs and cheese.

“Strawberries!” Jeremiah’s eyes lit up. “They’re my favorite fruit. Daddy takes me strawberry picking every single year and we get a ton. My daddy makes strawberry jam and it’s so good on my toast.” His eyes went wide, shooting over to Eli. “Hey! I’ll ask my dad if you guys can come this year! It’s super fun. They have goats, cows, chickens, and ponies that you can ride!”

“Can we mommy?” Eli asked, turning those sweet blue eyes up at her.

“I…uh…I mean, strawberry picking around here isn’t for another month or so. But, maybe, I guess? I mean, if Eli’s daddy wants to take you too, that would be fine.”

“You can come too!” Jeremiah told her. “They have other stuff there like fancy soaps and stuff that they make. My mommy used to like those.”

“Oh, well, maybe…” Aly muttered as she busied herself with getting out the strawberries. She ran them under water before working at slicing them onto a plate for the boys to share.

His mommy used to like those? So, she’d been around during his life, obviously. Enough for him to remember going strawberry picking with them. Unless, like Eli, he was repeating stories his dad had shared with him. Where was she now? Had she left? Had she died? Aly couldn’t very well ask a little boy. What if she had passed? She couldn’t bring up that pain for him.

“Did we ever go strawberry picking with daddy?” asked Eli as the boys sat down at the table, the plate of strawberries between them.

Aly swallowed, “No. We didn’t go strawberry picking but we used to go to the apple orchard every fall and daddy would put you up on his shoulders so you could get the apples. And we always went to the pumpkin farm too.”

“We still do that!”

“Yes we do,” she smiled as she washed her hands. She worked so hard to keep the traditions that her and Justin started alive. It was another way for her to remind her son how incredible the five short years he had with his dad was. She looked up when there was a knock at the door, drying her hands on a kitchen towel. “I bet that’s Jeremiah’s daddy with the pizza.”

Smoothing her hands over her hair, Aly inhaled deeply, reminding herself that this was just two parents whose kids had become best friends getting to know each other. No pressure. No reason to be nervous. They were simply trying to be good parents.

Grabbing onto the door, she swung it open, only to feel like the entire world had turned upside down at the sight of Steve. There he stood in those slacks and that yellow sweater that looked so damn good on him. Not many people could pull off yellow but boy, he could. His right arm was raised, two pizza boxes balancing on his hand and a smile that could have outshone the sun on his face.

“Pizza, as promised,” he announced.

Gathering herself, Aly returned his smile, “The boys will be very relieved. Superman and Batman have been battling the forces of evil all afternoon and they are wasting away to nothing.”

Steve’s cheeks hollowed out as he released a long, audible breath, “Can’t have that. How will they ever keep the city safe if we don’t recharge them with greasy pizza? But seriously, I hope he was good for you.”

“He was great,” she assured him. “Seriously.”

“Good. Thanks again. You were a real lifesaver.”

“No problem. I…”

“Daddy! Where’s the pizza!?” came Jeremiah’s whine from the kitchen, loud and impatient.

“Sorry. It’s right here.” Steve grinned, tossing her a wink that had her dazed, before making his way into the kitchen, plopping the boxes down in the middle of the table. “We can’t have Superman and Batman losing their strength. Have to keep them fed so they can keep the city safe. Are we currently in Gotham or Metropolis?”

“Daddy,” Jeremiah sighed, looking exasperated with his father. “Everyone knows both of those places are based on New York City. Then we can be there together.”

“Oh, sorry,” snorted Steve, sharing an amused look with Ali. “I am not as well versed in superhero lore as you.”

“I know. Uncle Dusty knows way more than you.”

“Of course he does because Uncle Dusty is so much cooler than your boring, old dad.” Steve rolled his eyes, pulling out the chair next to Jeremiah and having a seat.

“You have a brother?” asked Aly as she stretched her arm up to retrieve the plastic paper plate holders from the top shelf. Turning, her breath caught in her throat. Steve’s eyes were watching her, focused on her midsection, right where her sweater had ridden up when she’d reached for the plates. He quickly looked down at his son as she cleared her throat and set the holders and plates on the table.

“Uhh…no. I mean, not really,” he laughed. “Dustin isn’t actually my brother. I used to babysit him actually. I helped him out one day. There were some older kids picking on him and his friends at the park and I stepped in. Anyway, he went home and told his mom about this cool teenager and she tracked me down and asked if I’d be interested in babysitting. I think she really just wanted him to have a guy in his life. His dad died when he was young and he was an only child. Anyway, he was ten and I was sixteen and he just latched on like a leech and stuck. So…” He balanced his elbows on the table, hands facing up. “I guess he’s mine now. Him and Jere, here, are really close. Jere is into all the nerdy stuff that Dustin likes so Dustin is like his hero.”

“Uncle Dusty is amazing! He taught me how to make a homemade rocket,” Jeremiah told her, his smile so like his dad’s.

But his eyes were different, a beautiful blue like the color of the ocean on a sunny day. And his nose was rounded, a cute little button, the complete opposite of Steve’s which was longer and pointed, almost Romanesque. He must have gotten those features from his mom, which left her wondering where she was again.

“Yeah, and you almost burned the garage down. That thing singed the walls. I had to pull out the fire extinguisher,” Steve reminded his son, grabbing plates and placing them into the holders.

Eli’s eyes went wide, “You almost started a fire?”

“Only a little one but you should have seen the rocket. It zoomed around the garage and then flew out and went bang! It was so cool.”

“Yeah, real cool,” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Daddy, did you get just cheese?” asked Jeremiah as Steve moved to open one of the boxes.

“Of course, kid. Do you think I’m new here?” He reached over, ruffling his son’s hair, causing Jeremiah to giggle and that familiar pain, the pain that reminded her of everything her son was missing out on, tightened around Aly once again. Steve looked up at her. “I got one cheese and one pepperoni. I figured those were safe bets since I don’t know what either of you like. Hope that’s okay?”

“I love cheese too!” Eli told him eagerly, grinning over at Steve. “And mommy usually gets bacon and pineapple for herself but she likes all pizza. Pizza is our favorite food. We have it every Friday and watch a movie.”

“Pineapple on pizza?” Steve questioned skeptically, that beautiful nose crinkling.

“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it,” she teased with a laugh, pouring milk for the kids. “My husb…” Aly paused, swallowing hard before taking the seat between Steve and Eli. But why shouldn’t she talk about Justin? Steve had to know Eli didn’t arrive by immaculate conception. “My husband thought I was crazy too. He was more of a pepperoni and green onions kind of guy. But my roommate in college is the one who got me into it. She ordered it one night and I was skeptical too but the combination of sweet and savory is delicious.”

“I think I’ll just have to take your word on that one,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Fruit on pizza.” He looked over at the boys, one of those long, thick fingers swirling around by his ear. “Can you believe that? She’s nuts.”

Eli giggled as Steve plopped a piece of cheese on his plate, “My mommy can be crazy. Sometimes we do backward dinner.”

Steve’s lips pursed, head tilted, “Backward dinner? What’s that?”

“It’s where we have dessert first. So, we’ll have hot fudge sundaes and then we’ll have chicken nuggets and vegetables. It’s my favorite kind of dinner because I don’t have to eat all my vegetables before I get my dessert.”

“Oh, that does sound like a good deal because dessert is the best part of the meal,” Steve agreed with a nod.

“I mean, it’s only done sometimes as a special treat.” Aly didn’t know why she felt the need to justify herself but she did. “I do make sure he eats healthy.”

Steve laughed, “I’m sure you do. Sometimes Jere Bear and I like to have ice cream for dinner, don’t we?”

“Yeah! My daddy used to work at Scoops Ahoy and they have the best ice cream! I always get a banana split and daddy gets the U.S.S. Butterscotch.”

“Mmm, the U.S.S. Butterscotch is my favorite,” Aly grinned. “Eli always gets the hot fudge sundae.”

“With extra fudge!” he added.

“Obviously,” Steve scoffed. “You can never have too much fudge.”

“So, how long ago was this when you worked at Scoops Ahoy?” asked Aly, picturing him in their little sailor outfit. She couldn’t deny that it gave her a little thrill of pleasure.

“Oh god, it’s been years now. I worked there right out of high school. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and when I couldn’t even get into community college, my father forced me to get a job. Said I needed to know what it was like to earn a working man’s wage.” He snorted harshly, leaving her with the impression that his relationship with his father wasn’t a particularly good one. “Anyway, I worked there for a couple years. That’s actually how I met my best friend, Robin.”

“And I assume you did figure out what you wanted to do with your life since you had a work meeting tonight?”

Steve took a large bite of his pizza, the slice folded up in his hand, “I’m a project manager for a construction company.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that job. What exactly do you do?”

“I oversee the building process, make sure everything is completed on time and within budget. I work with the architects and the engineers to develop plans, establish timelines for different phases to be complete, and calculate what labor and materials are going to cost. That’s what my meeting was about tonight actually. We just got a contract for a new subdivision they’re putting in off of Cherry. It’s a big job. We’re thinking it’s going to take about two years.”

“Wow, that’s a long time.”

“Not really when you consider we’re building around sixty new houses. It’s a good thing really, means my team will have plenty of work to do for a while. Steady income, you know? Nothing’s worse than having to lay someone off, knowing you’re possibly making their life impossible.”

“What’s laying off?” asked Eli.

“Well, when we don’t have enough work to do, then we don’t have the money to pay people. So, I have to tell them that we’re letting them go for a while. It’s not really getting fired because you hope you can call them back when there’s more work. They can apply to get money from the government but it’s not nearly as much as they make when they’re working. That can make it hard for them to feed their families and pay their bills.”

“That seems mean,” Eli commented. “Why do you do it?”

“I don’t want to do it. But when the money’s not there, we have no way to pay them. It happens a lot in the wintertime because there’s not as much building when the weather’s bad. That’s why this job is such a good thing because it will be steady work for the next two winters. I won’t have to worry and neither will my guys.”

“Well, that’s good. Did you have to go to school for that or like a trade school?” inquired Aly.

“No college. I don’t think I was ever made for college. I struggled through high school. Of course, that could have been because I was interested in everything else but high school. That’s why I’m so glad my kiddo here got his mom’s brains. She was an overachiever, still is. I actually started just like my guys, doing the construction part. I got interested in how the job runs and wound up getting my certification. And about four years ago, they promoted me to project manager.”

So Mom definitely wasn’t gone but then why did he need a babysitter? Maybe she was busy too? Or maybe she lived out of town and they shared custody? And this was none of her business. Why was she so interested in what the situation was with mom?

“Wow, that’s amazing. You must have really impressed them then. Going to college isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, anyway. I’ve told Eli, it all depends on what you want to do with your life. Some jobs don’t require college and they’re just as important. I mean, you build homes. You provide a space for families to start their lives and make memories. I think that’s pretty important work.”

A flush rose up along his neck, bright red against the yellow of his sweater. A small smile curved his lips as he tapped the table before looking up at her. The boys had long given up on their conversation, deeply entrenched in one of their own about the latest episode of X-men: Evolution.

“I mean, you work in a pediatrician’s office, right? You help sick kids. I think that might be just a bit more important than what I do. But thanks. What do you do in the office, anyway? Are you the doctor?”

Aly laughed, “No. That was far more schooling than I was interested in doing. I’m a nurse but honestly, we know just as much as they do. Experience is way more educational than sitting in some class, listening to someone talk about stuff. Sometimes, I think we might know more than the doctors do. But Dr. Wilson is great to work with. He’s not one of those guys that talks down to his nurses or acts like he’s superior because he’s got that M.D. after his name. I worked with plenty of misogynist ego-driven jerks when I worked at the hospital. They act like they’re royalty or something. Dr. Wilson actually trusts us and values our input. He makes us feel like a part of a team instead of a dictatorship.”

The conversation flowed easily, the boys jumping in here and there, all four of them laughing and smiling as they enjoyed their pizza. Aly could not deny the feeling of rightness in this moment, this moment that was everything she had ever wanted for her son. It was a picture perfect moment in time, this little dinner at their kitchen table full of warmth and laughter.

And no, she wasn’t insane. It wasn’t that she was looking at this as a family or that she was jumping ten steps ahead of just this pleasant evening. It was just nice to have a full table, to have it not be just her and Eli, to watch her son enjoying himself. He loved when Matt and Janice came for dinner but this was different. He had his best friend with him, the two boys sending each other into hysterics every thirty seconds.

For just this moment, this little slice of time, the weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The constant guilt that she wasn’t enough, that she could never be enough for her son. She could never be all of the things that he needed her to be. For just this moment, she thought maybe she didn’t have to be if she could surround him with people who provided everything he needed.

“Alright, kiddo, we should probably get heading home so you can take a shower before bed,” Steve announced around seven thirty, pushing back from the table and standing up. He gathered the paper plates, tossing them in the trash. “Did you want help cleaning up before we head out?”

Aly waved her hand dismissively, “Oh no. That’s not necessary. Just a quick wipe down of the holders and popping the cups in the dishwasher. It will only take a couple minutes.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, seriously. No big deal. Besides, you bought the dinner so the least I can do is the clean up.”

“Yes, but I brought the dinner to thank you for watching my kid.”

“Please. I offered to take him and having Jeremiah here saved me from having to wear the Superman cape and run around with Eli all evening. It was nice to just be an average human instead of a superhero tonight.”

“You’re a nurse,” Steve said with a soft smile, leaning into her, causing her heart to skip a beat. “Pretty sure you’re a superhero all the time.”

“Daddy, can Eli come to our house this weekend? Please? He really wants to meet Miles.”

“Miles?” asked Aly.

“It’s his dog!” Eli told her excitedly. “He wears capes too! Jeremiah said he can be my sidekick, Robin.”

"Which is silly because that's my Aunt Robin's name," Jeremiah added, "but the cape doesn't fit her so good so she's usually Catwoman because it's a mask and a tail."

Steve laughed, “Sure kid. He can come over. If it’s okay with his mom.”

“Fine with me,” she shrugged. Seeing the joy on her son’s face to get to spend time with his friend was all the reason she needed to readily agree. It definitely did not have to do with having the chance to see his dad again. No. That didn’t factor in at all.

“Okay, well, how about this?” Steve knelt down to his son’s level. “We’ve got baseball practice on Saturday until two. Why don’t we all go get ice cream afterward and then Aly and Jeremiah can come meet Miles afterward?”

“All of us?” Aly questioned, wondering if she’d heard him correctly.

He rose, head tilting forward, those eyes as warm as a chocolate chip cookie coming right out of the oven, and just as delicious. “Why not? I mean, if you have something else to do…”

“No. No, I don’t. I mean, that would be nice. We haven’t gotten ice cream yet since they opened. And I love dogs. Who doesn’t love dogs? Crazy people, right? So obviously meeting your dog would be fun. I just…I mean…yeah, okay.”

He appeared amused with her once again and she wished she could just pull the foot out of her mouth. It appeared to be permanently wedged there whenever he was around.

“Good. Maybe we can even have a sleepover.” Aly’s breath caught as his mouth dropped open, eyes going wide, one of those hands running nervously through his hair, sweeping it to the side. “I mean the boys. The boys could have a sleepover. At my house. If you’re okay with that?”

Had he meant what she thought he meant? Had that just been an innocent mistake or was he as attracted to her as she was to him? Trying to let her son hang out with his friend was proving to be far more complicated than she thought it would be when she’d approached him on the baseball field.

“Yeah.” She wasn’t sure why. She hadn’t even let Eli stay the night anywhere before but there was just something about Steve that she trusted. “Eli would love that, honestly.”

“You’re gonna sleep at my house!” Jeremiah yelled, grabbing Eli’s hands, the two boys jumping around the kitchen.

“Obviously, they’re both okay with it,” Steve chuckled, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “So, we’ll see you Saturday at practice?”

“Yeah. Saturday.”

They said their goodbyes, the boys both still screeching, talking about how it was only two more sleeps until their sleepover. Steve gave her one last smile and a little finger wave before turning and taking his son’s hand, leading him to his Ford Explorer that was parked just behind her Prius.

“Mommy, are you and Jeremiah’s dad friends now too?”

“Kind of, I guess,” she shrugged.

“Cool because if you’re friends and want to play with each other all the time then me and Eli can play with each other all the time too!”

Ali gripped the door, closing it slowly behind her. Her son had no idea the implications of what he’d just said but she definitely did. Her entire body was vibrating with the implications of what he’d just said.

___________________________________________________________

“Daddy, when Eli spends the night can we make a fort like the one we made that one time where it was the whole living room? Remember? And we put up the Christmas lights inside and we put in our sleeping bags and pillows.”

Steve blinked, glancing up at his son in the rearview mirror. He’d completely missed everything that his kid had just said. The boy had been rambling from the moment they’d gotten in the car and he was having trouble focusing, his thoughts completely focused on the last hour of his day.

Aly had been consuming all of his brain space since she’d approached him yesterday on the baseball field. Yeah, she was gorgeous. He’d noticed that instantly. Who wouldn’t? But there was something else about her, something that wouldn’t let his brain rest, something that kept poking at him, telling him to do something about these feelings she was stirring up inside him.

And it had been so long since he’d had anything stirring inside of him. After him and Nancy had split four years ago, Steve had jumped right into another relationship. He struggled with being alone. According to Robin, it was his dysfunctional childhood. The little boy inside of him who never got the love he needed from his parents, constantly seeking it out in someone else.

According to Robin, that was why he’d married Nancy even though the two of them had been all wrong for each other. He clung to the first solid thing that had come along and refused to see any of the millions of little signs that it wasn’t working. Of course, that was according to Robin, his best friend who thought she knew more about the internal workings of his mind than he did.

He’d dated Stacy for a year, convinced himself that she was the one, told Robin he was thinking of proposing and his obnoxious friend had slapped him upside the head. To be fair, he probably needed a good jarring, something to knock some sense into him. Marrying Stacy would have led to him being twice divorced. She had been even worse for him than Nancy.

Not that there was anything wrong with Nance. No, she was amazing. She was smart, beautiful, kind, and an absolutely wonderful mother. Neither of them had ever cheated or hurt the other. They simply just weren’t a good fit. It seemed so obvious now when he could see how well her and Jonathan slid together, like two puzzle pieces locking into place perfectly.

He’d dated a few other women after Stacy, most recently Janet, a single mother that he met at the park last summer. They’d made it about four months before he saw it was going nowhere. She was clingy, pushing for them to move in together, and it was in that moment that he realized he could not see a future with her. The idea of waking up next to her every day was exhausting. He’d ended it and she had not taken it well, calling him every name in the book, very loudly, in the middle of the restaurant he’d taken her to to try to soften the blow.

Steve didn’t lack for options. It felt like the moms of this town were throwing themselves at him constantly, some of them not even single. But none of them fit. None of them made him feel that thing, that thing that Robin said was like the Big Bang, everything exploding and then rearranging into this perfect arrangement. She kept telling him it was called falling in love, not forcing in love. He needed to stop trying to make it happen and just let it come to him. Yeah, well, that was easy for her to see, the girl who’d found the right person in high school.

Was that what he was doing right now? Was he just trying to force something to be what he wanted? Their kids were friends. She’d approached him because she wanted to set up a time for their sons to be able to play. It could be that simple. She might not even be interested in him or in anything.

He knew her husband had died. Jere had told him that Eli’s dad was in heaven. But he didn’t know how and he didn’t know how long ago. Maybe she was still freshly grieving. She’d definitely struggled when she was talking about him tonight. If she was still in the midst of her grief, the last thing she needed was some guy trying to push her to go out with him sometime.

No, he probably needed to just take a step back. Cool it off. Yeah, she was beautiful and she seemed far more real than most of the women in this town who were interested in him. But if he tried to force something that wasn’t there, he wouldn’t be the only one to suffer. Jere would too because he would inevitably lose his best friend when things went south. He couldn’t do that to him.

“Daddy, are you even listening to me?” Jeremiah huffed from the backseat, breaking through Steve’s thoughts.

“I’m sorry buddy. What did you say?”

“I said can we make a big fort when Eli comes with the lights and our sleeping bags and stuff?”

“Oh yeah. Of course, bud. We can definitely do that. You want to make some s’mores too?”

“Yeah! And can we have popcorn and watch the new Scooby Doo movie too?”

“Absolutely!” Steve replied, grinning in the mirror. “And I can grill some hamburgers and hot dogs. We’ll make it the best sleepover ever, kid.”

His son’s smile stretched from ear to ear, reminding Steve why he very much needed to focus on his son’s happiness instead of his loneliness. No, he didn’t need to jump into another relationship with some woman he’d just met. He was just seeing things he wanted to see, trying to rearrange the pieces into the image he was so desperate for.

“Is Aly gonna sleepover too? Our fort will be big enough.”

“Uh, no buddy,” Steve answered. “She’s gonna come over and see Miles but she’s not staying.”

“Why not? Don’t you want a friend, daddy?”

Yeah, he did. More than his son could possibly know.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

“Jeremiah and I are going to build a fort when I spend the night,” Eli told her from the back seat as she drove him to school. This sleepover tomorrow was all he had been able to talk about all morning. “He said his daddy builds the most epic forts that take up the whole living room and he’s gonna ask him if he’ll build us one. And we’re going to watch Scooby Doo and the Alien Invaders. And Jeremiah has a gameboy and he said he’s going to let me play on it! I think I’m going to ask Santa for a gameboy this Christmas!”

“Wow,” Aly replied, smiling to herself as her eyes darted to the rearview mirror, relishing the excitement on her son’s face. “Well, Christmas is pretty far away, buddy, but you save that idea.”

“Well, Christmas is way closer than my birthday now because that already happened and I have to wait a whole ten months for my birthday to come again but Christmas is only eight months away.”

“You’re right. Christmas is closer.”

“Yeah, and the Easter bunny doesn’t bring stuff like gameboys. He just brings some candy and small stuff.”

“That’s right. I think asking Santa for it is a really good idea.” Plus, that would give her some time to save up for it. She made good money but working off of a single income meant she started saving for Christmas long before the holiday arrived.

“Yeah, I think so too,” her son replied, his little face serious. “Maybe I’ll start working on my list so it’s all ready. Oh! And Jeremiah said that we can ask his dad if we can go for a night walk. They take their flashlights and Miles and walk around in the dark! Isn’t that cool?”

“The coolest! That all sounds pretty amazing, buddy. You’re going to have the best time.”

“I know! And we get to spend the whole day together! We have baseball and then we’re going to get ice cream and then I’m sleeping at his house. It’s going to be the best day of my whole life!”

She laughed, “Well, that’s a pretty big statement. You still have a lot of life yet to go, but I am sure it will be the best day of your seven years so far.”

Turning into the drop-off line, she waved to Ms. Lincoln, Eli’s kindergarten teacher, who was standing to the side, greeting the kids as they came in. She’d been so vital to Eli that year. He’d lost his dad just a couple months into the year and she’d been so empathetic and kind to him. Aly would forever be grateful for the way she’d helped her son navigate such a confusing and awful time.

It had been difficult for Eli to understand the permanence of what had happened, especially when his dad being gone for a long period of time was not unusual. He continually asked when Justin was coming home, each inquiry another ice pick straight into her chest, when she would have to explain, again, that daddy couldn’t come home this time. He couldn’t ever come home again.

Ms. Lincoln had taken a special interest in him, knowing his love of superheroes, something that had come about because Aly had told him once that his daddy was one. Eli envisioned his dad like Superman, saving people’s lives, which wasn’t entirely untrue. His teacher was the one who encouraged him to draw. That was when he’d created Master Marine, a superhero with blond hair and blue eyes just like his dad that swooped in and saved the day, defeating the bad guys.

Every single time a new picture made its way onto her fridge, Aly would battle back the darkness. The darkness that sat just to the side, waiting to swallow her whole. The darkness she fought every morning, knowing she had to get up, knowing she had to keep moving or she would become stuck. And she couldn’t become stuck because her son needed her.

He needed her to be his mother, needed her to be strong and show him that everything was okay, needed her to keep going to her job so they had a place to live and food to eat. So as much as those pictures used to tear her up, take whatever pieces she’d managed to tape back together and run them through the shredder each time they appeared, she knew they were helping her son cope. Even his therapist had said art was an excellent outlet for him. So, when he would present her with a new one, Master Marine saving a young child that looked just like Eli from a bully at school or saving a woman with her hair and eyes from an evil mastermind, she would smile and gush about how amazing it was, sticking it to the fridge with a magnet.

“Bye mommy!” Eli yelled as she moved up to the front of the school, one of the fourth grade teachers opening the back door for him.

“Bye buddy. Have a good day. I love you!”

“Love you too!”

He turned back and waved to her over his shoulder before disappearing into the red brick building, his Batman backpack bobbing on his back. Aly turned out of the school and onto the road, heading for her favorite coffee shop.

She had a rare Friday off and she was starting it off by meeting Janice for coffee, a little ritual they had whenever Aly had a weekday off. It didn’t happen often but when it did, she savored every single moment of it. Her life was a constant cycle of work, running errands, doing household chores, and being a mom. To have six hours of time where no one required anything from her was a gift, one she didn’t get very often, and one she never took for granted.

Some people might use that extra day to catch up on household chores or run errands. But she didn’t, not if she could help it. She used that time to meet her friend, enjoying a slow coffee that she could savor instead of inhaling it just to get the caffeine to kick in. She used it to actually sit down and read a book or lay on the couch and watch tv shows she couldn’t ever watch when Eli was around. The laundry and the messy house would still be there tomorrow. The grocery store wouldn’t cease to exist if she didn’t go today.

Opening up the door to Brewed Awakening, she instantly felt like she was home, the atmosphere always so warm and welcoming. June, the owner, a woman around her age with long black hair and startling green eyes, waved from behind the counter. She waved back, inhaling the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee, already feeling that zing of energy, as if her body knew what was coming and was preparing for it.

Aly had been coming here for coffee since June had opened the place four years ago. Her love of coffee is what had brought her to the door but the atmosphere and the friendly owner is what kept her coming back. It didn’t hurt that June made an excellent cinnamon mocha. But what she’d done with the space turned it into an inviting place that kept you wanting to come back.

The decor was like a warm hug, full of comfortable furniture and cozy blankets. People often curled up in the squishy armchairs with their mug of coffee, reading a book, a blanket draped across their lap. Or they might be cross legged, on one of the wide chairs at a table, working on their laptop. The walls were a canvas of photos and artwork, small cafes from all around the world, allowing you to imagine that you were sipping a cappuccino in Vienna or enjoying a cafe latte in Paris.

“Hey Aly,” June greeted with a smile as she approached the counter. “Cinnamon latte as usual?”

“Yes, please. I’m actually meeting Janice but she’s not here yet, of course.”

June winked, “Of course. Our Janice prefers to be fashionably late. Want me to get her Flat White ready?”

There it was, that feeling of belonging, like they were old friends even if the only encounters they ever had were at this counter. June had to serve hundreds of coffees a day but she knew every single regular’s order and often took the time to learn personal things about them as well. Often, Aly would approach to find her drink already ready, June preparing it the moment she saw her walk in.

“Yes please.”

“How’s my favorite little guy doing?” asked June as she steamed the milk.

“Oh, he’s great. He actually started playing baseball. His first practice was yesterday and he loved it,” Aly told her, slipping her credit card into the reader.

“Yeah? That’s great. I played softball all through school and I loved it. I can’t wait for him to come in with you so he can tell me all about it.”

“I’ll have to pop in with him sometime this weekend. You know how much he loves your hot chocolate.”

June laughed, setting the cups on the counter and leaning in, whispering, “Just so you know, that’s my Eli special. Not everyone gets extra whipped cream, chocolate chips, and crushed candy canes on their hot chocolate. Just my favorites.”

She winked and Aly smiled as she took the two coffees and headed over to two squishy armchairs that were free. She sat, sipping on her blessed caffeine, only waiting a few moments before Janice came swirling into the coffee shop like the tornado she was, apologies already falling from her lips for being late. Not that they were necessary. Late was just her perpetual way of being. She’d accepted that about her friend. Aly learned long ago that if you needed Janice ready at five, then you had to tell her four or you’d be waiting a while.

She held up her friend’s coffee and Janice took it with a smile, flopping down into the chair with a dramatic sigh, “Thank you. You are my favorite person ever.”

“I already had that title. I’ve had that title for a very long time. I didn’t need to buy you coffee for that so maybe you should pay me back. What a waste of my money,” Aly teased.

Janice stuck her tongue out. “You only stay my favorite because you supply my caffeine habit. Sorry I’m late. I was editing photos from that wedding I had a few weeks ago and I completely lost track of time. Then I raced out the door and got in my car and realized I didn’t have my purse. So, then I had to run back in and then the house phone rang and it was my mom and you know how hard it is to get her off the phone. And then when I told her I was meeting you, she had to know how you were doing and if you’ve found a guy from online dating so I was filling her in on what a disaster that was. And…”

“It’s fine,” Aly laughed, not surprised at all that Janice had told her mom all about her online dating escapades. The two were more like best friends, only sixteen years between them, than mother and daughter. “I never expect you to be on time anyway.”

“You know, I should be offended but that’s fair,” her friend shrugged and then she lurched forward, hand on the arm of Aly’s chair. “But I really was trying to get here on time today because I am dying to know how last night went with the hot dad.”

“You know it wasn’t a date, right?”

Janice waved her hand, groaning loudly, “He brought dinner to your place. It’s practically date adjacent.”

“Our kids were there. I told you that. Do you even listen when I talk? Eli and Jeremiah were just having a playdate. He brought pizza. It wasn’t even in the same zip code as a date.”

“So…you’re not interested in him at all?” Janice’s eyebrows lifted to her hairline, coffee cup brought to her lips, challenging Aly. Damn, she knew her too well. “Aha! I knew it! It’s all over your face. You are a smitten kitten and I love it! You’re definitely interested.”

Aly groaned, her head resting against the back of the chair. “Maybe…I don’t know. Janice, this is all very strange for me. And he’s just the dad of my kid’s friend. It’s not like he asked me out or hit on me or gave me any sign that he’s interested in me at all. He didn’t approach me at some bar and buy me a drink. I approached him to ask about his son coming to my house to play. I don’t even know if he’s single.”

“Well, that’s easy enough to figure out. Just ask him. When are you going to see him again?”

“Tomorrow. The boys have baseball practice again and then Eli is going to spend the night at their house.”

Aly looked down at her coffee, focusing on the dots of cinnamon speckled across the foam, not wanting Janice to read her expression. She did not want her to see how excited she felt at the idea of seeing him again and to read too much into it because she didn’t even know how she felt about it.

Yeah, she was lonely sometimes. Eli was her entire world and she had Janice and Matt. She wasn’t alone but sometimes she wished for someone to be around. Someone that was hers. Someone who might take care of her, offer to rub her feet or handle things while she takes a bath. Someone she could curl up with while she watched a movie or who would make the salad while she prepared dinner. Someone to talk to, to share about her day, to hold her hand while they strolled through the grocery store.

It was dumb, really. Silly. She knew that. Aly should be perfectly content with everything she had, everything she’d had before she lost Justin. Not everyone got to experience a love like she had. But even when she had him, because of his job, he wasn’t always there. She’d spent lots of evenings alone. Being alone was not anything new for her but there was something vastly different about being alone, knowing your person was coming home to you at some point versus being alone knowing they never would.

“Okay, perfect. So you ask him tomorrow.”

“How am I supposed to ask him if he’s single?” she scoffed, appalled at the idea. Clearly, Eli had a mom. He’d spoken about her last night. Maybe he just didn’t like to wear a ring. Maybe she was simply out of town for work or something.

“Just like that. You tell him that you enjoyed your evening together and you wondered if he was single.”

“Janice, I can’t do that.”

“Of course you can. It’s a simple question.”

“There’s nothing simple about that. I haven’t asked a guy out in over a decade. And even back then, I was awful at it. I was always so nervous. Do you remember when tripped over my own feet and spilled that drink all over Josh Day in college? It was mortifying. Just because you’re all confident and brave doesn’t mean everyone is. Besides, I don’t even know if I want to know. I don’t know what I want.”

“Honey, we’ve been over this.”

“Yeah. We have. And you’re the one who wants this for me,” Aly groaned, “but Janice, you’re not in my shoes. You have no idea. You can’t know what this is like and I hope you never have to. You say it’s been long enough and that I need to move on. Maybe you’re right but that doesn’t mean I can wave some magic wand and be ready. They didn’t exactly give me a manual on how to get over your grief when your husband suddenly dies. They didn’t give me some step-by-step instruction booklet for how to start dating after losing the love of your life. And how to do that when you’re also a single mother who has a kid to consider in all of it. I tried. I went on four dates and every single one of them was awful and just reminded me of what I was missing. They didn’t make me want to move on. They made me want to hang on for dear life to what I used to have.”

“I know. I know they were awful. But I don’t want to see you close yourself off to the possibility because you’re scared. Online dating sucked. I hear you. But this isn’t that. This is a guy, right in front of you, who you obviously are interested in. And it’s a guy who already knows Eli and your son likes him. He’s already organically a part of your world. You spent a whole evening with him. Do you have another horror story to tell me about him?”

“No,” Aly admitted, sinking down into the comforting cushion of the chair. “No. He seems wonderful. He was great with the boys. I mean, obviously he’s good with his kid but he was great with Eli too. He had them both laughing. And he has a good job. He’s a project manager for a construction company. Not that it should matter but I definitely don’t need a manchild in my life. Raising Eli is enough.”

“And…?”
“And what? Isn’t that enough?”

“He’s cute obviously?”

Aly flushed, bringing a hand to her face as those eyes and that smile came back to her, “I already told you he’s good looking. I mean…hazel eyes, ridiculously good hair, and a smile that could power up the whole of New York City. He’s that kind of good looking that makes you wonder what he’s doing here and not on your television screen.”

Janice giggled, her feet bouncing against the floor, arm smacking her chair, “See? Come on. Take your shot, honey.”

“But what about Eli?”

“What about Eli? Didn’t you say he liked him?”

“He did but he barely knows him. And this isn’t the kind of thing where I could wait to introduce them until I knew it was something real because he’s already in Eli’s life now. And Eli is best friends with his son. I can’t screw that up for him. Because how would we be able to still set up playdates if we had some horrible breakup? We wouldn’t be able to be in the same room and then Eli would be crushed. And what if Eli isn’t ready to see me with someone else? He’s only ever seen me with his dad. He might think I’m betraying Justin. And what if…”

“Whoa, okay, let’s back the truck up a bit here,” Janice soothed, her hand coming to rest on Aly’s arm. “It’s just a date, one date Aly, not a lifetime commitment. Ask him out on one date and see how it goes. Keep it simple and come here for coffee. No pressure. Not some fancy restaurant with low lighting. Just a nice coffee. If there’s nothing there then you just move on as friends and it doesn’t have to affect the boys. They don’t even have to know that you two went out. And you know I’ll watch Eli for you if you need me to. Name the time and Matt and I will be there.”

“I don’t know. This all just feels weird and wrong…I mean, Justin…”

“Justin wouldn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life. Justin loved you like Sam loved Annie, like Wesley loved Buttercup, like Harry loved Sally. He would want you to have the world. He would hate the idea of you sitting in that house all alone. You are far too young to be facing the rest of your life alone. Take the leap, Aly. Take a chance on this movie star man. Be happy. It’s okay.”

But was it okay? Aly would like to think that Justin would want her to be happy, that he wouldn’t want her to spend the rest of her life alone at only thirty-two. But would he look at it as a betrayal? Would she be dishonoring him and everything they’d shared if she replaced him like an old couch?

And was any of this even relevant? She didn’t even know if Steve was single. Maybe he was still married or maybe he wasn’t but he was already seeing someone else. She couldn’t imagine a guy like that staying single for long. There had to be women lined up just waiting for their turn. If the moms at practice the other day were any indication, that was certainly the case.

But did she want to keep being alone? Maybe she didn’t straight up ask him but maybe she could find out. They were hanging out tomorrow for a bit anyway. Maybe if she was crafty, she could figure out his status without just coming out and asking if he was single.

“I’ll think about it,” she finally relented.

“I guess I’ll take what I can get,” sighed Janice.

___________________________________________________________

After listening to Janice spend the next hour trying to convince her why she needed to grab the bull by the horns, her friend’s words and not hers, Aly was ready to get the hell out of there. Janice was not going to let this go. She’d hugged her annoying, but well-meaning, friend and headed off to the grocery store.

As they’d just had pizza last night, Eli had asked if they could change pizza Friday to nacho Friday. So, here she was, even though she usually avoided doing things like this on a bonus day, grabbing all the fixings they would need to make the best nachos ever. Or really, what she would need because when Eli said nachos, all he really wanted was melted cheese on tortilla chips and some salsa to dip them in.

Not her. She had every intention of loading hers up with all the good stuff. Grabbing a cart, she wandered through the aisles, grabbing avocados to make guacamole, ground beef, taco seasoning, black olives, sour cream, and one jalapeno. Deciding a bottle of wine would be a nice addition, she turned down the liquor aisle and almost plowed right into another cart with her cart.

“Oh my god. I am so sorry. I wasn’t even looking…”

Her heart stopped, along with the entire grocery store, as if someone had hit the pause button, when she saw who she almost ran into. Steve gave her that megawatt smile, blinding even under the fluorescent lights of the grocery store. He stood there in a plaid button down and jeans, a baseball cap on his head.

Seriously? She’d met this guy two days ago and she had never seen him before. Aly definitely would have noticed if he’d ever been anywhere in her vicinity. Who wouldn’t notice a guy who looked like that just having the nerve to exist? Now she was running into him in the grocery store? Could she have just been blind?

To be fair, after Justin had passed, for a long time she felt like she was moving through life in a fog. Her grief had been so thick that she barely noticed anything, simply going through the motions that were required of her. Maybe she had seen him before but never even noticed, blinders that were her just trying to function keeping her from seeing this beautiful man that lived in her city.

“Hey there,” he laughed, taking his hands off the cart and holding them out wide.

“Hey. Grocery shopping?”

Her eyes closed as she inwardly cursed herself. Obviously he was grocery shopping. He had a cart in the middle of a grocery store. Why was she so bad at this? And Janice really thought she had a shot in hell of flirting with him, of asking him out when she couldn’t come up with anything better than asking him if he was grocery shopping in a grocery store?

“I mean, it is a store full of food so, you know?” Steve shrugged, gesturing to his basket. “I had a few hours before I had to be out to check on a job site so I figured I’d grab all the provisions for the big sleepover tomorrow. It’s way easier to do it now than to lug Jere with me. He’ll have this cart overflowing and my wallet completely drained by the time we checkout.”

Aly looked down. His cart was full of everything two seven year old boys might want. He had burgers, hot dogs, buns, four kinds of chips, cookies, ice cream, popcorn, juice boxes, cereal, and milk. She also noticed the six pack of beer that was probably his own personal little treat for having two seven year old boys in his house all night. Her eyes met his, eyebrows lifting.

“The beer is just…I mean, I won’t drink it all when they’re there or anything. Just like to have one or two in the evening sometimes. I promise you I am a responsible adult.”

“No, that’s not it. I don’t care if you enjoy a beer. You’ll probably need it. It’s just that’s a lot of food for one overnight. Looks more like you’re planning on twelve kids or possibly stealing my child for a whole week,” she teased, pressing her lips together. “I warn you. You can try to take him if you want but you’ll want to give him back after the first night. I’ll be impressed if you make it through night two. He’s amazing but he’s a handful.”

One of his hands ran through his hair as he chuckled, “No. I wasn’t planning on keeping him. Trust me, one seven year old is more than enough for me to handle on a regular basis. Besides, Jere’s mom will be home Sunday night so he’ll be heading back with her until I get him again on Wednesday.”

“Oh?” So she was in the picture but definitely not in the picture as in them together. Here was her opening, her way of finding out more information without blatantly letting him know she was interested. Just a casual conversation between two acquaintances who ran into each other. “Shared custody?”

“Yeah. Nance and I divorced about four years ago but we try to co-parent the best we can. She’s been on a trip with her husband for their anniversary for the past week so I’ve had Jere all week. That’s why I needed a babysitter for the meeting. Normally, we just help each other out if we need to.”

“Wow, that’s great. It’s so nice that you two can make that work when so many can’t. Jeremiah must love that his parents can work together so well. It has to make the split a lot easier on him.”

Steve shrugged, “Yeah. I mean, we’re just better friends than we were romantic partners, you know? It wasn’t really a contentious divorce. Nobody did anything bad. No cheating or nastiness or anything. We knew we wanted to make it as easy on Jere as we could so we agreed to joint custody, splitting our time with him fifty-fifty and then if something comes up, we just move stuff around as needed.”

Aly was impressed. She had known quite a few people who’d gone through a divorce, more than she should for only being thirty two. Most of them were not friendly with each other. Nasty divorces where venomous words were thrown around and battles lasted for months over possessions and children and pets. To have two people just recognize that their marriage wasn’t working and decide to work together for the sake of their kid was incredibly mature and only made him that much more attractive. She really needed this guy to have a fault because it was getting harder and harder not to think he might be the most perfect guy she’d ever met.

“It’s really nice that you two are there for each other like that. It’s hard being a single parent.”

“Yeah. It is,” he agreed. “You’re always feeling like you’re doing the job of two people. But I’m very lucky to have her and my friends to help me out.”

“Yeah, I have my friend Janice and her husband Matt. They help me out a lot whenever they can. Matt is actually the one who got Eli into baseball. He started taking him to the batting cages right after him and Janice started dating. And he’s taken him to a couple games. That’s why Eli wanted to play.”

“Well, Jere is definitely glad for that. He was practically bursting to tell me that Eli was going to be on the team.”

“Those two really seem to have connected,” Aly said fondly. “Eli talks about him all the time. It’s nice. He…uh, he struggled to make friends the first couple years of school. He was kind of quiet and kept to himself after…well, he just was going through some stuff. So, him finding Jeremiah has been really great. Or, I guess Jeremiah found him, actually. Eli told me Jeremiah saw his Batman backpack on the first day of school and showed him his Superman one and asked if he wanted to be his best friend. It has really brought him out of his shell.”

“Well, Jere loves him. When I ask about school, he’s never talking about anything he is actually learning.” Steve chuckled. “He’s always telling me about Eli. He would not stop talking about Eli coming to sleepover after we left your house last night and it was all he talked about this morning on the drive to school.”

“Eli too.”

“Coach Harrington, is that you?” came a sing-songy voice as Laurie Streeter came sliding up next to him with her cart.

“Oh, hi Ms. Streeter,” Steve greeted with a nod.

“I thought that was you,” she beamed and was that, was she actually batting her eyelashes at him? Aly grimaced at the woman in her mid thirties acting like some teenage girl with a crush. “I just couldn’t pass up the chance to say hi to my favorite baseball coach. You know, Richie hasn’t been able to stop talking about how much he loves baseball ever since the first practice the other night.”

“Well, good. I’m glad he’s enjoying it. I try to make sure all the boys are learning but having fun.”

“Oh, and you do such a wonderful job.”

Her hand fell on his forearm as she leaned into him, pressing her ample cleavage against his bicep. Steve’s eyes widened and Aly noticed the red that was creeping along his neck, up over his jaw, coloring his cheeks. But was he blushing because he was flattered or because he was mortified?

She was certainly mortified. She couldn’t even bring herself to ask him if he wanted to maybe get a cup of coffee sometime and this woman was practically melding their bodies into one in the liquor aisle of the grocery store.

Laurie was that mom that was always put together. You never caught her without a full face of make-up and not a hair out of place. Her husband left her for a younger model last year and instead of letting it beat her down, she’d come back with a vengeance. She’d taken up Pilates and even Aly had to appreciate how tight her ass looked in her yoga pants. Apparently, Laurie had decided to show her ex just what he’d given up when he walked away.

She looked down at herself. It wasn’t that she was sloppy. She was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, normal attire for her off days. She’d put on some concealer and mascara this morning and she’d pulled her hair into a ponytail in preparation for meeting Janice for coffee. She looked presentable but Aly would never be able to compete with that if that was what Steve was looking for.

Laurie might be a single mom but she was living off of the generous alimony she received in the divorce from her cardiac surgeon ex husband. She didn’t work. She had a nanny for her three sons. She had all the time and money in the world for Pilates, spa days, and the salon. Aly was lucky if she remembered to get a haircut every six months.

“That’s really nice of you to say,” Steve replied, and she watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.

“Oh my gosh, coach. Your arm is so firm. Wow. Do you work out?” asked Laurie, giggling as she wrapped her hand around his bicep, squeezing.

“I mean…I try to get to the gym a few days a week,” he stammered.

Jesus. Laurie was ready to straddle him right there next to the wine and Steve was struggling to speak. This situation was just getting uncomfortable at this point and Aly needed an out. Janice was wrong. There was no way she was going to embarrass herself by setting herself up to be rejected.

“It shows. You know, it must get so lonely in that house all by yourself when Jeremiah is with his mom. I could bring over dinner sometime for you, keep you company…”

That was it. She could not listen to it anymore. “You know, I really need to get going so I’ll let you two catch up,” Aly interjected, attempting to maneuver her cart around them.

“Oh, Aly, I didn’t even see you there,” Laurie said, her voice dripping with false sweetness, letting her know she absolutely had seen her there. She just didn’t care. The woman’s eyes roved over her from head to toe. “Oh honey, you must let me give you the name of my stylist. You could really do with a…well, everything. I know single motherhood is challenging but you really can’t just let yourself go. When was the last time you had your hair done, sweetie? How do you ever expect to find a man walking around like that?”

“Well, you know it’s hard to find the time,” she seethed, the urge to just leave her cart and dart out of the store overwhelming. But no, she’d promised Eli nachos for dinner. She would not let this woman bully her into running away in shame.

“I’m a single mother and somehow I find the time.”

“Yeah, it must be so hard when you have a full-time nanny to mother your children. Some of us have to actually do that ourselves.”

Laurie looked like she’d been slapped, her jaw almost hitting the floor. Steve’s hand slid across his mouth but she caught how his eyes crinkled. He was hiding a smile, amused by her comment.

“You know, I happen to enjoy a woman who doesn’t feel the need to get all made up just to go grocery shopping,” he offered. “When you’re naturally beautiful you don’t need to hide it behind a bunch of face paint, anyway.”

Aly pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to conceal the smile that came at his words. Could this man be any more perfect? Did he even have a flaw? And the look on Laurie’s face, the way she turned tomato red, the fumes that Aly could practically see coming out of her nose, only made the moment even more enjoyable.

“Well, this was fun but I really need to get going now. I have to pick up my son and make dinner for him since I don’t have anyone to do that for me. I’ll let you both get back to your shopping,” she said simply, pushing her cart down the aisle, heading for the checkout.

“Hey Aly, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

She turned to look at him over her shoulder, “Yeah, tomorrow, facepaint free, split ends, and all.”

Oh, but that look on Laurie’s face, sheer jealousy and outrage, would have her smiling for the rest of the day.

____________________________________________________________

Steve drove toward home after checking in at the job site, unable to stop grinning, occasionally chuckling as he remembered Laurie’s face when Aly had called her out. As he remembered the smile she gave him when he spoke up, saying she didn’t need make-up because she was naturally beautiful, his chest warmed.

Well, okay, he hadn’t exactly said she was beautiful but it was implied. At least, he thought it was. And she didn’t need make-up. He loved that she was comfortable enough in her own skin that she didn’t feel the need to cover every inch of her face in make-up. He loved that she didn’t feel the need to look like she was heading out to the club just to pop into the grocery store.

He’d dated his fair share of high-maintenance girls. And while there was nothing wrong with a lady caring about her appearance, there was something annoying about having to wait an hour and a half for them to get ready when you casually mentioned grabbing some lunch. Now you were waiting until closer to dinnertime and grouchy, which inevitably led to a very unpleasant meal when you started sniping at each other. He’d been there more times than he could count.

And Laurie Streeter, she needed someone to knock her down a few pegs. She walked around with her nose stuck up in the air, acting like she was better than everyone else. She had milked that divorce for all she could and honestly, her sh*tbag of a husband had cheated, so Steve didn’t fault her for that. But everyone knew she didn’t get her hands dirty if she didn’t have to. She had a cleaning lady, a nanny, and in the summers she even had a pool boy. That woman had no idea what it was like to actually be a single mother.

Steve pulled his Ford Explorer into the driveway in front of his house. He’d bought it after Nancy and him had separated. There’d been no arguing. She was the mother of his child. He told her to go ahead and keep the house. He’d be the one to find somewhere new but she’d wanted a fresh start too. So, they’d sold the house they bought together when he was only twenty-three and split the profits.

It fit his needs. In fact, it was probably a bit more space than he needed for just him and Jeremiah. It was a two story house with three bedrooms and two full baths. The kitchen area was decent sized with a wrap around island where he kept a couple barstools and a space for a dining room table. He’d refinished the basem*nt two years ago and that was where most of Jere’s toys were, along with a tv for him to watch his cartoons.

But his favorite part was the backyard. The house was rare in the neighborhood, boasting a quarter acre of land with a large backyard. His fence butted right up to the treeline and he spent many nights sitting out on the deck he’d built or on the patio with a fire going and a beer in his hand. Jeremiah loved the swingset he’d put in and he was begging for them to get a pool but that was a big expense and a hell of a lot of upkeep. Still, he promised the kid he’d think about it.

Unlocking the front door, he smiled as the familiar tapping of paws across hardwood greeted him. Miles came dashing around the corner. He swore that the dog looked like he was smiling, with his big old tongue hanging out of the right side of his mouth. His size intimidated people sometimes but he was just a big old teddy bear.

“Hey there Miles,” Steve cooed, rubbing his head. “You miss me? Your buddy will be home from school soon. I have to get him in about an hour. You wanna come with me?”

The dog huffed loudly, curling his body and spinning in a circle as if he understood exactly what Steve was saying. And quite honestly, sometimes he wondered if he did. He’d spent many a night spilling his guts to the furry beast, telling him things he never shared with anyone else, not even Robin.

“You know, there’s going to be some new people coming to meet you tomorrow,” he told Miles, heading into the living room, the Newfoundland trailing behind him. “Jere’s friend, Eli, is going to come over and spend the night. He’s really excited to meet you.”

He sat down on the couch and the dog did not hesitate, leaping right up next to him. He laid down, his big head dropping onto Steve’s knee and he absent mindedly stroked his fur, fingers moving through the black, shaggy fur.

“His mom’s coming too and I think I might like her.” Miles lifted his head, those big brown eyes observing him. “I know. I know. I see a pretty girl and I’m losing my mind again but I don’t think that’s what this is. Not this time. This girl’s different. But she lost her husband and I don’t know how long ago it was. I don’t want to push her into something she’s not ready for. And you know, if I asked her out and then it didn’t work, what if she felt awkward and then Eli and Jere couldn’t hang out anymore? He’d be so hurt. I don’t know. I thought about asking if she wanted to stay for dinner tomorrow. I mean, the kids would be here too. So, it’s not really like asking her on a date, right? It would just give me a chance to maybe talk to her, get to know more about her. I just feel like I have to be careful with this one, you know? It’s not just my heart that could be on the line this time. So, what do you think? Should I ask if she wants to stay for dinner tomorrow? Have a burger? It’s casual enough, right? Just being friendly?”

Miles leapt up and barked before bestowing Steve’s face with one of his sloppy kisses. He laughed, grabbing Miles’ big head, placing a kiss right on his black nose.

“I guess that means it’s a good idea, huh?”

Miles woofed loudly and maybe it wasn’t the most valid way to make a decision, but Steve trusted this big beast more than he did most people. Alright, he’d ask her to stay and eat with them. No big deal. They’d all eaten together the night before. Then he could maybe figure out what the right call was with this because he really wanted to find out if she was as different as she seemed. He wanted to know if this time could be different, if maybe he’d chosen the right one.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

The sun blazed bright in the afternoon sky, like a gentle kiss on the back of the neck from the summer that would soon be on the horizon. A soft breeze rustled Aly’s hair as she stood next to Steve at the little ice cream cone shaped stand in the park, the words Scoops Ahoy in blue across the top, a little anchor next to it. Kids raced across the grass, over to the playground, smiles splitting their faces with joy, faces and fingers sticky with the remnants of the sweet treats they’d just enjoyed.

Aly looked over at Steve and then quickly back to the playground again when he caught her eye, embarrassed to be caught looking at him once again but she couldn’t seem to stop. She hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off of Steve the entire practice. The way he was so patient with all of the kids. The way they absolutely beamed when they received a high five from him every time they did something correctly. The way he encouraged them when they didn’t have it quite right. And yeah, the way he looked in his jeans and his olive green shirt that fit him in all the right places might also have caught her eye.

She did not want to be one of those moms, practically having to wipe the drool off her chin, but she feared that might be exactly what she was because there was no denying the man was perfect. Annoyingly so and she was determined to find at least one flaw because no one could be that perfect.

But the highlight of the practice, though it was extremely petty of her, was the glares you received from some of the other moms when Steve jogged over to her and asked if she was ready to go get ice cream. She couldn’t deny that it gave her a delightful little thrill for all of those moms, some who had judged her mercilessly, to see her being the chosen one. Even if it wasn't true, even if it was just two parents taking their sons for ice cream and not two people who were dating, they believed it was and she couldn’t deny that she’d enjoyed it.

If she could have burst into flames on the spot, disintegrating into ash, she would have from the heat of the glares that were coming her way. She could feel them as the two of them trailed behind their sons, making their way over to the park that was just a few blocks away.

She could practically hear them now. He picked her? How in the hell did she snag Coach Harrington? I can’t believe he’s going out with her. Have you seen how much she’s let herself go since her husband died? It’s like she doesn’t even try. What would he want with her?

Those snobby bitches always had something to say, whether it was about all the ways she failed as a single mother or the way she didn’t get her nails done or the fact that she had the nerve to walk through the world without painting her face first.

“Thank you,” Aly smiled, accepting her ice cream cone from Steve as he held it out to her, the boys having already raced over to a picnic table to start scarfing theirs down. “Did Eli even thank you for his sundae before he ran off?”

Steve laughed, waving his hand, the other holding his own cone, “He’s fine. Mine didn’t either. They were just eager for their ice cream. Probably hungry after how hard I made them work.”

“Yeah, you might want me to take my kid home for a shower before he comes your way to spend the night. After running the bases, he’s looking a little sweaty. Your house could get pretty ripe if he doesn’t get a hosedown at least.”

“You know, that sounds like a pretty good idea. Jere is looking quite glisteny from over here.”

“I’ll just take him home after ice cream and then drop him off a bit later, if that’s okay?” she asked as they approached the picnic table, sitting down next to each other, opposite the boys.

“What do you mean take me home?” Eli demanded, looking up at her with narrowed eyes, his little mouth covered in fudge. “I’m going to Jeremiah’s house, right?”

Aly grabbed one of the napkins Steve had grabbed from the ice cream shop, impressing her yet again. Every parent should know to grab a large stack whenever their kids are eating but she noticed that dads seemed to be blissfully unaware of this fact, among many others. Lots of guys just coasted through parenthood but not Steve. Being a single dad probably helped since he couldn’t just assume that mom would have it like most did. She dabbed at the corner of Eli’s mouth as his face screwed up in annoyance, swatting at her hand.

“Mommy, stop…” he groaned, clearly embarrassed that his mom was cleaning him up in front of his friend. His little face was turning red, hands clenched into fists, letting her know he was about to fall apart in the middle of the park. “I’m not going home, am I? You guys said I could stay the night at Jeremiah’s house.”

Before Aly could respond to her son, Steve answered, “Well, both of you boys are a little stinky after practice.” He leaned in, taking a big whiff, and then pretended to gasp and gag, making them both laugh. “I don’t know if me or Miles can survive all night with that stench. You know, Miles’ sniffer is way more powerful than ours. Poor guy. You don’t want to make him suffer, right? So, you’re both going to go home and take showers and then your mom will bring you over.”

The boys seemed mollified by his answer and Aly was left, once again, in awe of this man. Her son had been on the verge of a complete meltdown and Steve had swooped in, stalling it before it began, by simply making him laugh. The laugh calmed him down so he could hear the rest of the explanation. Was he made of magic? He barely even knew Eli and had handled him so easily, as if he had a sixth sense for what was about to happen.

Eli was, hands down, the best thing that had ever happened to her. She loved her son more than anything in the world. He was an amazing kid and she often found herself wondering how she’d gotten so lucky. He was sweet. He was kind. He was so empathetic, to the point that he often got his feelings hurt because of it. But he could be a handful sometimes and he didn’t handle changes of plans very well. He didn’t handle the unknown very well. He needed to know what was coming, what was expected of him. And if he thought he knew and then you switched it up on him, you could be heading for a full on meltdown.

Sometimes Aly wondered if he was seven or had just skipped ahead to thirteen. He could stomp his feet, slam doors, and yell like a hormonal pre-teen when he was angry. And unfortunately, with Aly being the only parent, it happened more often than she liked. There were times she would tell him they could do something and then something else would come up. Those were the times when being a single parent sucked the most because there was nothing she could do. She was only one person and unless she could wrangle Janice or Matt to step in, she couldn’t fix it for him because she could not be in two places at once.

“Thank you,” she said softly, leaning her mouth close to Steve’s ear, and then regretting it when that deep, woodsy scent of him consumed her again.

He winked, “No problem. I’ve dealt with my fair share of childhood tantrums. I know one coming on when I see it. Figured it was better to nip it before he had time to pick up steam.”

“We’re done! Can we go play?” asked Jeremiah.

“Sure, for a little bit,” Steve told them. “But throw your garbage away first, alright sluggers?”

The two boys grabbed their empty plastic containers, remnants of sticky ice cream and fudge in them. Giggling, they raced to the trash can and then took off for the playground, heading straight to the swings, both declaring they could swing higher.

“I appreciate it. Eli can be a freight train of emotion sometimes and it can be exhausting.” Realizing what she just said, she winced. “I mean, he’s an amazing kid. Really, he is. He’s my everything. He just gets really upset when things get changed on him ever since…”

Aly stalled. Was that a topic she really wanted to bring up sitting here with a guy she barely knew? A guy she might be interested in? Her dead husband didn’t seem like the place to start when they were just getting to know each other. Nothing could kill a good mood faster than someone bawling their eyes out in grief and she still struggled to talk about Justin without crying. She wondered if she’d ever be able to.

Steve watched her, those hazel eyes as warm as the sun shining down on them, his face full of compassion. His expression made her wonder if he already knew about Justin. It wasn’t outside the realm of possibilities considering their sons were best friends. Had Jeremiah asked Eli where his dad was? If he had, of course Eli would have told him. It wasn’t a secret. She wanted Eli to feel comfortable talking about his dad. And if he had, had Jeremiah told Steve?

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Steve finally said with a shake of his head. “I get it. Kids, man. They are the greatest thing in your world and you wouldn’t give them up for anything. But they’re hard. They’re so damn hard sometimes. Take Jere. He’s a fantastic kid. I mean, I really couldn’t ask for a better kid but bedtimes are a marathon. It’s always when his talking button gets turned on and he has eighty things to tell me about. And you know, come nine o’ clock, I am ready to be done being dad for the day. I just want an hour to crack open a beer and watch tv or sit on the deck and enjoy the silence. Also, he hates haircuts. I mean, full on, four alarm tantrums whenever it’s time for a haircut. You should have seen his hair last summer. It was down to here.” Steve gestured halfway down his bicep with a laugh. “It was summer so I let it go for as long as I could but right before school started, I told him he had to because he also hates the hairbrush. I mean, if he won’t let his mom or I fix it, then it’s got to be cut, right? He was running around looking like a caveman. And brushing all the tangles out of hair that long…nightmare, especially with a kid who’s acting like you’re stabbing them before you’ve even touched them. Not even my Herbal Essences could fix that mess.”

Aly pressed her lips together to conceal the smile that appeared at his mention of his shampoo. Well, that explained it. Not only had the man been blessed with a head of gorgeous hair, but he also took care of those locks. Justin had been a Suave guy but then his hair had been buzzed close to his head for most of his adult life. Quality of the hair product didn’t really matter so much when you barely had any.

Catching her smirk, Steve sighed, “Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. I’ve dealt with the abuse for years. Tell me how Herbal Essences is for women.”

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Look, you have no idea how hard it was to find something that worked for me after Faberge Organics went out of business.”

“The Farrah Fawcett shampoo?” Aly questioned, struggling to keep the bubble of laughter that was quickly rising down.

“Yes. And her spray! That sh*t worked wonders on this hair. Do you know how many ladies I got in high school because of this hair?” He gestured at his caramel locks.

“I have no doubt. It’s great hair. Really.”

“You laugh. Go ahead. It’s not anything I haven’t heard before. Everyone loves to mock my hair.”

“I’m not mocking your hair. Seriously,” Aly assured him, captivated. With the sun shining down, his hair looked like a golden crown on his head, highlighting the myriad of highlights within. “Steve, seriously, I am not mocking. You have really beautiful hair.”

Those eyes, like the glow of a sunset, holding all the colors of the Earth itself within them, looked at her as if she were the only person in this park, possibly on the planet. The moment froze, time stopped, Aly’s heart pounding a rhythmic beat against her ribcage. Steve’s hand lifted, hovering in the air, as if he were thinking about touching her but uncertain about doing it and her breath became shallow as she realized how much she wanted him to.

“Daddy!” Jeremiah yelled, racing up to them. Steve’s hand dropped to his side, his eyes tearing from hers to look at his son, the moment broken. “You gotta come see this! We made a castle out of sticks!”

“Oh wow,” Steve replied, smiling indulgently over at Aly. “A castle out of sticks. Sounds pretty amazing. We better go check this out.”

“Yeah,” she replied, slightly dazed, inhaling slowly as her heart resumed its normal pace. “Can’t miss that.”

____________________________________________________________

“So, let me get this straight,” Robin, his best friend of twelve years, commented from her perch on his kitchen counter. Her legs swung back and forth as she munched on chips straight out of the bag, never hesitating to raid his cupboards as soon as she walked in the door. “You met this woman who is both single and gorgeous.”

“Yeah. I’ve met single, gorgeous women before, Robin,” he reminded her. “Have you forgotten about the string of failed relationships I’ve had?”

“No. Definitely not. I’m well aware of how much you suck. I’m the one who collected all the date on it, remember?”

“Gee, thanks,” huffed Steve, folding his arms over his chest, leaning back against the counter next to her. “Why am I best friends with you again when all you do is abuse me?”

“Because I give you the dose of reality and humility that you need so you never get too co*cky. King Steve needs to be knocked down from his throne every now and then.”

“I haven’t been King Steve in over a decade.”

“Not according to the moms around here,” Robin snorted. “Seriously, straight women are feral and the married ones are even worse. They’re desperate for attention, for someone to validate them, to assure them they are still desirable because we all know their husbands aren’t.” She paused, chip halfway to her mouth. “Damn. Maybe that’s what I need to do.”

“What?”

“Find a married woman.”

Steve’s eyebrows met as he looked at his friend, “You do realize that would mean that you are helping someone cheat on their spouse, right?”

Robin shrugged, “Look. Some of these men have it coming. They don’t appreciate what they have. And come on, you can’t tell me there aren’t loads of women in marriages who would rather not be. Women who married just because it’s what society expects them to do when really, that cute little barista looks much more appetizing than the man they have at home belching while scratching his beer belly.”

“Barista, huh? Could we be thinking about June?”

Robin sighed, those gray blue eyes hazing over, “I mean, you’ve seen her, right?”

“I have. She’s a very pretty woman.”

“Pretty? Please. That’s an insult. That woman might be the most gorgeous creature who’s ever walked this planet. And she makes a caramel macchiato like a damn magician. I swear she fills that cup with magic. I have to have one every single morning or my day just doesn’t feel right.”

“Yeah, I am sure the coffee is what you’re going in there for every morning,” he snorted with a shake of his head.

Robin jabbed her elbow into him and he laughed. He loved her. He’d even wanted to date her, for a very short time, when they worked together, until she’d told him that he had equipment that she just didn’t require. His best friend was one of the most amazing people on the planet but she had such a hard time when it came to dating. She was terrified to actually ask anyone out, preferring to pine for them from afar.

“Robin, just ask her out,” Steve insisted.

“I can’t just ask her out! I don’t even know if she likes women, Steve.”

“Oh, she absolutely likes women. Are you kidding me? I’ve watched you two when you’re getting coffee. The way she tucks her hair behind her ear and looks up at you from under her eyelashes. Come on, Robin. She’s totally flirting with you.”

“She could do that with everybody.”

“She’s never done it with me.”

Her eyes rolled to the ceiling, “Oh, and of course if she doesn’t bat her eyelashes at King Steve then she must not be interested in men, right?”

“No. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“And anyway, we were not talking about my love life. We were talking about yours. How long are you going to wait before asking gorgeous, single mom out?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if she wants me to.”

“Is Steve Harrington actually scared to ask a woman out?” asked Robin with delight. “Oh, this is interesting.”
“What’s interesting?”

“I have not seen you flustered over a girl since Nance. Women don’t make you nervous. If this one is making you nervous, then you must really like her. Does Steve have a little crush?” She gasped, pointing at him. “You do! You’re blushing! Oh my god!”

“Shut up. Jesus, you are so annoying. Do you know how annoying you can be?”

“Steve and Aly sitting in a tree…” she sang loudly.

“Oh my god Robin,” he groaned, slapping his hand over her mouth. “Can we not be children about this? Look, it isn’t as simple as just asking her out. Her husband died.”

“Oh, damn,” Robin breathed, all traces of humor gone. “When?”

“I don’t know. Jere told me that Eli’s daddy went to heaven. But that’s all I know. I mean, it’s information from a seven year old, getting information from another seven year old. It’s not exactly the most reliable. But he’s not around and when she brought him up…you could see it, you know? The sadness. It was like a shadow came over her face. But whether it was four months ago or four years ago, I have no idea. That’s why I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know if she’s even ready to date anyone.”

“Okay, so ask her.”

“How do you ask someone that? So, how long ago did your husband die because I am hoping you’re past it enough to go out to dinner with me? Come on.”

“Well, obviously not like that, dingus. I swear, you are so helpless. What would you ever do without me?” Robin hopped down off the counter, turning toward him. “Just talk to her. If you’re getting to know each other, then obviously your pasts are going to come up. Share about your divorce and then maybe she’ll share about that.”

“I did tell her about my divorce.”

Robin chewed on her bottom lip in thought, “Okay, so maybe you mention that Jere said Eli’s dad wasn’t around anymore and then see what she says.”

“I don’t know…”

“Steve, you seem to really like her.”

“I’ve liked people before.”

“Not like this.”

“I barely know her.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Robin insisted. “I haven’t seen your eyes do that thing in years.”

“What thing? My eyes aren’t doing a thing.”

“Oh yes they are,” she smiled. “They’re all soft and warm like the inside of a chocolate chip cookie right out of the oven when you talk about her. I’m telling you, don’t let this one get away.”

“Maybe you should listen to your own advice,” he challenged, lifting his eyebrows. “Because your lips do that thing when you talk about June.”

“My lips do not do a thing.”

“Oh yeah they do. They get all pursed in the corner and you smile without even realizing it when you talk about her.”

“Fine. Then, I’ll make you a deal. You ask out Aly and I will ask out June.”

“You first,” he insisted, knowing she’d find a reason to back out.

Robin’s mouth dropped open as annoyed huffs escaped. She glared, folding her arms, stepping from one foot to the other. He knew her far too well. There was no way he was asking first because she’d drag her feet and put off asking June for as long as she could.

“Fine,” she snapped, poking him in the chest with her finger. “But if I get my heart shattered to pieces, you’re buying me all the junk food I need to make me feel better.”

“All the Haagen Dazs and Oreos your heart desires,” he promised.

Knowing Robin, this would still give him a bit more time to figure out a game plan, possibly get more information on Aly’s situation. Steve breathed a sigh of relief but then just as quickly that relief vanished when he remembered she would be at his door again at any minute.

___________________________________________________________

The front door swung open and what Aly thought for a moment was a massive black bear came charging at them. Eli squeaked and then broke into a fit of giggles as the bear that turned out to be an incredibly large dog gave him a sloppy kiss.

“Jesus, Miles,” Steve huffed, grabbing his collar and gently pulling him back. “As you can see, he has absolutely no manners and somehow is completely unaware of his own size. I know he’s huge but he’s just a big baby and he loves meeting new people.”

“Oh, he’s fine,” Aly cooed, dropping down onto her knees in front of the furry boy, burying her fingers in his thick fur as Eli raced off to find Jeremiah. “Aren’t you, you handsome boy?”

“That’s him, always stealing the pretty ladies’ attention.”

She froze, hands on Miles, her eyes moving up to Steve who smiled softly at her and there went her stomach. It was doing a full on gymnastics routine at the compliment Steve had just given her, even though it had been slyly. She was pretty sure he’d just let her know, once again, that he found her attractive. She sat back on her heels, swallowing down her nerves.

“Well, of course he does. Who could resist a face like that? Anyway, we don’t mind, really. We love dogs. We were actually going to get a dog but then, you know, life had other ideas and now it’s just me. There’s just not enough time and I would feel bad leaving a dog home alone all the time between work and Eli’s practices and stuff.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky with that,” Steve replied, closing the door as she rose to her feet. “My job is a bit more flexible. I often get to come home for lunch so I’ll take him for a walk. And being that I only have Jere half the time, I’m only responsible for half of his schedule. Plus I have Robin and Dustin. They’re always happy to come hang out with the beast for a bit if I have a busy day.”

“That’s nice. Good friends are hard to find. I am so thankful for Janice. If I didn’t have her, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“You don’t have any family around here?”

“No.” Aly shook her head, folding her arms over her stomach. “My parents moved when I was in college. I’m originally from the Cleveland area but I came here to go to Purdue. My dad got an offer to head up an office in Boston. It was a lot more money so they took it. I was living in an apartment with a friend at the time and in the middle of school so I didn’t want to go. And then I met my husband so that was the end of that. I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Siblings?”

“Nope. Only child. My parents said they got it right the first time so why mess with perfection?” she laughed, shrugging. “I mean, obviously I am not perfect but that was their joke.”

“I don’t know,” he mused, one of his hands resting on the door as he leaned into her, causing her heart to pick up speed again. “I think they may have been onto something actually.”

“Here comes Robin!” came Eli’s voice as the boys raced through the foyer, capes billowing behind them. Miles chased them, his own red and green cape flowing over his black fur, the boys giggling through the kitchen and then the living room.

“Well, I think I have been forgotten,” Aly joked, thankful for the interruption. “I suppose that’s my cue to exit.”

“Exit? Oh, I…well, you know, I was thinking that maybe…you might, you know, want to stay for dinner?” His cheeks flushed and god, he was adorable when he was flustered. “It’s nothing fancy. I’m just throwing some burgers and hot dogs on the grill. I have chips and picked up some potato salad from the deli. But you’re more than welcome to stay if you haven’t eaten yet.”

Stay? He wanted her to stay? Aly had just assumed she would drop Eli off, see the dog, and then get out of his hair. But he wanted her to stay for dinner? She hadn’t been prepared for that possibility.

Did she want to stay for dinner? She did but that gnawing feeling that she was doing something wrong began to twist up her insides again. Was she betraying Justin if she pursued something new? Was she throwing everything they’d had in the trash as if it didn’t matter? Was she possibly setting up her son for more heartache? A chance to lose not only someone who was quickly becoming an important male figure in his life but also his best friend? Would Eli understand? Would he be happy if she started dating someone or would he think she was forgetting all about his dad?

Steve stood awkwardly, fingers drumming along the wood of the door, lips pressed together as he waited for her to answer him. She was being ridiculous. She wasn’t dating anyone. She was reading far too much into a simple invite to stay and eat a burger at the house of her son’s best friend. He was simply being polite and to decline would be horribly rude.

“Sure. I can stay for a burger,” she finally answered, trying to ignore the way her stomach somersaulted as she followed Steve into his house.

___________________________________________________________

“Wine?” asked Steve once they had cleaned up from dinner, the boys having darted up to Jeremiah’s room to check out his gameboy.

“Sure. That would be great.”

Steve’s house was so cozy, far better than she’d expected for a single man living on his own. They’d enjoyed dinner out on the deck in the backyard and then sat for a bit, watching as the boys enjoyed the swingset, Eli declaring it was so cool that Jeremiah had his own playground.

As Steve handed her a glass of deep red wine, the two of them made their way back out there, sitting down on an outdoor sofa on a brick patio that was just off to the side of the deck. A massive fire pit sat in the middle of the seating area and Aly could imagine it would be very cozy to sit out here in the evenings, enjoying the night sky.

“Your backyard is amazing,” she commented. “Mine barely even has grass. Yours is like a little oasis. I don’t think I’d ever leave if my backyard looked like this.”

Steve chuckled, “Yeah, well, it took a lot of work to get it like this.”

“You did this?”

“Yeah. I mean, I had some help from my friends but we put in the patio, the deck, the swingset, all of it. I love being outside. Being inside too much makes me claustrophobic. Even as a kid, outdoors with the sky stretching on forever, it just felt like I could breathe, you know?” He shrugged, sipping his wine. “I just knew that I needed a space where I could sit and see the stars at night. So, it took a couple summers but I finally have it.”

“I’m surprised. Most people would just hire someone to do it. Being in construction, you have to know loads of guys who do that kind of work.”

“You’re looking at one of them. I started off as one of those guys, remember?”

“I know. But still, a lot of people don’t want to have to put in the time for a big home project like that. Especially when it’s what they already do for a living. They do it all week so why would they want to do it on the weekends. It’s kind of refreshing to know you did all this yourself and impressive. Maybe I should hire you.”

Steve laughed, “Yeah, well, when you grow up watching people throw money at other people to do work they could easily do themselves but think they’re too good for and then proceed to treat those people like sh*t, it gives you a bit of a different outlook on things.”

Aly’s ears perked at his statement, “So, would I be overstepping if I asked you to elaborate on that?”

Something dark passed over his face and she wondered for a moment if she had overstepped. They barely knew each other. It was probably intrusive for her to ask. But she had the distinct impression between his current statement and his talk about his father the other day that Steve had grown up around money, lots of it, and she couldn’t help but be intrigued. Because how did a boy who’d grown up rich wind up working for a construction company, living in a nice, but modest house, and be so damn grounded and kind as he was?

“You’re not overstepping. So, I used to be known around town as King Steve.” When she snorted, he nodded with a grimace. “Yeah. Yeah. It’s just as bad as it sounds.”

“I wasn’t aware we had royalty in the states.”

“Jesus, this is so embarrassing.” He ran a hand down over his face, pulling at his chin. “My parents were rich, like really rich. I was a brat. Ugh. I was such an asshole. I was pissed at them because they were never around. I was raised by a goddamn nanny until I turned thirteen and they decided I could just raise myself from there. They were hardly ever home. My dad traveled a lot for work.” She noticed how he did air quotations around work. “Work was often some weekend tryst with his latest bimbo. Then my mom started going with him because she didn’t trust his ass. Not that I blame her. They’d be gone for weeks and not even a phone call to see if I was still alive. So, I acted like a sh*t. I threw massive ragers at the house all the time. Hence the title. Everyone wanted to be around me because I could buy sh*t. That was my parents' consolation gift. I couldn’t have their time but I could throw their money away, however I pleased, because there was always more of it.”

Aly cupped both hands around her wine glass, pulling her knees in as she tried to picture this guy she was getting to know as an angry teenager. He made it sound like he was one of those guys that she despised in school, the ones who walked around like they owned the school because nothing could touch them. She could not make the two images mirror together.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” she asked, tilting her head, confused.

“Like I was some poor neglected child. I had everything I could have ever wanted. I didn’t go without anything. There were kids who had it way worse than me.”

“There are a lot of different kinds of neglect, Steve. You were a child. No amount of money can make up for a lack of attention from the two people who were supposed to love you the most.”

Lifting his glass to his lips, he swallowed down the wine hard, “Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, I was that guy. You know that guy. Every school has that guy. The one that every guy wants to be and every girl wants to get with. The one that everyone wants to be associated with because it raises their level of cool. I was surrounded by people constantly but I quickly learned it was all bullsh*t. Not a single one of them actually wanted to be around me. They just wanted what I could give them.”

“Sounds lonely.”

“It was. It’s so weird. How can you be so damn alone when you’re surrounded by company? I was never alone in that house. I couldn’t stand to be alone in that house. It was like living in a damn museum. So I always had people crashing at my house just so there was someone there.”

“Is that why you like outside? Because you hated your house?”

“Yeah. There were some woods behind my house. I used to just go walking sometimes or I’d sit out back by the pool, smoke a joint, and stare up at the sky. It was the only time I felt like I could breathe, like I wasn’t suffocating under the weight of being a Harrington.” He snorted. “Not that it wound up mattering what my name was after I disgraced it completely.”

“What do you mean?”

He turned his torso toward her, lifting one leg and crossing it over his knee, “My dad expected me to come work for him. Legacy, right? I was supposed to work for him and then eventually take over. But because I didn’t give two sh*ts about school…I mean, why should I when I had all that money, right? Anyway, I couldn’t even get into community college with my grades. Complete loser. So, my dad decided I needed to make a working man’s wage, see what the real world was like. That’s when I had the job at Scoops Ahoy. He was punishing me. They completely cut me off. I just decided I had enough. I didn’t want to work for him anyway. I hated him. I couldn’t imagine him being my boss. Like, it just hit me one day, how miserable my life was going to be if I kept following the path they laid out for me. It wasn’t one I wanted. I hadn’t chosen that path so why should I keep walking down it? So, I turned around and raced the other way as fast as I could.”

“And you went into construction?”

“Yeah. Well, so Nance, Jere’s mom, is kind of the reason I got my sh*t together. She gave me a massive thump on the head when she broke up with me in high school. I was a dick and I was going nowhere. She could see that. So, she split up with me before she went to college because she didn’t think we had a future. I really looked at myself after that, you know? I realized she was right. I was going nowhere. I was either going to be making minimum wage, living with my parents forever or turn into the biggest asshole because I was miserable working with my dad. I was already an asshole. I’d let my anger at them turn me into this person I didn’t want to be. So, I decided to do something about it. Take that other path. The problem was I didn’t know what I wanted to do. It was actually Robin who said I should get into something that allowed me to work outside because that was where I was happiest and well, here I am. I mean, being project manager I am not always outside but it’s enough of a change from office to job sites that it works for me.”

“Wow. You know, it’s rather commendable that you walked away from all that money. Most people would have taken the misery to be able to never have to worry about anything financially.”

“sh*t, not me. I don’t know how commendable it is. I just knew if I had a chance in hell of being happy, I had to get out of there.”

“It’s pretty damn commendable. You recognized what was making you unhappy and fixed it. You saw what you didn’t want to be and changed it, Steve. A lot of people can’t do that.” The more she learned about him, the more she liked him and that was dangerous. Tread carefully, she reminded herself. Don’t seem too eager. Don’t appear too interested. “So, if Nancy and you split, how did you wind up back together?”

“Oh, well, she came back home after college,” he answered. “She got a degree in journalism and got a job at the local paper. Her plan was to eventually get a job at one of the big papers like the Indianapolis Star. Anyway, we met up for lunch, you know. Catch up for old times sake or whatever and she said how proud she was of me. She’d missed me. I don’t know. All of a sudden we were a thing again. I think it was a comfort thing? Like, being with her felt like putting on an old sweatshirt. It might not fit and it might have holes but it’s familiar and simple. The next year we were married and then the next year Jere came along.”

“Wow. High school sweethearts reunited. First love and all that. It’s really sweet,” Aly commented. And it was. She felt genuine sadness that the two of them couldn’t make it work after having found each other, getting a second chance.

“Yeah, well, it obviously didn’t work out,” Steve laughed, his arm waving widely. “Behold my solitary lifestyle. I was tired of all the people hanging around me, always crashing at my place, and now I live completely alone.”

“You don’t live alone. You have Jeremiah and Miles.”

“Well, I only have Jere half the time. And Miles is my shadow. I mean, when Jere is here, he is almost always by his side but when he’s not, that dog is attached to my hip. At least I always have someone to cuddle with at night even if I wake up with fur all over my face.”

Aly smiled, “That’s nice. The only warm body I ever cuddle is my own or well, occasionally Eli when he sneaks into my bed. But that’s been happening less the older he gets. Big old queen bed and just me in it.”

“How…uh…” Steve cleared his throat, leaning back to set down his wineglass. “I mean, I heard about…what I’m trying to say is…”

“Daddy! Are we going to do s’mores?” asked Jeremiah, him and Eli racing out the back door, capes long gone. Miles trudged behind them, his big tongue hanging out as he panted. The boys had clearly worn him out.

“Yeah. Of course. But we just finished dinner about thirty minutes ago. Are you boys really ready for dessert?”

“Yeah!” Eli declared. “We worked up a hero sized appetite and only chocolate can fix it.”

“Oh, only chocolate can fix it?” questioned Aly, rolling her eyes. Her son had a serious sweet tooth, something he’d inherited from her. “What about broccoli? Superheroes need their broccoli. It helps them be strong.”

Both boys made a face, sticking out their tongues and gagging.

“Eww. Batman would not eat broccoli. He doesn’t like trees. Trees are not for eating.”

“Trees are not for eating?” gasped Steve. “What about apples? You like apples?” They nodded. “How about bananas?” They nodded, smiling. “Cherries?” Both boys giggled, their little heads bobbing. “Well, those all grow on trees so you do, in fact, eat parts of trees.”

“Yeah daddy but not like the leaves and stuff.”

“Well, broccoli doesn’t even grow on trees. It grows out of the ground like potatoes and I know how much you love french fries.”

Eli looked at him as if he’d lost his mind, “I love french fries too but french fries and broccoli are not the same thing. One is delicious and one is icky.”

“That was a nice try,” Aly told Steve, “but you are not going to win a battle between french fries and broccoli with my kid. He would live off french fries, mac and cheese, hot dogs, and chicken nuggets if I let him. It’s a battle to get vegetables in this child.”

Steve blew out a puff of air, “Tell me about it. He acts like I am torturing him if I tell him to eat one carrot.”

“Daddy! You know I don’t like carrots.”

“You eat them for mommy.”

Jeremiah huffed, “Because mommy won’t let me watch my tv shows if I don’t eat them.”

“As you can tell, I am not the tougher parent,” Steve shrugged. “And he knows it.”

Aly laughed. She wasn’t the tougher parent either even though she should be as she was the only parent. But Eli had already lost so much and really, was not eating vegetables at every meal going to impact his life in the long run? Probably not. She had to pick her battles and as long as he was fed, trying to get something green in him was not a battle she was willing to fight.

“Daddy, the s’mores?” Jeremiah sighed, reminding his father of why they’d come out there in the first place.
“Right, s’mores.” Steve placed his hands on his knees as he rose to his feet. “Guess that means I need to get the fire going.”

“Well, you make your fire and enjoy your night. I think I am going to get going,” Aly told him, standing as well. This had been nice but she didn’t want to overstay her welcome. And they’d been dangerously close to discussing Justin and she just wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet.

“You sure? You don’t want a s’more? Not to brag but my marshmallow roasting skills are pretty damn amazing. Best marshmallow you’ll ever enjoy. Perfectly crispy on the outside and ooey gooey on the inside.”

That smile was certainly making her ooey gooey on the inside, but she wasn’t sure she could handle anymore time with him right now. Every minute with him was threatening to knock her over. Winds picking up speed and she was about to be swept off her feet completely if she didn’t get out of the elements and take shelter for a bit.

“While that is a very tempting offer, I am going to pass. I am going to go home and take advantage of the quiet if you don’t mind.”

“I do not mind. I understand. You go home, kick your feet up, and sleep in tomorrow. I’ll drop him off on my way to take Jere back to his mom’s. Probably around two if that works?”

“Sounds perfect.”

When had she last had a quiet morning? A morning where she could sleep in, enjoy her coffee in the quiet? Two months ago. It had been two months ago when Janice and Matt had taken Eli to a movie and kept him overnight.

“Good luck with all of this,” she told him, pointing to the boys who were already back on the swings. Miles lay in the grass, watching them. That dog was going to sleep soundly once the boys settled down. “And thank you for dinner.”

“Anytime,” he smiled. “Here. I’ll walk you out.”

His hand came to the small of her back, sending shivers of delight zipping along her spine. It was such an innocent touch but when was the last time she’d been touched like that? She couldn’t remember. It had to have been Justin. All those little things, little moments, that you took for granted, didn’t even remember, because you’d always thought you’d have them, not knowing it would be your last.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as he opened the door.

“Hey,” he said, stepping into her, so close she could make out the myriad of colors in his eyes, tiny flecks of gold and brown and green. His hands tucked into his front pockets. “So, maybe this is too much. I know we’ve been spending a lot of time together and maybe you’re sick of us. But I told Jeremiah I would take him ice skating at the indoor rink over in Greenwood on Thursday after school. It’s a bit of a ride but I was wondering if maybe you guys would want to come.”

“Ice skating?” There was that gymnastics routine again. She’d be ready for the Olympics soon if he didn’t stop. “Eli’s never been and it’s been years since I…”

“I could help Eli. Jere and I have been going since he was three so he’s great on skates. And I mean, I could help you too, if you needed it.”

“I…” A picture flashed across her mind of her hands in Steve’s as he guided her across the ice and her body warmed at the thought. “Yeah. That would be fun.”

That smile, like her own personal sunshine, shone down on her, blinding her as he said, “Great. Jere will be really happy.”

“Yeah. Eli too.”

He swallowed, eyes locked on hers, and her stomach rolled so hard she was surprised she didn’t roll with it. His tongue slid along his lower lip and her hand clenched at her side, wondering exactly what those lips would taste like. Then he blinked, turning his head away from her, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah. Okay. So, Thursday then.”

“It’s a date,” she grinned.

sh*t. Why had she said that? Steve smiled softly and she wanted to die. Could she be more obvious? She closed her eyes, willing her brain to function correctly again.

“It’s a date that I will mark on my calendar, for our kids to skate,” she corrected. “Okay, I am going to go now. Good night.”

“Good night, Aly.”

His eyes twinkled with amusem*nt as she darted from the house, fumbling her keys when she attempted to get them in the lock. What was happening? She’d not been this flustered since her first date with Justin. Steve Harrington was completely undoing her and she was going to be unraveled on the floor soon.

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Aly was grateful she’d added a sweater over top of her t-shirt prior to leaving for the rink. Even with the weather warming up outside, the rink was chilly. Eli had argued when she insisted that he bring a sweatshirt, stating that he’d been so hot in his jacket at recess and would be fine, but she noticed the sweatshirt was on and zipped up now as she laced up his skates.

“Double knot them, mommy. I don’t want them loose,” he told her, a little tremor of nerves apparent in his voice.

New experiences always made him anxious. She’d explained the idea of ice skating as well as she could, telling him it really wasn’t too different from rollerblading and he knew how to do that. But if he didn’t know exactly what to expect, if he didn’t know precisely what he was supposed to do, his nerves kicked into high gear.

He was masking it well. She assumed that was for the benefit of Jeremiah. Eli didn’t want his friend to see how scared he was. But he’d rambled to her about everything that could go wrong from the time she’d picked him up from school in the afternoon.

“What if I fall?”

“Then you get back up.”

“But what if I break my leg?”

“You’re not going to break your leg, Eli.”

“I could. You don’t know that. What if I fall backwards and I crack my head open on the ice and my brain starts oozing out and then I can’t remember all the stuff I learned at school anymore?”

“Eli, you’re going to be fine. I promise.”

“What if Jeremiah laughs at me because he knows how to skate and I don’t and I have to hold onto the railing the whole time?”

“If he’s your friend he won’t do that.”

On and on it went, his ideas of what could go wrong only getting more outlandish until he was predicting that he would slice somebody’s leg off with his skate and then he would go to jail for the rest of his life. Aly had sighed, ensuring him that none of those things were going to happen. The worst that could happen would be he would fall and get a bruise. He was not convinced.

“Tight enough?” she asked, giving her son a reassuring smile.

“I think so,” he replied, twisting his foot around and around as if checking if they were going to simply fall off his foot. He leaned down, his mouth right next to her ear, whispering, “Mommy, are you sure I’m going to be okay?”

“I promise.”

“Will you hold my hands?”

“I can but honestly, I’m not that good of a skater either. I don’t know how much help I’ll be because I’ll be trying to stay on my feet too. Jeremiah’s dad said he would help you if you need him to and I think he’s pretty good at this. Would you like me to ask him if he’ll hold your hands?”

Eli bit his bottom lip, the skin already peeling in spots from him worrying at it the whole way here. He sat for a moment, considering her offer, and then nodded, eyes wide.

“You think he’ll do it?”

“I know he will. Coach Harrington is a really nice guy.”

“Yeah, he is. He said I can call him Steve. Is that okay?”

Aly smiled, her hand running assuringly over the front of his shin, “If he said it is, then of course you can.”

“Are we all ready?” called Steve, him and Jeremiah standing, all skated up and steady, next to the ice.

“Yep. All good,” she told him, standing, holding her hand out to her son. Eli took it, stepping hesitantly with her over to the ice. She leaned into Steve, asking quietly, “Eli wondered if you might be able to hold his hands at first?”

Steve knelt down, eye level with her son, “You a little nervous there, kiddo?”

Eli swallowed, nodding, his eyes focused down on his feet. Aly’s heart contracted, knowing it took a lot of courage for her son to admit that in front of his friend and a man he admired and looked up to.

“I was really nervous too,” Jeremiah told him. “I mean, I don’t remember because I was only three but I’m sure I was. My daddy held my hands the whole time. He’s a really good skater. He’ll make sure you don’t fall.”

Aly smiled, “See? Now we just have to make sure that I don’t fall.”

Jeremiah stepped up to her other side, taking her hand in his little one, “I’ll make sure you don’t fall Ms. Aly. I’m a really good skater too. You can skate with me.”

“Wow. Thank you so much,” she gushed. Steve had taught his son well. He was just as kind as his dad and her heart melted at his offer even if there was no way this tiny boy was going to be able to support her on the ice. “I feel so much safer now.”

Jeremiah beamed at her praise, glancing over to his dad, “My daddy says that we are supposed to be gentlemen and a gentleman wouldn’t let a lady fall down and get hurt.”

“Well,” Aly replied, her eyes on Steve’s, “you have a really good daddy then because he’s raising one amazing little gentleman.”

She caught the flush that crept up Steve’s neck at her words as he took both of Eli’s hands in his. Stepping back onto the ice, he waited for Eli to step on. It took him a couple tries, the feeling of the slick surface making him hesitate but finally he had both feet on the rink.

“Alright kid, we’ll go slow, okay? Just so you can get a feel for it. Have you ever gone rollerblading?”

Eli nodded, “Yeah. Mommy and I rollerblade at the park sometimes.”

“Perfect. It’s kind of like that but you’re on ice instead of sidewalk,” Steve explained. “You just push and glide your feet.” He skated backward, keeping hold of Eli as he hesitantly began trying to move forward. “There you go.” Her son stumbled, his body rocking and Steve kept a tight hold. “I got you, okay? I won’t let you fall. Just get used to the movement and the feel of the ice.”

Aly watched as Steve took her son around the rink, watched as her son’s face slowly changed from one of fear to one of joy as he realized that he could do this. Skating was not as scary as he thought. Her heart swelled at the way her son smiled up at Steve, looking at him as if he hung the moon. It was the same exact way he used to look at Justin.

She closed her eyes, silently talking to her husband in her head, the way she did whenever she was conflicted, whenever things got tough. He’d always been her person. She just wanted to know that he would understand, that he would be okay with these feelings that only grew stronger with every moment she spent with Steve, that he would be okay with another man being in his son’s life. A man that he could look up to. A man that he idolized the way he’d once idolized his dad.

Sure, Eli had Matt. He practically worshiped the ground Matt walked on but it was different. Matt didn’t give her butterflies in her stomach. He didn’t make her pulse race. He didn’t consume her thoughts and make her trip over her words and forget how to function like the grown ass woman she was. Which was a good thing, because if he did that could make her friendship with Janice quite awkward.

“Ms. Aly, are we going to skate, too?”

With a jerk, she tore her eyes from Steve and Eli, giggling as they made their second lap around the rink, moving much faster now. Jeremiah gazed up at her, those blue eyes invading her soul, just like his dad’s did. Maybe they weren’t the same color but damn if he didn’t get his dad’s intensity.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, sweetie. I just got lost in my thoughts for a minute. Are you ready?”

“I’ve been ready and don’t worry. I got you,” he assured her sweetly as they stepped onto the ice.

“I feel very safe. I am obviously in good hands with you, Jeremiah.”

“Yeah, I’m a really good skater,” he told her, following her lead, moving slowly across the ice. “My mommy and daddy started bringing me when I was really little. But I don’t really remember. They got a divorce when I was only four and I am almost eight. I don’t really remember when they were together at all.”

“And does that make you sad?”

“Not really. My mommy and daddy are really good friends. Mommy says daddy is one of her best friends and they just work better that way.” He shrugged. “But now mommy has a different husband so I have a stepdaddy and he’s really nice. They were boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time before they got married. He says I don’t have to call him daddy and that’s good because I already have a daddy. I just call him Jonathan. I got to be in charge of the rings which was a really important job. Daddy told me it was the most important job next to being the bride or groom because they couldn’t get married without the rings.”

Aly tried hard to stay focused on the child’s words as almost all of her brain power was currently being used to keep her footing on the ice. They skated close to the side, her hand reaching frequently for the rail as the top half of her wobbled forward and back in an effort to keep her balance. She had not been skating in years and yet she could recall the last time in her mind with perfect clarity.

Her and Justin had been going out for two months when he told her he had a surprise for her. He would not tell her anything except that she needed to dress warm. Imagine her horror when he took her to the pond for ice skating. Aly had only been on skates twice in her life and it was safe to say she was not a natural. She’d spent more time on her ass than on her feet.

But he’d been so excited, believing he’d planned the perfect romantic winter date. He’d spent most of the time holding her up. But it wound up being the perfect date. They’d spent most of the night laughing as she wobbled around until eventually she’d pulled them both down to the ground. Instead of being upset, he’d grabbed onto her face, breathlessly pronouncing that he loved her for the first time. It was in that moment that she’d known she’d found the one, the person who was her other half, the one she wanted for all time, having no idea how short that time would be.

“Ms. Aly?”

“Hmm?” she replied, swallowing down all the emotion that was rising up within her as she looked down at Jeremiah.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” she assured him, blinking and clearing her throat. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your face got really sad when I was talking about my mommy and daddy. But that doesn’t have to make you sad. I’m not sad. They’re not sad. My mommy is really happy. She loves Jonathan.

Aly smiled, “That’s really nice for her. It’s nice to have someone.”

“Yeah. My daddy says he is really happy too but he doesn’t have someone to love right now.”

“What are you talking about? He’s got you.”

“I know and I know he’s lucky to have me. He tells me that all the time but I want him to have someone like mommy has Jonathan. Because, you know, sometimes I’m not there. I have to be with my mommy too and then daddy is all alone. I think he needs someone to be there with him when I’m not there. Someone that can love him all the time like Jonathan loves mommy. He takes care of her when I am with daddy and they do fun stuff so mommy doesn’t get bored and she’s not alone. I don’t like my daddy to be alone.”

“Well, it’s not always easy to find somebody like that but your daddy is a pretty great guy. I am sure he’ll find somebody one day. There’s not enough guys like your daddy out there. Some lucky lady will see that.”

“Eli told me that his daddy had to go to heaven. So, if he’s not there anymore, do you have somebody to love like that?”

“Oh!” Her chest tightened in surprise and she reminded herself that this was just a curious little boy asking a very innocent question. “Well, no. I don’t. Eli’s daddy was that person for me but now he’s gone and I haven’t found anybody else. To be fair, I haven’t really been ready to find someone else because I’ve been sad for a very long time. I loved him a lot. I don’t know if I’ll find someone to love like I loved him.”
“What about my daddy?” asked Jeremiah and she stopped, grabbing onto the railing. “My daddy doesn’t have anyone and you don’t have anyone. You seem to like each other. You’re always smiling when you’re around each other. Maybe you could love my daddy and then Eli and I would be like brothers. That would be so cool.”

“I…umm…well…” Aly stammered, having no idea how to respond to this sweet child. Everything was so simple to them. He saw two people who were single so why wouldn’t they just be together? She wished life were as simple and uncomplicated as children thought it was. “You know, it’s just a bit more complicated than that.”

“Why?” he pressed, completely undeterred as they came around the rink for a second time. “Don’t you like my daddy?”

Eli and Steve were skating across the rink from them, no longer holding hands, her son completely holding his own. He wasn’t exactly racing around the ice but she was impressed with how smoothly he was already gliding and extremely thankful they were too far away to hear this conversation.

Aly released a long breath, “I do. I like your daddy a lot. He’s a wonderful person. But when it comes to relationships, there’s a lot more that goes into it than just both being alone. I mean, maybe your daddy doesn’t like me.”

“He does. I know he does. He’s always smiling when you talk and he keeps wanting to do stuff with you. And he thinks you’re really pretty.”

“He what? Wait. How would you know he thinks I’m pretty?”

“I asked him.”

“Why would you ask him?”

Jeremiah rolled his eyes, “Because I want you two to love each other so my daddy isn’t alone. I already explained this. So, I asked him if he liked you and he said yeah. And then I asked him if he thought you were pretty because I think you’re really pretty and he said you’re beautiful. So, that’s even more than pretty. That’s like super pretty.”

Grabbing onto the edge of the glass, she closed her eyes, inhaling slowly through her nose. This was a lot, like far more than she’d been expecting. In fact, she hadn’t been expecting it, especially not from his seven year old son.

“You know what? I think I need a break,” she told him with a smile. “It’s a lot of work to skate. I’m just gonna go sit down for a bit and watch you guys. How about you go skate with your daddy and Eli for a bit?”

“Okay. But maybe think about loving my daddy. He’s a really good daddy and I think he would be a really good husband. I mean, my mommy says he wasn’t a bad husband. He was just not right for her. Maybe he could be right for you. And Eli and I both think being brothers would be awesome.”

Jesus Christ. She was going to have a full blown panic attack in a minute if she didn’t get out of this conversation. And on skates, that could be more than hazardous. Husband? She’d only known the guy for a little over a week and seen him less times than she could count on her hand. They hadn’t even been on a date and their kids were planning their wedding and being siblings.

Aly slowly stepped over to the bleachers, plopping down heavily on the cold metal. Three things. She needed three things. Steve with a huge smile as he reached for Jeremiah’s hand. No. Anything but him right now. The lady’s bright pink sweater just down the bleachers from her. Okay. Sound. Aly closed her eyes focusing on the skates as they sliced over the ice. Movement. She pointed and flexed her feet in the skates, grounding herself, bringing herself back from the brink of losing her sh*t in front of all these families enjoying an evening of fun.

Okay, she was okay. She was fine. It was just a child asking her innocent questions. Of course best friends dreamed of being siblings. Of course him and Eli had concocted some insane idea so they could be together all the time. That’s what best friends did. They weren’t thinking about anything rationally because they were seven. It didn’t mean anything.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and shrieked, jumping, when she found the exact pair of hazel ones she’d been trying not to think about looking at her with concern. Steve’s brow was furrowed, adorable little lines appearing between them that she itched to press her thumb to and smooth down.

“Hey, are you okay?”

___________________________________________________________

For a kid who’d had a deathgrip on his hands just five minutes ago, Eli was now skating next to him like he’d been doing it for years. Sure, the kid wasn’t flying but he was gliding those skates like it was nothing. He grinned up at Steve and as a dad he knew that grin well. It was the grin that was full of expectation, waiting for you to confirm they were doing well and you were proud of them.

“I got to say, kid, you’re a natural,” Steve told him, turning his body to skate backwards in front of him. “I would never know this was your first time on skates if I was just watching you now.”

“It’s not that hard,” Eli told him. “It is a lot like rollerblading. I was just being a big baby.”

“Oh, I don’t want to hear you say that. You weren’t being a baby. You were being really brave.”

“It’s not brave to be scared.”

“Of course it is. Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not scared. Being brave means you do something even when you’re scared. Even the bravest people are scared sometimes.”

Eli frowned, “So, do you think my daddy was scared sometimes?”

“I’m sure he was. Everyone gets scared,” Steve answered, knowing he would need to tread carefully. He didn’t know the full story with the dad and he didn’t want to say too much.

“But my daddy was a soldier. He was a marine and marines are supposed to be strong and brave and not scared of anything. My daddy was a hero.”

Well, that explained a lot. Steve wondered if that was how he’d lost his life. It would have been sudden, a knock on their door that no family ever wants to receive. No chance to say goodbye. Just here one moment and gone the next. No wonder this kid loved superheroes. His dad had been a living, breathing version of it.

“Even soldiers get scared. They go to really scary places sometimes and their jobs are very dangerous all the time. But they still do what they have to do. That’s what makes them heroes. It must be pretty hard not having your daddy around.”

“Yeah. Sometimes. But it’s really hard for my mommy. She tells me stories about him all the time because I only remember a little bit. Like, I remember him taking me to the zoo and putting me on his shoulders so I could see the gorillas. But mommy tells me all the stuff. We talk about him a lot. But then she cries.”

“She does?”

“Uh-huh. She thinks I can’t hear her but I can. She cries sometimes at night after we talk about him. She says he was her person. It makes her really sad because he left and now she’s all alone.”

“It’s tough to be alone,” Steve agreed, a lump the size of one of the baseballs he used at practice forming in his throat.

He hadn’t lost his wife in death but he’d lost her all the same. And in the end, it had been for the best. He knew that. Him and Nancy were completely wrong for each other. But sometimes he missed that easy companionship, having someone to come home to, someone to talk about your day with. He knew how lonely alone could get.

“You’re alone too, right?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I guess I am but Jere’s mom didn’t go to heaven. She just lives in a different house now.”

Eli’s lips pursed thoughtfully, “Yeah, but you live alone. I mean, when Jeremiah is with his mommy.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Jeremiah and I were talking at school about how you’re alone and my mommy’s alone. So, we thought maybe you wouldn’t have to be alone if you were together. I mean, it would be so cool if we could all live together and then I could be with Jeremiah all the time. We could have all our toys to play with and then I would have a dog too. And then…” He looked down at his feet, his voice going quiet. “Then I could have a daddy too.”

Steve swore he heard the ping as his heart fractured like a piece of the ice that was beneath them. He slowed his skating, slipping around next to Eli again. This sweet little boy just wanted a dad and while it didn’t make any sense logically, he wasn’t logical. He was only seven. And he and his son had devised what they thought was a very logical plan. Just put them together and instant family. Unfortunately, it didn’t work that easy.

“I mean, Jeremiah says you’re a really good dad. I think you’re a really good dad. You’re really nice and you’re fun. You’re good at teaching. You’re teaching us how to play baseball and you taught me how to skate. And you make my mommy smile. Jeremiah thinks it would be good because you could have my mommy to take care of you when he’s not there. And my mommy needs someone to take care of her. I try but I’m just a kid. She needs an adult.”

“Oh, kiddo…that sounds like such a good plan but it’s not quite that easy.”

“Why not? You like my mommy, right?”

“I do,” Steve sighed, looking over to where her and Jere were skating hand in hand, deep in conversation. He wondered if she was in the midst of an uncomfortable conversation just like he was. Did the boys plan this little ambush? “Eli, I really do. Your mommy is pretty amazing.”

“She likes you too. I heard her talking to Aunt Janice and she said you are so cute you should be on tv. She also said you’re perfect. She’s trying real hard to find something wrong with you. I don’t know why.”

He couldn’t deny the thrill of happiness that coursed through his body at those words. Could the little boy have heard correctly or was he twisting his mom’s words into what he wanted to hear? Did she like him the way he liked her? Because he liked her, possibly too much and it only got worse the more time they spent together.

“Trust me. I’m not perfect,” he chuckled. “She could find plenty of things wrong with me. She doesn’t have to look that hard.”

“I don’t think anything’s wrong with you. I think you’d be perfect for my mommy and me. And I’ve always wanted to have a brother or sister because I think that would be fun. We could be a really great family. We could play games and go on picnics and go to the zoo. And you could kiss my mommy like the other daddies kiss the mommies and she would be happy.”

“Oh, kid. It’s so nice that you think I would be…I mean…that means a lot to me. I just…”

“Daddy!”

“Jere!” Steve exclaimed, extremely grateful for the interruption because he had no idea how to respond without absolutely breaking this little boy’s hopes, dreams, and his sweet little heart. “Did you make sure Aly stayed on her feet?”

“I sure did!” he stated proudly. “But she said she needed to take a break. I think I made her sad.”

“What do you mean you made her sad?”

Jeremiah shrugged, his lips mashing together, “I don’t know. I was just telling her how I think you and her should be each other’s person so you don’t have to be alone. And I told her how pretty you think she is. And how I think you guys could love each other so you wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore.”

“Jesus Christ,” Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He’d had these boys all wrong. They weren’t innocent little seven year olds. They were devious masterminds who’d managed to ambush both of them tonight.

“I was telling your daddy the same thing!” Eli grinned, the two boys winking, very obviously, at each other even though they obviously thought they were being sly. “I told him how it would be so cool because then we could be brothers too and we could be together all the time!”

Steve’s eyes searched for Aly, finding her stumbling over to the bleachers. She sat down hard, her eyes scanning the rink as if she were searching for a lifeline, something to save her from his son and his meddling. sh*t. He needed to fix this. How he was going to fix this he had no idea but if he didn’t do something she was never going to want to hang out with him again. She’d probably run as far and as fast as she could and then he’d never get a chance to ask her out and his son would never get to hang out with his best friend again.

“You know what? How about you two boys skate around for a bit? I’m just uh…I’m gonna go check on Aly, okay? I think I could use a little break, too.”

The boys turned to each other, identical grins mirroring one another. Those two little mischief makers clearly thought they’d succeeded at something, not realizing what a disaster they’d created. Those sweet, hopeful little faces threatened to turn that tiny fracture of his heart into a full shattering. He hated disappointing them. He hated destroying their belief that life could be as simple as two people coming together just because they were alone and it magically worked out, becoming happily ever after.

But he knew better. He knew that life was never that easy. It was never that simple. Just when you thought that you had it all figured out, you realized you knew nothing. You did everything you were supposed to. You had the job, the wife, the kid, the house…and somehow you’d still managed to do it all wrong. You grasped onto the girl from high school because you wanted to be someone’s everything, you wanted someone to be your everything. But you couldn’t be everything to the wrong person, no matter how.

But Aly…maybe Aly was the right one. It sounded nuts. He’d only known her for a handful of days. How could he possibly know if she was right or wrong? He didn’t but damn if he didn’t want to find out.

As the boys hurried across the ice, giggling, he made his way over to her. Her eyes were closed and she was flexing her feet. He had no idea what she was doing. Had she strained something when she was skating with Jeremiah?

He leaned down, hands on his knees, eyes on her lips. Those perfectly pink lips, like a sweet candy that would melt on your tongue, the sugar slowly dissolving until it coated your entire mouth in such a delightful and satisfying way. He wanted to know what they tasted like. His fingers dug into his knees as he used every ounce of self restraint he had to not make a move.

Her eyes slowly opened and then she shrieked, eyes like saucers, as she jerked like he was the boogeyman. Damn, he probably shouldn’t have stood so close to her when she wasn’t aware. He probably looked like some creep, sneaking up on her, but he’d just been so lost in how goddamn beautiful she was. Was she even aware of how stunning she was? She didn’t seem to.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked cautiously.

“Me? Yeah. I’m fine,” she replied, appearing anything but, her teeth worrying at her lower lip.

Steve wanted to say something. He wanted to make this better but he had no idea what to say. If he asked her if Jeremiah had been trying to set them up, then he was just opening up the opportunity for embarrassment. Maybe it was better if she didn’t know that he knew what the boys were up to…or that her son had been involved in it too. But if he didn’t acknowledge it, would that be worse? Would she be uncomfortable and start avoiding him?

“You sure? You came off that ice pretty quick.”

“I haven’t done anything on these skates pretty quick,” she chuckled. “Yeah. I’m fine. I just needed a little break and Jeremiah had to be getting bored skating around all slow with me.” She smiled fondly, gesturing to where the two boys skated next to each other, identical grins on their faces. “See? He’s having much more fun.”

Alright. She obviously wasn’t going to bring it up so maybe he shouldn’t either. She didn’t appear to be panicking or searching for the quickest exit. Maybe it was fine. Maybe she’d just taken it as a seven year old boy’s excited imagination.

“Well, I could help you,” offered Steve. “If you wanted to keep skating. Eli seems to have a pretty good handle on it now. I don’t think he requires my assistance anymore.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’m sure you’d have more fun without being slowed down by my lack of skills. I can just sit here and watch all of you. Really, it’s fine.”

“I don’t mind. I would definitely have more fun skating with you than skating alone.”

Her eyes locked on his, a small smile appearing like a crescent moon on her lips. That smile, the small crinkles that formed in the corners of her eyes, was enough to make him forget his own name. She offered him her hands and he took them, lifting her to her feet.

“You must be a glutton for punishment,” teased Aly, stepping forward toward the ice as he stepped backward. “First, you take on my son who has never skated and then the grown woman who is clumsy enough with her feet flat on the ground. Putting me up on a thin strip of steel on a slick surface is just asking for trouble.”

“Don’t you take Eli rollerblading?” he questioned, guiding her onto the ice.

“I do but I’m not very good at that either. I tend to just walk the loop while he rollerblades,” she admitted, her torso wobbling back and forth as she slowly slid one foot in front of the other. “I can see him because it’s a half mile loop that’s all open. I tried rollerblading and I wound up with a scrape on the palm of my hand and my knee. After that, I figured it was safer if I just watched.”

Steve chuckled, “Don’t we teach our kids to just get back up if they fall down and try again?”

“Yeah, well, that’s easy for them. They just bounce. Once you hit thirty, you are far more likely to break.”

“Jesus, we’re not eighty. You’re not going to break a hip,” he teased, shaking his head.

“Of the two of us, who is a medical professional?” she shot back, lifting her eyebrows, the look on her face challenging him to try to counter her.

“Okay. Fair enough. You definitely know more about the human body than me. Although I’ve had no complaints about my knowledge of how a woman's body works before.”

Jesus Christ, had he really just said that? Based on the way her mouth hung open, her eyes as round as an owl’s, he definitely had. What was wrong with him? That was the complete opposite of taking it slow, getting to know her, just being her friend. Aly’s face looked as warm as his felt.

Her lips pressed together but he could see the hint of a smile turning them up in the corners, “I’m sure you haven’t.”

Steve winced, offering her what he hoped was as self-deprecating a smile as he could manage, “I did not mean that the way it came out.”

Aly’s head tilted, her eyes dancing under the lights of the rink, “And how else could you possibly mean that?”

“I…well…I mean…” Steve sighed, groaning softly as he shook his head. His hand itched to run through his hair, the way it always did when he was nervous, but he couldn’t because his hand was currently occupied, helping the girl he’d just humiliated himself in front of, stay upright. “Alright. I guess there’s really no other way to take that. I’m sorry.”

She shrugged, laughing softly, and it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. It was like the breeze hitting wind chimes on a summer’s evening, like the sound of bells ushering in the holiday season, like a spring rain melodically pinging against the windowpane, or the crackling of a fire so warm and soothing. He wanted to curl up in that sound, to hear it every single day, to be the reason she made it.

“You can relax. I’m not offended. It would take a lot more than that to offend me.”

“Good to know because my foot seems to be constantly stuck in my mouth. This will definitely not be the last time that I say something stupid in front of you.” He guided her to the middle of the rink as the boys looped past them, waving and smiling. “Man, for being as scared as he was, Eli’s a damn natural at this. Look at him go.”

“Yeah. He must have gotten his dad’s athletic ability. Which is great for him because I have none.”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure that’s not true. You didn’t play any sports in school?”

“Not unless you count drama club and choir as a sport. I mean, we went to choir competitions and we actually won states one year.”

“Choir is definitely not a sport.”

“And let me guess, you did it all. I already know you did baseball because you’re coaching.”

Steve laughed, “Just because I decided to coach for my kid’s team doesn’t necessarily mean I played. Maybe they just really needed a coach and I am trying to be a good dad.”

“Okay, fair. So, you didn’t play baseball?”

“No. I did,” he admitted. “I also played basketball, soccer, field hockey, cross country, and I was co-captain of the swim team.”

“Ahh, yes. You did mention that you were super popular in school. King Steve, right?”

“Right, but I don’t think I said I was popular, just rich.”

“Which made you popular because all the kids wanted to hang and party at your house. I, on the other hand, was definitely not popular. I was a nerd. I did drama and choir. I loved reading so you could often find me in a corner of the cafeteria with my nose buried in a book. I had friends but I didn’t really hit my stride until college. That’s when I met Justin.”

“Your husband?”

“Yeah. We all went out for drinks and he and some of his military buddies were hanging in the bar. One of the guys came over to me and my girlfriends and was being obnoxious. I mean, every stereotypical drunken frat boy line you could think of was pouring from his mouth. I knocked him down a few pegs.” She smiled, the smile soft, reminiscent, full of love. It was the kind of look he longed for someone to get when they thought about him. “I guess I impressed Justin because he said after that, he just knew he had to get to know me. I rejected him a couple times but he was damn persistent. He asked my friends about my schedule and kept showing up outside my classes.” There was that laugh again. “He wore me down and before I knew it, we were inseparable.”

“Sounds like he knew what he wanted,” Steve commented. “It also sounds like he was a pretty smart guy. He knew a good thing when he saw it.”

Aly sucked in a sharp breath as her entire body jerked to a stop and her center of gravity disappeared. Her torso rocked back and forth as her skates slid over the ice. Steve pulled her into him, releasing her hands to grab onto her waist, steadying her. Her arms locked around his neck in her fear of falling, pressing their bodies together, feeling as if there was no part of her that wasn’t touching him.

His heart beat rapidly in his chest, like the flutter of a million wings and it suddenly became hard to breathe because he’d forgotten how. Aly smiled, the shape like a comma, her lips so close to his that all he would have to do is suddenly tilt his head down to capture them with his own. And suddenly, that was the thing he wanted most in this world as her eyes mirrored the longing that was tugging at his very soul, urging him to do what he’d been wanting to do since he’d first seen her at the baseball fields. He was certain he’d never desired anything more.

“Aly?” he whispered, a question, a request for permission because he had to know. He had to be sure that she wanted this just as much as he did, that he wasn’t reading her body language wrong, seeing what he wanted to see.

“Can we get hot chocolate!?”

Hands landed on the side of his waist as the two of them blinked. He watched her slim throat as she swallowed, carefully gliding back, keeping a hold on him but far enough away to shatter the intimacy of the moment before. Steve looked down to see Eli and Jeremiah grinning up at them, their faces pink and glowy after skating for the last forty five minutes.

“Were you guys gonna kiss?” asked Eli, looking from his mom to Steve and then back to his mom.

“What?” Aly squeaked, shaking her head, her hands now clinging to his forearms. “No. Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Because you were all huggy and your faces were real close and you were looking all weird at each other like in that movie you and Aunt Janice like.”

Steve’s brows furrowed as she looked at him, answering, “Never Been Kissed. But we were not…we were not looking all weird at each other. I almost fell and he caught me.”

“Shoot,” Jeremiah sighed. “Are you sure you weren’t gonna kiss? Because if you were gonna kiss, then Eli and I would be really happy. You could be boyfriend and girlfriend and then you could get married and then we could be brothers.”

“Jere!” Steve hissed, feeling Aly’s grip tighten until it was almost painful. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. His son was about to send her into a full blown panic attack if he didn’t stop talking.

“And I could have a dog because if you get married, then Miles is my dog too. I told Coach Steve that I think he’s a really good daddy and I wouldn’t mind if he was my daddy. So, you guys should kiss.”

“I…you…Eli…you told him what?” she shrieked, her hands flying into the air and then the rest of her body followed as her skates slid out from under her and she fell back, flat on her back, on the ice.

“Mommy! Are you okay?” Eli gasped, eyes wide with fear.

She laid there dazed for a moment, blinking up at the ceiling. Whether from her son’s revelation or from hitting her head, Steve wasn’t sure but either way, he was concerned. He knelt down onto the ice, feeling the cold and damp deep through the knee of his pants as he peered down at her.

“Are you alright?” he asked. “Did you hit your head?”

“I…I don’t…oh my god…” she groaned, wincing, her hands coming under her as she struggled to sit up.

Steve offered his hand and she took it, accepting his assistance as he pulled her gently into a sitting position. Laying his hand on the back of her head, he pressed gently, feeling for any kind of knot and she hissed, her teeth clenching.

“Okay. Alright. I think you definitely hit your head. Come on. Let’s get you off the ice so I can look at it.”

“No. No. I’m fine, really,” she insisted. “You guys can keep skating. I’ll just go sit for a while.”

“Not happening. The boys wanted hot chocolate so I think they were about done anyway.” He squatted down on his skates in front of her. “Wrap your hands around my neck.” She hesitated, glancing over at their kids, but then she relented, probably because she knew she wasn’t getting up off the ice herself. He placed both hands under her arms and slowly stood, bringing her with him. “Keep a hold of my arm, okay?”

She nodded, wrapping both of her arms around his one and he skated slowly, leading her off of the ice and back to the bleachers. Aly sat down with a sigh, closing her eyes. Steve pulled out a few dollars and told the boys to go get some hot chocolate before kneeling down in front of her, starting to unlace her skates.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m helping you get these off. Unless you want to go home with ice skates on. But I can tell you, off the ice these things aren’t very practical.”

“I can take them off.”

Steve rolled his eyes at her. What she didn’t know was this was not his first time dealing with a stubborn woman. Nance had been a right pain in the ass when it came to allowing him to do anything for her, insisting she was a strong woman who could take care of herself. It was never about that. Him trying to be a gentleman was not him saying she was weak or that she needed him. It was simply him trying to be a good guy, the kind of guy who put his girl first, who took care of her.

“You hit your head. Maybe you don’t want to be leaning forward right now. I’m just trying to help.”

“I can take off my own skates.”

“Okay but you don’t have to. You could lean forward and get a sudden pain in your head or you could just sit there, stop being stubborn about it, and let me take off your skates.”

“This is ridiculous,” she huffed, folding her arms, her eyes purposely averted from him as he undid each skate, easing them off of her feet. “I’m going to go grab your shoes.”

“I am capable of walking,” Aly snapped, standing up. Gone was the soft smile, the warm eyes, replaced by a hard mouth and a cold shoulder. “See? Totally fine. Just…just go check on the boys. I will go get everyone’s stuff. We should probably get going anyway. The boys have school tomorrow and we don’t want them to get home too late.”

“Aly…” he began but she was already stomping away, leaving him wondering how in the hell he was ever going to come back from this.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

"I'm telling you, she couldn't get away from me fast enough, Robs," Steve sighed, grabbing a beer from the fridge before making his way out on the deck, phone tucked under his chin. "Maybe I've been reading this all wrong. Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see."

He sat down, twisted off the top, and took a long pull, wondering how he could have been so wrong. Either Aly was not interested in him at all or the boys had terrified her so badly that she'd gone practically mute on him. If it hadn't been for Eli and Jeremiah's incessant chatter from the backseat, the car ride home would have been as silent as a graveyard and just as depressing.

She had leaped out of the car as if the seat were on fire, mumbling a barely audible thanks before practically dragging Eli into the house behind her. Even Jeremiah had noticed, accusing him of doing something wrong, asking him what he did to make her mad. Those eyes, so like his mom's, had glared at him in the rearview mirror, angry that he was ruining what he'd thought had been a faultless plan. Steve claimed ignorance. He didn't have the heart to tell his son that if anyone had upset her, it had been them.

"Okay, let's backtrack here for a minute. What exactly happened right before she got all weird?"

"I told you, she fell on the ice."

"Okay but what about before that?"

Steve closed his eyes, picturing the way her face had looked just before the boys had interrupted them and bombarded them with their well-intentioned meddling. Her lips parted invitingly, eyes sparkling with what he had thought was the same desire he was feeling, her head tilting just so. All of it invited him in, giving him the impression that she wanted that kiss just as much as he did.

"The boys charged at us asking for hot chocolate," he muttered.

That wasn't exactly the whole story but he wasn't sure how much he wanted to share with Robin. He loved her but she could be just as intrusive as his son, thinking she knew what was best for him all of the time. If he told her about Jeremiah and Eli's wish, about the almost kiss, she would only push harder for him to pursue something and after Thursday he wasn't sure that was the best idea anymore.

Maybe it had been the almost kiss that had her so upset. Maybe she hadn't been ready to take that kind of a step. Maybe she never even wanted it in the first place. Had he seemed pushy? He didn't think he had. He'd even paused, said her name, waited for her to confirm she wanted it. The last thing he wanted to do was push her into something she wasn't ready for. No relationship would have a chance in hell if one person plunged in headfirst without being prepared for it. He didn't want to be some rebound, the guy who was her jumping board to moving on. She'd lost her husband and he still didn't know enough details about that to know if it was too soon or not. Maybe it had been him who'd upset her.

"Steve, come on. You are obviously leaving out details. Details that I desperately need if I have any hope of helping you with your sad excuse for a love life."

"Oh, don't get all co*cky. It's not like you have a girlfriend either. You have a crush you can't even manage to talk to outside of asking for extra caramel and whipped cream with your coffee. Which is not even coffee anymore by the time you're done with it. It's just a cup of sugar. You don't even drink coffee like a grown up. I'm not sure I should be taking advice from a child."

"Yeah, well I've never dated the same girl twice even though I knew it was a mistake and my best friend knew it was a mistake and tried to tell me. But I ignored my friend's advice and then married the girl, only to get divorced."

He tipped the beer bottle back, rolling his eyes and raising his middle finger even though she couldn't see him. Whatever. At least it made him feel better. Robin never hesitated to call him out on his sh*t. Which was probably a good thing because he needed someone to on occasion. Too bad he didn't listen to her when it mattered.

But no, he couldn't say that. He could never wish that he'd listened to Robin. He would never say that he regretted his relationship with Nancy. He wouldn't have Jeremiah if he hadn't been with Nancy. And no matter how it had ended, he had loved her. He still did. Maybe not the way one was supposed to love their wife and mother of their child, but he loved her. He wanted her to be happy. He was overjoyed that she'd found her person. He just wished he could find his too.

"Okay, fine, oh wise one. The boys apparently conspired behind our backs and came up with a plan. They think that since we're both alone we need somebody. So naturally, they think we should be together because to seven year old boys, that just seems like the simple answer. Eli told her that he thought I was a good dad and he would be okay with me being his dad. And then they could live together and Eli would have a dog. They have it all figured out, apparently. Instant family."

"Oh my god," snorted Robin. "They are totally trying to parent trap you. Jesus Christ, I love these kids so much."

"This is not funny, Robin."

"Oh please. This is so funny and it's sweet. It's like one of those gag worthy Hallmark movies that you love so much. Two little boys see their parents are all alone and want them to be happy and have someone. Jeremiah sees how happy Nance and Jonathan are and he wants that for his dad. And he's picked a woman that you obviously like anyway. What's so wrong with that?"

"What's wrong with that is I don't even know if Aly likes me back."

"So ask her!"

"So what? Do as you say and not as you do? I don't see you asking June if she likes you."

"I'm going to. I have a plan, a good plan," she stated. "I'm just working myself up to it, hammering out the details. Besides, we've been over this. It's not as easy for me as it is for you!"

"That's a total cop out and you know it. June was talking about her ex that one day and we both know she was referring to a woman. So, not knowing if she's into girls is a complete non issue. The only thing holding you back is your own cowardice."

"So says the guy who's whining because his son is brave enough to do what he can't!"

"Damn, Robs."

"Sorry. Too far?"

"Too far...but also not entirely untrue. I make bad decisions when it comes to women. You know I do. I don't exactly have a great track record, here, Robs. I jump into relationships way too fast and then I either scare them off or they fizzle and burn because they were the wrong girl to begin with. I don't want that to happen with her, Robin."

"Okay, I hear you. So, take it slow but taking it slow doesn't mean moving like you're in molasses. It doesn't mean you can't take her out for a coffee or dinner."

"I suck at taking it slow. I already almost kissed her for Christ's sake!"

Robin gasped and Steve winced, pulling the phone away from his ear and smacking it into his forehead. sh*t. He had not meant to say that. He should not have said that. That was specifically the one detail that he'd planned on leaving out about their failed evening ice skating. Now she'd never let this go.

"Wait! What!? How did you not lead with that information, Steve? That is the most important piece of this entire freaking thing! You almost kissed! Why didn't you?"

"Because the boys interrupted to ask for hot chocolate and they must have noticed something because Eli asked if we were going to kiss. You should have seen her face, Robin. She couldn't deny it fast enough. Then they started going on about us being together and living together and me being Eli's dad and it went downhill pretty damn quickly after that."

"But before that...I mean, when you were going to...did she seem like she wanted you to?"

"I thought so but what the hell do I know? I mean, her face looked like she did. Her lips were all parted and her head tilted. She gave me all the signs that a girl usually does. But then she was so cold after everything happened, like we were strangers. I used to be so good at this! Ugh. When did I become so bad with girls?"

"When you stopped being a douche."

"Seriously?" he sighed, setting the bottle down onto the table with a thunk. Yeah, Robin gave him a dose of reality but sometimes it was far beyond the recommended amount.

"You know I'm right. You weren't good with girls in high school, Steve. You were just lucky. You were popular and rich and you used that to your advantage. You didn't have to work to get the girls because the girls you got were the wrong ones. The ones who were only into you because of the big house you lived in, the fancy car you drove, and your royalty status at school. When you grew up and realized that's not what you wanted and that's not who you wanted to be, when you started searching for someone worth your time, things got harder. Because nothing worth having is ever easy. Is this girl worth having?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then it won't be easy. You might have to work harder than flashing those pearly whites and running your hand through those luscious locks, my friend. You're actually going to have to show her that you're worth it. She's been through a trauma, Steve. She lost the man she loved. She's probably terrified of opening up her heart like that again. And then the guilt. I mean, she has to be struggling. If she dates you, if she falls for you, is she betraying her husband? If she allows you into her son's life, is she erasing his father? And what if you two don't work out? Not only does she lose someone again but so does her son. I guarantee you that her heart and her head are at war with each other right now. It has to be absolutely impossible for her in her brain right now."

"Jesus...can one person really have all of that going on in their head?"

"Steve, just because you're a dingus who can only focus on one thing at a time does not mean we all are. Women are complicated, my friend. Maybe I'm giving you bad advice. With her, maybe you can't just be forward and tell her you like her. Maybe you can't just barge into her life and expect her to throw herself into your arms. You might just have to have to be in her life. Be there for her. Just hang out. Show her she can trust you. Be sly about it. Sneak under her radar and before she knows what's happening, she's in love with you. She won't know how it happened. It will just be true. Because while you might be a moron sometimes, you are an insanely good guy and it is inevitable that she will fall for you."

"You say that like it's certain. I tried to ask you out and you shot me down."

"Well, you happen to have an appendage hanging between your legs that, quite honestly, disgusts me. If you were a woman, then we could both be happy and in a relationship right now. We'd be perfect for each other if you'd just get rid of that thing."

Steve laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could always count on Robin to diffuse the tension, to ease his soul by saying the most inappropriate thing at the most inappropriate time. She had zero filter and no concept of whether something was better kept in her head or maybe she just didn't care. Either way, he was thankful for it at the moment.

And maybe she was right. Maybe Aly did like him but all of that other stuff was scaring her. If it was, there wasn't much he could do about it but show her that it would be okay, that she could trust him, that he would do right by her. Maybe he'd just give her a call and see if she and Eli wanted to do something this weekend. Keep it casual, like nothing had ever happened. Ignore the massive elephant just sitting in the middle of the room.

"Okay. Play the long game, right?"

"Yep, but not too long. I would like to see you happy before we're wearing dentures and adult diapers."

___________________________________________________________

"So, try to help me understand. You have a gorgeous guy who you swear is perfect who obviously wants you. The two of you almost kissed. Your kids are best friends. It couldn't be a more perfect situation and you ran from him and have been avoiding him because your kids see how perfect it is and want you to date? I mean, wasn't Eli part of your concern? That he wouldn't be okay seeing you with someone other than Justin? Shouldn't this be a good thing? He obviously likes Steve. He approves so what's stopping you?"

Aly dropped her head into her hands with a groan, wondering what was stopping her. When Eli had said that he thought Steve would be a good dad for him, it had sent her into a tailspin. What in the hell had Steve thought when he'd heard that? They weren't even dating. They barely even knew each other and her son was talking about him being his stepdad. It was insane. That was all she could think. It was insane and it was embarrassing and Steve had to be ready to run for the hills. What guy wanted to hear that he could step in as dad after hanging out with someone a few times?

And what about Justin? How could Eli be so ready to just insert someone into the place of dad in his life? Had she failed at trying to keep his memory alive for her son? Had she allowed her son to forget him enough that he was okay with some guy, some guy he barely knew, stepping in?

Or was it because she wasn't enough? Did Eli feel like something was missing from his life? No matter how hard she tried to be everything for him, was she failing as a single parent? Was she leaving him lacking, a puzzle missing a piece, a piece she could never be no matter how she tried to mold her edges?

"Janice, come on. It was humiliating," she whispered through clenched teeth. Eli was upstairs playing but it was not unusual for him to sneak up on her, silent feet racing down the stairs, him suddenly appearing at her side. "Here's this guy who is just being nice, being a good dad, trying to let his son hang out with his best friend. And then there's my kid trying to sign him up to be husband and dad."

"Okay, one, he's not just being nice. You told me he almost kissed you."

"Maybe." She threw her arms up. "I mean, it seemed like it. I thought so but I could have read everything wrong. He was helping me skate. Maybe I just...I don't know!"

Janice sighed, taking a sip of her coffee. "You didn't read it wrong. I don't care if his son and Eli are best friends. He wants to hang out with you. He could have just asked to take Eli skating but he didn't. He invited you along. He could have let you just drop Eli off for the sleepover but he invited you to stay for dinner. He didn't have to offer to bring dinner when Jeremiah came over here but he did. He likes you, Aly. You're just terrified to admit it. And as for what Eli said, why is it humiliating? Didn't you say his kid said basically the same to you?"

"No. It wasn't the same thing at all. Yeah, he said his dad was alone and he thought we could be together. But he didn't say he wanted me to be his mom."

"Honey, because he has a mom..." her friend said gently, reaching across the table, her hand covering Aly's.

She snatched it back angrily, "And Eli has a dad!"

Where was this anger coming from? She knew Janice meant well. She wasn't trying to act like Justin didn't exist but suddenly it felt like that was exactly what was happening. Like everybody was ready to just erase him from existence, to wipe the page clean, to pretend like he had never been there. Or maybe it felt like she was and what kind of person was she if he did that? What did that say about their relationship? She'd always said he was her soulmate but if he was then how could she be feeling so strongly for someone else? Wasn't that the very definition of a soulmate? One person meant for one other person? Nobody got two of them in one lifetime and if she fell for Steve, did that mean Justin hadn't been hers? The very thought made her want to retreat to her bedroom and curl up into the fetal position.

"Oh, Aly, that's not what I'm saying. I know Eli has a dad. Having Steve in your life would not change that. Justin will always be his dad. But his dad is not around. He doesn't get to see him. He's not there to play baseball with or to take him to the zoo or to teach him how to ice skate. Of course the kid would love the idea of a male figure in his life to fill that role and he sees Steve, a guy who's kind and who makes him feel involved and safe. It's natural for him to wish for that."

"I don't want him to forget Justin. He was so young when he..." She swallowed, unable to bring herself to say the word. The word that was so final, so irreparable, an ending she'd never wanted and still didn't want to accept. "I don't know how much he remembers. I fear eventually any memories he has will be gone."

"They won't because you keep Justin alive for him. Oh, Aly..." Releasing a long breath, Janice rose from her seat and came around to the one next to Aly. She sat down, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "You can't keep living with his ghost. A ghost can't love you. It can't comfort you. You have to drop those shackles of guilt and stop letting them drag you down. Justin's death was not your fault. It was tragic. It was awful. The two of you deserved your forever. Fate stole it from you but don't let it steal this chance you have at happiness."

"I don't even know if it's a chance at happiness," she muttered stubbornly.

But she did, didn't she? Steve was her chance at happiness all wrapped up in one hell of a pretty package. When she was with Steve, she felt a part of herself come alive that had been lying dormant, frozen, for years. He was slowly warming her, like the sun thawing the frozen ground in spring, bringing new life. He made her feel things that she didn't think she'd ever feel again. He was perfect. He was everything she would choose for herself, for her son, if given the chance. And maybe that was wrong. It felt like a betrayal to her late husband. Maybe she could deny it to everyone else but she couldn't deny it to herself.

"Really?" Janice questioned knowingly, one eyebrow lifted. "Because when you talk about him, it's written all over your face. This guy is the one, Aly. You said no one could get lucky enough to have two great loves in their life but maybe you do. Maybe this is fate's way of fixing its mistake. Seeing that it took happily ever after from someone who deserves it more than anything. So, it's trying to give it to you now. Don't be so scared that you miss it."

Aly groaned, her cheeks puffing out as she released a long, slow breath. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe fate was trying to show her something, blatantly shoving it in her face because she was putting on blinders, refusing to see it. No. That wasn't it. She was terrified to see it. Terrified that accepting it meant she was an awful person, that she was forgetting her time with Justin. Terrified to open her heart again to possibly have it shatter once again, to risk losing someone once again. Could she survive it? She didn't think so.

"sh*t," she hissed, looking at the clock, leaping up from the seat. "I'm sorry but this conversation has to get put on hold. I have to get to the PTO meeting. They're planning the school carnival and I said I would volunteer and I don't want to be left with the dunk tank again. You still good to watch Eli?"

"Of course," Janice laughed. "Isn't that what I came here for?"

"Thank you. I shouldn't be gone for more than an hour or so."

"I got it. No worries. Eli and I have an Operation rematch to attend to. I am going to take him down this time."

"Sure you will."

Aly grabbed her purse, calling Eli down for a quick kiss and a hug, reminding him to behave for Aunt Janice. He scrunched up his face when she ruffled his hair before racing back upstairs to his action figures. She darted out the door, racing for her car, not wanting to be late again. She could not do the dunk tank again. Last year she was practically an ice cube. That Laurie Streeter would not stick her with the worst job this time.

___________________________________________________________

A cacophony of noise burst forth as Steve opened the doors to the elementary library. It appeared as if every mom in Hawkins was in attendance. Some were already in seats, some were milling around the coffee and cookie station, some were standing against the wall. A group of baseball moms quickly looked his way and began whispering, probably about him and Aly. Those women could not keep their tongues from wagging when anything happened in this town.

Laurie gave him a little smile and a wave and he waved back, fighting the urge to flip her off, knowing she was probably talking sh*t about Aly with her little cadre of cattiness over there. He could not stand the way they looked down their noses at other people. Laurie had made her intentions with him rather clear but Steve had zero interest in someone who was so...well, the way he used to be in high school. Thinking they were above everybody else because of the clothes they wore, the cars they drove, and the money in their pockets.

He wouldn't even be here if it hadn't been for Nancy. She'd had to suffer through the carnival last year, spending hours painting kids' faces. She had made it clear that it was his turn and that if he wanted options, he'd better show up early or he would get stuck with the worst jobs that no one else wanted. So, here he was, in the middle of his worst nightmare, waiting to offer his services.

"Steve!"

The very sound of that voice was like nails raking down a chalkboard, sending unpleasant shivers straight down his spine. Of course she would be here. She couldn't pass up an opportunity to be right in the thick of things, to miss out on the latest gossip, which he was sure was about him and Aly. It didn't matter that nothing had happened between the two of them. Laurie heard him say he'd see her Saturday and a bunch of the moms had watched them walk off together after practice. Let the rumor mill start churning. They probably had them engaged already.

"Janet," he managed, teeth locking together as he slowly turned to face his ex.

"Didn't expect to see you here. Doesn't the ex-wife usually handle these kinds of things?"

"Well, she did it last year so it's only fair that I take a turn."

"Such a good dad!" she gushed, perfectly manicured fingers coming to her cheeks. "It's one of the things that made me fall so hard for you, you know. It's hard to find a guy who is so involved in his kid's life. And Sally just adored you. She was so disappointed when you vanished from our lives."

"Yeah, well, unfortunately sometimes things just don't work out."

"Or sometimes someone just gets scared of their feelings and runs away."

Those nails traced over his arm and he took a step back. He had to tread carefully with Janet. She saw what she wanted and the slightest wrong move would have her thinking she had a chance again. Yeah, he'd ran away, ran as far and as fast as he could because she was certifiable. She was a stage four clinger.

He should have known better when she would not stop touching him at dinner the first time they had gone out. She even slid her chair right next to his instead of sitting across from him. She called him that same night telling him she missed him already. There were so many red flags that he'd simply ignored because he enjoyed that someone liked him that much, wanted him that much. At least he had until two months in when she started insisting they move in together even though he told her he didn't want to rush into anything for Eli's sake. That turned into her constantly telling him they were meant to be together, that they were soulmates, that it didn't work out with their previous spouses because they were destined for each other.

When she kept turning up at his work, calling his phone and leaving angry messages when he didn't answer, and then showing up at Robin's place accusing her of having an affair with him, he knew he had to get out. She wasn't just clingy. She was bordering on the need for him to get a restraining order. He'd ended it right then but she'd clung for a while, crying on his voicemail, begging him to take her back. He'd ignored it until she finally stopped.

"That wasn't exactly what happened," he said carefully, knowing he needed to be gentle but firm so she got the message without becoming an emotional wreck. "Janet, you weren't the one for me. That was all. We tried but it didn't work out."

"But how hard did you really try? The minute I started talking about commitment you shut down on me, Steve. I wouldn't say that was trying. It sounds more like giving up. I know Nancy broke your heart but you know I would never do that."

"Nance didn't break my heart. Our split was a mutual decision."

"Of course it was," Janet cooed as if he were a wounded animal, reaching for his face but he stepped back once again. "So, who's right for you then, huh? Aly?"

"Excuse me?"

"You don't think I've heard all about you and that widow? It's all anyone in this town can talk about."

"Sounds like maybe people in this town need to get a hobby."

"What makes you think she's the one?"

"Janet, it's really none of your..."

He stopped, his attention diverted, as the very subject of their conversation came walking into the library. She hurried up the middle and slid into a seat as if she was trying not to be seen. Well, not that he could blame her if this town really was running their mouths about them. Aly brushed her hair back behind her ear, looking as if she wanted to be here even less than he did.

"I guess I'm just not important enough to keep your attention. I really don't see what you see in her. She's nothing special, Steve," huffed Janet, her arms folding over her chest as she sniffed dramatically.

Laurie Streeter banged the gavel down on the table up front, alerting the room that the meeting was about to begin and people started shuffling off to seats.

"Sorry, it's starting," he whispered, grateful for the reprieve from what was bound to turn into an even more uncomfortable conversation.

Steve grabbed a seat on the end, next to another dad, ensuring there was no space next to him for Janet to squeeze in. The room quieted down as Laurie cleared her throat, giving them a look that was a little too reminiscent of Ms. Click for Steve's liking.

"As you all know, the school carnival is coming up in two weeks. We have multiple stations where we are going to need assistance. We will need parents to sign up for shifts at the games and the concession stand. We will also need a few parents to sign up to donate baked goods for the cake walk and please, let's not phone it in this year. We would appreciate actual home baked goods, not something you picked up at the grocery store. We will also need volunteers to take cash as families come in and pass out wristbands. We will also have a face painting station again this year as well as craft space where children can make flower crowns and party hats. And we will be doing a raffle with baskets that some generous donors have provided to the school so we will need someone to run that as well. So, to keep things organized, I will run down the list and if I call out something you're interested in, simply raise your hand."

As Laurie began listing things, hands started flying up, parents eager to snatch up the better stuff. Ticket takers were quickly volunteered for, as well as the easier games such as duck pond, bean bag toss, and balloon darts. All a parent had to do was sit in a chair and say next at those games. Of course everyone wanted them. He kept his eyes trained on Aly, waiting to see what she would raise her hand for. When the dunk tank came up, no one's hands rose into the air.

"Okay, well then I'll just jot down Carrie's name for that one since she couldn't be bothered to join us. If you're not here to pick, then we pick for you. How about baked goods for the cake walk?"

Aly's hand shot up and Laurie pointed at her with a smile, jotting her name down. Steve raised his hand as well. Laurie's eyebrows lifted in surprise. Well, he was just as surprised as she was. What the hell was he doing? He'd never baked anything in his life. Well, not entirely true but the one time he'd tried to make Jere a birthday cake on his own, it had ended epically bad.

"Okay then," Laurie said, "I think we have the baked goods covered with six parents. How about the concession stand?"

Aly's hand rose up again and Steve instantly raised his hand. She glanced over at him, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. Well, he probably deserved that with raising his hand every single time she did. But he needed another in with her and if they were working on the same things for the school carnival, that would be a very easy reason to need to talk.

"Aly and Steve, of course," Laurie smirked, scratching their names onto what had to be her volunteer paper. She looked back up, eyebrows lifting, amusem*nt plain on her face. "Oh, and Janet? How lovely. Do we have one more person? That will allow you all to take shifts so you can enjoy the carnival with your children as well."

Steve breathed a sigh of relief when the dad next to him raised his hand. He was probably just looking for an easy volunteer assignment but he had no idea how much he'd just saved Steve's ass. Being stuck with Janet behind the concession counter was his version of a nightmare come to life. This way, he could convince this guy to share his shift with Janet and Steve could avoid her, instead enjoying his time with Aly and the boys, which had been his initial plan all along.

He sat, leg bouncing, hands running through his hair, anxious for the meeting to end so he could get a chance to talk to her. Finally, just when he thought Laurie would never shut up, she called the meeting to a close with another bang of her gavel, reminding everyone once again that the carnival was only two weeks away. As if any of them could forget. As if she wouldn't pester every single person in this room. The woman might not like to get her hands dirty but she loved nothing more than ordering people around.

Steve leapt to his feet, eyes scanning the room. Aly was weaving her way through the crowd in an attempt to get out quickly. He moved toward her, saying excuse me as he slid in between people who were gathering to chat once again. He saw Sarah stop her with a smile and Aly returned it. Sarah was one of the rare ones in this room. Happy marriage, genuinely kind, sweet to a fault. Steve could have kissed her for getting Aly to pause her race for the exit.

"Thank you again for giving us the name of that specialist for Jenny," he heard Sarah say as he approached the two women. "It's such a relief to know it's just allergies. Those allergy shots have worked wonders. Months of sinus infections that turned into hospital visits with pneumonia. We finally have a happy kid again. I really just can't thank you enough."

"No thanks necessary," Aly replied. "I was just doing my job and I am so pleased that Jenny is feeling better."

"She's been able to start dance lessons again. Trust me, that made her..." Sarah paused when she caught sight of Steve standing just behind Aly. "Oh, hi Steve."

"Hey Sarah."

Aly slowly turned and he tried to read her expression, to gauge how she was feeling. Was she shocked? Annoyed? Embarrassed? The way her skin went a little green, he wondered if she was about to be sick. Was she really that disgusted by the very sight of him after the ice skating incident? He knew it was a bit awkward but she looked like she'd just drank sour milk. Maybe Robin was wrong. Maybe this was a bad idea and he should have just let it go.

"Steve..." she said softly, her throat contracting as she swallowed hard.

"Aly, hey. I was just...well...I was hoping..." sh*t. He was stammering like a twelve year old boy trying to talk to a girl for the first time. But that's exactly how she made him feel, especially when she was looking at him as if he were the last person on the planet she'd ever want to see. "I was hoping maybe we could talk?"

"Oh. Ohhh," Sarah sighed with a smile, clearly thinking something was going on there that wasn't. "Okay. I'll just let you two talk. I need to find Mary anyway to talk about the decorations for the carnival. It was good talking to you, Aly. Thanks again."

"You too," she smiled, waving.

Sarah hurried off, leaving the two of them standing there awkwardly. Aly suddenly seemed very interested in her shoes, her eyes focused downward. Steve had no idea what to say. What had he even been thinking? He hadn't been. The only thought in his head had been trying to fix it but he'd never planned on how to fix it. Did he act like it had never happened or would it be better to address it?

"Could we...?" He gestured toward the door. The last thing he wanted to do was have this conversation around this group of vultures. Someone would inevitably overhear and then the rumor mill would have them married with a baby on the way come morning.

"Uhh, yeah. Okay."

Aly headed for the door and Steve followed, his hand moving toward the small of her back and then hovering in midair. Touching her might only make her uncomfortable right now which was the exact opposite of what he was trying to do. He maintained a safe distance, the two of them making their way to the parking lot.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" she asked, her eyes still refusing to look at him, now focused on the playground to the left of them instead of her footwear.

She was so damn beautiful. Steve's fingers itched to touch her face, to push that strand of hair that was falling over her forehead back into place, to pull her into his chest and make her feel safe. He wanted to be everything for her. He wanted to show her that he could be everything she needed. But Robin's words came back to him and he knew he couldn't. He couldn't rush her.

This wasn't like the other women he'd dated. This woman had lost everything. She'd lost her forever, her happy ending, the person she loved in a traumatic way that was far too soon. This wasn't something he was willing to risk screwing up because yeah, maybe he'd only known her a short time, but he already had a feeling that this could be something. Something important. Something huge. Something that could be forever and he didn't want to do anything to mess that up.

His fingers found their way into his hair again, "About the other night, you know, ice skating? I feel like maybe you got a little freaked out by what the boys were saying..."

She laughed, the sound hollow, "Weren't you?"

Steve shrugged, hoping he was saying the right thing, "Not really. I mean, they're kids. Everything in the world is so simple to them. They see two people who are alone and think it's as easy as just being together. It was innocent. It wasn't..."

"You weren't completely horrified when my son said he thought you could be a good dad to him?" she challenged and there was that urge to pull her close again as he heard her voice breaking. "I was mortified. I couldn't believe he said that to you."

"Horrified? No. He's a little kid. It was actually pretty sweet. I mean, I took it as a compliment that he likes me that much. Honestly, I think it's more about the fact that they love each other so much. They just think it would be cool because then they could be together all the time. And then Eli could have a dog. I don't even know if it's really about us at all. Were you...were you horrified?"

"I...I don't know," she groaned, her eyes slipping closed, a solitary tear illuminated in the streetlight. "I have no idea what I'm feeling. I just assumed that you would be scared off. What guy wants to hear some kid he just met tell him he wants him to be his dad? They already had us married, living together, being a family...and you don't even really know me."

"Aly, really, it's not a big deal. I didn't take it seriously so neither should you. It's just kids being kids. It doesn't have to affect us. It doesn't actually mean anything."

She winced and he wondered if he'd said the wrong thing. Damn. Had he given her the impression that he wasn't interested? Why was this so hard? He felt like he was walking a tightrope and if he teetered too much in either direction he was going to crash to the ground. He grasped for something to say, something to remedy whatever he'd just done wrong.

"So, uh..." His hand came to the back of his neck, rubbing the tension that was quickly gathering. "I stupidly raised my hand for baked goods and I don't actually know how to bake..."

Her eyes narrowed, "Then why would you volunteer?"

"Beats me," he laughed, shrugging. Her. She was the reason he'd volunteered but he couldn't exactly tell her that when he was trying to play things cool. "I think I blacked out a bit in there, actually. Nance did this last year and she told me I had to put myself on the sacrificial altar this year. I had no idea what I was doing. I just knew I needed to volunteer for something. But I tried to make a cake for Jere's birthday when he turned five. I mean, I bought a box mix. I figured it was foolproof but apparently not because this fool managed to completely mess it up. It wasn't even completely baked and then when I tried to bake it for longer it burned on the bottom but the top was still somehow soggy. It was awful. Dustin saved the day and ran and got a grocery store cake. Anyway, the point is, if I bake for this carnival, no one is going to want to participate in the cakewalk. So, I was hoping that maybe I could come over to your house and you could help me?"

She looked for a moment as if she was going to turn him down and his stomach twisted in knots. Maybe he'd already screwed this up. Maybe his chance was gone. But then she sighed, rolling her eyes, her lips curving into a smile that he just wanted to taste. God, he wanted to kiss her so badly.

"Alright. I plan on baking the Thursday before the carnival. I have the day off and it's going to be way easier with Eli off at school and out of my hair. He loves to help me bake but he is more hindrance which isn't usually a problem, but when I am making that much stuff, it would be. Would you be able to come over in the afternoon or do you have work?"

"I can always move things around if I need," he replied eagerly.

The boys at school, the two of them alone. They hadn't been alone without the boys ever, unless you counted the grocery store and he definitely didn't. Maybe he could finally get her to open up, to talk about her husband and what happened. Maybe he could get her to see that they could be good together if she'd be willing to take the chance.

"Okay, well then I guess I'll see you then."

"You know," he began, stepping toward her, "that's a long time to wait. I mean, for the boys. I know Jere won't want to go that long without seeing Eli. So, I was thinking, maybe, if you guys are free, we're having a cookout this Sunday at my place. Just a couple of my friends and us. I think Jere would really like it if Eli came."

"Your friends?" she asked with uncertainty, looking nervous.

"Yeah. My best friend Robs and Dustin, my adopted little brother. Nothing big. Just a couple of people."

"I don't know..."

"I'm telling you, they're the best. They are super easy to hang out with. They're going to love you."

Those eyes searched his, as if trying to figure out if he had an ulterior motive. He did. He definitely did. He did not want to go a week and a half without seeing her.

"Okay, we'll be there."

"Great," he grinned. "Three at my place."

"Alright. See you Sunday then," she said with a small smile and a shake of her head. "Good night Steve."

"Good night, Aly."

He opened her door for her, waving as she drove off. Maybe he hadn't screwed it all up. Maybe it was going to be okay. Maybe he still had a shot.

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

“Now, Eli, remember what we talked about?” Aly asked her son from the driver’s seat.

They were on their way over to Steve’s house for the cookout and she’d had to lay down some ground rules for her son before they’d left. She could not bear a repeat of the ice skating disaster, especially not in front of his friends. She could just imagine how horrified they would be for her with her son desperately trying to find her a man like she was some pathetic spinster who couldn’t manage to get one on her own.

She could. She absolutely could if she wanted to. She could if there were any decent options out there. Options that didn’t include guys who collected their toenail clippings like they were trading cards or who didn’t call their ex to ensure they drove by while they were at dinner because they were just using her to make them jealous.

But there were options, weren’t there? Steve was an option. Steve was an option that was perfect. She’d yet to find a flaw in him and it was beginning to frustrate her. Maybe that was why he wasn’t an option. How could she ever be good enough to compete with his perfection? Her entire body sagged with exhaustion at the mere thought of trying to be good enough for him.

“I know, mommy. No talking about marriage or dating.”

“And?”

“And definitely no telling Steve that I want him to be my dad.”

“Yes, exactly,” she nodded, smiling at her son in the mirror. But the face that greeted her did not smile. He looked absolutely miserable, deflated, as if she’d taken a needle and popped the balloon that was all his hopes and dreams. Aly felt like the worst mother ever.

Was it really so awful that Eli wanted a dad? Janice was right. He had a dad. Justin would always be his dad but Justin would never be able to be there for him. He wouldn’t be there to cheer him on at games. He wouldn’t be there to talk to him about dating. He wouldn’t be there to teach him how to shave. He wouldn’t watch him graduate high school or show him how to drive a car.

Of course her son wanted someone to step into those shoes. Of course he wanted someone who could be everything he was missing. It wasn’t awful that he wanted a man in his life but it was mortifying that he was asking some guy he barely knew to not only be his dad but to be her boyfriend. Hell, her husband, because those two were already planning out a wedding, moving in together, being a fully formed family. How could she get him to understand why it wasn’t okay to say those things without breaking his little heart?

“Listen, buddy…I know you want a dad. I know you see Jeremiah with Steve and you are seeing everything that you don’t have. I know how much you miss your dad and there’s nothing wrong with wishing you had that. And Steve is wonderful. I can see why you would choose him but the thing is, you can’t just choose someone. It doesn’t work like that and Steve barely knows us. You can enjoy spending time with him and hanging out with him. You can even love him but you can’t just ask someone to be your dad and you definitely can’t ask someone to be my husband. That has to be something that the grown ups decide.”

“So why aren’t you deciding it?”

“Eli, we barely know each other.”

“So? Jeremiah and I barely knew each other when we decided we were gonna be best friends. Don’t you like him?” her son stubbornly asked and damn, he looked so much like Justin. Justin used to get that exact look on his face when she was being a pain in the ass, which was quite often if she was honest.

“I do. I like Steve a lot.”

“So, why don’t you guys go on a date? You went on a date with those other guys and you said it was awful. But you didn’t know them. You already know Steve and you said he’s wonderful. Just go on a date and make the decision.”

Once again, she found herself wishing that life were as simple as her son seemed to think it was. But it wasn’t. Nothing about this was simple. She was a mess. She was the emotional equivalent of a town leveled by a tornado. She couldn’t get out of her head long enough to even allow herself to relax with Steve. How would she ever ask him out?

“I’m sorry, Eli. I’m sorry if Mommy hasn’t been doing a good enough job.”

“What do you mean?”

“I try. I try to be both for you. I know you’re missing out on something and I try to make up for it but I know I can never be everything your dad would have been for you. I’m sorry if you’re feeling like this because I haven’t done enough.”

“No, mommy. You’re the best mommy in the world. You read comics with me, we have backwards dinner, we build legos together. I don’t want Steve to be my daddy because you’re not enough. I want Steve to be my daddy because I think it would make you happy too. You’re the best mommy and you’re so sad sometimes. I hear you crying and it makes me really sad. I know it’s because you’re all alone. I just want you to be happy and when you’re with Steve you smile all the time. I think being a family with him and Jeremiah would make all of us happy.”

She blinked fast and furious against the tears, “Buddy, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You make me so happy. I’m not ever alone because I have you.”

“But you need a person. You always say daddy was your person. I know I make you happy but I think you need someone to be in love with like Belle and Beast or Aladdin and Jasmine. You take such good care of me. You should have someone to take care of you and Steve is a nice guy. I think he would take really good care of you.”

Aly slowed as she turned onto Steve’s street, releasing a slow breath. Her son wasn’t wrong. Steve would take amazing care of her. He would take amazing care of her son. She didn’t think he could ever be capable of anything less than amazing.

He was everything that authors wrote about in romance novels. He was the leading man in every romantic movie she’d ever watched. He was the guy you imagined in your dreams when you were a little girl, picturing the guy you would marry, your soulmate, your person. He was fiction come to life, the very definition of flawless. And she just kept getting in her own way, terrified to move forward, scared of what that could mean, of the power that would give him, knowing she couldn’t survive another loss.

Maybe Janice was right. Maybe her son was right. Maybe she needed to take that step, to stop being frozen in time and finally start moving forward. Maybe she needed to stop being petrified of what could happen in the future and just enjoy the moment, now, while she had it. Maybe she needed to stop living with a ghost, a ghost who wasn’t there anymore, a ghost who couldn’t love her. Maybe Justin would want her to be happy, would want their son to have someone in his life. Of course he’d rather it be him, but if it couldn’t be, she had to believe that he wouldn’t want them to be all alone. He would want to know they were taken care of.

“You know what? How about we let this one play out on its own and see what happens?” she asked her son, turning to him as she parked the car in the drive. “We don’t even know if Steve likes me or would want to go on a date with me. You never know what could happen but you can’t force it to happen, okay?”

There it was. There was that bright light shining in her son’s eyes that she loved so much. There was that hope that everything was going to be okay. No, not hope, belief. His little seven year old self just believed that everything would work out and she envied him for that, wishing it could be so easy for her. He nodded eagerly at her with a big toothy grin but there was something a little mischievous in his expression that left her a bit uneasy. Had he heard all her words or, like usual, had he only heard the parts he wanted to listen to?

“Eli…” she began but then her door was being wrenched open and a voice was screeching in her ear.

“Oh my god! Steve said you were coming but I didn’t believe him and now you’re here and I finally get to meet you! I am so excited!”

A blur of dark blond hair, white teeth, and flailing arms grabbed onto her, pulling her from the car and into a bone crushing hug. Aly gasped for breath, her brain racing to catch up to whatever the hell was happening right now. Who was this person and why were they so excited to see her?

“Robin! Jesus Christ…”

Steve’s irritated voice rang over the squeals in her ear and then the girl’s body was being pulled away from her. Aly blinked, dazed from her crazed welcome, to find Steve pinching the bridge of his nose. He sighed deeply, shaking his head.

“I’m so sorry about that. She’s like a tidal wave that’s just crashing over you before you can even run and then suddenly you’re drowning. She’s been bouncing around my kitchen, watching out the window for the two of you to get here.”

Aly glanced from Steve to Robin who was clicking her fingers together, bouncing on her toes, a huge grin separating her face in two. So, this was the best friend. It came back to her now that she could get proper oxygen to her brain once again.

She was pretty, the kind of pretty that just was without even trying very hard. Dark blond waves fell down to her shoulders. Deep blue eyes sat atop a perky nose that was splattered with freckles that continued along her cheeks. She wore a black tee with cargo pants and tennis shoes. She had minimal make-up on, just a touch of mascara and lip gloss and Aly found herself deeply grateful to have found a kindred spirit that was in Steve’s life, someone who didn’t paint her face fully before heading out into the world.

“So, you’re Robin, I take it,” she said, offering her hand. “It’s so good to meet you. Steve’s told me about you.”

“Oh, I have heard sooooo much about you!” Robin laughed, taking her hand and pulling her into another hug. “I practically feel like we’re already best friends. Steve talks about you non-stop.”

“Robin!” Steve hissed.

“Whatever.” She waved her hand with a roll of her eyes. “He does. Of course he tells me everything. That’s the perks that come with being best friends. There is nothing I don’t know about Steve. I mean, absolutely nothing.” She started laughing, finally releasing Aly as she took a step back, her hands flailing wildly. “Like, did you know that when he was a baby he crawled backwards? I mean, like this.” She placed her hands in front of her, pantomiming a backwards crawl. “Isn’t that hysterical? Who crawls like that? Until he went backwards down some steps and conked his head. Oh! And one time, we had a blood drive at our high school and Steve went. He was being all co*cky, thinking he didn’t need the cookie and juice. He was a man and could handle a little blood being taken, right? Until he passed out in the boy’s bathroom and had to get six stitches in his head from where he hit it on the urinal. Gross, right? Oh! And this one time…”

“Robin, seriously,” Steve groaned, holding up his hands. “Please stop.” He turned to Aly, eyes rolling upward, an annoyed smile tensing his face.

“Fine,” his best friend huffed, folding her arms but then she leaned into Aly with a grin. “But if you want to know the best stories about Steve, you know where to go.”

“Best stories about Steve?” came another voice as a short, curly haired guy appeared on the front porch. “Oh, I definitely have a few of those. Remember when Billy Hargrove pantsed you in front of the whole school? That was pretty humiliating.”

Aly choked back a laugh, looking apologetically at Steve when he shot her an annoyed look. She shrugged, pressing her lips together hard. Okay, nobody wanted to get pantsed but he was the popular guy, the guy the girls all wanted. How bad could it be?

“I mean, it’s embarrassing but it can’t have been that bad,” she said sympathetically.

“Oh, it was that bad. Our boy decided to go commando that day. The whole school got a first eye look at his twig and berries.”

“Why in the hell were you going commando?” she asked, snorting.

“I didn’t have any clean underwear, okay? My parents were out of town and the maid wasn’t coming for another two days and I didn’t know how to do laundry. I had no other choice.”

Aly’s eyebrows lifted, “You didn’t know how to do a load of laundry when you were in high school?”

“Are you kidding?” the new guy chortled, bounding down the steps and approaching Steve, propping his elbow up on his shoulder. “King Steve? Mr. Richie Rich? He had people to do that kind of sh*t for him. Why would he ever get his hands dirty like that?”

“You know, who needs enemies when I have friends like the two of you?” Steve cringed, roughly raising his shoulder to knock his friend’s elbow off. “Do you find amusem*nt in humiliating me as much as humanly possible?”

The curly headed guy shrugged with a grin so wide, she could see all of his teeth. Even his eyes joined in, squinting into slits, the smile taking up his whole face. He was adorable. He might be grown but there was something so boyish about his features that just made him precious and darling, like Eli when he gave her those big eyes and that sad face. She could see this guy getting whatever he wanted because that face would be hard to refuse.

“It is a constant source of pleasure in my life, Steve. So, thank you for that.” He stuck his hand out to her. “Dustin.”

“Aly,” she replied, giving his hand a quick shake. “I’ve heard all about you too. The unofficially adopted little brother, right?”

Dustin laughed, “I guess. More like I got stuck with this guy because my mom decided he would be a good role model for me. She signed him up as a babysitter even though I was way too old and far too smart to require one.”

“Mommy, can I go inside and find Jeremiah?” Eli asked, hands pulling at the hem of her top. He was obviously not finding this conversation very interesting.

“Yeah, kid. He’s out back with Miles in the sandbox. I’m sure he’s just waiting for you. It’s all he’s been talking about since he woke up this morning,” Steve answered. “Go on through.” Folding his arms, he rolled his eyes toward her. “Jere loves when Miles ‘plays’...,” he made air quotes around the word, “in the sandbox with him. Really, the big oaf just digs and then sprinkles sand all over my house.”

Another car pulled in the drive and Aly turned in interest. Steve hadn’t mentioned anyone else being here for the cookout. A boy with a fade stepped out from the driver’s seat and a girl with long red hair emerged from the other side. The back door opened and a boy with a prominent nose and jet black hair appeared, holding the hand of another girl with shoulder length light brown hair. Apparently, this was a bigger gathering than he’d originally told her.

“You made it!” Steve called out, approaching the newcomers.

The boy with shaggy hair was getting into the trunk, “Yeah. We were just waiting on Lucas.” He rolled his eyes toward the boy.

“Sorry that I had work to do, Mike,” Lucas muttered. “You know, it’s tax season. It’s not my fault that so many people always wait until the last possible minute to take care of it.”

“Well, Max is working on a new case and yet she still managed to be ready on time,” Mike shot back.

“Yeah but it’s barely begun. I have the first meeting with the client to talk legal strategy and next steps this week. Besides, it’s easy to have lots of time when you’re working from home, right Mike? How’s that novel coming along?” the red head challenged.

“It’s coming! I got another seven hundred words written yesterday. You know, writing a novel is not as simple as you all seem to think it is. There’s a lot of research that goes into it.”

“Research? Into a fantasy book based off your DnD adventures?” Steve laughed. “What are you researching? How to still be cool when you’re a massive nerd?”

“Hey, my Mike is very cool,” the girl who’d been in the back with him stated in defense.

“Thanks El. I have to research mythology, folklore, history. It’s not just all make-believe. Some of this is based on legends that have been passed down through generations. I also have to research weaponry and battle tactics. It’s not just as simple as sitting down and typing.”

“Okay, okay,” Lucas chuckled, holding up his hands. “You know we’re just messing with you, man. We’re all going to be celebrating right along with you when you become the next great author.”

“Yeah,” Robin piped in. “We’ll throw you a party with balloons and everything.”

“You guys are jerks,” Mike muttered but there was just a hint of a smile on his face as he said it, letting Aly know that they were all just messing around.

“So, you must be Aly,” Max said, stepping into her, offering her hand which she took in another handshake. Did everyone here already know who she was? “Sorry about that. Quite a way to meet all of us. But in case you missed it, I’m Max. That’s my husband, Lucas. That’s Mike and his wife El.”

“Nice to meet you.”

The new foursome looked to be about the same age as Dustin. Had Steve babysat all of these guys? There were hugs all around and then Dustin was helping Mike haul in what looked to be dishes for the cookout. That reminded her and she opened the back door, pulling out a foil covered tray.

“Oh, you didn’t need to bring anything,” Steve commented.

“I wanted to. I mean, isn’t it customary when you’re invited to a cookout to bring something?”

“What did you bring?” asked Robin eagerly.

“I baked some lemon bars,” answered Aly with a shrug. “Nothing fancy but they’re Eli’s favorite.”

“Ohh! Yummy. I love lemon. It’s just such a fun flavor, you know? It makes me think of sunny summer days or really clean stuff. My mom loved lemon Pledge when I was a kid and after she cleaned the house, the whole place smelled like lemon.”

“Alright Robin, how about we all head inside?” Steve offered with an amused snort. They all made their way toward the house and Steve hung back, walking alongside her. “Sorry about all of this. My friends can be a bit…well, much when you first meet them.”

“I think they’re wonderful,” she assured him with a smile. “Seriously. I love how close you all are.”

“How do you know we’re close when all you saw was us picking on Mike?”

“Oh, the way you all just banter back and forth. But it’s just that, innocent teasing. To a casual observer it may appear that you all annoy each other but you really only pick apart the ones you love the most. And you all do it with a smile. I can just tell.”

“Have excellent skills of observation, do you?” he asked, those hazel eyes soft like the caramel in the middle of a chocolate.

“I like to think so.”

“Okay.” His hand fell on her arm, stopping her just outside the door as the others went in, leaving the two of them on the porch. “So, tell me oh keen observer, what do you notice about me?”

Aly paused, her heart fluttering in her chest because she noticed everything about him. She noticed the way his hand always ran through his hair when he was nervous. She noticed how his eyes couldn’t just be described as hazel, how they shifted like a mood ring, sometimes more gold or more green or more brown. She noticed how soft his face went whenever he spoke about his son. She noticed how calloused his fingers were from his time spent doing manual labor. She wasn’t sure there was anything she hadn’t noticed about him. He had completely consumed her thoughts ever since that moment he turned around at the ball field.

“Okay. You’re a hopeless romantic even though things didn’t turn out right for you. You haven’t let it jade you. You still believe that you’ll find your happily ever after. You know the divorce was the right thing but you worry sometimes that it is going to affect Jeremiah in some long lasting way. Your parents never divorced and you think they should have because their dysfunctional relationship had an awful impact on you. But you can’t help wondering if you’re doomed to screw up with your son because you never had a role model to show you how to do it correctly. Neither of those things should you worry about by the way because I have also noticed that you are an amazing dad. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for your son and he is one of the happiest, most well-adjusted kids I have ever seen. You are giving, almost to a fault. You would bleed yourself dry for the people you care about until you had nothing left. You don’t ever stop to take care of yourself because you’re too worried about other people. And you are absolutely infuriating because you don’t seem to have a flaw. You just seem to be about as perfect as a guy can be.”

She inhaled a deep breath, watching his face, wondering if she’d said too much. She hoped she hadn’t offended him in any way. None of what she said was meant to be an insult. She thought everything about him was commendable. He’d had a tough childhood but he hadn’t let it turn him bitter. His marriage had failed but he still had hope that he could find his person and that was beautiful. To still have hope in the face of defeat was a lovely thing and something a lot of people couldn’t hold onto once life had knocked them down a couple times.

His lips pursed into a tight smile, his eyes looking off to the side before coming back to her, “Trust me, I’m not perfect. I mean, you’re not wrong about anything you said except for that. Anyone in that house right now would be happy to list my many flaws for you if you asked.”

“Like what?” she challenged because so far, she hadn’t been able to find a single one.

“Well, I can be really overprotective. Robin and Dustin get very annoyed when I meddle in their lives.”

“That just means you care a lot and you want what’s best for the people you love,” she shrugged. “Sorry, not really a flaw. Try again.”

“I’m really insecure,” he stated. “I’m always questioning everything I do. I didn’t used to be that way. I used to be arrogant as hell. I never doubted myself but now I doubt myself all the time. I doubt myself as a parent. I definitely doubt myself with women.”

“That just means you’re open to learning and being better. None of us have it all down. You think I don’t doubt myself as a parent on a daily basis? We all do. And dating? Forget it. I haven’t dated anyone since before Justin. I have no idea what I’m doing. We’re all just learning as we go and trying to be the best versions of ourselves we can be. Not a flaw, Steve. It just means you’re human.”

“Okay, well, how about the fact that I married the wrong girl and stayed with her for way too long?”

“You’re loyal,” shrugged Aly. “Maybe to a fault but you tried. You tried everything you could to make it work because that’s who you are. You didn’t want to let her down. You didn’t want to just walk away and give up. You still care about her and have a good relationship with her. Do you know how incredible that is? That you saw the mistake, recognized it, rectified it, and then did what was right by your son?”

“You know, you’re going to give me an ego problem. I already had one of those. It didn’t end well for me. I work really hard to stay humble and that could prove difficult when you’re telling me I’m perfect.”

“You, Steve Harrington, are perfectly imperfect. You recognize your weaknesses, you work hard to be better, and you do everything in your power to make sure the people you love are happy. Even I will admit no one is perfect but you’re pretty damn close.”

“You think so?” The words barely a whisper as he leaned into her, his lips a breath away from hers. “Because I think…”

“What the hell are you two doing out here?” Dustin huffed as he threw open the door again. “I thought we were all here for a cookout.”

Steve’s eyes rolled, his head falling back and Aly had the distinct impression that he was annoyed they’d been interrupted. She couldn’t say she didn’t feel the same way. Her lips tingled, yearning for something that hadn’t happened. She was pretty sure he’d come really close to kissing her again but the universe didn’t seem to want it to happen, regardless of what she wanted.

____________________________________________________________

“Men never really grow up, do they?” Robin mused from her spot in the chair next to Aly.

They were sitting on Steve’s deck, relaxing with a glass of wine after a dinner of barbecued chicken, corn on the cob, grilled red potatoes, and a salad. It was delicious. The chicken had been just blackened enough without being burnt, the barbecue sauce caramelizing delectably. Steve was definitely a good cook, just one more little check on the perfection side for him while the opposite side sat blank.

“Not really,” laughed Aly, watching as Mike, Dustin, and Jeremiah chased Steve, Lucas, and Eli, all of them armed with Nerf guns, Miles bounding behind them all as if he didn’t know which team he belonged to but he wanted to be a part of it. “My husband…Justin, he was just a big child at heart. The Christmas after Eli was born he bought him three lego sets for Christmas. I commented how silly it was because he was only nine months old. But he really bought them for himself. It gave him an excuse to get the toys so he could play with them and build them.”

“Lucas is like a baby,” Max chimed in. “He whines if I don’t give him enough attention. Seriously, you should have seen him a few months ago. I had this big case, a woman accused of murdering her husband. I was working really long hours and he would whine about how he was missing his Max time.”

“That’s sweet though,” Aly told her, taking a sip of her wine, the bubbles dancing pleasantly along her tongue. “He missed you.”

“It’s annoying,” Max snorted, but then her face softened as she rolled her eyes. “But yeah, he is pretty sweet. I guess I’ll keep him for a while.”

“How about Mike?” asked Aly, leaning forward toward El.

“Oh, Mike is definitely a manchild. He plays video games all the time and his friends still come over to play DnD. I kind of thought he would grow out of it but he hasn’t. They still have DnD night every single Thursday.” She shrugged, grabbing an olive from the bowl on the table and popping it in her mouth. Leaning back, she tucked her legs underneath her. “But it works out because then Max and I have girls night every week.”

“I love girls night. My friend, Janice, and I try to do them every once in a while but that’s been harder since…” Aly broke off, unsure if any of them knew about what had happened to Justin.

“Since your husband passed?” asked Robin gently, her hand coming to rest on Aly’s arm. “Jeremiah told Steve that Eli’s dad went to heaven. I’m so sorry. That had to be awful for you.”

“It was. It…wasn’t expected. He wasn’t sick or anything. He was a Marine. He was stationed in Somalia for a humanitarian mission. It was supposed to be peaceful. He said it was nothing to worry about because they were only going over there to help. There was no fighting. He wasn’t supposed to…” She ran a hand over her mouth, willing herself to keep it together in front of these people she’d only met a couple hours ago. “Anyway, I don’t know all of the details. Of course not. I’m not a soldier so I’m not allowed to. But there was some civil strife, locals who didn’t like American involvement, and he was caught in the crossfire.”

“Jesus,” Max whispered. “How long ago?”

“It’s been a little over two years now. Eli was five when it happened. They send people to your door to deliver the news.” She cleared her throat, eyes scanning the sky, emotions raging to get through that she was battling back with everything she had. “Two people in uniform knock on your door and trust me, when you’re married to someone in the military, you know what that means. They show up and send a wrecking ball straight through the middle of your life. He…he was sent home and we were able to have a funeral. I was told I should consider myself lucky because some people only get to bury an empty coffin or…pieces.”

“Oh my god,” gasped El, her hand covering her mouth.

“I couldn’t find any luck in what had happened. I was left a widow, a single mother…alone. My son was left fatherless. I went into a dark place for a while and if it hadn't been for my friend, Janice, I don’t know if I would have made it out of the other side. That little boy right there…” She pointed to Eli, tears glistening in her eyes. “He’s the only thing that really forced me to keep going. I knew he needed me.” Her palms pressed into her eyes, pressing the tears down and away. She took a long drink of her wine before releasing a forced laugh. “Anyway, what a horribly depressing topic of conversation. Let’s talk about someone else, please. El! Mike is writing a book? That has to be exciting.”

“I don’t know if exciting is the word. He’s been working on it for the past five years,” she groaned. “He works part-time at the local bookstore but if it weren’t for my job, we wouldn’t be able to pay the bills. I want to support him. I know this book means a lot to him but I did not think it would take up this much time in our lives.”

“Why hasn’t he sent it out yet?” asked Robin. “Hasn’t he had it finished for a year?”

“He says he’s still polishing it. Honestly, I think he can’t get out of his own head. I think he’s scared to send it because he’s scared of getting rejected.”

Aly leaned forward to set her empty wineglass on the table, “I get that. Rejection is terrifying and he will probably get a lot of them. Most authors don’t sell their books to the first person they send it to. Some of them get a hundred rejections before they find the publisher who is willing to take a chance on them. But he’s never going to know if he doesn’t take the leap. Have you talked to him about it?”

“Kind of.” She cringed, shaking her head. “Not really. I want to support him, you know. I don’t want to push him but I’m really tired of having to work all the overtime I can just to keep us afloat. I feel like I’m paddling a sinking boat while he’s just sitting in the back trying to enjoy the ride.”

“Then tell him that. You shouldn’t be the only one supporting you two. You supported him while he worked on his dream. It’s done now so he needs to bite the bullet and see what happens. And in the meantime, he needs to start working more hours to help out. You can tell him how you’re feeling without bashing him and you can still support him while expecting him to do his part too.”

El smiled, “Thanks. You’re pretty smart about relationship stuff.”

“Well, I was married for eight years. I don’t know. I always found open communication was the way to go. Men are not mind readers. They cannot begin to fathom the amount of emotions or thoughts that race through us every single day. When I just told Justin what I was thinking or how I was feeling, he always tried to do what he could. Hiding your feelings isn’t going to help anything. Just put it out there. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Robin smirked, “Well, in that case, let me send some honesty your way.” Leaning in, she propped her elbows on her knees, wineglass held between both of her hands. “That guy over there?” Her eyes flitted to where Steve was lifting Eli over his head as the boy giggled. “He may be a dingus but you’d be hard pressed to find a better guy than him.”

“I never said Steve wasn’t a good guy,” Aly stated, her stomach twisting, wondering where this was going.

“I know. But he likes you. I mean, he really likes you and he’s too much of a chicken sh*t to say it so I’m going to say it for him. Because that guy, he deserves the world. He deserves everything good and wonderful. He deserves true love, happy endings, and all that romantic sh*t. And meeting you, I can see why he likes you.”

“I don’t understand. I mean, we’ve been hanging out but only because Eli and Jeremiah are friends and they want to spend time together.”

Max snorted into her wine, “You really think he’s been hanging out with you just so the boys can spend time together? Please. Steve wears his heart on his sleeve, okay? He’s been inviting you to everything because he wants to see you.”

“When he talks about you, his face gets all glowy,” El grinned. “He definitely likes you. And Steve, well he’s not had the best luck when it comes to women.”

“Because he picks wrong,” Robin added, “but this time, I don’t think he has. Now, I know you have a complicated past and I don’t know where you’re at as far as being ready for something serious. And I like you. I really like you. I think you’d be great for him but please, don’t start anything with him if you’re not ready to be all in. Because that man has been through more than his fair share of heartbreak and I don’t know that I can stand to watch him go through it again.”

“Yeah, the whole divorce with Nance really f*cked with his head,” Max sighed. “It made him question everything, knowing that he’d tried to stick it out for so long with someone who was wrong for him. Then his choices after that were just all bad. He’s lost a lot of confidence. That King Steve swagger has been long gone for a while. The last girl was super clingy and asked him to move in after only a few months.”

“Oh! Janet. She was, like, creepy stalker obsessed,” El exclaimed. “She still asks me about him all the time when she comes into the grocery store. She is super convinced they’re soulmates. I’m telling you, that woman is not right.”

“No, she’s not but my point is, just don’t make him your rebound guy, okay?” Robin requested, bringing the conversation back on point. “He deserves so much more than that. And I haven’t seen him look like this when he’s talking about a girl in…” She paused, lips pursing. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look like this. So, you’re obviously special to him and because of that, I think you have the capacity to absolutely shatter him. Just make sure you’re ready before you dive into anything.”

“I…uh…yeah, obviously,” Aly stammered, a flash of heat, like standing in front of an oven, suddenly racing over her body. sh*t. She was about to have an anxiety attack right here in front of all these people. “We’re not even…I wouldn’t…I…you know what? I need to use the bathroom. I…”

“Are you okay?” asked El, concerned.

“Fine. I just…I’ll be back…”

Aly stumbled through the house, past the kitchen, the living room, and finally into the bathroom. Her hands pressed against the door, pushing firmly, trying to focus on the feel of the wood underneath her skin. Dampness clung to her skin as she looked around frantically, focusing on the pattern in the backsplash above the sink, blues swirling with greens. Her hand reached for the faucet, turning it on, closing her eyes, allowing the sound of the water running to clear her head. She wiggled her fingers, pressed her middle finger and thumb together, feeling the pressure as she felt her muscles relax, the breathing slow, her heart rate come down.

“Jesus Christ, Aly, get it together,” she muttered to herself.

What was she doing? What was she thinking? Even his friends thought this was a bad idea. She couldn’t tell Steve that she liked him. What if she hurt him? What if she was so broken that she couldn’t give him what he needed? What if she thought she was sure but she wasn’t and then it all went wrong? No one could be certain of anything. Nothing was guaranteed in life. She knew that better than anybody.

Cupping her hands, she collected water and splashed it onto her face to cool her body. Opening her eyes, she jolted when she caught sight of herself in the mirror, rivers of black running down both cheeks. Grabbing onto Steve’s hand towel, she ran it under her eyes.

“sh*t! Oh my god!”

The towel was cream and now it was covered in streaks of her mascara. Her eyes darted around the bathroom. For what, she had no idea. She stuck the towel under the water, attempting to rub at the streaks with her fingers but that only made it worse. Now they weren’t just streaks but massive black blobs covering the fabric.

“Aly,” came Steve’s voice from the other side of the door and she jumped, knocking the toothbrush holder into the sink.

“Jesus!” she yelped, picking it up, placing it back.

“Are you alright in there?”

“I’m fine! I’m fine. I just…I…”

With a groan, she unlocked the door and pulled it open, holding his towel out to him. He looked down at it and then back up at her, obviously confused as to why she was offering him a soaking wet towel and she burst into tears.

“I’m sorry. I was…I was hot and I just wanted to wet my face but then my mascara ran and I didn’t know and I wiped my face on your towel and then it got on it and I tried to wash it out but I only made it worse and now your towel is ruined and I’m a mess and I…”

“Whoa. Whoa,” he said softly and then he was taking the towel and he was holding her. One hand cupping the back of her head, the other on the middle of her back. His thumb ran soothingly up and down the back of her neck and her eyes slipped closed, sinking into the feeling of being held, being taken care of. “It’s just a towel, Aly. I don’t care about a towel. I care about you. Are you alright, honey?”

He wanted to know if she was okay. He cared about her. And did he just call her honey? Was he kidding right now? Did he have to make it even harder to walk away from the possibility of him? All she wanted to do was curl up in his arms and allow him to carry it for a while. All the pain, all the exhaustion, all the uncertainty. Just let someone else ease her burden for a bit but that wasn’t fair to him. His friends had made it clear to her that she was the last thing he needed in his life. She would only bring complications.

Steve deserved someone who could give them their whole heart and she couldn’t. She wasn’t even sure she had any to give. Justin had taken so much of it with him and all she had left was for her son. This man was too good to only get pieces and that was all she could offer.

“I’m fine,” she assured him, placing her hands against his chest, pushing back gently. “I’m good, really.” She wiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands, trying to laugh it off. “I don’t know. Just an emotional day. It happens to me sometimes.”

“You sure?” Those eyes. She felt like those eyes could see her in a way no one else had. When Steve looked at her it felt as if he could read right down to her very soul. “The girls said you looked like you might be having an anxiety attack or something. They were worried, wanted me to come in and check on you.”

“I was.” Sometimes honesty was the best policy. Maybe if he knew how entirely messed up she was, he wouldn’t be so interested anymore. “It happens, since my husband…I see a therapist and I have tools for it. I know what to do. I’m fine now. I’m just sorry I made everybody worry and destroyed your towel. I can buy you a new one.”

“f*ck the towel, seriously,” he scoffed. “I was just worried about you. Is there anything I can do?”

“No. Thanks for checking on me but really, I’m fine.” Aly put on the best smile she could muster, holding her hands out to the side. “See? All good now. We should really get back to the fun, yeah?”

“I don’t know how much fun is happening. Mike just busted out the cornhole boards…”

“Cornhole!?” she exclaimed, probably a little too excitedly. “I love cornhole! Let’s go!”

“You love cornhole?” Steve questioned as if questioning her sanity.

“Of course. What midwesterner doesn’t love a good game of cornhole?”

“I mean…me? It’s okay, I guess.”

“Oh what? Not challenging enough for Mr. I played every sport imaginable? It doesn’t quite have the excitement of shooting a ball into a net or hearing that crack when the bat hits the ball?”

“Not really. I mean, yeah, I like to win but…Aly, I actually wanted to ask you…”

“Later! Cornhole!”

No. Nope. She was not giving him the opportunity to ask her anything. She turned, hurrying through the house as he rushed behind her. Sliding the glass door open, she stepped onto the deck, greeting everyone’s worried face with a bright smile. She was fine. This was fine. Everything was going to be fine.

“Hey, we were worried when you ran off like that,” Max said, eyebrows knitting together. “You okay?”

“Did you get attacked, mommy?” asked Eli.

“Attacked? Who’s attacking her in Steve’s house?” asked Mike.

Dustin shrugged, “You never know. Steve, did you attack Aly?”

“What? No. Obviously I didn’t attack Aly!”

“I didn’t get attacked,” she sighed.

“Then why would Eli ask if someone attacked you? Do you get attacked often?” questioned Max.

“My mommy’s feelings attack her,” Eli explained. Oh, sweet, sweet boy, but she really wished he’d stop talking. “Her heart goes super fast and she can’t breathe and she has to look at stuff and listen to stuff.”

Mike frowned. “Her feelings attack her?”

“It’s an anxiety attack, dingus,” Robin huffed, smacking him in the chest.

“Ow!” Mike protested, rubbing his shirt. “That hurt. Excuse me for not knowing what that meant. I pictured a bunch of emotions chasing her down and beating her with a stick.”

“Oh…we should add something like that to one of our campaigns,” Dustin grinned. “Imagine, you drink a potion or have a spell cast on you that sends your emotions outside of your body. It gives them corporeal form and they start attacking and you have to figure out how to battle them back or…no! You have to figure out how to control them to make them go away. Oh, that’s some existential sh*t right there.”

“Dustin!” Lucas shouted. “Maybe not the time. She’s clearly having a breakdown.”

“I am not breaking down. I’m fine,” protested Aly.

“Isn’t that what an anxiety attack is? Should we call an ambulance? Are you like completely losing it?”

“Jesus Christ,” growled Robin. “She’s obviously okay now. An anxiety attack is not a complete mental break you idiots. It’s something that happens in response to stressors around you. Your heart pounds, you get dizzy, you shake, you get hot.” She stopped, turning to Aly. “Wait. It happened right after we…” Robin’s eyes moved from Max to El and then back to her. “Oh sh*t. Did we cause…what we said…is this our fault?”

“What? No!” This was the last thing she needed. She barely knew these people. “No. You were just looking out for your friend. I get that. It wasn’t you. It…”

“What do you mean looking out for their friend?” asked Steve. When her eyes went wide and she didn’t answer, he stepped into Robin. “What does she mean? What did you chuckleheads say?”

“Nothing,” squeaked Robin and when he glared, she flinched. “Okay, fine. I may have told her that you like her and that I just wanted her to be sure before she started anything with you because I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Steve, we were just looking out for you,” El added. “We know how rough you’ve had it with relationships. We didn’t want to see you get hurt.”

“We know after Nance you haven’t trusted yourself. You’ve chosen wrong every single time. I mean, you dated that complete whackadoo, Janet, and look how that ended. You almost had to get a restraining order. She’s still obsessed with you.”

“You like my mommy?” asked Eli, his eyes lighting up. “He likes my mommy!”

Jeremiah shrugged, “I already knew that. I wanted to know if she likes my daddy.”

“She does. She told me in the car that he’s wonderful but she didn’t know if he liked her back but he does! So now they can go on a date!”

Oh my god. This was awful. This was her worst nightmare come to life. Aly reached out, grabbing onto the back of a chair as she listened to the myriad of voices around her. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to have this conversation with Steve. In fact, she’d convinced herself not to and now they were all having it without her, whether she wanted them to or not.

“Jesus, Robin! Are you kidding me? I know you like to meddle in my life but this is insane, even for you!”

“Steve, it’s not insane. And look, her kid just said she likes you. So, why don’t you two stop dancing around each other and just go get coffee already like I told you before. I didn’t tell her not to date you. I like her. I just don’t want you to be her rebound from her dead husband.”

Weights pressing on her chest. Her hands grasped at her clothing, pulling, desperate to loosen the pressure.

“Oh my god!” Max shrieked. “Robin, you can’t just say that like that.”

“I’m sorry! I’m panicking! I say stupid sh*t when I’m panicking!”

No. Not now. This couldn’t happen now. The world was spiraling, spinning, one hazy blur and she couldn’t find a single thing to focus on. Forget trying to listen to anything when the sounds of their yelling were filling her head completely.

“You always say stupid sh*t!” yelled Steve.

“But my daddy did die. It’s okay to say it,” Eli piped in.

“We know your daddy passed away but there could have been a gentler way of putting it,” Max told him.

There was no air. Her chest was painful, a python constricting and squeezing around her until she couldn’t breathe.

“Maybe but my point was that you two need to stop acting like shy teenagers with a crush and just go out and bang each other already because you’re not fooling anybody. We can all see how much you want each other.”

“What’s banging?” asked Jeremiah.

“I don’t think they should do that. That doesn’t sound very nice,” Eli disagreed.

“Jesus Robin!” growled Steve.

The entire backyard swam around her, the green of the grass blending into the brown of the fence, the blue of the sky. She couldn’t breathe. Aly opened her mouth wide, hoping for precious oxygen to make its way where she needed it to but nothing was happening. She couldn’t do this. The entire backyard shrunk down to a single pinprick of light and then the world went black.

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

“sh*t!” El yelled just before a massive thunk silenced them all, every head turning to find Aly lying on the deck as if she had fallen forward.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve muttered, racing to her side, dropping down to his knees and shooing away Miles who had run over to investigate. She was lying on her stomach, arms splayed to either side, her face resting on one cheek. He laid a hand on her cheek, brushing her hair back. “Aly? Hey, Aly?”

“She just went!” El shrieked, slightly panicked. “Her eyes rolled up into her head and I tried to grab her but she just fell forward!”

“Aly?” Steve tried again but received no response. As gently as possible, he placed his hands on her arms and rolled her to her back. A splash of red was painted across the side of her face and his stomach seized. “She's bleeding.”

“Holy sh*t!” Dustin shouted. “That’s a lot of blood.”

“Damn. Let me grab something to clean it up so we can see where it’s coming from,” Lucas told him before rushing into the house.

Steve looked up to see both young boys standing, frozen, their eyes wide with fear. Eli’s blue eyes swam with tears, completely focused on his mom and Steve wanted to kick himself for forgetting they were there. For not thinking about how scary this must be for not only his son but for Eli, to see his mom unconscious on the ground.

“She’s gonna be okay,” he assured them, cradling Aly in his lap, her head lolling to the side like a rag doll. “We’ll get this blood cleaned up and see what happened.”

Lucas came racing back, wet washcloth in his hand and Steve took it, carefully dabbing at the skin of her face, around her temple, not wanting to hurt her any further. As the red came away, he saw a small cut just above her eyebrow and released a long sigh of relief.

“Should we call an ambulance?” asked Mike, kneeling down next to him.

“No. It’s not nearly as bad as it looked. Head wounds bleed like a motherf*cker but it’s just a small cut. I’ve got some butterfly bandages in the bathroom cabinet. Max, can you grab me one?”

The redhead nodded and disappeared into the house. Steve placed one of his arms under Aly’s neck and the other in the crook of her knee. He wasn’t going to leave her out here on the hardwood decking. He rose up onto his knees and then carefully lifted her off the ground, her body limp in his arms.

“What can I do?” asked Robin hesitantly.

“Nothing. Pretty sure you’ve done enough,” he snapped, feeling guilty when his best friend flinched. He knew she meant well but they wouldn’t be in this position if she hadn’t decided to meddle in sh*t that was absolutely none of her concern. He softened his tone as he looked back over at the boys. “I’m just taking her to the couch where she’ll be more comfortable. I think she just passed out. She’ll probably wake up in not too long.”

“She did this before,” Eli said as he trailed behind Steve into the house. “We were at the library getting books like we do every month. The librarian, Ms. White, was trying to get my mommy to take a book. She said it helped her when her mom died and she was talking about how hard it was to lose someone. My mommy went really white. She looked like a ghost. She was breathing really funny and then she fell to the ground. They called the ambulance and I got to ride in it to the hospital. It was really scary but she was okay. That’s when she told me that sometimes her feelings attack her.”

“Do you know if she sees a doctor about her feelings?” asked Max gently as she handed the bandage to Steve.

“Yeah. Aunt Janice got her to go after my daddy went to heaven. Mommy was crying in her bedroom a lot. She didn’t think I knew about it but I did. She still does it sometimes but not like then. Aunt Janice and Matt would come over and make dinner or play games with me and mommy would just disappear for a while. I think she didn’t want me to see how sad she was.”

“She was just trying to protect you because that’s what moms do.” Steve could hear the emotion in Robin’s voice as he tenderly placed the bandage over Aly’s wound, his best friend’s words tight. “That had to be really hard for her and for you.”

“Yeah but she’s a lot better now. She told me the doctor helped her. He gave her stuff to do. Like, sometimes she has to find three things to look at, three things to listen to, and three things to move like her fingers or toes when her feelings get too big to keep in her body.”

“It’s good that she’s so honest with you about what’s going on,” Max said, kneeling down in front of Eli. “When my dad left my mom she was a mess but she never talked to me about it. I knew she was hurting but I never knew how to help or what to do. It could be even more scary because I didn’t know what was going on when she’d just shut herself in her room. I had no idea she was feeling this big thing called depression so I just thought I was the problem. I know watching your mommy go through this might be scary but it’s way less scary when you know what it is. You’re such a good kiddo for understanding and trying to help her.”

“What you and your mom went through…” Dustin paused, sighing with a shake of his head. “My dad went to heaven, too, but I was even younger than you so I don’t really remember it. But my mom has never been with anyone else. She said he was her everything and she could never replace him.”

Steve closed his eyes, his hand on Aly’s forehead. The hardwood of the floor was making his knees ache but he couldn’t bring himself to move as he took in Dustin’s words. Maybe that was what was happening here. Maybe, even if she liked him, she knew she could never feel for him the way she felt for her husband.

Maybe Steve would never be able to be what she needed because what she needed was gone. How could he possibly compete with a ghost? Not just a ghost, but a ghost of a man who had been everything to her? It was clear, with how hard she’d taken his loss, how she still struggled with it, that she’d loved him deeply. He kept searching for his person but maybe Aly couldn’t be it for him because she’d already found her person even if fate had been cruel enough to take him away.

“Mommy’s always told me the truth. She says it’s just her and me now so we have to have each other’s backs and be honest with each other. I know she doesn’t like me to see she’s sad but if I ask her about it, she doesn’t lie. Is she…is she going to wake up?”

“Of course she is,” Dustin told him, placing his hand on Eli’s shoulder. “Her feelings just got a bit bigger than she could fight and now her body is resting for a bit.” He glanced over at Steve and then back to the boys. “You know what? How about we head down to the basem*nt and I introduce you to DnD? Lucas? Mike?”

“Yeah!” Lucas exclaimed, overdoing the excitement. “Let’s do it!”

“Absolutely,” agreed Mike. “Jere tells us you’re a big fan of all things nerdy. You’ll fit right in with us, kid. Trust me, you’re going to love it.”

“You will!” Jeremiah beamed. “Uncle Dusty and Uncle Mike built me my own DnD table and they’ve been teaching me. We do campaigns twice a month and it’s really fun!”

Eli looked uncertainly toward his mother, clearly torn about leaving her, about going to have fun when she could be hurt. Sweet kid. It was so obvious how much he’d tried to pick up the mantle of man of the house even when that burden was far too large for his tiny shoulders. It was written all over that serious little face how deeply he felt the responsibility to take care of his mom. Steve gave him a wink and a smile.

“Go on. She’s going to be fine and I won’t leave her side until she wakes up and I know she’s okay. I’m going to take care of her for you. I promise.”

The little boy still looked conflicted but he followed the guys, looking back over his shoulder once more as if making sure that Steve was still right next to Aly. He was and he had no intention of moving until she knew she was alright.

“Steve…” began Robin.

He held up his hand, “Just don’t, okay. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I know you were trying to look out for me but I don’t need you to. I don’t need a protector, Robin. I’m thirty-two years old.”

“But you never had one when you should have had one, Steve, and I think that’s why you sometimes make poor choices in life. I am always going to look out for you because you’re my best friend and I love you.”

“We all do,” Max added, dropping down into the chair across from him, pulling her knees into her chest. “Aly seems great. I really like her. We weren’t trying to freak her out or convince her not to see you. I swear. We just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

El sighed, plopping down on the floor, “Yeah. We’ve watched you struggle for so long and if anyone deserves to find happiness, it’s you. We just didn’t know her whole story…”

“Maybe you could have kept quiet until you did,” he shot back.

“Maybe we should have,” agreed Robin quietly. “I just…I knew she lost her husband but I didn’t know how recently it was and I just wanted to make sure that she wasn’t using you as a stepping stone, you know? You’re worth more than being someone’s rebound to help them get past their grief before they move on to someone else. You deserve better than that.”

A moan caught his attention and Steve’s head turned, watching as Aly’s eyes fluttered, her head turning slowly from side to side as she struggled to pull herself back into consciousness. Everyone sat silent, leaning in, waiting for her to wake so they could see if she was okay.

“Aly?” Steve asked softly.

“Mmm…” she murmured, lids lifting, her eyes crossing as she tried to focus in on the source of the voice.

“Hey there,” Robin cooed softly from just over his shoulder. “You had us all worried for a minute there. So glad to see you waking up. Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything? Glass of water? Some aspirin? Maybe a snack?”

“Robin, give her a damn minute,” Steve sighed with a roll of his eyes. She just couldn’t help herself. She was already bad enough but when she felt guilty, she was even worse, tripping over her words and her own feet to make everything right.

His friend held her hands up in apology, taking a step back. She really did mean well. She had such a big heart and was one of the kindest people he knew but she was so unaware of what was appropriate at certain times. Her foot was permanently wedged in her mouth.

“Steve?” Aly asked in confusion, her eyes coming into focus, a little divot between her eyebrows. “What…what happened?”

“You passed out,” Robin told her, leaning in again. She really just could not stop herself.

“I did?”

“Yeah,” Max piped up from her spot in the chair. “You face planted right into the deck.”

“But don’t worry,” Robin added. “Steve cleaned up all the blood and he put a bandage on you so you’re good as new. Really. Never looked better.”

“Blood? I was bleeding?” Aly reached for her head, fingers searching, wincing when she hit the tender spot where her face had made contact with the hard pieces of cedar.

“Don’t touch it. It’s just a small cut,” assured Steve, taking her hand in his, pulling it away from the tender skin. “It bled a lot. You know, head wounds. I’m sure Eli ran into something when he was learning to walk. I know Jere did. He fell forward right into the corner of the wall. I freaked the hell out because he bled like he had been decapitated but once we got it stopped and cleaned up it was this itty bitty wound. It amazed me how something so small could bleed so much.”

“Probably have a hell of a bruise tomorrow though. That was a hard fall,” Robin muttered.

“Eli? Oh my god. Where is…?” She sat up quickly before Steve could stop her, her eyes crossing again. Her hands grabbed for his arms and he held onto her, easing her back onto the pillow.

“Whoa there. You whacked your head pretty good and you passed out. You might want to give it a second before you try getting up and when you do, maybe go slow, okay?”

“Eli,” she repeated.

“Eli is fine. He’s down in the basem*nt with Jere and the boys. They’re teaching him all about their nerdy game, okay? He was worried about you but I assured him you’d be fine and they managed to distract him for a bit. You know, you’re going to have to stop falling down whenever you’re around me or I might have to start keeping a good hold on you whenever we’re together.”

Her eyes went wide, a soft gasp falling from those perfectly pink lips. Jesus, what was that color? It was like cotton candy at the fair, tempting and delicious, making his mouth water. He guaranteed no lipstick brand could ever duplicate it.

“Oh my god,” she groaned, her hand flying up to cover her eyes.

___________________________________________________________

The moments before she blacked out suddenly came rushing back to her and Aly wanted nothing more than for some natural disaster to hit at this moment. Preferably an earthquake that would create a massive fissure in the floor and swallow her whole. The girls telling her not to mess with Steve’s heart, announcing he liked her, Eli telling everyone she liked him, stating they should go on a date. sh*t. No wonder she’d passed out. That was enough to make anyone’s anxiety skyrocket.

“Hey, are you okay?” came Steve’s voice, so close, too close. She needed to get the hell out of here. “Do you need to go to the hospital and have someone look at your head?”

“No, I…”

Robin interrupted. “Are you sure? You were out for a little while. We weren’t sure if we should call an ambulance or not. Eli said this happened to you before in a library but you were okay and so we thought you just passed out. And the cut on your head is pretty itty bitty but if you need a doctor we can totally take you to a doctor.”

“No. No. I’m fine,” she managed, pressing her hands down into the couch in an effort to sit up.

Two strong hands came to her shoulders, pressing her back down, “No, you’re not. I mean, you will be but maybe you shouldn’t be trying to sit up so soon. We don’t need you passing out again.”

“I’m not going to…look, I need to go. I need to go home. I need to get out of here.”

“What are you talking about?” scoffed Max. “You really think we’re going to let you drive after you hit your head and blacked out for ten minutes?”

“I’ll call a cab,” she insisted.

Aly swallowed hard as bile rose up from her stomach, acid scorching her throat. Whether it was from mortification or passing out she had no idea but she knew she needed to get out of here. She needed space. She needed air. She needed to be as far away from all these people as she possibly could. These people who’d just witnessed what would probably go down as the most mortifying moment of her life.

“Aly, you’re not calling a cab,” Steve stated, his tone resolute, pulling out the dad voice on her, trying to let her know that he wasn’t giving her an option.

“Yeah, I mean you really shouldn’t be alone right now. You could have a concussion for all we know. You could wind up with personality changes or something and then Eli will be standing there wondering where his mom went and who this stranger is in his home. Or you could have memory loss and not even remember who he is or who Steve is and then how will you two ever move out of the friend zone if you just go back to the start space again?”

“Robin, I do not have a concussion,” Aly groaned. “I am not going to lose my memory. Trust me. I wish I could forget some of the sh*t that happened today but I have not. Lucky me. I am pretty sure I’m good. I will call a cab, Eli and I will go home, and I will rest.”

“But what if you go to sleep and then you never wake up?” Robin pressed. “It happens. People hit their heads, they think they’re fine, and then boom! They’re just dead.”

“Oh my god!” shrieked Max. “She’s not going to die. Can you stop freaking her out? I think you’ve done enough of that today already.”

“I’m not trying to. I swear. I just don’t want anything to happen to her. She might be Steve’s only chance at actually finding happiness and I like her.”

“Jesus, Robin!” Steve growled, rising from the ground so fast it made Aly’s head spin a bit watching him. His fingers clenched into claws in front of him and then he inhaled a large breath, releasing it slowly before speaking again, his hands now resting on his hips. “Look, I need you to go, okay?”

Robin’s eyes went wide, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me. I know I should shut up but I can’t seem to stop talking. Please don’t be mad at me.” She looked down at Aly. “Please don’t hate me. I suck at social cues but I swear, I am a really good person and I like you and once you get to know me, I am not as bad as this is making it seem and I’d really like us to be friends.”

“I don’t hate you,” Aly told the distraught girl. “I don’t even know you, Robin. How can I hate you?”

“Steve, please…”

“Look, I’m not mad. I just…this has been a lot. This has been way, way too much. Okay? She’s had a lot of sh*t thrown at her all at once and she just passed out and hit her head. I just think that maybe she could use some peace and quiet.”

“I just need to go home. There’s plenty of peace and quiet there,” Aly argued again.

“I doubt that. Remember I have a seven year old boy too? They provide neither peace or quiet and I agree with Robin. I don’t think you should be alone right now. I would feel a whole lot better if you just stayed here so I know you’re alright.” He looked down at her, pressing his hands together in front of him. “Please? For me?”

His eyes, those swirls of warm color, like a forest of green leaves colliding with the brown of the branches, implored her to just give in and Aly found herself helpless to refuse.

“Okay, fine,” she agreed softly, trying to ignore the warmth that ignited in her belly as he smiled at her.

“Thank you. There, Robin. She’s staying here. So you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll watch her memory, her personality, and her breathing, okay? I will make sure that she stays alive. You guys can all go.”

“You sure you don’t need any help?” asked El.

“I’m sure. I have never been more sure of anything in my life. Thank you but I got it.”

“Alright, well let’s gather all the boys then and get out of their hair.” El leaned forward, placing a hand on Aly’s arm. “I’m really sorry about all of this and I hope you feel better.”

“Thank you.”

“Lucas! Mike! Dustin! Let’s go! Steve’s kicking us out before Robin can humiliate him any further in front of the girl he likes!” Max yelled from the top of the basem*nt stairs, making Aly wince.

“Nice, Max. Real nice,” muttered Steve with a roll of his eyes.

The sound of footsteps, like the roar of a stampede, filled the house as five boys all came tromping up the stairs. Eli hit the top, his eyes lighting up when he saw Aly with her eyes open, racing to his mom and flinging himself down on top of her.

“Oof!” she laughed, wrapping her arms around her sweet boy. “I’m okay, buddy.”

“That was scary!” His voice was muffled, pressed against her neck but she could still feel the tremble in his little body.

“I know it was and I am so sorry that happened but I am okay. My feelings just got the better of me that time, buddy.”

“Damn, glad to see you’re awake,” Dustin huffed, flashing her an adorable grin that only made his cheeks even more round. “You scared the sh*t out of all of us for a minute.”

“So I was told.”

“So, why are we getting kicked out?” asked Lucas, turning to Robin. “Did I hear your name? What the hell did you say now?”

Robin just shrugged, a guilty smile on her face. Max sighed, rolled her eyes and grabbed onto the back of Lucas’s shirt, dragging him toward the door.

“What didn’t she say?” El laughed, taking Mike’s hand. “It was really nice to meet you, Aly. Hope we get to see you again, if Steve lets us anywhere near you.”

“Me too,” she replied, lifting her hand and giving everyone a wave while keeping her other hand firmly around her son who was still clinging to her like she was a raft on turbulent waters.

“Seriously?” muttered Mike as they made their way out the door. “What did Robin say?”

“Probably just what all of us are thinking,” Dustin replied, the door shutting behind him.

“Really sweetheart, I am okay,” Aly assured her son once again now that everyone had gone. “Just a little bump on the head. I fight those feelings and usually I win. This time they were just a bit stronger than me but I’m still okay. Your mommy always wins in the end.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, pulling away just enough to look at her and her heart broke at the sight of his puffy eyes and red face, tears trailing down those sweet, full cheeks.

“Of course I’m sure. I can’t let those feelings win. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I have you. You’re the thing that always gives me strength, Eli. You’re the reason I keep fighting again and again. They can’t ever beat me because I have you. You’re my sunshine that beats the darkness. You’re my joy that always overpowers the sadness. You’re like Captain America’s shield or Wonder Woman’s bracelets.”

He grinned, wiping his nose with the back of his sleeve, “The Bracelets of Submission are pretty powerful.”

“They are and so are you.”

“And so are you, mommy. You’re more powerful than all the superheroes in all the comic books in all the world.”

“Thanks, kiddo. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You and your mom are going to spend the night here. How does that sound?” Steve asked.

Spend the night? When had she agreed to spending the night? She thought he’d meant to just stay for a couple hours to see how she was feeling, not the whole night.

“Really?” Eli’s eyes went wide, his grin almost cracking his face in two. Of course he’d love that idea. “A sleepover?”

“Yep. We just want to make sure your mom is back to one hundred percent so you guys are going to sleep here so I can keep an eye on her. I’m not letting her go home until I know she’s okay.”

“You’re gonna take care of her?”

“I sure am.”

Eli grinned, looking over at Jeremiah, the two boys looking far too excited at the idea of Steve ensuring she wasn’t concussed. But wasn’t that what Eli had said? That he wanted her to have someone to take care of her? They were twisting this situation into exactly what they wanted it to be. And she couldn’t even be upset about it because they both just looked so damn hopeful and adorable.

“I knew you would be the perfect person to take care of my mommy. I knew it!”

“So, how about you two take Miles out in the backyard for a bit to play and we let your mommy get some rest?” Steve suggested. “I’ll stay right here with her and make sure she’s alright, okay? And how about we order pizza later?”

“Pizza!” both boys yelled at the same time.

“I usually only get pizza on Fridays and now I get it on Sunday too! Cool! This is like the best day ever except for Mommy falling down!” Eli stopped, his face scrunching. “But what about school tomorrow?”

“I’ll take you both to school.”

“I can take him to school,” Aly stated. “I have to get to work anyway. We can just get up sooner and leave so I can change clothes.”

Steve shook his head. “I can take them both. I mean, I already have to head that way anyway and I’m sure Jere has something in his closet that Eli can borrow for the day. Then you only have to worry about getting yourself ready, as long as you’re feeling okay.”

“I will be. I already feel fine now,” Aly argued, attempting to sit up and immediately lying back down when a wave of dizziness and nausea overtook her.

“Oh, do you now?” teased Steve, dropping down at the other end of the couch, lifting her feet and placing them in his lap as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if her heart rate hadn’t just ratcheted up to two hundred at the physical contact. “Look, I know you are dying to bolt out of here and leave an Aly shaped hole in my wall because of my friends. But that’s just them. They love to stick their nose in where it doesn’t belong and think they’re making my life easier when, in reality, they are making it exponentially harder. There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about. If anyone should be embarrassed, it’s them. They’re meddling almost caused you a trip to the ER.”

“No they didn’t. It’s fine.”

It was. Kind of. Maybe. She didn’t know. All they were trying to do was look out for their friend. She couldn’t fault them for that. And nothing they had said had been wrong. Aly couldn’t make any promises. She hadn’t opened her heart to anyone since Justin’s death. She hadn’t found anyone that made her want to, until now anyway. But was she just being selfish? There were so many more hearts involved than just her own. It was hard enough to be willing to risk her heart breaking, but what about Eli, Jeremiah, and Steve?

“It’s really not.”

“No. It is.” Aly pressed her hands into the couch, slowly pushing herself up to sitting. The room stayed level, nothing tilting or swirling for which she was grateful. “They were just looking out for you. It’s sweet, really. They don’t want to see you get hurt again and I understand that.”

“There are no guarantees in life. Nobody can ensure someone doesn’t get hurt. Trust me. I would wrap Jere in bubblewrap and keep him away from all the bad sh*t if I could but I can’t. Besides, we’re not even…I mean, this isn’t even…is it?”

Aly looked at Steve, this man who’d somehow cracked her heart wide open again. This who’d managed what she never thought would be possible. This man who’d made her feel alive, who’d made her feel truly happy, even hopeful for what the future could look like. This man who was everything she could have ever hoped for as if she’d created him in her dreams and he’d somehow become real. This man who had the power to shatter her heart into dust or bring it back to life.

Was it something? She didn’t know but she knew, as simply as she knew that the sun would set in a few hours and rise again tomorrow, that she wanted it to be. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe it was reckless. Maybe it was wrong but if it was, how come it felt so right?

She liked him being around. She loved how seamlessly he seemed to fit into her life, how easily he got along with Eli, how fluidly he just seemed to make sense. Eli adored him. He’d already stated that he thought Steve would be a great dad. Not that she was considering that just yet. She might be hopeless when it came to her feelings for him but she wasn’t insane. Somehow he’d managed to just sneak in under her radar and now she couldn’t picture her life without him in it in some way. Maybe she was just a bit crazy but wasn’t that what life was? Making crazy decisions, taking huge leaps, and just hoping it all turned out okay?

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Do you want it to be?”

His lips pursed, fingers running over the fabric on the back of the couch and she wished she could be inside his brain, see what he was thinking. She was terrified of putting herself out there again, opening her heart, letting herself feel so deeply for someone again to possibly have it all shatter around her. But she was even more terrified of not taking a chance and missing out on what could be something amazing.

“Yeah, I do,” answered Steve after a beat, his eyes lifting to hers, those chameleon orbs a golden brown, like whiskey over ice, burning all the way down her throat to her very center. “I really do.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, shaking his head. “I guess I thought I was pretty obvious but apparently not. Did you miss me trying to kiss you when we went ice skating?”

“I thought you were but then I wasn’t sure.”

“Yeah, well, it was an epic fail. I told myself to take my time. I know you lost your husband.” His teeth raked over his bottom lip, eyes darting to the floor before returning to hers. “Jere told me that Eli’s daddy was in heaven but I had no idea how it happened or when. I didn’t want to come across as pushy.” Those thick fingers raked through that glorious hair, massaging the back of his head. “Look, I like you, Aly. I mean, I really like you. And yeah, I was floored the moment we met because you’re beautiful. I’m sure you know that.”

A million butterflies took flight from within her chest. No. She didn’t know that. Justin always told her how gorgeous she was and she would roll her eyes, telling him he was simply seeing her through rose colored glasses because of his love for her. Hearing Steve say it, it was something entirely different. He had women throwing themselves at him left and right. Women who took time with their appearance, who got regular haircuts, who wore heels and did their make-up every day. It wasn’t that she didn’t have any confidence but she’d never thought she was up to the standards of some of the women in this town.

“But it’s more than that,” he continued, lips pressing together, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Getting to know you…I mean, you’re…hell, you’re amazing. You’re everything I would put on a list of what I think the perfect girl is. You’re kind. You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re independent. You’re an amazing mom. And you’re so damn strong. I can’t imagine going through what you have. I don’t know if I would still be standing let alone surviving the way you are.”

Tears stung her eyes and she slid the back of her fingers along them to catch them before they fell. It felt so gratifying to hear someone acknowledge how hard it was. How hard it was to keep moving forward when you felt like your entire world had stopped. How hard it was to live again after losing the thing you were living for. How hard it was to be everything her son needed when there was no one to ever stop and ask what she needed.

“So, yes. I want this to be something. I want to be with you. I want to hold your hand. I want to take you on a real date where I get to kiss you when it’s over. I want to know everything about you. But I understand if you need more time. I am willing to wait. I don’t want to rush you. I don’t want to mess this up because I really think we could have something great here, Aly. So, I do want this to be something but I don’t want you to feel obligated if you’re not ready.”

“Justin…my husband…we lost him two years ago,” she said softly, each word a tremble in her voice. “He was a Marine. He was supposed to be on a humanitarian mission in Somalia. He assured me there was nothing to worry about. There wasn’t supposed to be any fighting. But things went wrong. Some of the locals did not approve of our troops being there and they attacked. He was caught in the crossfire of the attack. The Marines wouldn’t give me any more information than that because it’s strictly confidential or that’s what they told me anyway.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks and then Steve’s thumbs were there, gently wiping them away. His hand came over to cover hers, engulfing it completely, giving her enough strength to keep talking. She hated talking about this but if this was going to be something, if she was going to try to make this something, then she had to start by being honest with him and letting him know what he was getting into.

“Damn. Aly, I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks. You always know it’s a risk when you’re married to a military guy but you just don’t ever want to think it will be you. Then suddenly two guys in uniform show up to your door. They didn’t even have to say anything. The minute I opened that door and saw them, I knew. They couldn’t have been there for any other reason. Their job is to give you the news that your life has been irrevocably changed. You only see them on the worst day of your life. I crumpled to the floor. I don’t even remember their words, don’t remember them somehow getting me to the couch, don’t remember them calling my mom. Lot of good that did. She’s hours away. Somehow I must have asked them to call Janice because here she came. If it hadn't been for her, I would still be on that couch.”

Steve didn’t say a word, his thumb tracing small circles over the back of her hand, and she was grateful. She wasn’t sure she could keep talking if he spoke right now and she wanted to get this out. He had a right to know. If he was truly interested in this becoming something, then he needed to know everything. He needed to know the mess that he was about to wade through.

“I went to a really dark place for a while. I functioned, but barely. The only thing that kept me going was Eli. He was all I had to live for anymore but I wasn’t really living. It was more like I was just existing. I knew he needed me. He needed me to be his mom. He needed me to keep things as normal as possible and I tried but it was all a show. Inside I was as far from normal as a person can be. On the days it was too hard Janice would come over and amuse Eli so I could fall apart. She finally convinced me to see a therapist and it helped.”

“Good. That’s really good. I mean, no one would expect you to be okay after something like that. I’m so sorry you felt like you had to pretend to be but I am glad you’re doing okay now.”

“See, that’s the thing…” Aly chewed on her lower lip. “Steve, I like you. I mean, I really like you. You’re the first guy who’s made me feel like I have a shot to be happy again. Hell, you’re the first guy who’s made me feel anything since it happened. But your friends might not be wrong. I don’t know if I am completely okay. I’m on medication, anti-anxiety meds and anti-depression meds. I was on sleeping pills but I weaned off those about a year ago.”

“Okay.” Steve shrugged, shaking his head. “Lots of people take medication on a regular basis.”

“Yeah. They do but I still sometimes have anxiety attacks. Certain things can trigger me and I can’t even always pinpoint what they are. Sometimes it’s something to do with Justin but sometimes it's not. It’s like I can’t handle the unexpected anymore. I keep waiting for disaster to strike or bad news to arrive at every turn. I don’t know. My therapist taught me this 3-3-3 technique. I find three things to look at, three things to listen to, and move three parts of my body. It usually works but obviously that did not happen today. It came on faster than I could process. But I can’t promise you that it won’t happen again.”

“Alright. So, if it happens I’ll know how to help. I’ll be there for you. Aly, you make it sound like you’re going to be such a chore for me.”

“I am. Don’t you see that? I’m not just some girl that’s easy and care-free and I come with a kid.”

“So do I,” snorted Steve.

“Yes but I also come with a ton of baggage. I mean, a warehouse full of baggage.”

Steve flexed his bicep, flashing her a grin, “I work out pretty regularly. I’m a fairly strong guy. I think I can handle hauling around a few bags.”

“Steve,” she sighed.

“Aly, look. I get it. But you think you’re the only one with baggage? The baggage from my parents alone could fill three semi trucks. That’s not even counting my constant search for someone who will love me for me or my failed marriage. No. I don’t take medication and I don’t have anxiety attacks. But I am needy. I am neurotic. I have a hero complex according to Robin, always trying to save everyone in my endless pursuit to matter somehow. I have chosen the wrong women my whole life because I’ve been seeking something I’ve never been able to find. Until you.”

“You barely know me.”

“I know enough. I know enough to know that you’re different. I know enough to know that this is worth trying. I know enough to know that this could be something amazing if we give it a shot. I’m willing to help you carry that baggage if you’re willing to help me carry mine. Everybody comes with baggage. I think it’s about finding someone who’s willing to help you carry the load. I’m willing to take the risk. Are you?”

She inhaled deeply. “I want to.”

“Then stop thinking so hard about it and do it. We don’t have to rush anything. We can take things slow. Just let me take you out for dinner. See how it goes.”

“What about the kids? If this doesn’t work out…Eli would be crushed if he lost Jeremiah. I think he would be crushed if he lost you.”

“Then he doesn’t have to. We’re both rational adults, Aly. This isn’t high school. If it doesn’t work out, then we go back to the way things are right now. I mean, come on. You’re talking to the guy who is still friends with his ex-wife. I was just out with them a few weeks ago for her husband’s birthday. I am more than capable of maintaining contact and being amicable after a split.”

“You’re sure you want to do this knowing all you know now?”

Steve smiled, leaning over her legs, those beautiful eyes gazing into hers, “I’m even more sure knowing all I know now because what I know is you are even more incredible than I thought you were before. Just one dinner. That’s all I’m asking. If you don’t enjoy yourself or you don’t think it’s going anywhere, it ends there. Come on. You can do one dinner, maybe dessert, right?”

She nodded, that terrifying little feeling that was hope blooming in her chest, “I can do one dinner.”

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

“Would you stop stressing? You look like a million bucks,” Dustin told Steve. He leaned back against the bathroom wall, watching Steve in the mirror as he ran his fingers through his hair for the twelfth time. “Aly already knows what you look like, dude. This isn’t your first time meeting.”

“I know, I know,” he sighed, lips pressing together as he surveyed his reflection. “Do you think the button-down is too much? It’s too much, isn’t it? I should change into something more casual.”

“No, man,” Lucas groaned. “That’s the seventh shirt you’ve put on. It’s not too much. It’s perfect for a first date. It’s a button-down but it’s loose and short sleeved.” He stepped up, grabbing onto Steve’s shoulders and turning him around. He unbuttoned the top two buttons, revealing a bit of the undershirt. “There. Now it’s nice but also casual. It says this is important to you but also that it’s going to be an easygoing and fun time. Best of both worlds.”

“Plus, she gets a little peek of the chest hair.” Dustin rolled his eyes, snorting. “I still don’t get it but apparently, the ladies dig the jungle you’ve got going on. Maybe it takes them back to their primal instincts. You know, caveman days? The hairier, the more manly, the better they’ll be able to conk things over the head and provide?”

Steve sighed, his eyes rolling toward the ceiling, “Seriously, Henderson? This seems like a good time to compare me to a caveman?”

“Yeah, you can’t be doing that,” Lucas teased, ruffling Steve’s hair.

“Dude! Seriously!?” Steve protested, shoving him off before turning back to the mirror, fingers working to fix it once again.

“Calm down,” laughed Lucas. “Our Stevie’s all nervous and you’re only making it worse, Dustin. He’s got a mad crush on Aly. I mean, our man has got it bad and he’s Steve which means he has a high probability of being a doofus and potentially destroying his only shot at his soulmate. Then our poor Steve would be doomed to spend eternity all alone and pathetic with nothing but Miles to keep him warm at night.”

“Jesus, you guys suck, you know that? I really don’t know why I keep you around.”

“Because you love us and your life would be a barren wasteland of boredom and monotony without the pleasure of our company,” stated Dustin.

“Come on, Steve,” Lucas snorted, throwing his shoulder into him. “You know we’re just messing with you. You’re going to be fine. From what we saw, this girl likes you just as much as you like her. She wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you otherwise.”

“Yeah. You two have already spent tons of time together. You really think she’d agree to hang out with you as much as she has if she didn’t like you? Do you really think she would have agreed to a date if she wasn’t crushing too? Trust me. This date is going to go great.”

Steve turned back to the mirror, assessing his image one more time. His hair was definitely working for him tonight, swooping to the side perfectly. Herbal Essences Flexible Airspray wasn’t quite like the Farrah Fawcett spray used to be for him but it did an okay job. He wore a yellow linen button down, short sleeved to keep cool with the weather that was quickly moving more toward summer temps. Nothing said unsexy like nasty pit stains and body odor. He’d paired it with a white tank underneath and gray dress slacks.

His body hummed with anticipation but also with nerves. He couldn’t wait to pick up Aly but he also couldn’t help dreading it a bit. All of this time he’d spent hoping, wondering if it would ever actually happen, and now was the big moment. He would either soar or fall flat on his face. This was going to be the moment of truth. He wanted to make a good impression. He wanted this to be successful. He wanted her to want to go for date number two.

The other night had been perfect. They’d ordered pizza and watched Air Bud with the boys. Steve had set up sleeping bags on the living room floor to make it a true sleepover. But he hadn’t gotten much sleep, continually waking to ensure that Aly was still breathing. Robin might be neurotic but her words had gotten to him as he watched her chest closely to ensure it was still rising and falling. Miles, who’d chosen to sleep on her feet on the couch, kept giving him a look that said calm down, man. I’m right here. I got her.

Steve had made everyone french toast for breakfast and put coffee in a thermos for her before she headed back home to get ready for work. The scene in front of him had done a number on his head. Steve plopping hot bacon on their plates while the boys chattered about a new superhero scenario they were going to play at recess, Aly grinning at them, was picture perfect. The hugs as she headed out the door, Jeremiah even running forward to hug her legs and tell her he was so happy she was okay, sent him reeling. Not because it was weird but because it wasn’t. When she hugged him, kissed his cheek, thanking him for the coffee and taking care of her, he realized he could get used to this. Mornings with her. Their little families together and while it was a bit scary that he was thinking this so quickly, he couldn’t deny how badly he wanted it.

Jeremiah came walking into the bathroom, Mike right on his heels. The guys had all agreed to watch him tonight so Steve could go out. They were planning on some DnD, a campaign they’d started with him a couple weeks ago and his son had been overjoyed when he’d found out that not only was his dad going out with Eli’s mom but that he was getting to hang with his uncles.

Steve turned to his son, spreading his arms out, “What do you think, Jere? Do I look good?”

His son pressed his thumb and forefingers together, giving him the okay sign along with a wink, “You look great daddy. Eli’s mommy is going to think you’re super handsome.”

“Thanks, kid.” He lifted Jeremiah up into his arms, mourning for a moment how big his son was getting, how time was slipping away like sands through a sieve that he couldn’t catch no matter how hard he tried. It wouldn’t be too much longer before he didn’t want to be picked up anymore, didn’t want to climb in his lap, didn’t want to snuggle down in his bed with a book at bedtime. Steve found himself grasping at his son’s childhood, willing it to just slow down a bit.

“Remember to be a gentleman, daddy,” Jeremiah reminded him. “Open the door for her and pull out her chair. And make sure you listen when she’s talking and ask questions about her. Ladies like when guys listen.”

Steve’s head darted back, looking in surprise at his kid. “And how exactly do you know that?”

“I heard Aunt Max and Aunt El saying they hate when Uncle Lucas and Uncle Mike don’t listen to them,” he answered with a shrug. “Aunt Max said she talks to a wall. I don’t really know why. That seems kind of silly because a wall can’t talk but she was definitely annoyed that Uncle Lucas doesn’t listen.”

Lucas and Mike shared a look, eyes wide, clearly realizing that they were being called out by a seven year old. Steve laughed, setting his son back on the ground. Jeremiah was a little too observant for his own good sometimes. He was always listening to everything around him and knew far more than he should for only being seven.

“Hmm, sounds like maybe Uncle Lucas and Uncle Mike need to be less worried about my date and more worried about their own love lives. How are you going to give me advice when your own wives are complaining about you?”

“I listen!” Lucas argued, his hand coming to his chest in offense. “But sometimes she wants to talk to me when a basketball game is on and come on. You know what that’s like. Would you be listening if you were watching a game?”

“If the woman I loved had something to say, absolutely,” Steve stated. “Your wife should come above everything, my friend. And you are damn lucky to have Max. If you’re not listening to her, the next thing you know you’re going to be losing her.”

“I’m not losing her,” scoffed Lucas. “If anyone should be worried about losing their wife, it’s Mike. He’s got El working herself to the bone because he’s too much of a puss* to send his book out.”

“Whoa!” Steve yelled, covering his son’s ears with his hands. “Language, dude. Come on.”

“I am not a puss*!” Mike snapped, causing Steve to yell again as he pressed harder. Jeremiah swatted at his hands but he held them firm. “I am polishing it, okay? It’s not as simple as just sending it out. Do you know how many people try to get a book published every year? It has to stand out. It has to be great. It has to be perfect. I’m just…”

“Just what? You’ve been polishing that thing for over a year. Come on, Mike. We all know you’re scared of rejection.”

“I…what…no!”

Dustin sighed, “Guys, seriously? Come on. No one’s wife is leaving them. And Mike, you’re scared and you know it but rejection is part of the process. John Grisham had his first novel rejected thirty times before someone decided to give it a shot and look at him now. You have to sh*t or get off the pot at this point because El can’t keep supporting you both forever. At this rate you’re going to be fifty and still working on the same damn book. And Lucas, just mute the damn game and listen to your wife. It’s not that hard. And Steve, you’re going to be fine so stop turning this around on these guys because you don’t want to talk about you. Get your nerves under control, man, or you’re going to be a spaz on your date. Jesus Christ, bunch of children.”

“Who are you to talk? You don’t even have a girl so how are you giving us advice?” challenged Mike. “Suzie dumped you.”

“It was mutual!” Dustin seethed. “She couldn’t walk away from her family and her faith so it was impossible for us to be together. I wasn’t willing to move there and she wasn’t willing to move here and after all that time, long distance was too damn hard. We both decided it was for the best but when I had her, I listened and I was a damn good boyfriend so I have plenty of room to talk.”

“Daddy!” Jeremiah yelled, pulling at his hands.

“Oh, sorry bud.” He removed his hands, placing them on his shoulders. “Alright, everybody needs to just take a breath and calm down or I’m not leaving you with my kid. I can give Robin a call if all of you need to go home and take a time out from each other.”

“No…we’re fine,” Dustin told him. “Right?”

“Yeah, I guess,” shrugged Lucas.

Mike sighed, “We’re good.”

Steve released a long breath, shaking his head. He loved these guys but they still had a lot of growing up to do. They might be twenty-six but they were still figuring out life. Hell, he was still figuring out life and he was thirty-two. Dustin wasn’t entirely wrong. He had to get out of his own head or he’d be a mess tonight.

Nervous energy still radiated through his body. He was doing this. He was going to go for it. He was going to try opening up, allowing himself to be vulnerable in a way he hadn’t been since Nance. He wanted this to work and if it was going to work then he had to allow Aly in, to see all of it, the good and the bad. She might not think he had any flaws but he had plenty and she was bound to notice them if they crossed this line. He only hoped she was willing to try in spite of them.

“Alright. I have to get going if I am going to be on time picking her up. Are you guys going to behave while I’m gone or do I need to ask Robin to come check up on you?”

“No, man. We’re fine,” snorted Mike. “Besides, she’s with El and Max. They were going out to dinner and then to a movie. If you call her then they’ll show up too and they’ll be annoyed as hell.”

“Yeah and then we’ll never hear the end of it,” Lucas told him. “Max already thinks I’m a giant child. I don’t need her having any more ammunition.”

“Good. Then you kids have fun playing your game and I will see you later, okay?”

“We’re hoping not,” Dustin grinned, wiggling his eyebrows as a purring sound rolled through his throat, causing the others to grimace. “We can always stay the night if the date goes really well.”

“Come on,” Steve groaned, wrinkling his nose. “One, don’t make that noise. How many times do we have to tell you that it's not cute like you think it is? Two, I am a gentleman and I respect her and I am not going to be doing that on the first date. And three, don’t even insinuate about my sex life, man. That’s gross.”

“What’s sex?”
Steve’s hand covered his face at the sound of his son’s voice. sh*t.

“And you ear muffed him because of us?” Lucas teased with a smile.

“Shut it,” warned Steve, jabbing his finger into his chest. “It’s nothing for you to worry about Jere. It’s grown-up stuff.”

“Grown-up stuff? Is it like when you kiss with your tongue?”

“How do you know about that!?”

Jeremiah shrugged, “I saw it on tv. Aunt Robin was watching a movie and they were kissing and then their tongues were in each other’s mouth and it looked gross. Why would you want someone else’s spit in your mouth?” The little boy shuddered.

“Oh kiddo,” mused Lucas, an arm coming around his shoulders. “You have so much yet to learn.”

Steve’s eyes went wide, “Nothing he better learn any time soon and Aunt Robin and I need to have a conversation about what she has on the television when she’s watching you.” He glanced over at the clock. “Jesus. I need to go. Seriously…” He pointed at each guy in turn. “If I get home and Jere informs me of anything else he’s learned, your ass is grass, do you understand me?”

Dustin held his hands up, “He won’t learn anything from me.”

Mike shook his head, “Me either.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t teach him anything…until he’s a bit older,” Lucas said, lifting his eyebrows. “What’s an uncle for if not to guide him in the ways of women?”

“I think Max would argue that your guidance is unnecessary,” Steve snorted. “Seriously, just…behave!”

“Yes sir!” they all mocked, two fingers coming to their foreheads in a salute.

__________________________________________________________

“Absolutely not,” Janice declared, shaking her head as Aly held up a blue dress.

“Why? It’s a dress.”

“It’s a dress that screams I am a good, pious girl who goes to church every Sunday and does not believe in premarital sex.”

Aly’s eyes rolled towards the heavens, “I don’t even go to church, Janice, and I was having sex long before Justin and I got married. I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed.”

“Exactly,” her friend stated, pulling a burgundy dress from her closet, presenting it in front of her. “So, let’s not give off the wrong vibe. This dress has a plunging neckline and a short hem. It screams kiss me, touch me, ravish me, and that is exactly the kind of vibe we want to give Mr. Perfect tonight.”

Hands on her hips, Aly’s head tilted, “So you want me to give the impression that I’m cheap and easy?”

“Cheap? Absolutely not. Easy? Abso-f*cking-lutely.”

“It’s a first date!”

“Is it, though? I mean, you guys have already hung out quite a few times. Like four already or something. You are well beyond the third date rule at this point.”

“Those weren’t dates,” argued Aly. “We were just hanging out.”

“Together. You have already gotten to know each other a bit and you know you like him.”

“Yeah because his son and all his friends told me.”

“And thank god for them!” Janice exclaimed. “Who knows how long it would have taken you two to finally admit the burning sexual desire that’s been pulsing between your legs for weeks. I would say those are some damn good friends because now you two can finally stop dancing around each other and do the horizontal mambo already.”

“Jesus. Janice, I am not having sex with him on the first date.”

“Honey, that vagin* hasn’t seen any action in over two years. I can practically hear her begging for some relief.” She bent forward, hand next to her ear. “Yup. Can you hear that? She’s telling you she needs this. If not for you, do it for her.”

“You’re insane,” Aly mumbled, shoving her head away.

“No, I’m not. Can you honestly stand there and tell me you haven’t thought about jumping in the sheets with that man?”

Aly’s face reddened, her eyes dropping to her bare feet. No, she couldn’t say that, not honestly. Of course she’d thought about what he’d be like in bed. What woman wouldn’t? Of course she’d envisioned her hands gripping those strong arms, her fingers tangled in that luscious hair, those lips…those f*cking perfect lips and what they could make her feel.

But that didn’t mean she was going to jump into bed with him after date one. What kind of signal did that send? She was hoping this would become something, something meaningful, something lasting. She didn’t want to be some one-night stand or some friend with benefits. She wasn’t even sure how the two of them would handle being on a date, completely alone, without the kids as a buffer.

“You have! You so have!”

“Obviously I have. I’m attracted to him so obviously I’ve thought about him like that but it doesn’t mean I have to act on it right now. It’s…look, it’s been a while. I’ve only been with Justin for the last decade of my life. I’m a bit out of practice and he is definitely not out of practice. It sounds like he’s dated quite a few of the women in this town.”

“Oh girl, there is no such thing as out of practice. From what you told me, you and Justin had an excellent sex life. Besides, men are really not that hard to please. You need to be more worried about your pleasure. If he’s been around the block, maybe he’s not that good.”

“Jesus Christ!” Aly smacked her in the arm.

Janice shrugged with a smirk, “I’m just saying. Maybe you’re not the one you should be worried about. But no worries. You can always train him.”

“He’s not a puppy.”

“You sure? The way you describe him kind of makes him sound like he is. Ugh. I cannot wait to finally set eyes on this man. I have been dying to see if he is as damn hot as you claim.”

“He is. I assure you. He is.”

“I will be the judge of that. Now come on, get that dress on so we can get your hair and make-up done. Your man’s going to be here in an hour.”

One hour. One hour before she headed out on her first date with Steve, her first date in over a decade. One hour before Steve decided whether he actually wanted her or just liked the idea of her. One hour to see if the course of her life was heading in an entirely new direction.

____________________________________________________________

“Mommy, you look beautiful,” Eli said, Matt whistling, as she descended down the steps after Janice finally deemed her ready for her date.

Aly flashed her teeth, sweeping her arms out as she did a little bow, “Why, thank you. You can actually thank your Aunt Janice for that. She basically dressed me and styled me like I was her doll.”

Janice huffed from behind her, “I had to. You should have seen what she was trying to wear out with this man. You would have thought she was heading off to teach Sunday School instead of locking down this deal.”

“What deal?” asked Eli.

Matt laughed, “Your aunt just means that she wanted to make sure your mom looked really pretty for Steve.”

“But Steve already thinks my Mommy is pretty even when she wears jeans. I don’t think he cares if she has all kinds of colors on her face.”

Aly smiled at her son, placing her hand on top of his head, “Thank you little man. That’s what I was trying to get your aunt to understand. The man saw me first thing in the morning. If that didn’t scare him away, I don’t think a more conservative dress would have.”

“I’m not saying you’d scare him away but you want to send the message that you’re open for business.”

“What kind of business? I thought you helped kids. Are you starting a business, mommy?”

Matt let out an uproarious laugh as Janice cringed, shrugging, Aly shooting daggers at both of them. It was amazing her son didn’t know all about the birds and the bees with the best friend she had. Janice would learn soon enough with her and Matt trying for a baby. Once she had a little one around maybe she’d be a bit more discreet but she doubted it. Her kid would be the one explaining human anatomy to all the other kids on the playground.

“Mommy is not starting a business,” she stated, hoping he’d let it drop there as she leaned over, her hands on his shoulders. “Now, you be good for Aunt Janice and Uncle Matt, okay? I probably won’t be home before your bedtime.”

“We can always stay over if things go really well,” sang Janice.

“Are you having a sleepover with Steve?” Eli asked with a wide grin. “Sleepovers are the most fun!”

“Sleepovers are the most fun!” shrieked Janice.

“No,” she stated, glaring at her best friend. “No. I am not. I will be here in the morning when you wake up.”

“Dream crusher,” muttered Janice.

“You know, you could just let Aly take this at her own pace,” her husband told her.

“If I let Aly take this at her own pace, it will never happen. His friends had to basically tell them to go on this date or these two would still be dancing around each other like middle schoolers with crushes. Punching each other in the arm and running away instead of announcing their feelings and getting on with it.”

“Mommy and Steve have never punched each other. That wouldn’t be very nice. Friends don’t hurt each other.”

“Oh kid, you have so much still to learn,” guffawed Matt, ruffling his hair. “Lucky for you, you’ve got me.” He winked, leaving her son looking even more confused just as three firm raps sounded at the door.

Aly straightened, spinning around. Janice beamed, bouncing up and down on her heels. Eli let out a clap and a squeal. Matt just laughed again, shaking his head at all of them.

“Is someone actually going to answer the door or are we going to leave the poor man standing on the porch?” he asked.

Aly swallowed hard, trying to get the lump of nerves that was currently lodged in her throat down. She wanted to tell all of them to go away but that was never going to happen. Janice had been dying to lay eyes on him from the moment Aly had told her about him. Her best friend was not going to be convinced to leave.

This was it. Moment of truth. She stepped forward, hand on the doorknob, inhaling deeply through her nose. They were doing this. Either it would go well and her life would become infinitely different but she had to believe also better or it wouldn’t and everything would stay the same. Same wasn’t so bad. Different would be amazing…better would be even more amazing, but the worst case scenario wasn’t so bad. If Steve didn’t want to pursue anything after tonight she would survive. Of course she would. She’d survived so much worse already. She could handle one small date, dinner, possibly drinks, maybe some dessert.

She swung open the door, the air from the outside rushing in just as the air in her body rushed out. Steve seemed to have that effect on her. It was hard not to when he always looked so damn handsome but god, he looked even better tonight. Yellow was his color, bringing out the green and gold in those heavenly eyes. He flashed her a smile and her knees wobbled as he produced a bouquet of bright pink peonies from behind his back.

“Wow,” he breathed, his eyes running from the top of her head to the tip of her toes and back again. “You look…incredible.”

“You too,” she managed, taking the flowers as he held them out to her. “Thank you. These are beautiful. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. First date, right? It’s kind of a requirement and, you know, I have to make a good impression.”

Eli pointed at him and winked with a big smile and Steve returned the gesture.

“Oh, you’ve got that locked down,” came Janice’s voice from behind her as she stepped forward, looking over Steve appreciatively. “Damn. Aly said you were gorgeous enough to be on television. I thought she was exaggerating but she definitely wasn’t. Look at that hair. Jesus, what products do you use to get it to do that?”

Aly’s stomach rolled with embarrassment, a flash of heat creeping up her neck and across her cheeks. Janice was extremely candid and blunt without ever feeling an ounce of shame. But the words that came out of her mouth often caused Aly to feel just that.

“Uh…thanks. It’s Herbal Essences. I use the Flexible Airspray to get it exactly where I want it,” he stammered.

“Well, it works. Have you seen how thick it is? Jesus, you just want to run your fingers through it, don’t you?” Janice murmured, rising on her tiptoes, her eyes glued to his hair. “And those eyes and wow, look at that chest hair. Damn Aly. You done good.”

“Excuse my wife,” Matt sighed, stepping in, placing his arm around her waist as he gently eased her back and away from Steve. Aly shot him a look of gratitude and he winked. “She just says whatever she’s thinking.”

“Oh, I have a friend who does the same thing,” chuckled Steve with a wave of his hand. “No big deal. I’m used to it. You must be Janice and Matt. Aly’s told me a lot about you.”

“She’s told me a lot about you too,” Janice smirked. “And you sound like a pretty great guy. You better be exactly how you sound. You take care of my girl because if you hurt her…”

“Steve won’t hurt my mommy. He took good care of her when she fell down,” Eli interrupted angrily.

“Oh my god,” Aly groaned. “And on that note, how about we get going before they humiliate me more or Janice has a chance to threaten you any further?”

“Sounds good,” agreed Steve with a nod. “Have fun tonight, little man.”

“Have fun!” Eli yelled, waving.

Aly closed the door behind her with a relieved sigh, offering Steve a smile as he offered her his hand, leading her toward his car. She loved her friend but Steve would never want to see her again if he was threatened with the pain of death if anything went wrong.

“I am so sorry about all of that,” Aly muttered as he opened her door for her and she slid inside.

“No worries,” he assured with a laugh, sliding into the driver's seat. “Are you forgetting how embarrassing my friends are? She’s just looking out for you like they were for me. I get it. Although she was oddly obsessed with my hair.”

“Who isn’t obsessed with your hair?” teased Aly as they pulled away from her house. This was it. It was happening. She was about to have her first date in over a decade. Glancing out the window, she willed her body to relax. This was going to be fine. She could do this.

___________________________________________________________

Steve opened the door to Sage and Salt, his hand finding its way to Aly’s lower back as he guided her into the restaurant. The place was a tiny oasis of elegance and charm in the otherwise small-town feel of Hawkins, providing a little taste of what luxury felt like, which was precisely what the owner had been going for. The decor was a mixture of old-world charm and modern sophistication. Lighting made softer as it shone through stained glass fixtures created a romantic atmosphere.

Prior to its opening, the only restaurant that would be considered nice was Enzo’s, a popular Italian place just down the block. After seven first dates there, Steve couldn’t have choked down another breadstick if he’d wanted to. The whole town had rejoiced when a new dining option had opened.

“Steve!”

His head turned, giving the caller of his name a wide, warm smile as she swooped in, wrapping him in a hug, the only motherly hug he’d ever truly experienced in his life. The tiny woman held on tightly before turning to Aly, her smile getting even wider.

“And who is this vision of loveliness?”

“Joyce, this is Aly,” he introduced, his arm coming around his date, hand lightly wrapping around her bicep. “Aly, this is Joyce. She’s basically Hawkins mama.”

“Really? The whole town’s mama?” asked Aly with a breezy chuckle, the sound filling Steve’s head like a song he just wanted to listen to over and over again. “That’s quite a responsibility.”

Joyce rolled her eyes, “Well, you know, when your son brings home half the town, what are you going to do? It started with the boys. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas and all their DnD stuff. Then came the girls, Max and El. Lucas’s little sister Erica was deemed cool enough to join at one point. And then this one started dating Mike’s sister and became Dustin’s honorary big brother so he and Robin joined the crew. I swear my house was constantly filled to the brim. They barely fit inside that little place. And of course now, with my son married to Nancy and step-dad to Steve’s little boy…” She shrugged. “We’re all just family now.”

Aly looked over at Steve, wide-eyed. He had not warned her or prepared her for this. Sure, from the outside looking in, he could see how strange it would be that he was so close to his ex-wife’s new husband’s mom but he’d been close to Joyce for years. That wasn’t going to change. He’d had two choices when everything went to sh*t and then Nancy and Jonathan had grown closer. He could accept it and make the best of it or he could be bitter and make things difficult for everyone. The choice seemed pretty obvious to him.

“Wow, that’s…incredible. And do you own this place?” Aly inquired.

“Me? No. I just help out around here doing whatever needs doing. My son, Will, is the one who owns it. He opened it a few years ago. Have you met him?”

“No. I haven’t. Not yet.”

“He’s here tonight. He’s in the back right now working on the schedule but ’ll send him out to say hi. His husband, Nolan, is our chef,” Joyce beamed. “That’s how they met. It’s a cute story but I’ll let him tell it. Now, why don’t you two take that table over there in the back?” She winked at Aly. “We save that table just for our special guests and I’ll have Will head on out to take your order in a bit.” She elbowed Steve gently, mouthing, “She’s gorgeous!”

She didn’t have to tell him that. He was surprised to find he was still standing, feeling as if the rug had been pulled out from under him, when the front door opened. That red dress hugged her in all the right places and the color was spectacular on her. Aly was always beautiful but she was absolutely stunning tonight.

The table Joyce had directed them to was a small rounded booth set in the back of the restaurant, a little space where they couldn’t be seen by the other diners thanks to a small wooden wall that raised up behind it. Joyce knew how chatty the residents of Hawkins could be and he sent her a silent thank you for allowing them privacy. The minute anyone caught sight of them, they would be the talk of the town. And that, he didn’t mind. But he didn’t want people feeling the need to approach their table, interrupting their dinner to gush over how cute they were. And having been raised here, that is exactly what some of these residents would do.

“So,” Aly began as he slid in next to her, “you failed to mention that your ex-wife married your friend.”

“Well, it hadn’t really come up,” Steve shrugged. “I don’t know if anyone would have qualified Jonathan and I as friends. I mean, definitely not in high school. He was the weird, loner kid. He did photography for the school paper. That was how he and Nance knew each other. But I guess we became friends the more I hung out with the little twerps. We all just kind of got thrown together and then, yeah, we all hung out. I needed people my own age sometimes. Anyway, when Nance and I split, he was just around for her, you know? Just as a friend at first but then they started feeling more and they were really honest with me about it.”

“And you weren’t upset?”

Steve’s fingers drummed over the table, “Actually, no. You’d think I would be. I suppose I had a right to be. Of all the people she could find, she chose someone who was already so intricately woven into our lives. But I wasn’t. If anything, I guess I thought it was better that way. Jere already knew him. Jonathan’s been a part of everything. I think it made it easier for him to just slide right in. And he’s never expected Jere to call him dad. He’s just Jonathan to him and that’s alright with everyone. But he loves my kid and he’s damn good to him. I mean, what more could I possibly ask for?”

“You have got to be the most mature man to ever exist,” Aly commented, tucking a strand of hair, the exact same strand he’d been longing to push back, behind her ear.

“I don’t know about that but it works for us, you know? We’re a family. Nance and I are connected forever because we have a kid. We might have failed at the marriage part but we created one perfect boy. I love that kid more than anything so why wouldn’t I want the best for him? And what’s best for him is everyone he loves working together in his best interests. Trust me, it’s so nice to have a third person to help.”

“I’ll have to trust you on that one. I don’t even have a second person…”

Her voice trailed off softly and before he could consider what he was doing, Steve’s hand was on her cheek, his thumb brushing over her cheekbone. Her skin was so soft. It was like running his fingers across silk. He couldn’t imagine what it was like, raising a kid alone. He knew she had her friend but to not have a true partner, someone who was just as invested in this kid you’d created as you were…it had to be so damn hard.

Everything that happened with him was on her. Every emotion she had to bear on her own. Every triumph Eli experienced she celebrated alone. Every injury or illness, she worried alone. Every heartbreak he would experience she would have to heal on her own. But maybe not. Maybe not if this thing went the way he hoped.

“You do now,” he assured her, swallowing down his desire to press his lips against hers, the way he’d been wanting to since that first moment he’d turned around and her mouth had formed that perfect little o, that small gasp that fell from those lips creating a need in him to swallow it down.

“That’s really sweet of you but we don’t even know how this is…”

Steve cut her off, “I told you. It doesn’t matter how this goes. I mean, it does. I want it to go well but even if it doesn’t, I am not going anywhere. Jere loves Eli so regardless of what happens with us, the two of us are going to stay a part of your lives.”

“Steve,” she began but they were interrupted when a young guy approached their table.

“Hey. Mom said you were here and told me I needed to come over and say hello,” he said with a shy smile, offering his hand out to Aly. “I’m Will.”

“Aly,” she grinned, taking his hand. “It’s so good to meet you.”

“You too. I’ve already heard all about you from everyone else.”

“Oh, great. That’s just great. Including my embarrassing fall complete with passing out, I assume?”

He laughed, “Yeah. But if it makes it any better, they did tell me they were mostly at fault for that. Sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong is kind of their speciality.”

“So I’ve noticed.” And there was that laugh again. “This is your restaurant? I’m sorry to say that I’ve never been here before. I guess I didn’t really have a reason to…” That sadness passed over her face again and without thinking, Steve’s hand covered hers, wishing he could take it from her, absorb it into his own skin so she never had to look like that again. Aly shook her head, smile firmly back in place. “Anyway, it’s amazing in here. I love the feel of the place.”

“Thanks. If you love the feel, just wait until you taste the food. Nolan is an artist when it comes to cooking.”

“And speaking of artists, our Will here is an artist. All the artwork on the walls is his,” Steve told her, gesturing around them to the eclectic variety of paintings that adorned the space.

Aly’s jaw dropped, eyes widening, taking in the various canvases around the space. Steve warmed at the way Will’s cheeks pinkened, his mouth curving up slightly. He might struggle with taking compliments but it didn’t mean he didn’t deserve all of them. Will was an amazing artist. It wasn’t something that was bringing in big income but Steve loved that he never gave it up. The kid needed the outlet. He always had.

“You painted these? Are you kidding me? These are amazing.”

Will shrugged, “Thanks. It’s just…I don’t know, a hobby I guess.”

“Oh, don’t be modest. You’ve sold quite a few paintings over the years,” Steve reminded him.

“I guess. June bought a few for the coffee shop. I have one hanging in Enzo’s. And I actually was featured in an art show in Indianapolis last year and sold six of them. But it’s just a side thing. The restaurant is my real job.”

“Sounds to me like you have two jobs,” Aly replied. “Both you get to be your own boss and having this still allows you to do what you love. You’re living the dream!”

“I guess,” he grinned. “I never looked at it like that, but yeah. I am pretty much living my dream.” Will cleared his throat, winking at Steve. “Anyway, I don’t want to interrupt your meal any further. I will make sure Nolan whips up something amazing for you both, on the house. You two enjoy your dinner.”

“Thanks. And you two better make it over soon. I haven’t seen your faces in far too long, kid.”

“We will. We will,” he sighed with a roll of his eyes. “It was really nice meeting you. Enjoy guys.”

“Thanks Will,” Aly smiled. “It was so nice to meet you.” Resting her chin on top of her fist, she turned those beautiful eyes on Steve. “Are you just friends with all the nicest people?”

“In Hawkins? Possibly.”

“It explains so much.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve inquired with a chuckle, pausing to thank the waiter when he deposited a bottle of wine, compliments of the owner. The man poured them both a small glass, waiting for their approval before moving along.

“Well, you can tell a lot about a person based on the people he has around him. You have to be one of the kindest, most generous, and patient people I have ever met. The more I see of your world around you, the more it makes sense.”

“You’ve met Robin, right?” he scoffed, lifting his glass to his lips. “I have to have the patience of a saint to be best friends with her.”

“But you don’t. You don’t have to be friends with her. You didn’t have to step in as honorary big brother to Dustin. You certainly didn’t need to then become honorary big brother to a bunch of other kids. You didn’t have to be kind to Nancy and stay friends when you split. You didn’t have to maintain friendships with all of these people who are intricately tied to what was possibly the biggest heartbreak of your life. But you did and you do because they’re worth it. You saw in them what you wanted for yourself. Steve Harrington, you have created a family around you, something it sounds like you were missing growing up. You’ve surrounded your son with a warm family and so much support and love, the kind you didn’t have growing up.” She tilted her head, analyzing him in a way that made him nervous. “You’re kind of amazing.”

“Amazing enough for a second date?”

“Well, we’ll have to see how the rest of dinner goes but I have to say, I really like your chances so far,” she teased, eyes twinkling under the low light.

____________________________________________________________

Aly’s entire body hummed pleasantly as Steve drove toward her house. For all of her concern, their date could not have gone more perfectly. The conversation flowed easily, the food had been excellent, and Steve had continually found little moments to touch her in some fashion. His hand on hers, his fingers brushing over her arm, his palm coming to rest on her knee. Even now, his fingers were locked with hers, their hands resting on her thigh. It felt so easy, so natural and it shouldn’t, should it?

The gentle spring breeze blew through her hair, Jewel’s voice radiating from the speakers, and Aly’s stomach clenched. Because it really shouldn’t be this easy. It shouldn’t feel this simple with a man she’d only known for a couple of weeks. It shouldn’t feel this natural to just move on after losing the love of her life. She feared it was too easy. She feared it would inevitably all come crashing down around her because something had to go wrong, surely. The universe couldn’t possibly make it this effortless, couldn’t allow her to experience this kind of happiness twice when some people never got it once.

“So,” Steve mused, breaking through her thoughts of doom and gloom, “what do you think?”

“About what?”

He smirked, pulling into her driveway, turning off the car. His torso turned toward her, one hand resting on the steering wheel, the other still tightly wrapped around hers. God, he was so damn beautiful. He was the kind of beautiful that left a deep ache inside of you.

“Did the night go well enough for a second date?”

“Oh!” Her lips pressed together, looking down at their hands, the way his completely consumed hers, her fingers all but disappearing in his grasp. “Yeah. This night went…I mean, it was perfect.”

“Perfect? I don’t know about that.”

“No. It was.”

“Nah, it can’t be perfect yet. There’s a very pivotal detail that’s missing.”

“What’s what?” chuckled Aly.

“A goodnight kiss,” he answered, those hazel eyes blazing, gold and green burning her straight to her core. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you from the moment I saw you on the baseball field.”

There went all her oxygen again but this time it wasn’t from an anxiety attack. It was from a deep wanting, a desire that had been rumbling within her, frothing beneath the surface from the moment he’d turned and laid that smile on her.

“Can I kiss you, honey?”

There he went with that honey again. It oozed through her, just like the sticky sweet concoction, pooling in all the right places. Her heart slammed against her ribcage as she nodded, wondering if this moment could possibly live up to the expectation she’d created in her mind of what his lips against hers would feel like.

Steve’s fingers slid through her hair, tenderly gripping the back of her neck. Her breath caught as he leaned forward, pausing for just a beat, his breath brushing across her cheek. His nose nuzzled hers, his lips finding hers, soft and sweet, barely grazing before applying more pressure, molding to her own.

It was a free fall into a sweet abyss of nothingness. It was every scar, wound, ache slowly knitting itself together. It was healing her heart and her soul. It was magic dancing across her skin, igniting her from within. It was both embarking on the greatest adventure and coming home to the comfort of what was safe. It was so much better than her brain could have conjured. It was terrifying and exciting and soothing all at the same time because she already knew she wanted to do it again and again. There was no way she would ever get enough of this.

“Damn…” Steve gasped as they pulled apart, his smile stretching his face, looking as blown away as she felt. “That was…”

“Amazing,” she finished, unsure what to do with this information that was blowing her mind. How could their first kiss be so damn good? Shouldn’t it have at least been awkward?

“I…want…I want to do that again,” he stammered.

Then his hands were cupping her face and his lips were devouring hers. With just a kiss, she felt like she was coming undone, heat gathering in her center until she thought she would spontaneously combust right there, in the passenger seat of his car.

Aly leaned into him, fighting back the urge to climb over the console and into his lap. His tongue slid over the seam of her lips and she opened for him, welcoming the spicy tang of red wine and cardamom that invaded her senses. He was everywhere at once, completely consuming her and still, she couldn’t get enough.

Snapping back to reality, she placed a hand on his chest, pushing herself back a bit. No. She was not going to cross that line on the first date. Damn, she wanted to. She really wanted to as she took in the sight of his swollen lips, eyelids heavy with the same desire she felt. It took everything in her not to tell him to drive them somewhere private.

“I should…Jesus…I should really get inside…” she muttered.

“Yeah. Yeah. Let me, uh…I’ll walk you to…”

“No. That’s okay,” she protested, needing to put distance between them before she did something she could never take back. It was one thing to go on a date, even share a few kisses, and decide things weren’t working out. It was something entirely different to cross that line, to share your body and soul, to be as intimate as you could be, and manage to be logical about it. “I…I’ll see you Thursday, right?”

“Thursday?” he questioned, flustered.

“Baking?”

“Oh yeah. Baking. Yeah. I’ll be there.” As she moved to get out of the car, his hand grasped her arm and she swallowed hard, fighting back the surging desire that roared within her once again at his touch. “Hey. We okay?”

“We’re good,” she assured him, offering a smile. And they were but they would not be if she did not get the hell out of this car. “Really. This night has been…well, it’s been perfect now.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, teeth scraping over his kiss bitten lip. Why did he have to be so damn sexy? “It was perfect. I can’t wait for Thursday to have more alone time with you.”

Her stomach rolled. He was coming to her house while the kids were at school. Her house where there was a couch, a bed, a table…a variety of spaces where…no, she was not going to let that happen. Not yet. It was a horrible idea. Way too soon, right?

“Me neither.”

Aly darted from the car, turning back to wave as she reached the porch. She dug in her purse for her keys but before she could find them the door swung open, Janice waiting on the other side looking like the cat that caught the canary.

“God damn,” she squealed, wiggling her fingers in Steve’s direction as he backed out of the driveway. “I mean, seriously…goddamn. That was…”

Aly’s mouth dropped open, “Were you spying?”

“Of course I was spying! That was hot as hell! You have been well and truly kissed my friend.”

“Jesus Janice! Creeper much?”

“Oh come on! I had to watch. And that was…god, was it as good as it looked?”

“It was better,” Aly smiled, jumping when her friend shrieked.

“Now we just need to get you well and truly f*cked which shouldn’t be hard based on what I just saw.”

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

“Wow,” Robin breathed, her eyes so wide Steve feared they would pop out of her head, her spoon of cereal paused in front of the perfect circle her mouth was currently making. “That good, huh?”

“Better than good. I don’t…sh*t, I don’t even know how to describe it,” Steve replied, arms dropping to the table. “I’ve…Robin, I have never felt anything like that before. It was incredible and so damn intense. I don’t…I don’t know if I can have any self-control now that I know what kissing her feels like and I have to have self-control with her. That kiss is all I’ve been able to think about. It’s all I want to do. I had to stop myself from driving to her work today just to see her and touch her again. I think I might be losing my mind.”

Everything about last night had been perfect. From the food to the conversation to the girl. He knew he liked Aly. He knew he liked her a lot. He’d known he wanted to kiss her from the moment he’d laid eyes on her but nothing could have prepared him for what it was actually like. The moment his lips touched hers it was like sticking his finger in an electrical socket. She consumed him. It felt like she was everywhere at once, completely overwhelming every one of his senses until she was all that existed.

Steve was not new to kissing. In fact his track record was probably far higher than most but he’d never had a kiss like that. That kiss made all other kisses seem pointless. Why would he ever waste his lips on anything that wasn’t as amazing as that? And now all he could think about was her lips and her skin and how much more he wanted to explore. He was completely done for and that was scary as hell.

Robin giggled, her spoon clinking as she dropped it into the bowl, “Oh, my sweet summer child, you have got it so bad.”

“I know! What do I do?” he pleaded desperately.

The blond shrugged, her foot coming up to rest on the seat of the chair, arm wrapping around her leg, “Why would you want to do anything? Go with it. Savor it. Enjoy the hell out of it. Kiss that woman silly.”

“Robs, this isn’t funny.”

“I’m not saying it’s funny. Steve, it’s amazing. I’ve never seen you so over the moon. I mean, yeah, you fall hard and fast but it’s all just a show. I’ve never seen you this lovestruck, my friend. You give new meaning to the term stars in his eyes.”

“But I told her it was no pressure. I said it wouldn’t be a big deal if it didn’t work out and now it feels like a very big deal! How am I supposed to go back to the way things were now that I know how goddamn good she feels?”

Blue eyes widened as she leaned forward, “Whoa. How good she feels? I thought all you did was kiss.”

“That is all we did!” he huffed. “But I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about how so many other things would feel with her. But that’s a huge step, right? I mean, if I sleep with her then there is definitely no going back. It would be too awkward. And then what about the boys? I will shatter Jere’s heart when I tell him Eli’s mom and I can’t be around each other anymore. And what about…”

“Whoa! Hold your horses there cowboy. You’re getting just a bit ahead of yourself, don’t you think? Why are you already planning on all of this going south? Obviously, you two had an amazing time together and a kiss that could launch a thousand ships or some sh*t. Why would you think this isn’t going to be something?”

“Because it’s me!”

“And?”

“And I can’t ever make anything work. I am King Steve alright, the king of failed relationships.”

“Or…and hear me out, you’ve only had failed relationships because you’ve picked the wrong girls. Aly doesn’t sound like the wrong girl. I mean, honestly, did you ever have a kiss with Nance that made you feel like that?”

“No, but you know me. I’m going to push too hard, too fast, and she’s going to get freaked out and run. Look at me. Already I want to race over and see her even though I am seeing her tomorrow. Hell, I wanted to turn around and drive back to kiss her senseless all over again the moment I pulled away. I’m going to do it, Robin. I’m going to be too much. I can already feel it.”

“Okay,” shrugged Robin. Inhaling, she dropped her leg to the floor, arms crossing on top of the table. “Say you do what you do and you’re really needy and smothering and make it so she feels like she can’t breathe. Steve, we’re talking about a girl who lost her husband, a girl who has been alone for two years, a girl who hasn’t had anyone to care for her. Do you think she’ll find it smothering or do you think she’ll find it refreshing? Maybe she doesn’t even like breathing. Maybe what she wants is a Steve sized pillow right over her mouth and…” She cringed, lips puckering. “Okay, eww. I am realizing how that sounds but you know what I mean. Hell, maybe she does want that too.”

“But what if…”

“What if? What if? What if the Earth implodes tomorrow or aliens finally make themselves known and attack us all? Steve, you could go through the what ifs all damn day if you want but we both know all you’re really doing is grasping at sh*t because you’re scared.”

“Scared?” he scoffed, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “I’m not scared. I just don’t want to make an ass of myself.”

“No. You’re scared. Terrified with a capital ‘T’ because King Steve has had a ton of relationships, more than is actually acceptable for the common person if we’re being honest. But what you’ve never had is anything real and that scares the sh*t out of you. Because if it’s real then that means there’s very real potential for losing it. But you have to stop focusing on what could happen and start focusing on what is happening right now. Because from what I’m hearing, she is just as deep into this as you are. It doesn’t sound like she was trying to stop the kiss which tells me she wants it. So just go with it. Go with the moment, with what you feel because yeah, it could all go to sh*t in a month. But it could also be your happy ending, Steve and you have to stop thinking you don’t deserve it or that it’s not possible for you because you, my friend, are worthy of all that sh*t they write about in romance novels.”

He was scared. He was scared sh*tless because there were a million and one ways he could manage to royally f*ck this whole thing up. He was the king of f*ck-ups when it came to relationships. And Aly was the first one that felt like it was something, something more than just a companion, something more than just someone he wanted around so he didn’t have to be alone.

“Hey Steve!” came Dustin’s voice, the front door banging against the wall, making Steve swear because how many times had he told that kid not to do that? He’d already patched that spot twice because of him. “You got anything for breakfast? I’m all out of Cinnamon Toa…” He paused in the doorway when he took in the sight of Steve and Robin at the table. “Sorry. This looks serious.” His face lit up, finger pointing at Robin’s bowl. “Sweet. Exactly what I needed.” Pulling the bowl over, he dropped down between the two of them.

“By all means,” Robin snapped. “I wasn’t eating that or anything.”

“Don’t you have your own house with your own food?” Steve sighed.

“Well, yes I do,” replied Dustin, scooping milk and cereal into his mouth, “but I am all out of cereal.”

“You know, there’s this place that all your breakfast needs. It’s called the grocery store.”

“Yeah, but you’re only a block away. Why would I drive all the way to the store when I can just come over here where there’s always food?”

“Because it’s my food,” argued Steve, jabbing his pointer finger repeatedly into the table. “It’s my food that I buy for me and my son to eat and it’s my house and it’s my table and it’s my bowl and spoon.”

“Damn. Someone’s grouchy today.” Dustin rolled his eyes toward Robin. “What’s up his butt?”

“Aly.”

“Impressive. That’s quite a leap from barely being able to tell her you like her.”

“Come on, man.” Steve wadded up a napkin, throwing it at his face. “I told you not to talk about my sex life.”

“So there is a sex life to talk about?”

Robin snigg*red, “Based on how last night went there will be shortly.”

“Ohh!” Full teeth on display, he wiggled his eyebrows at Steve. “Do tell. More than dinner was enjoyed last night? Maybe a little late night dessert? A little something sweet after the meal? A little…”

“No. Absolutely not. I am not talking about this with a child,” Steve snorted, arms flailing in the air as he rose from the table. Grabbing onto the bowl that had been Robin’s before Dustin had stolen it, he walked it over to the sink, rinsing the remains of cereal and milk into the garbage disposal.

“Dude, I was still eating that! And I am not a child,” protested Dustin. “I am twenty-six! I have not been a child for eight years.”

Robin ruffled his hair. “You’ll always be itty bitty Dusty-Bun to us.”

“Knock it off. Jesus, seriously, you two have got to realize I am a man now. I am not unknown to the ways of carnal enjoyments. You’re not going to tell me anything I don’t already know. Seriously, did you and Aly hook up?”

“No! We just kissed, okay?”

Steve spun, leaning against the sink, fingers wrapping around the edge. He glanced over at the clock. Normally he would be leaving now to pick up Jeremiah from school to start his few days with him but Nancy would be getting him today. She was keeping him for the night because it was her dad’s birthday and they were all going out to dinner.

He had a whole evening ahead of him with nothing to occupy his thoughts and that was dangerous. Because his thoughts could lead him right to Aly’s doorstep. He hadn’t been exaggerating. Twice he’d had to convince himself that it would be ridiculous for him to show up when they had plans to see each other Thursday. Twice he’d been ready to turn his car right instead of left simply because he wanted to see her face. But his fear of doing what he always did, getting clingy, stopped him.

Steve had always been clingy in relationships. He had this neurotic need to feel important, to feel needed, to feel wanted. Robin told him his lack of parental love as a child left him constantly seeking it out in others. It was annoying how well she could read him but it didn’t make her wrong. And this time was so much worse. The intensity of his feelings was magnified by a hundred and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to be the pillow that smothered this relationship before it even began.

“It didn’t sound like just any old kiss to me,” Robin mused, opening the refrigerator to pull out a can of Dr. Pepper, something he only kept in the house because she drank it and she was always there. “It sounded like the kind of kiss that leads to all of the other dirty, delicious things.” Lifting her eyebrows, she nodded toward Dustin. “They were pawing at each other like a couple of horny teenagers in that car.”

“Steve! How very…junior year Steve of you. Which, I mean, that Steve was a douche but in this case, I approve,” Dustin laughed, only annoying him further. “And she was into it? I mean, obviously. Aren’t you two seeing each other tomorrow?”

“They are. They’re baking together for the school carnival.”

“Baking? Seriously?” He cringed at Steve. “How is that even slightly sexy?”

“Are you kidding me? The kids will be at school. They will have the whole house to themselves.” Pushing off the fridge, Robin’s hands wove in front of her as if she were setting a scene for a play. “Picture it. They’re mixing up ingredients and oops, some just happens to get on her neck. What to do? The only obvious conclusion is for Steve to lick it off.”

“Oh! Yeah and once you get tongues involved…” A husky laugh rose up out of Dustin, causing Steve a lot of unease. He did not appreciate this side of Dustin, the kid he used to give advice to for how to talk to girls. Dustin and tongues did not mix and was not an image he wanted in his brain. “That’s hot.”

“It’s not hot,” he stated, turning back to the dishes in the sink. “It’s not. We are two parents who volunteered to help bake for the carnival and…”

“Yeah. One of them who can’t bake and only chose that option to spend more time with the girl of his dreams,” Robin reminded.

“Yeah. I did,” he admitted, squeezing far more dish soap onto the sponge than was necessary in his irritation. “But I didn’t do it to get lucky or whatever. I did it just so we can spend time together. We’ve been on one date. She’s a widow. I mean, Jesus. We’re just getting to know each other. Nothing like that is happening for a long time.”

“Sure. If you say so,” Dustin snorted and Steve had had more than enough. He grabbed the sprayer from the sink, pulling it as far as it would go, shooting water right at his face. The boy’s hands flew up as he yelled, wiping the droplets off his skin. “Damn! That was unnecessary, Steve!”

“It was very necessary. Stop talking about my sex life. One, it gives me the ick to hear you talking about sex at all. You shouldn’t know anything about it. As far as I am concerned, you’ve never done it and I don’t want to know otherwise. And two, it’s not happening.” At Robin and Dustin’s disbelieving look, he sighed. “It’s not. Nothing is happening tomorrow. Seriously.”

____________________________________________________________

Aly moved throughout the house, laundry basket tucked under her arm, as she did her nightly pick-up of Eli’s various toys and clothes that had managed to be strewn everywhere. A random sock that had been deposited while he was eating his after school snack, the Hot Wheels car that had raced on an epic journey down the steps and then been abandoned at the base of them, the stuffed giraffe forgotten on the couch as he’d fumbled half asleep upstairs for bedtime.

Depositing the basket next to the stairs to be dealt with tomorrow morning, she made her way into the kitchen. She grabbed the bottle of Malbec that she’d picked up at the store earlier and poured herself a generous glass before making her way toward the living room, pausing at the door frame, her eyes trailing the little pencil lines that documented her son’s growth through the years.

Her finger traced the one that said, Eli, 5 years old, the last time that Justin had been the one to do it. She could see the moment so clearly, the light in her son’s eyes as his dad gasped, marveling at how much he’d grown since last year, asking him if he’d been sneaking spinach when they weren’t looking. Eli had giggled as Justin had hoisted him into the air, exclaiming that he was going to be bigger than him, something her son could not fathom as his father always seemed larger than life.

“I miss you,” she whispered, closing her eyes, tears burning the backs of her eyelids.

She hoped he could hear her, somehow, someway, through the span of time and space and death. She hoped he knew how much she missed him, how much Eli missed his dad. She hoped that he knew that there wasn’t a day that went by where she didn’t think of him and wished that things had gone differently.

Her feet led her into the living room and she collapsed on the couch, her head resting along the back. She’d never once asked Justin to give up the military. Not when they were dating, not when they got married, not even when she found out she was pregnant or after their son had arrived. She’d always known how much the job meant to him. He wouldn’t have been her Justin if he’d walked away.

No. She’d always accepted it was just a part of him like the color of his hair or the way he rose before the sun no matter what time he went to bed. He was a soldier and that was it. There was no speculating on that, no room for compromise. To ask him to quit would have been like asking him to give up his soul.

She’d worried. Of course she had. She knew it was a possibility but he always came home to her…until he didn’t.

Even knowing it’s a possibility never actually prepares you for the real thing. Yeah, she knew it could happen, that at any moment something could go wrong when her husband was heading into hostile areas. But she never actually entertained the thought. He was the other half of her. She couldn’t possibly survive without him so he had to keep coming home to her.

And how could she not have known when it happened? If their souls were linked, if they were connected the way she believed they were, why didn’t she feel it when he’d left this Earth? Surely there should have been some pain, some ache, some sign from the Universe that the other half of her heart had been destroyed.

But she’d known nothing. She’d woken to her alarm, made breakfast, gotten Eli ready and dropped him off at school. She’d stopped at the grocery store and chatted with Nick, the cashier, like it was any other Tuesday. He’d told her that he was heading to Stanford the following fall for Mathematics and Statistics. She’d come home and started the laundry. She was just plugging in the vacuum when the knock at the door came. How could she have been sweeping when a piece of her very heart had been destroyed?

How could she have been sitting in her living room, sharing a glass of wine and laughing with Janice, when her husband was bleeding out half a world away? She’d focused on that for so long when she’d found out when he died. She’d hated herself for it, for enjoying life, for having a laugh, while he lay suffering so far from his family.

The ring of the phone jolted her from her thoughts. Blinking, Aly set her wineglass down on the coffee table and padded, barefoot, to grab the cordless from its stand by the television before the ringing woke up Eli.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey. It’s not too late to call, is it? I was going to call you earlier but your dad invited Jerry and Susanne over without telling me and I just got them out of my house. They just bought a camper and once we got on that subject, they would not shut up about it. They had to tell us about all the bells and whistles it’s got and all the places they’re going to see. Good grief. It’s just an extra-large tent, you know.”

“A tent doesn’t have a running bathroom.”

She smiled, dropping back onto the couch, lifting her glass to her mouth as she listened to her mom rant for ten more minutes about this couple.

“Your dad met him at the golf course and, of course, now I’m stuck with not only him but his braggy wife. Now she wants to have lunch next week. She wants to tell me all about the pool they’re having put in this summer and the kitchen remodel they did last year. Please. I hate people who show off. Money doesn’t make anybody better than anyone else. Money can’t buy you manners or a kind heart.”

“No, you’re right about that. But come on, mom. Don’t you think it would be nice to get out of the house and go to lunch? You just met the lady. She might have been trying to impress you. Give her a chance.”

“Oh, don’t you start, too. Your dad’s been saying the same thing. Susanne loves reading romance novels just like you. You should invite her to your book club. You two have so much in common. Just give her a chance.” Aly could hear her mother’s eyes roll through the phone. “Maybe I don’t want to give her a chance. I have plenty of my own friends.”

“But dad doesn’t.”

A loud sigh came down the line, “I know he doesn’t. Anyway, how are you and that beautiful grandson of mine?”

“We’re both really good.”

Her mom went silent which was never a good sign.

“Mom?”

“Really? That’s intriguing.”

“What’s intriguing?”

“The emphasis you just put on really.”

“I did not emphasize really,” sighed Aly, heading falling against the back of the couch.

“You absolutely did. So what is the reason for this over-emphasized really?”

“Mom…”

“Oh, come on. Something’s changed since the last time we talked. And it’s something good by the sound of it. Is it so bad that I want to know what made my daughter so happy?”

“You’re very nosy, did you know that?”

“I do but also, you’re my child so I am allowed. If I can’t prod into every part of your life, then whose can I? Besides, it’s been far too long since I’ve heard that little…what word am I looking for? Delighted. You sound delighted. Exhilarated even. Dare I say exuberant? Effervescent?”

“Just because you teach creative writing at a university doesn’t mean you have to throw the thesaurus at me. I am not one of your students.”

“Darling, come on. Tell me what’s got you sounding happy for the first time in years. I can keep going. You sound jubilant, joyous, lighthearted…”

“Oh my god, stop,” she laughed, running her palm over her forehead. “Okay. If you must know, there might be a person…”

“A person? And is this person of the male persuasion?”

“Maybe.”

“And how did you meet this person who may or may not have a penis?”

“Mom!”

“Basic anatomy dear. It’s not that scandalous.”

“Jesus. You’re just as bad as Janice.” How she’d managed to be a product of her mother was beyond her, especially when her dad wasn’t much better. Both of them just said whatever they wanted, consequences be damned. “He is Eli’s little league coach. That’s how we met. Eli and his son, Jeremiah, became best friends this year at school and it started with just trying to get a playdate together. But then, because of the boys, we’ve been spending a lot of time together and he asked me on a date. We went out to dinner last night.”

“And?”

“And what?”

Her mother snorted and she could picture her face so clearly, the sound bringing back every time she’d tried to avoid a conversation when she was younger. When her mom asked about her crush on Elliot in junior high. When she’d tried to get her to share about her prom night. When she’d come home crying after Jessica Finch had told everyone she’d given blowj*bs to half the basketball team. Her mother always knew and she always managed to dig it out of her no matter how hard Aly tried to resist. There was no resisting Sally Madden when she was on an information gathering mission.

“How did it go?”

“It was…perfect? I mean, it was amazing. He’s such a good guy, mom. He’s ridiculously good looking.”

“Oh! Describe him for me.”

She sat forward, crossing her legs, setting her empty glass on the table. How to describe Steve? It felt like there weren’t the words to accurately depict how beautiful he truly was.

“Okay. Well, he’s just under six feet. He has this chestnut colored hair. It’s so thick and it’s longer but not too long. It’s the kind of hair that most girls would kill for. He has hazel eyes and I swear, every color is in them. Sometimes they’re more green, sometimes more golden, sometimes more brown. It’s like they change with his moods. And his smile…his smile is like the sun. It’s so bright and beautiful and you just can’t help but smile too. And he has these adorable little moles on his face and neck. And he’s fit, you know, but not, like, too fit. He’s not all muscly but he definitely takes care of himself. His hands are huge. They could swallow my entire head but he’s so gentle. Oh, and his chest hair…I didn’t even know I had a thing for chest hair but apparently I do.”

Her mom giggled and Aly’s face flushed. She hadn’t meant to quite share all of that but once she began, it all just came spilling out. Had she really just talked about Steve’s chest hair with her mother? She could envision her mom’s feet kicking in glee, overjoyed that she had shared so much.

“Mom, please don’t make this a bigger deal than it is,” she pleaded. “We’ve only gone on one date and I have no idea where it’s going. It might be nothing.”

“I’m not making anything bigger than it is. Honey, you sound so happy. It is absolutely a big deal. It’s the biggest deal. Oh, I can’t wait to meet this guy who has made my girl sound like she’s truly living for the first time since Justin.”

That familiar knot of guilt coiled inside of her at her husband’s name. She rotated her ankles, willing away any kind of anxiety. It was okay. She was allowed to be happy. At least that’s what everyone kept telling her and if she shared how she was feeling with her mother, she would tell her the same thing. There was no point in rehashing it again.

“Mom, it’s really not yet. It might not even be anything.”

“You know, we were talking about coming for a visit. This could be the perfect time.”

“Oh no. Wait…”

“Oh Aly, I can’t wait to meet him. I can already tell by the way you sound that he’s incredible. And he sounds so dreamy but then, you’ve always had good taste. Maybe we could plan a trip for next month. Your dad wants to catch one of Eli’s games anyway.”

Oh god. Her stomach rolled, her eyes darting to find something to focus on. The clock on the wall, the steady tick of the second hand. The ashtray on the coffee table that Eli had made for her last year even though she didn’t smoke. Her red pumps sitting by the door, discarded after a long day at work.

No. Her mom swooping in, fawning all over Steve, and inflating this into something much larger than it was…that was the last thing she needed. Sounds…she needed sounds. Any sounds that were not her mother screeching in her ear.

“Mom, I have to go.”

“Oh, but sweetie…”

“No. I need to go,” she gasped, struggling to find air.

“Aly? Honey, is it happening?”

“It’s ok. I’ve got control of it but I need to get off the phone.”

“Okay but if you…”

“Bye mom.”

She slammed the phone down, closing her eyes, going inward. The tick of the clock, the sound of someone’s radio playing next door, the hum of the washing machine. She wiggled her fingers, nodded her head, and tapped her foot.

It was under control. She was in control. She could do this. If her parents came it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Besides, she would love to see them. The last time they’d seen them had been Christmas and Eli would be overjoyed that they were visiting. She would have to give Steve fair warning before then. Yeah. That wouldn’t be awkward at all.

____________________________________________________________

Steve ran damp palms down the front of his jeans as he approached Aly’s house the next morning. She’d told him to be there by eleven so they would have plenty of time to get the baking done before the boys had to be picked up from school. Looking at his watch it was 10:56. He was right on time.

Of course, that could be because of how stressed he’d been this morning. After dropping off Jeremiah, he had called in to the office just to check in and make sure everything was set for the day. As soon as Aly had offered to let him come and bake with her, he rearranged his schedule, moving a meeting to tomorrow and asking Gerry to do the rounds of some of the job sites. But still, it was his responsibility, and he just wanted the assurance that all would run smoothly and he wouldn’t receive any calls interrupting their time together.

Gerry was great but he’d only been with the company for six months and often called just to double check decisions with Steve. His self-confidence was lacking. Steve had assured him that he could make the calls today, making it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to be bothered for the day unless it was a life-or-death emergency. Nothing would burst the bubble of a new relationship faster than constant distractions.

He’d spent the two hours after that pacing, checking the clock, heading into the bathroom to make sure he looked okay, changing his shirt, anxiously waiting for it to be time to leave. On more than one occasion he’d grabbed his keys, thinking he’d just show up early but stopped himself, not wanting to seem too eager. But he was. He’d thought of nothing but her since their date, seeing her face, hearing her laugh, getting to taste those perfectly sweet lips again.

She had even invaded his dreams in the very best way possible. After a rather vivid dream of her underneath him, his name falling from her lips as she urged him on over and over, he’d had to take matters into his own hands this morning to relieve the throbbing hard-on he’d opened his eyes to. His hand moving over his length, picturing her in his mind, those pink lips and beautiful eyes, her dainty hand stroking him to release.

f*ck. Steve shook it off. He had to stop. He was not going to be able to control himself from making a move if he didn’t. It was hard enough to not touch her or kiss her when the boys were around and now, they were going to be completely alone in her house. That opened far too many possibilities and he didn’t want to push her too fast. He feared if they made a move she wasn’t really ready for, then she would retreat, pull away from him, and this would be over before it really began.

Bracing himself, he lifted his fist and rapped on the door three times. He could do this. He could control these urges. He wasn’t a f*cking pre-teen anymore who didn’t know what to do with a boner. He had this completely under control.

But then the door opened and no, he absolutely did not because there she stood, looking so damn enticing and all he could focus on were those perfect pink lips, currently curved up on both sides in the most delicious looking smile, and he was overcome with the urge to shove her against the wall and kiss her senseless.

“Hey! Right on time,” she beamed, waving her hand in invitation. “Come on in. I’ve got the kitchen all set up for us.”

“Great,” he replied, thinking she didn’t have the kitchen set up for what he actually wanted to be doing. “I am going to apologize now because I really am very bad at this. I don’t know how much help I’ll be. I may have just signed you up for double duty.”

She shrugged, bouncing barefoot, her toenails a bright sky blue, into the kitchen. The counter space was absolutely covered with mixing bowls, baking pans, containers of baking ingredients, and tupperware just waiting to hold sweet treats.

“Not a big deal. I actually love to bake. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”

“With your mom?”

“Oh god no,” snorted Aly, grabbing the container that looked like flour. “My mom would burn the house down if she tried to bake. She can’t cook, either. She hates the kitchen. If it weren’t for my dad, we would have lived off of take-out. No. I baked with my grandma. I used to spend most weekends with her when I was a kid and she always had something in the oven.”

“That’s cute. I can just picture little Aly, nose all dusted with flour. She never taught your mom?”

“Grandma on my dad’s side,” she explained. “We’re going to start off with basic rice krispie treats. Every kid loves a rice krispie treat.” At his skeptical expression, she laughed, sliding the recipe card toward him. “I promise. You can’t mess it up. It’s not even really baking. Nothing has to go in the oven.”

“You have far too much faith in me,” Steve told her, glancing down at the card.

“You just melt the butter and then add the marshmallows. The trick is to keep stirring it until the marshmallows are completely melted. Then you add the mixture to the Rice Krispies, spread it in the pan, let it cool, and voila, you have a yummy treat. I mean, anyone can do that.”

“You clearly haven’t met me. I can grill any kind of meat you want but baking…but we’ll see. I’ll give it a go.”

He set to work on the Rice Krispie Treats, grabbing a saucepan and a stick of butter. He turned the burner on low, watching as Aly began measuring and dumping ingredients into a bowl.

“And what are you making?”

“I am making my grandma’s famous strawberry crumb bars,” she answered.

“Ahh. So, does your mom’s mom not like to cook or bake either?” he asked, swirling a spatula through the butter gently.

“My grandma on my mom’s side doesn’t like anything,” Aly laughed harshly. “She’s a miserable woman who made my mom’s childhood hell. She got pregnant at twenty-two and the guy took off. She’s never told my mom who her dad is. I guess she never wanted kids and so she just acted like she didn’t have one. My mom practically raised herself, which is why she has no idea how to cook. She lived off of cereal and canned soup, whatever she could find because her mom went out most nights leaving her alone. She doesn’t speak to her and neither do I.”

“Damn, that really sucks for your mom. I’m sorry.”

Aly shrugged, stirring the ingredients in the bowl. “It doesn’t really bother me. I never went without. It bothers me for my mom. It does suck. It sucks that she never had anyone to call about all the crazy sh*t that happens in life. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom. She drives me nuts but she’s my best friend, you know?”

“No,” he chuckled awkwardly, dumping marshmallows into the pan. “I actually don’t. I’m more like your mom, remember? Hell, I may as well be an orphan at this point. I haven’t seen my parents in years. They didn’t even come up to the hospital to see Jere when he was born. My mom saw him once, when he was four months old.”

“Jesus…that…Steve, I don’t even have words for that. How does a mother do that? How can they not want to see their own grandchild?”

“Probably because they don’t want to see me,” he answered, cringing as he attempted to stir the cereal into the sticky mixture. It did not want to mix and he had to give it some real elbow grease to get it to start blending together. “I’m a massive disappointment. I didn’t go to college. I didn’t follow in my dad’s footsteps and according to them, I married down and now I am reaping what I sowed. Like they’re the glowing example of a successful marriage. Staying together doesn’t mean it’s successful, especially when you can barely stand each other.”

Aly slid by him as he carried the bowl to the counter and she transferred her bars to the oven. Closing the door, she spun, hands braced on the handle.

“You know they’re wrong, don’t you?”

“What?” he asked, becoming frustrated as the gooey concoction fought back, not wanting to leave the spatula to transfer into the pan.

“Your parents. They’re wrong. Any parent who wouldn’t be proud as hell to have raised someone like you is completely out of their mind.”

“I think you give me far more credit than I deserve.” Steve groaned, shaking his hand as the marshmallow mixture stuck to his fingers when he tried to press it out of the bowl and into the pan.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Aly chuckled, grabbing the butter. “Here. Hang on.” She spread the butter lightly over the spatula, easily spooning the rest into the pan and then spread it over the top to even it out. “You don’t see what everyone else does.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’m not proud of where I’m at. I know I’ve done okay for myself. And I wouldn’t trade a single part of my life for the one they wanted for me.” Steve moved to the sink, squirting soap onto his hands, scrubbing at the sticky mess he’d become. “I just worry that you have this image in your head of me and you’re going to wind up sorely disappointed when I can’t live up to it.”

“Oh Steve, you’ve already far exceeded it. You don’t have to try as hard as you think.”

A shudder ran through him at the closeness of her voice. He grabbed the dish towel that was folded next to the sink, drying his hands as he turned to her, resting against the counter. Aly was right in front of him, those beautiful eyes filled with just as much desire as he was currently feeling. Was it real or was he just imagining it? Did she want this as badly as he did?

“I want to kiss you again, Aly. Jesus Christ, I’ve wanted to kiss you silly since you opened that door,” he stated boldly and she stepped into him, pulling the dish towel from his hands, tossing it back onto the counter.

“So what’s stopping you?”

That was all the confirmation he needed and then his hands were on her face, his mouth descending on hers. His entire body sagged as if in sweet relief, releasing the breath he’d been holding since he’d arrived. He felt like a parched man who’d finally received a drink of water, the very essence of life seeping into every pore of his being.

His hands moved to her hips as hers tangled in his hair and he pressed her back into the island, his lips never leaving hers. A moan vibrated from her body to his and the aftershocks of it shot straight to his co*ck. f*ck, he wanted her so badly. He wanted to taste every single goddamn inch of this woman, to run his hands over her bare skin, to watch as she unraveled before him. He wanted to worship at her goddamn feet. It was becoming harder to remember why he needed to wait.

It was made damn near impossible when she pressed back against him, their bodies colliding against the sink once again. Aly’s lips broke from his and she gasped his name when his thigh came between her legs. She rocked forward against it and any sense of self-control he had snapped. He had to make her say his name again and again. He wanted to memorize her, to find out exactly what made her feel good, and then watch her come undone when he did just that.

“Jesus Christ,” he groaned, her hips rolling as she sought out the pressure of his jean-clad thigh.

Keeping one hand on her hip, his other slid into her hair, cupping the back of her neck. He finally allowed himself to explore more of her. His nose traced the line of her throat, his tongue following, relishing the shiver that raced over her skin as he did so. He sucked the lobe of her ear between his lips, reminding himself they were crossing over a dangerous line, one he wouldn’t be able to stop at soon.

“Honey…if we don’t stop now…I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” he rasped when her fingers dug into his back. “f*ck, I want you. I want you so badly right now but if you don’t want this…”

____________________________________________________________

His words filtered through the fog of desire that had her completely lust drunk. Did she want this? God, she wanted this. Her body was craving this. She wanted all these stupid clothes out of the way. She wanted no barriers between them. She wanted him in a way she hadn’t wanted anything in far too long. Was it stupid? Maybe, but she couldn’t bring herself to think rationally right now. The repercussions of this were a problem for later her to deal with.

“I want this,” she choked out. “I want you.”

He groaned and then his hands were pulling her shirt over her head, his eyes hungry as they roamed over her chest, the pink lacy bra she’d put on as she'd tried to convince herself it wasn’t for a reason when in reality it was for this exact reason.

“You are so beautiful, honey.”

She needed to see him too. She pulled at the hem of his shirt and he reached for it impatiently, pulling it up and over his head, dropping it to the floor. Jesus. Her eyes raked over every tiny mole, the mass of dark hair that coated his chest, tapering into a line that disappeared under the waist of his jeans.

“You too,” she murmured, entranced, her hand moving as if on its own, fingers slipping through the coarse hairs, following the line down his abdomen. She watched as his eyes slipped closed, felt the shudder that ran over his stomach, the muscles going taut, at her touch.

That soft smile, those warm eyes, threatened to melt her just like the butter on the stove. His fingers slipped under the straps of her bra, his eyes locked on hers as if asking for her permission. Her teeth raked her bottom lip. She nodded, feeling the silky straps slip over her biceps and down her arms. Then his fingers were brushing the curve of her breasts and he was gently pulling the lace away from her, exposing her nipples, already hard little pebbles.

“I just want to taste every single inch of your skin,” Steve whispered, the backs of his hands tracing the mounded flesh, ripples of anticipation coursing through her. He stepped into her, forcing her to step back. “Is that alright, beautiful girl?”

“Yes…”

Then his lips were wrapping around her nipple and her hand was in his hair, eyes rolling back in her head, her back arching against the island. He nibbled, licked, and suckled before his tongue glided over her skin, providing the same attention to the other. Her body was absolutely humming under his attention and when his fingers found the button on her pants, she trembled with the expectation of what was to come.

“This okay?” he mumbled against her skin, face nuzzled between her breasts.

“Uh-huh…” she whimpered, losing herself in the feel of those stupidly soft lips moving lower, open mouthed kisses pressed against every single bare inch of her while his fingers worked her button and zipper.

His thumbs hooked in her belt loops, dragging her jeans down her legs, his lips taking the time to savor each inch of skin as it was exposed until she thought she would implode with need. Steve’s hand curled around her inner thigh, nudging her legs apart and she obliged, hands gripping the island behind her for dear life.

He looked up at her and her eyes found his. That was a mistake. As his tongue ran over his lower lip, his eyes darkening, turning a deep chocolate brown, she thought she would come right on the spot. She’d never had anyone look at her with so much desire, not even Justin. But she quickly shut that thought process down because if she let him in right now, she would never be able to go through with this and she wanted this so much right now. She needed this. She needed this like a man who had been starving for days needed a meal.

Steve leaned forward and then his warm breath caressed the lace of her matching pink panties. She inhaled sharply, eyes slipping closed as his nose ran over the fabric, bumping over exactly where she needed sweet relief. She whimpered softly, hips rolling toward him. His fingers curled into the cloth, pulling it down her legs while his mouth teased, kisses that were far too soft dancing over her inner thighs.

Aly lifted one foot and then the other, allowing him to pull them away, her body now completely exposed to him. Steve lips traced a path along the curves of her before they found hers again, his hands working behind her back, sliding bowls and canisters away. Those large hands grasped onto her ass, lifting her up and setting her on the island, her legs dangling over the edge.

“Lay back for me, honey,” Steve urged, his palm pressing against her breastbone until her back was flush with the formica. His hands slid along her body, fingers digging into the flesh of her hips as his eyes soaked in every inch of her, stopping when they reached her puss* already glistening with need. “Jesus, Aly, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I can’t believe that I’m the one who gets to touch you…”

His thumb traced the seam of her and static, nothing but static filled her brain. He slid through her slick and then he was applying pressure where she was aching for it, grazing over the sensitive nub, her hips rocking up to meet his hand. All rational thought was gone. She couldn’t have contemplated anything if she wanted to. The only thing she could focus on was his hand and then his fingers pressing against her entrance before they were inside her, stretching her.

Her eyes fluttered open to find him focused on her face and she swallowed, hard. He was watching her like she was a painting at the museum and he was trying to interpret her meaning. Like she was an image he was trying to burn into his memory. Her already overheated skin was blazing under his scrutiny.

“Does that feel good?” he asked, his free hand roaming the length of her torso to palm her breast. “Tell me, honey. Tell me what you need. I want to give you whatever you need.”

She was going to die. She was going to die right here, on her kitchen island, and she would be the happiest woman to do so. This man seriously could not be anymore perfect. The way he kept checking to make sure she was okay, the way he wanted to know just what she wanted. This man couldn’t be real.

“It’s good…” she gasped. “Jesus, so good.”

“But tell me what you want. Come on. What do you like? Is it this?” He curled his fingers within her and her back arched, a wail of pleasure ripping from within her. Steve smiled, his fingers pressing against that spongy space within her that had her vision going fuzzy. “Yeah. You like that?”

“Yes…I like that…” she shuddered. “Oh my god….Steve…”

“I love when you say my name. Wanna make you say it over and over.”

He dropped to his knees, hands clasping her calves and draping them over his shoulders. A guttural sound, more animal than human, wrenched from her lips when his lips wrapped around her cl*t, sucking the tiny bud while his fingers continued moving within her. Her hips rocked, her head swiveled, her hands grasping the edges of the island so tightly the wood underneath was digging into her flesh.

“Steve…” His tongue flicked and fluttered. “Steve…” He circled and swirled. “Steve…” His lips covered it again, pulling it between them tightly, and she screamed, “Steve!”

Her entire body convulsed as trails of fire raced over her skin, the spring that had been coiling tightly within her from the moment his lips found hers finally breaking free. Her vision faded as everything turned white around her and she shattered under the force of her release.

An overwhelming need to feel every single inch of him overtook her and she shot up just as he was rising to his feet, the evidence of what he’d just done to her shining on his lips and chin. Her hands grasped at his face, pulling him in, the taste of her own pleasure evident on his tongue, only furthering her need for him.

His hands dropped on either side of her as hers worked at his pants, pushing them and his boxers down over his hips. Pulling her face from his, she looked down, her eyes widening at his girth. The man was even more hung than she’d imagined. Her hand wrapped around the width of him, her fingers and thumb not quite meeting and the muscle in his jaw jumping as he ground his teeth.

“f*ck, that feels so good,” he growled as she moved her hand along the length of him, stroking from root to tip.

She watched his face as she stroked him, her thumb rubbing over the tip, spreading the dampness that was already collected there. He was so beautiful. His lips parted as he panted softly, the line of his jaw as hard as stone, his eyes closed, those long lashes resting on his cheekbones. And she was the one who was making him look that way. The very thought was enough to send her over the edge again.

“Wanna feel you, honey. I want to be inside you. Would that be alright?”

Yes. God, yes. She wanted that too. In answer, she scooted forward, slipping the head of him over her heat, raking her teeth over her lip when he groaned, the sound a rumble that ran right through him.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve groaned as he pressed into her, pausing to allow her body to get used to his girth.

Her body stretched for him, welcomed him, as if it had been waiting for him. He pressed further, the movement so slow, until their pelvises were flush together and he was completely buried within her. His hand cradled the back of her head, his forehead pressed to hers, as they stayed still for a moment, just relishing the feel of their bodies connected.

“f*ck, honey. You feel amazing. You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m good,” she assured, touched that even now he had enough control to worry about her, to take the time to ensure that she was handling him okay.

His other hand gripped her hip as he began to move, slowly thrusting forward, his co*ck dragging along her walls, feeling like he was stretching her anew each and every time. He was being so sweet, so gentle with her, but Aly was craving more. She wanted him to move faster, to thrust harder. She wanted him to take her like she was his, to claim her, because in this moment she wanted nothing more than to belong to Steve.

His finger brushed her bottom lip, “What do you want, beautiful girl? Tell me.” Like he knew exactly what she was thinking.

“More…I want more,” she gasped, fingers gripping his firm shoulder blades, nails raking over the skin. “Faster. Harder…more.”

Her body was screaming for it. It had been so long since she’d done this with anyone and her puss* was practically vibrating with excitement to finally be put to good use.

“Oh yeah?” His palm came to her breastbone again, pressing her back down onto the island. “I told you I would give you anything you want, do anything you want. You want it like this?”

His hands grabbed onto her hips as he pounded into her, their flesh slapping together, echoing in the space of the kitchen. She cried out his name, her hands wrapping around his forearms to keep herself from slipping over the counter.

His hips pistoned relentlessly, giving her exactly what she asked for and that snake in her belly coiled tightly, prepared to strike once again. Gripping his arms, her back bowed, as she tumbled through the stratosphere that was the earth shattering release exploding from within her.

“Oh f*ck…Jesus…you’re so…f*ck!”

Steve thrust into her, fingers clenching on the flesh of her hips as he grunted, his release filling her. He sucked down a large gulp of air, sweat glistening along the skin of his forehead and collapsed forward on her, his face pressed between her breasts, co*ck still nestled within her.

“Holy f*ck…” he gasped, his lips peppering her skin with soft kisses.

Her fingers slipped into his hair, “Yeah…that’s definitely one way to describe it.”

She lay there, panting, struggling to come back down from the high she was currently on when her nose wrinkled. She smelled something…wrong. It was an acrid smell, almost smoky. And then her fire alarm began blaring.

“sh*t!” she yelled, slapping at his back. “The bars!”

Steve jumped up, slipping out from her and as she leapt from the island, his release slid down her legs. But she couldn’t worry about that when dark smoke was currently billowing out of the oven.

Steve grabbed onto a pot holder, opening the oven door and pulling the bars that were now a burnt crisp out. He dropped them on top of the stove when Aly ran to the kitchen window, cracking it open, waving her arms to try to get the smoke out. Steve grabbed the dish towel he’d used earlier and waved it by the smoke detector until it finally stopped its incessant beeping.

“Holy sh*t,” she gasped, bent forward and then she burst out laughing at the absurdity of this moment. Both of them, bare ass naked, racing around the kitchen to empty it of smoke.

“Yeah, holy sh*t,” he laughed. “I mean, I like to think sex with me is pretty hot but I’ve never almost burned down a kitchen before.”

“So much for the bars.”

He shrugged, slipping up beside her, his arms snaking around her waist, his face nuzzling into her neck.

“That just means we need to do more baking and I would definitely like to do more baking with you.”

Just a little note: I am getting ready to leave for vacation for a week and I don't plan on doing any writing while I'm gone. So, it might be a couple weeks before the next chapter comes out but it will happen. I promise. Hope this will tide you over until then. 😊❤️😘

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Three hours later found Aly sitting in the passenger seat of Steve’s car, wondering if doing this together was a good idea. After they managed to get some actual baking done, her counter littered with trays of sweet treats, they’d realized what time it was. Steve announced they should go get the kids. Like this was a normal occurrence, the two of them picking up their children from school together. Like they wouldn’t be making some epic statement to the world when they exited the same car at Hawkins Elementary.

What would Eli think when he came out of school to find both her and Steve waiting for him? How would he feel riding home from school in Steve’s car? Who was she kidding? Her son would be ecstatic. He’d get to spend more time with Jeremiah, which was always a good thing in his book. And wasn’t this exactly what the boys had been pushing for? The two of them together?

Were they together? It should be obvious after what had gone down in her kitchen. But was it? It was fairly obvious to her that Steve had been around the block a few times. From the way he and his friends talked he was no stranger to relationships. Did sex mean anything more to him than just a good time? Did she want it to mean more? As much as she liked him, what in the hell had she just gotten herself into? It felt like they’d just bypassed far too many steps and were stumbling into what could be dangerous territory. Shouldn’t there have been some conversation about what they were to each other, declarations of love or something before they got all carnal with each other?

She had no idea. She was really bad at this. Her and Justin hadn’t slept together until the night he’d told her he loved her and she’d said it back. There had only been three guys prior to him and only one of them had been a one night stand, a drunken mistake her freshman year of college. Was that what this had been? A one night stand? Or, actually, a one morning stand since it hadn’t even been noon when it began? Or was Steve thinking they were now officially a couple? Jesus, they needed to talk about it but this would be a really bad time now. They couldn’t have this discussion with the kids around.

Why hadn’t she said anything in the kitchen? It wasn’t like they’d been silent. They’d talked as they baked but it was all meaningless stuff. Steve filled her in on the new project his company was working on. She told him about the helicopter mom that had been in the office yesterday, standing over her shoulder as she’d administered vaccinations. He’d been touchy, kissing the back of her neck as he transferred baked goods to the oven for her or placing his hands on her hips, watching over her shoulder as she tried to show him how to properly measure ingredients. The guy had no idea what he was doing. He was used to seasoning to his heart’s content. She had to explain that baking was like chemistry. It had to be exact. But not once had they addressed what had just happened or what it meant.

“Anyway, you don’t have to if you don’t want to but I know Jere would love it. And I would love it too but I don’t want to put too much pressure on you. I know this thing has just started, really.”

This thing? What thing? The two of them? Was it a thing? Were they the thing? Had it started? And what did that mean? Was he her boyfriend now? And what had he even been saying? Were they having the exact conversation she was thinking about and she was missing it? Her inner monologue had just interrupted him and now she had no idea what Steve was asking her.

“I am so sorry. I kind of missed all of that. I was stuck in my head. What were you asking me?”

“We’re having Jere’s birthday party next weekend. It’s at my ex’s place. It will basically be all the people you met at my house plus my ex, her husband, and her parents. Anyway, Jere really wanted Eli to come so I promised I would ask. Nance and Jonathan hired some guy that dresses up like Batman so he knows he’s coming and he said Eli would be so mad at him if he didn’t get to meet Batman too.”

“Your ex’s house?”Aly asked, that one detail the only thing she could focus on out of everything he’d just said.

They’d gone on one date, somehow bypassed the appropriate amount of time before sleeping together considering he’d just ravished her on her damn kitchen counter, and now he wanted her to meet his ex-wife? To be introduced as his…what? His son’s friend’s mom? His friend? His girlfriend? What was happening right now?

Her fingers wrapped around the handle of the car door, squeezing tightly. Inhale. Exhale. She was not about to have an anxiety attack in his car. She was not going to do this right now. She had control of herself and her body. This was insane. Why couldn’t she just respond to stress like most people? Why did the slightest things always set her off? She hated it. She hated that she couldn’t just handle the normal ups and downs of life anymore.

“Yeah. Look, I know it sounds weird but I promise you it won’t be. Nance is great and she’s dying to meet you.”

“Dying to meet me?”

“Yeah. I mean, Jere told her about you so she asked and then I told her about us going out.”

That explained it. The ex wanted to size up the new woman who was in his life, the new woman who was in her son’s life. Aly couldn’t blame her for that. If she was in her shoes, she would probably feel the same way. She’d want to know who was hanging around her son. Maybe she thought this was all too fast. Maybe she was pissed because he hadn’t talked to her about it first. Maybe she should have met her beforehand?

But how could she have? This all began because she was trying to set up a playdate for her son, not one for herself. Aly’d had no intentions of dating Steve, not at first. It just kind of happened. There was no way to go about this the proper way when it hadn’t been planned. But was she going to hate her? To see her as some woman who was sneaking in behind her back and trying to take her place?

“Look, you don’t have to come if it makes you uncomfortable. I knew it would be a hard ask. But if you don’t mind, I can always pick up Eli and take him myself. Jere would be shattered if his best friend wasn’t there.”

“No. Uh…I’ll go,” she stammered, swallowing down the tension that was filling her throat, choking her slowly. Why was she agreeing to this? Because she just couldn’t say no to that face, those hazel eyes, golden in the afternoon light that were looking at her with so much hope.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” She turned her head toward him, offering up the best smile she could muster. She might live to regret it but it would make her son happy and Steve really seemed to want her there. “Eli will be so excited.”

“Great. It’s at three. I would offer to pick you up but I told her I would help with setting up. You know, him being my kid too and all. I’ll give you her address.”

“Great.”

Steve pulled into the school parking lot, sliding into a space. Aly stepped out and walked to the front of the car, waiting for him to join her. She was pleasantly surprised when he took her hand in his as if it was just something they did, the two of them making their way up to school. He wanted her to come to his son’s birthday party and he was showing a display of affection in front of everyone at school. Maybe this was more than just hooking up. Maybe they were a thing now. Her stomach both fluttered with joy and rolled with nerves at the thought.

She could feel the eyes following them and could practically hear the whispers that would be flying around like wildfire at the sight of the two of them. Not only showing up at parent pick-up together but holding hands. Whatever. It didn’t matter really. The rumor mill had already started churning from the moment they had left the baseball game together so let them talk. At least now what they were saying was actually true.

The doors swung open, kindergarten releasing first followed by first grade. Little feet racing across the concrete into waiting arms, squeals of joy that the school day was over and they were going home to bike rides and basketball hoops in backyards. Aly caught sight of her son, right next to Jeremiah, where he always was, the two boys talking and laughing. His eyes fell on her, moved over to Steve, and then went directly down to where their hands were clasped. Him and Jeremiah shared a wide-eyed look and then they both yelled out loud, fists pumping in the air.

“I think they’re happy. What do you think?” questioned Steve with a grin.

Aly laughed, “I would definitely say they’re happy.”

The boys ran over to them, both yelling, talking so fast it was difficult to catch what they were saying. They kept it up the whole walk back to the car, barely waiting for the car to start before questioning their parents.

“So are you guys like boyfriend and girlfriend now?” asked Jeremiah, leaning between them.

“Put your seatbelt on,” Steve stated.

“But are you?” he asked again, sitting back and buckling in.

“Yeah. Are we all going to live together now?” piped in Eli.

“Oh, that would be so cool! Are you getting married?”

“Do I call you daddy?”

It was happening again. Aly sunk down into her seat, eyes focusing on the numbers on the clock, the pine tree shaped air freshener hanging from the mirror, the sunglasses clipped on the visor above Steve’s head. She closed her eyes. Sounds…she couldn’t focus on sounds, nothing could be heard over the myriad of questions the boys were spewing out in the back.

Then a warm pressure landed on her knee. Fingers pressing into the jean material, centering her, keeping her still while inside she felt like she was losing control. She inhaled through her nose, exhaled through her mouth, focusing on Steve’s fingers, the warmth and pressure, the comfort it provided.

“You good?” he asked when she slowly opened her eyes and she nodded. She was. “Alright. Let’s calm down a bit, okay? Aly and I are just getting to know each other. We like each other and we would like to spend more time together and keep doing that. But no one is moving in anytime soon and no one is getting married anytime soon. Okay?”

His eyes darted to the rearview mirror and both boys nodded. He squeezed her knee again reassuringly.

“But we might be spending even more time together than we have been. Would that be okay?”

“Yeah!” both kids yelled enthusiastically.

“Alright. How about we start with tonight? I need to help your mom box up all the goodies we baked today for the school carnival on Saturday. How about after we’re done with that we go to the diner to grab some burgers and then we can come back and play some games, all four of us? Sound good?”

“Can I get a milkshake too?” asked Jeremiah.

“Oh yeah. What’s your favorite flavor?”

“Let’s both say it on three!”

“Okay,” Eli agreed as both boys turned to each other, counting before exclaiming at the same time, “Strawberry!”

Steve chuckled, turning those beautiful eyes on her, “That okay with you?”

“Yeah,” Aly replied, pressing her lips together. “That would be nice.”

“Good because I’m not ready to stop looking at this face yet.” He winked and her heart stuttered.

___________________________________________________________

“Rita, can you schedule Tyler for a follow-up in two weeks?” inquired Aly as she walked Tyler and his mom to the front, turning to the mother. “Dr. Wilson just wants to make sure it’s a respiratory infection and not asthma. He’ll listen to his lungs again to make sure they’re clear after using the breathing treatments and corticosteroids. As long as everything sounds clear, then he should be all set.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Of course.” Leaning forward, she ruffled the six year old’s hair. “We’ll have you back out on the soccer field in no time. Just make sure you take it easy for a couple weeks, okay?”

“Okay,” he grumbled.

Aly smirked, amused, because she knew if it were Eli he’d be the same way. There was nothing worse than trying to keep a little kid from being active. Her son would be devastated if he found out he couldn’t play baseball or run around at recess or don his cape and race around the backyard for a couple weeks.

Kids. They didn’t understand. Aly would give anything for someone to order her to take it easy for a couple weeks. She’d catch up on the books that were piled in her bedroom, the ones she couldn’t seem to stop buying but never seemed to get to. She’d watch all the movies that she hadn’t had time to go see in the theater. She’d take long bubble baths and afternoon naps.

But barring some crazy illness, that was not in the cards for her. And she couldn’t afford a crazy illness, certainly not one that would knock her down for a couple weeks. Not with the school carnival tomorrow, Eli’s game on Sunday, and the impending promise of her parents showing up for a visit.

Her eyes wandered over the appointment list, seeing that she didn’t have another patient for an hour but her mind was anywhere but. Her mind had been anywhere but where it should have been all day. She should have been focusing on test results, examinations, immunizations, medical histories, and charting. Instead it somehow kept finding its way back to her kitchen yesterday afternoon.

What in the hell had she been thinking? That was precisely the problem. She hadn’t been thinking. Her brain had completely shut off and her body had taken over. She was like some teenage girl completely controlled by her hormones and her urges. He’d just looked so damn good and then he was kissing her and he was all she could think about, the only thing she could feel. And she’d wanted more.

Right now, standing here, in the middle of the office, she wanted more. She wanted to get in her car, drive to his home, and have a repeat performance. It might have been a mistake but damn if it wasn’t one that would be worth repeating, if for no other reason than she was damn near positive that she would never feel like that again with anyone else. What was even more terrifying was that she didn’t want to. He was all she could think about and feeling this intensely this quickly was unsettling because it would make losing him all that much harder if it happened.

Was it Steve? Was he just that amazing at sex? His fingers and tongue had done things to her that made her forget her own name. He was definitely skilled. But was it as simple as that? Was it the combination of the two of them? It sure as hell felt so. It felt like they just fit, like his body had been carved to mold perfectly against hers, all their curves and edges lining up.

“Hey girl!”

Aly shrieked, jumping about a foot in the air, her arm lashing out and knocking a cup of pens off the counter and onto the floor. Grumbling, she bent down to grab them, glancing up to find Janice grinning at her, eyes wide.

“Sorry. What’s got you so jumpy?”

“Nothing. I…it’s nothing,” she muttered, setting the cup down, plopping the pens back inside. “What are you doing here?”

“I brought lunch,” her friend stated, holding up a brown paper bag and a cup holder with two coffees. “June made us two of her phenomenal turkey and pesto sandwiches on sourdough.”

“Okay…” Aly said, the word dragging out suspiciously. “And why exactly did you bring me lunch?”

“Does a bestie have to have a reason to do something nice for her favorite person on the planet? Also, do I have to have a reason to want to have lunch with you?”

“I guess not.”

“So, are you free?”

“Yeah, actually. I just looked and my next patient isn’t scheduled for another hour.”

“Did you want to head to your little spot by the pond?”

“Sure.”

Aly followed Janice, who bounced on the balls of her feet, only furthering her suspicions that this wasn’t just her wanting to have lunch with her best friend. The girl definitely had an agenda and whatever it was, she was pretty anxious about it if the bounce in her step was any indication. She bopped over to the bench, Aly joining her, as she pulled out two sandwiches wrapped in brown paper, offering one to her.

“Thank you,” Aly said, taking a long drink of her iced coffee. “I needed this pick-me-up today. My morning caffeine hit is quickly wearing off.” Unwrapping her sandwich, she took a bite. “God, this is so good. I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until now.” They ate in silence for a couple minutes, the only sound little groans of pleasure. June’s talent did not stop at a good cup of coffee. She knew how to make one perfect sandwich as well. “So what? Just needed a little break in your day?”

“Not exactly…” Janice began, pressing her lips together. She looked up at Aly, her lips pressed together in a nervous smile. “I’m pregnant.”

“What!?” Her arms flew out, the last few bits of the bread scattering off of her lap. Oh well. The ducks would definitely enjoy it. “Are you serious? When? How long have you known?”

“About two hours,” she said, mouth tight. “I just took the test this morning after Matt left for work.”

“What? Does he know?”

“No. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“Janice…oh my god! I’m so…I’m so happy for you!” She pulled her friend into a hug, joy feeling like a balloon, filling her up until she could absolutely burst with it. “But, you told me first? I mean, you are planning on telling him, right?”

“Yes. I am. But I was just so nervous. I’ve been feeling a little nauseous and at first I just thought I’d caught a bug. But then I realized my period was a week late and it’s so early. I know it is. I probably shouldn’t have even told you because the chances of something going wrong are so drastically high right now…”

“Nothing is going to go wrong,” Aly assured her.

“You can’t promise that.”

“No. I guess I can’t and maybe you wait until the second trimester to announce it to the world but you can’t wait that long to tell your husband. Matt is going to be so excited. The two of you have been trying for months. He’s going to be a dad, Janice.”

“I know! Trust me, I know. It’s just…he wants this so much and what if I tell him and we’re all excited and we’re picking out names and then something happens? I’m thirty-two and Holly is the same age as me and she had a miscarriage. I don’t want…”

Aly winced, remembering that emotional phone call she’d received just six months ago. Holly, their friend from college, lived in California now, having moved there when her husband got a job transfer, but they still stayed in touch. Weekly phone calls, cards for special occasions, and she’d even flown in last summer to spend a week with them. A glorious week where Aly had taken vacation time and they’d lounged at the lake, eaten far too much junk food, and stayed up half the night laughing and talking as they shared a bottle of wine. It had made her feel like she was twenty again, just starting life, optimistic about what was to come, not a care in the world.

“Okay, yeah. That’s always a possibility but you can’t assume that. It had nothing to do with her age. Don’t you remember Stacy? We were only twenty-one and she had a miscarriage and that girl was the epitome of physical fitness. She ran track and watched everything she put in her mouth. She couldn’t have been healthier. Sometimes there’s no rhyme nor reason to it and it’s not fair but it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Let yourself be happy. This is a happy occasion. If you don’t want to share it with everyone for a while, then fine, but you have to share this with Matt. The two of you deserve to be in your own little bubble of bliss.”

“I know. I know you’re right. I just…I don’t know. I saw those two pink lines on that stick and at first, I was so excited. I screamed and I jumped up and down. I almost hopped in my car and drove straight to his work to tell him. But then all these doubts started creeping in and I just couldn’t. I freaked out and so I did what I always do when I freak out.” She paused, smiling, her shoulder lifting in a slight shrug as her hand covered Aly’s. “I ran to you.”

“Well, while it is a tough job to always be the one to try to lead you back to the shallows when you jump off the deep end, it’s not a job I would ever trust to anyone else,” Aly told her, wrapping her fingers around her friend’s hand, squeezing gently. “And oh my God, Janice! You’re having a baby!”

“I’m having a baby!” she cried and the two of them collapsed into a hug, weeping and laughing and shrieking. “You’re going to be an aunt! Auntie Aly!”

“Eli is going to freak when he finds out.”

Janice raked her teeth over her bottom lip, “Can we not tell him just yet?”

“Of course,” she assured her. “Of course. We can absolutely wait until you’re ready. Besides, you and Matt definitely have to be the ones to tell him this news. He’s always wanted a younger sibling and I don’t see that happening so maybe he’ll settle for this.”

Janice shifted, one eyebrow raising, “I don’t know. There’s still a possibility.”

“Oh please,” she snorted with a dry laugh. “I’m widowed and in my thirties. Justin and I…I mean we talked about trying for another baby but then he was gone. I would have loved to give Eli a sibling but I really don’t think that’s in the cards.”

“Never say never,” her friend sang. “You have a new guy in your life. You’re not ancient. You’re sitting there telling me my age is fine for being pregnant so why couldn’t you do it?”

“Janice, Steve and I barely know each other. We’ve gone on one date.”

“Well, you know my argument on this. The two of you have spent far more time together than that. Besides, I think we can safely count it as two now. He was at your house yesterday baking.”

“That was baking. We were just getting stuff ready for the school carnival.”

Aly’s face flushed with heat, her gaze dropping to her lap, thumbs twirling tightly around one another. It was far more than just baking but did it count as a date? Probably not. A mistake? Absolutely. Steve had been with quite a few women if rumors were to be believed and now she’d just lumped herself in with the rest of them. So much for making him wait or keeping him interested. He already knew everything she had to offer.

“Still, you were alone and…why’s your face all red?”

“What? My face is not red,” she protested, sucking down a massive gulp of iced coffee, willing the cool drink to also cool her flesh and stop giving her away.

“You are too! You’re redder than a boiled lobster.”

“We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. You’re pregnant! We’re very excited about that.”

“Like hell we’re not talking about you. Don’t you try to change the subject. I mentioned baking and you got all flustered. The two of you, alone in your house, no kids around…you had sex, didn’t you!?”

“What!? I…no…I…”

“Aly, don’t bullsh*t me,” Janice warned, one perfectly manicured finger just an inch from her nose. “We’ve been friends for fourteen years. I know you better than anybody. You had sex, didn’t you?”

She groaned, her body sagging against the bench, “Yes.”

“Holy sh*t! Holy sh*t! I knew it! Oh my god, this is amazing. How was it? Where was it? Who initiated it? Does he look just as good underneath those clothes? Is he hung? Details! I need all the details!”

“Jesus Christ, do we really have to do this?”

“Yes we have to do this. My friend got well and truly f*cked for the first time in over two years. I need to know everything.”

“But you don’t. It was…”

“Oh god. What’s wrong with him?” Janice cringed. “Is he a minute man? Was he one of those guys who thinks penetration is enough to get you there? Does he have a micro penis? Oh Jesus. He has a micro penis, doesn’t he? Guys like that, they always look like they’ll be hung but then they’re not. But it’s okay. We can work with it.”

“No! God. It…it just shouldn’t have even happened. It was a huge mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking. That was the problem! I wasn’t thinking. I just…god, I wanted him so badly. I haven’t had sex in forever and I lost all control and then it was happening and there was no stopping it once it started and now he’s going to think I’m easy and he’s not even going to be interested. And now there’s all these feelings that wouldn’t have been there if I would have just kept my damn legs shut and if it doesn’t work out it’s going to be even more devastating. I’m terrified of what another heartbreak will do to me when I’m already hanging on by a thread most days. And it was so good and it shouldn’t have been that good. I shouldn’t be craving him the way I am right now. I can’t stop thinking about him and then that makes me feel awful because it feels like I am just completely abandoning Justin. I’m just moving on as if he didn’t matter. I shouldn't even be able to feel like this about someone else.”

“Whoa!” Janice held both hands up in front of her body. “Alright. Take a deep breath for me.” She inhaled slowly, gesturing for Aly to join her. After she did, Janice smiled. “Okay. That’s a lot of sh*t to unpack. So, let’s take it a step at a time, okay? So what if you already slept with him? Are you stuck on some archaic three date rule or something? You guys don’t fall into that category because you’ve been spending time together for a few weeks already. So, forget that. Steve is not going to think you’re easy. Honey, you’ve been the Virgin Mary since Justin passed away. It was inevitable that your self-control was going to snap. And around a man that looks like that, who could blame you? As for the feelings, feelings aren’t a bad thing and you can kid yourself all you want but sex isn’t changing the fact that you were already in deep for that man.” She pointed to herself. “Person who knows you best, remember? I know every expression that crosses your face, every little gesture you make, every emotion that you wear painted right across your sleeve. You’ve been in deep for that man from the moment you saw him on the baseball field. I could see it the first time you talked about him. So, that ship has long since sailed. If this all ends, you’re going to be just as devastated whether you opened your legs or not so you may as well have fun with it. I will throw your own words right back at you. You can’t control the future so be happy. You deserve it and as far as Justin, stop it. Stop obsessing about what he would think. He’s not here, honey. You’re not cheating on him. You’re not forgetting him. If you were, you wouldn’t be obsessing about how he would feel. He would be pissed, absolutely, if he were alive but he’s not. You wouldn’t be doing this if he were alive so that’s inconsequential. And the only thing he ever wanted, the only thing that ever mattered to him, was that you and Eli were happy and taken care of. Justin would love Steve because from what you’ve told me, he’s amazing to both of you. So, stop it. Okay? Get out of your head and enjoy this. Something amazing is happening here. Be in your own little bliss bubble.”

“I really like him,” Aly admitted.

“Well, duh,” laughed Janice.

“It terrifies me. He’s amazing. I mean, he shouldn’t be real. He’s gorgeous. He’s kind. He’s attentive. He listens. I mean, he really listens to everything I say. He’s respectful, always making sure I am okay with what’s happening before it happens. He makes me laugh. He is a wonderful father and just a wonderful human. He’s so self-sacrificing, always putting everyone else before himself. I think…I think I might be falling for him and that’s insane. We barely know each other. Isn’t that insane?”

Janice shrugged, “Is it? I mean, there’s no timeline for this kind of stuff. There’s no manual on how to feel about something. We can’t control it. I knew I loved Matt on our fourth date. I don’t know. I just knew he was it for me. I didn’t say it then, of course. I was scared he would think I was crazy and I would chase him away. But he said it after we’d been together for six weeks and so I said it too. And look at us. Look at you and Justin. How long did it take you to say the L word?”

“Two months. He took me ice skating. I fell and took him with me and he just grabbed my face and told me he loved me. And I don’t know. I just knew I felt the same way. I think I actually knew it for longer than that but I didn’t say it.”

“So, do you love Steve?”

“I don’t know,” she groaned. “That’s a really big word for something that’s barely begun.”

“Honey, you’ve been about as intimate as two people can be. And you all hang out like you’re a little family already. I don’t think it’s as big of a word as you think. Or, it is a big word, but I don’t think it’s too big to describe what’s happening.”

“Maybe…I…I just don’t know. I know I really like him. I know that I can’t stop thinking about him. I know that I am counting down the hours until he picks us up tomorrow for the carnival because I just want to see his face.”

“Sure sounds like it to me,” Janice grinned. “Look, it’s not a big deal. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. No one’s saying you have to say anything or define anything right now. Just stop obsessing and let yourself enjoy this because it’s pretty damn cool. You, my friend, are in the midst of a love story, a sequel if you will to your first one. Just enjoy the ride.”

“I’ll try,” Aly assured her, dropping her head on her shoulder. “Now, how soon am I allowed to start shopping for my niece or nephew?”

“Oh lord,” she chucked. “You’re going to spoil this kid rotten, aren’t you? I guess I deserve that for all the sh*t I’ve bought for Eli over the years.”

“Absolutely.”

___________________________________________________________

“Four hot dogs with everything and a popcorn please,” the jovial dad announced as he stepped forward in line.

“You got it. Would you like anything to drink?”

He glanced over at his wife, the two conversing over their drink options. Their kids, a boy in third grade and a girl in fourth, chimed in, making sure their preferences were known. It quickly turned into the kids whining and huffing when their parents settled on waters, denying their request for a co*ke and an icee.

The icee machine was something that Laurie was very proud of procuring for the school carnival. Apparently, she convinced Sal, who ran the gas station in the middle of town to allow them to borrow his for the evening. Aly was pretty sure Sal was just the next in a long line of men that Laurie strung along, flirting shamelessly to get what she wanted from them. Poor guys. They didn’t realize they would be receiving nothing in return until they were in too deep.

Steve loaded up the hot dogs, handing them off to her so she could hand them to the family. She reached into the cooler to grab their bottles of water while he scooped out popcorn, loading it into the red and white striped boxes that were customary at every concession stand.

Aly smiled as she watched her son and his friends race past, their faces covered in paint. Tina had kindly offered to keep an eye on them while Steve and her fulfilled their hour at the concession stand. She took the money the dad offered, telling them to have fun, watching as Eli stepped forward to try his luck at the duck pond. His little face lit up when he turned his duck over to reveal a number. The guy offered him a tiny rubber finger alligator and he couldn’t have been more pleased, immediately placing it on his finger and roaring as he shoved it in Jeremiah’s face. The boys thought this was hysterical, all of them breaking into a fit of laughter.

“They’re sure enjoying themselves.”

Aly jumped at Steve’s words spoken right in her ear. She tilted her head to find him, one arm propped on the counter, his lips just a breath from hers. The smile he gave her was as soft and familiar as a pillow, the one you even had to take on vacation because it was molded to your shape.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi.” She laughed, the sound hoarse and breathy as she tried to get her bearings. His presence invading her space sent her entirely off kilter like a planet knocked from its orbit, floating haphazardly in the vast nothingness of space.

“We’ve been working back here for thirty minutes together and have barely talked.” His fingers walked across the counter to cover her hand with his own. “You’ve been kind of quiet.”

“No. No, I haven’t. We’ve just been busy.”

His head tilted, lips pouting in that way that just made her want to kiss them right off his face. One eyebrow lifted, those hazel eyes reaching straight through her and into her soul, as if he could read her like the pages of a book. The thought, while comforting, was also a bit unsettling. She wasn’t sure how to feel about him being able to see her so clearly after such a short time.

Had she been quiet? Probably. Her brain was a bit occupied with everything that had occurred in the last forty-eight hours of her life. They’d not only gone on a date but crossed the line into sex. What did it mean? Were they a couple now? Were they still just getting to know each other like he’d told the boys? Did he still look at her the same way even though she’d been so willing to be intimate with him so quickly?

She was spinning out a bit. Her talk with Janice had helped some but she hadn’t done this in years. Aly had no idea how to deal with the bevy of emotions that were twisting her into a knot. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. A simple touch and she was like a sixteen year old girl, hormones raging, on the verge of losing control, ready to grab him and smash her lips to his in front of all these damn people.

“Is that it?” he mused, forehead tilting down, almost close enough for hers to touch. “I know we haven’t really talked about what happened on Thursday but I’d like to. I wanted to…”

“Help has arrived!” came a high pitched sing-song voice and Aly moved her head around Steve to see the source. It was Janet Comstock, one of her least favorite people on the planet. And judging from the look on Steve’s face, she didn’t rank very high for him either. “Looks like you two have been pretty busy.”

“Janet? I thought your shift didn’t start for another thirty minutes. You and Ryan are supposed to do the next one together,” Steve stated, straightening and turning. He leaned back against the counter, arms crossed, staring her down like she was a misbehaving child.

“Oh, it doesn’t but I figured you two could use the help when I saw how people just kept lining up.”

“I think we’re alright,” protested Steve.

“Nonsense. It never hurts to have more hands, right?” she beamed and then snorted, rolling her eyes. “You know, if you fill up the popcorn boxes in advance then you don’t have to waste time when people order them. Much more efficient. See? You need me.”

“Like a hole in the head,” he muttered, teeth clenched tightly, only Aly hearing his words.

“Aly, how have you been?” she breezed, donning a pair of latex gloves in preparation to scoop up popcorn.

“Okay…” she replied slowly, growing more confused by the minute. She wasn’t a fan of Janet either but Steve seemed to be extremely put off by her presence.

“That’s good. I’m so glad to see you doing better,” she continued as she scooped. “We were all so worried about you for a while. No one ever saw you. I swear, you became a hermit after everything. Not that I blame you. Justin was perfect, wasn’t he? You had every woman in town jealous. If only we all could find our soulmate but alas, we’re not so lucky. I mean, when there’s only one person who’s really meant to be yours, what are the chances of you finding them in this great big world?”

“I…I mean, yeah, I was lucky to have Justin. He was an amazing man,” Aly said awkwardly, unsure of what was happening.

Steve was like a statue next to her, standing rigid, his jaw so hard she was sure it could cut through six inch glass. This was the most uncomfortable situation she’d ever been in. She would never pretend like Justin wasn’t one of the best things to happen to her but she really didn’t want to talk about that in front of Steve. But Janet couldn’t know that, right? People may have made assumptions about the two of them but they didn’t actually know what had happened.

“Oh, he was,” crooned Janet. “Strong, kind, and so romantic. I remember when he had all those roses delivered to the doctor’s office for you. I had taken Sally in for an ear infection and they were everywhere, completely covering the counter. Poor Rita could barely see.” She laughed. “The way you two would look at each other, it was like something out of one of them cheesy romance movies. The kind you think are completely fake because nothing like that could ever actually exist. But you two showed us all it could. You must miss him terribly. It must be awful knowing you can never find anything that could come close to that again. But at least you had it for a while, right? Some of us never do.”

“Yeah. I…I…did…” she stammered, her fingers wrapping around the counter so tightly they were tingling, on the verge of going numb. What was this? Why was Janet saying all of this?

Aly was struck with the need to get out of there, to be anywhere else but here, talking about her perfect love that she no longer had in front of the guy she was hoping to find it with again. The muscle in Steve’s jaw jumped, his nostrils flaring. He was angry.

Was he angry because she was talking about Justin? He knew. He knew she’d been married, knew she’d lost her husband, knew she had loved him very much. Was he not capable of handling this? Of knowing that she’d had a great love before? Justin was never going to be erased from her life. Eli was proof of that. She would forever have a piece of him and if Steve couldn’t handle that then this whole thing might be over before it had even begun.

Janet turned with a sad smile, sighing deeply, her plastic covered hands coming to her chest, “I thought I had that.” Her eyes moved over to Steve and it felt like a ten pound stone had just dropped in Aly’s stomach. “I really did but some people are just too scared to let true love in, to see what’s right in front of their face. They keep running to the wrong thing instead of embracing the right one.”

Oh god. Janet. It all came rushing back. That day on Steve’s deck, the girls all talking about this woman he’d dated. Janet, the one he almost had to get a restraining order against. The one who had become obsessed with him. And now it all made sense. Now she could see why Janet was going on and on about Justin. She was trying to make Steve see that Aly was all wrong for him. Was he thinking that too?

She lifted her fingers from the underside of the counter, curling them one by one, focusing on the feel of the smooth stainless steel. Her eyes zeroed in on the popcorn boxes, the familiar red and white stripes. She needed to get out of here before it happened again. It could not happen here, not in front of Janet, not in front of half the town. She would never live it down. The news of her breaking down at the school carnival would be everywhere before everyone’s heads hit the pillow tonight.

“You know, since you showed up early, how about you help Steve for a bit? I’m going to go check on the boys,” she said, pushing off from the counter, inhaling slowly through her nose.

“Wait. What?” Steve had been zapped from wherever his mind had just been taking him. “No. I…we only have twenty minutes left…I…”

“No, really. It’s silly for all three of us to be back here when it really only takes two. I’ll go relieve Tracy.”

Aly walked off before he had a chance to respond, not trusting herself to spend one more minute in the midst of that tension and animosity. She could not hear Justin’s name come out of that woman’s mouth one more time. She could not watch Steve grow angrier each time he came up. She marched out, on the hunt for her son, ready to lose herself in the chaos of the carnival instead of the chaos of whatever the hell that was.

___________________________________________________________

“Janet, what the hell was that?” Steve snapped as the heavy door closed behind Aly. She’d darted out of there as fast as possible, not that he blamed her. He hadn’t wanted to be there either but one of them had to stay behind.

“That was me trying to save you from making a huge mistake,” she stated, arms folding over her chest, brown eyes burning into his. “Are you really that naive that you can’t see it?”

“See what exactly?”

“That girl is all wrong for you! You’ll never be able to measure up to her husband, ever!”

“I’m not trying to!” he yelled, jolting when he noticed Sarah standing at the counter, looking sheepish at interrupting what was obviously a heated argument.

“Hey there,” she said brightly, waving. “So sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to get some popcorn and a couple of icees.”

“Of course!” Janet beamed brightly, turning to handle her order as if they hadn’t just been yelling at each other.

Sarah cringed, mouthing sorry to him and Steve just gave her a small smile and a wave of his hand, indicating it was okay. She probably knew what was happening. The whole town had known he’d dated Janet for a while. Hell, he was sure the whole town knew how he’d broken her heart because she’d probably made sure they all knew.

She thanked Janet as she took the snacks and traded her money before heading off, turning back once to look back at Steve with sympathy. Everyone knew Janet was a bit crazy. He just wished he’d known before he decided to ask her out. He wished he’d listened when his best friend told him she was after meeting her once but it probably would have already been too late by then. She’d been a stage five clinger from the first date.

“Steve,” she began, shaking her head, pulling her gloves off and flinging them in the trash can. “You didn’t see the two of them together. I did. That was epic, once in a lifetime love. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living in some man’s shadow? Because that is all you will be to her, a pale comparison of what she had before.”

“You don’t know anything about her and I, and it’s none of your damn business!”

“It is my business! It is! I gave you everything. I took care of you. I bent over backward to be everything you wanted and you still threw me to the side like I was nothing but trash!”

“I didn’t throw you anywhere! And maybe that’s the problem. You shouldn’t mold yourself into what you think someone wants. Then that’s not really what they want and that’s not fair to you. Why would you want to be with someone if you have to pretend?”

“I wasn’t pretending! I’m telling you, if you head down this road, you’re just going to wind up heartbroken. She will never need you like you need to be needed. You will never be number one for her because he always will. You will never be the most important. And you and I both know how much you want that.”

Her words hit their mark. He would never tell her that. And how the hell did she know him that well? Robin had said all those same things to him. How he craved to be the most important to someone because he’d never been to anyone else. But now he had Robin and he knew he was pretty damn high on her list. Not to mention Dustin. That kid relied on him for damn near everything.

But what if he couldn’t ever be that person for her? What if she looked at him and just saw the next best option? Like he was the store brand version of her name brand husband? What if he couldn’t ever have all of her because part of her had been buried in that casket with him?

When Steve envisioned a life with the person he was meant to be with, he envisioned them having all of him, him having all of them. Two people who were so connected that nothing could come between them because they were a force that nothing could break. But could he have that with someone who’d already had that?

“You know I’m right, don’t you?” she smirked, one eyebrow lifting smugly. “She might be a pretty package but she’ll never truly be yours. That gift tag has someone else’s name on it. Dead or not, it doesn’t change that.”

He was saved from responding when the door swung open, Ryan, the other dad who had volunteered, entering. Before he could even get a word out, Steve was gone, pushing past him and into the gymnasium. As if all the doubts Janet had just put in his head would be locked behind that door too when it shut behind him.

Weaving through running children hurrying from one game to the next, his head was on a swivel, looking for any sign of Aly or the boys. The entire place was chaos, a constant drone of conversation, squealing, and feet smacking against the linoleum. He hadn’t made it halfway through when a little body slammed into his legs, arms wrapping around him. He looked down, expecting to see his own son but finding Eli instead.

“Steve! Steve, you have to come see! They have a reptile guy here and he has real snakes! There’s a python that’s like ten hundred feet long!”

Aly stood just behind him, Jeremiah next to her. She offered him an uncertain smile and he gave one back. He had no idea where they stood. No idea where her head was at after that embarrassing scene in the concession booth.

Hell, he had no idea where they stood, period. He was hoping they would get a chance to talk tonight. But between the boys and Janet, that wasn’t looking likely. He knew they had crossed the line, and rather quickly. He didn’t regret it. That moment in their kitchen had been playing on a loop in his brain ever since. But he needed to know how she was feeling about it all. Were they officially a couple? Or was she thinking that was a mistake? She really might be after what just happened.

Eli grabbed his hand and Steve allowed himself to be dragged across the gym. He responded appropriately with wide eyes and gasps as the boys made him look at every single reptile the guy had from iguanas to a python that was not ten hundred feet long but still pretty damn big. But the whole time his mind was on Aly, on what she was thinking right now, what she was feeling. He was dying to talk to her, to find out. He wished he could peer into her brain. Was she feeling for him the way he was for her? Or was this just a stepping stone, like Robin had been scared of, a jumping off point for her to move on from the man who’d truly made her happy?

They followed the boys from game to game, dutifully holding any prizes they won. They spoke, their words polite but clipped, uncomfortable and he hated it. The boys didn’t seem to be aware but he sure was. Steve stepped up at the game where you threw a ball at pins and won a goldfish for Eli.

“Mommy, look!” he shrieked, holding the bag up proudly. “Steve got me a fish! I’m going to name him Flash. I know Flash is red and he’s orange but I bet he can swim really fast.”

Aly smiled at her son, trying to convey excitement but her eyes weren’t quite showing it, “Oh fun.” She looked up at Steve, so exasperated but damn if she didn’t look cute. “Now we need a bowl and food.”

“Sorry,” he offered when the boys raced ahead, leaving her holding the newest member of the family. “I guess I didn’t really think about the ramifications of winning a living creature.”

“It’s fine,” she sighed. “My biggest concern is keeping this damn thing alive. If Eli sees him belly-up, he’s going to be heartbroken. And with a fish, the chances of that are pretty likely.”

“I can stop and grab supplies on the way out of here and drop them off for you,” he offered.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

“Of course I do. It’s my fault you now have a fish to house and feed. It’s not a big deal. I can even help him get Flash all set up if you’d like.”

He wanted her to say yes. He wanted another reason to see her. He wanted an opportunity to talk to her, somewhere away from all the nosey residents of this town. And he was kind of hoping that maybe the boys would head off to Eli’s room and give them some time alone. Time for them to hash all of this out and figure out what exactly was happening here.

Aly swallowed, her eyes off in the distance and he feared she was going to say no but then she turned to him, smiling.

“Okay. Thanks. I don’t really know anything about keeping a fish alive so that would be helpful.”

Steve shrugged, “It’s not that hard. Not a goldfish anyway. They just need some freshwater, a bowl, and some fish food. I can get a couple fun things for in the bowl too. Some fish are more complicated. My uncle had an aquarium and he had saltwater fish and that’s a pain in the ass. You have to make sure the water is the right PH and everything. But goldfish are pretty basic.”

By the time the carnival was coming to a close, the boys had exhausted every single activity, many more than once. They had maximized their time and the very full bag of cheap prizes that Steve was holding proved it. The baked goods had been a hit. Even Laurie had approached Aly to tell her how amazing her treats had been, leaving her with that pink blush to her cheeks that Steve loved so much.

The boys were moving much more slowly as they made their way to the parking lot, the energy they’d exuded in the gym finally starting to catch up to them.

“You know, if Jere is really tired, you don’t have to run to the store,” Aly told him. “I can always go tomorrow. Hopefully this guy can survive in a bag for one night.”

“Nah, he’ll be fine. Watch.” He turned to the boys. “Hey Jere. We’re gonna stop at the store to grab some stuff for Flash and take it to Eli’s. You good with that or are you two tired to go to his house?”

Jeremiah’s face lit up, his exhaustion forgotten as he bounced on his toes, “Yeah!”

“See?” teased Steve with a laugh. “He’s good at bouncing right back when he’s excited.”

“Can we have another sleepover?” asked Eli. “Jeremiah hasn’t stayed at our house and then he can hang out with Flash too. We can sleep in my room. My bed is big so we’ll both fit!”

Aly sighed, smiling, looking over at Steve who shrugged, letting her know he was okay with it if she was. She looked back at the boys, opening her arms wide.

“Alright. Why not?”

“Yes!” both boys shrieked at the same time.

“Well, then why don’t I just take Jere back with me?” she asked. “The boys can play for a bit until you get there with the fish stuff.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Bye daddy!” Jeremiah yelled, jumping in Aly’s backseat with Eli.

“Well, alright then. See you in a bit, okay?”

“See you in a bit,” smiled Aly.

Steve walked to his car, hope blossoming in his chest, a tiny green sprout of hope that this would work out in his favor. If he could play his cards right and hang long enough, until the boys were passed out, then they could finally have the conversation they needed to have. And then he would know. Either that sprout would spread and bloom or wilt and die.

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

A fish? Really? Aly shook her head as Steve demonstrated how to feed the fish. Eli was watching with rapt attention, following his every move, eager to take care of his new pet correctly. Now she just needed to make sure the damn thing stayed alive so her son wasn’t shattered. He was so soft hearted, especially when it came to animals. He’d be devastated if anything happened to Flash.

Steve had shown up with all the supplies they would need thirty minutes ago. The boys had eagerly helped place the tiny rock buildings into the bottom of the tank. They declared it Central City, the hometown of the superhero himself. She tried to convince them to name him Aquaman since the guy lived underwater but they were having none of it, looking at her as if she’d lost her mind. As if Aquaman wasn’t far more logical. So, Flash it was. Eli even made a lightning bolt out of yellow construction paper that they taped to the front of the bowl.

And now she was the proud owner of a goldfish, one of the easiest pets to fail with. She barely had the brain capacity to remember everything Eli needed but at least he could tell her. Now she had a fish that she had to remember to feed and clean the bowl. Eli swore that he would do everything but he was seven. There was no way he would remember. She’d have to stay on top of it if the fish stood a chance in hell at making it longer than a few days.

Quietly, she slipped out of the room, making her way down the stairs, leaving the boys to all admire the fish as they dropped him into his new home. She’d already pulled out the extra pillows and blankets for Jeremiah and placed the George of the Jungle VHS next to Eli’s VCR. It had been his movie request for the night since Jeremiah had never seen it before. It was one of their favorites, though she was pretty sure her reason for enjoying it so much differed from her son’s.

The dryer buzzed just as she reached the bottom step so she headed in to get the load folded before she forgot. She was notorious for that, thinking she’d get it in a minute and then forgetting, leaving her running the same load three times before it actually got folded.

Losing herself in the monotony of matching socks and her swirling thoughts, she didn’t even hear when Steve made his way downstairs. The sight of him in the doorway of the laundry room caused her to jump.

“Jesus,” exclaimed Aly, her hand grasping her chest. “You scared me.”

“Sorry.” Steve smiled sheepishly, folding his arms, his shoulder leaning against the frame of the door.

“Flash all settled into his new home?”

“Yep. He’s all sheltered and fed. Should be good for the night. He only really needs to be fed once a day.”

“You make it sound so simple,” she laughed.

“It is. Fish are pretty easy.”

“Yeah, if you can remember to actually keep them alive. Notice the lack of houseplants around here?” She swung her arm out wide. “That’s because they always die. I tried. I wanted to be the kind of person whose house was filled with greenery but I cannot remember to water them to save my life. That fish could be in trouble.”

“Nah. I bet you’ve got it under control. I mean, Eli looks pretty well taken care of to me.”

“That’s because he can whine at me when he’s hungry or tired or cold. The fish can’t say, hey lady, you haven’t fed me in two days and I’m going to starve.”

Steve chuckled, “No. I get that. I mean, even Miles lets me know when he’s hungry. He’ll bring his bowl right to me if it gets too far past his dinnertime. That dog does not wait for food.”

“Well, Flash doesn’t have any legs. Also, he kind of needs to stay in the water so there won’t be any chance of him coming to me for anything. And then he’ll die and Eli will be heartbroken and it will be all my fault.”

“Maybe, but see, here’s a little secret. Goldfish? They pretty much all look the same. Fairly easy to just replace him before Eli’s any the wiser.”

“If he doesn’t see him first.”

“Well, there’s that…” Steve frowned, little furrows appearing between his brows. Aly grabbed more socks, needing something to do with her hands so she didn’t give in to the temptation to reach out and smooth them.

“Boys all good?” she asked in an attempt to keep the conversation light when it felt anything but after everything that had occurred over the last couple of days.

“Oh yeah. I put the movie on for them. I give them maybe thirty minutes before they’re out. They swear they’re staying up all night but there’s no way with all the excitement they had tonight.”

“Thanks…you know, for getting them all settled down and everything. And for the fish supplies.”

“Well, I kind of felt like I had to take care of the supplies since it’s my fault you have one.”

“Yeah.” She swallowed and cleared her throat when she realized she had no more laundry to fold. Nothing to occupy her hands, nothing to stop her from reaching out and…no. “Well, I can drop him off tomorrow. We can play it by ear. Maybe I’ll take them to the playground or something. I’ll give you a call. I mean, if you don’t mind…or if you wanted him home sooner, I can do that too…I…”

“Aly.”

Then his hands were holding hers and she was being guided right into his chest. Her heart hammered against her ribcage, eyes slipping closed because she didn’t trust herself to look at him. If she looked at that face, she would give him anything he wanted and she had to be strong. Conversations had to be had before anything else happened. She wasn’t looking for some friends with benefits kind of situation. She wasn’t that kind of girl. She couldn’t be. She was jealous of the girls who could just enjoy sex without it being complicated. Her emotions always got involved and right now, her emotions were in a very precarious position of being squashed like a bug under a boot.

“Aly,” Steve repeated when she’d been silent for too long.

“Yeah?” she managed, the word barely a whisper as she fought to keep herself in control.

“Can we talk? I don’t want to leave until we talk through some things.”

“Okay…yeah. That’s probably a good idea.”

She’d wanted this. This was exactly what they needed to do. Sort everything out, figure out what the hell this was. So why was she shaking? Because she was scared, scared that she’d put herself out there for the first time since losing herself to only get shattered all over again. What if he was going to say he couldn’t do something serious with her? What if he couldn’t handle that she had a past? That she’d been married, been in love, before him?

No. No matter what he had to say, it was still better to know. Better to rip off the band-aid and let the wound breathe if that’s what was going to happen. They couldn’t tiptoe around each other, acting like they hadn’t already crossed a really huge line. They couldn’t pretend like nothing had happened. It had to be addressed and if he was going to tell her he didn’t want to move ahead with a relationship, then at least she would know so she could try to move on with her life.

Keeping one of her hands in his, Steve led her toward the living room. He paused in the hallway, pointing to a framed photo on the wall of her, Justin, and Eli a few years ago at the fair. Eli sat atop Justin’s shoulder, his arm around her waist, her cheek pressed against his chest, all three of them beaming at the camera.

“That’s your husband?”

“Yeah,” she replied softly, nodding. “That’s Justin. That was taken about a year before he died. He was home on leave for six months that time. It was wonderful getting to have him here for so long. Eli loved it. It broke his heart every single time his dad had to leave. It was such a blessing whenever we got to feel like a real family for a while. We went to the fair. Eli loved the little pigs. They were his favorite. He kept grabbing onto the fencing and sticking his nose right up to theirs. He begged Justin to get him a pig.” She laughed fondly at the memory. “He told him we didn’t have the room for a pig and Eli insisted he could share his room. That boy, always finding a way around anything you tell him.”

Steve smiled, “Like us?”

“Yeah. I guess so. He was pretty insistent that you and I would work.”

“I think he might be right.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do.” He stepped into her, dropping her hand, one of his coming to her hip and the other to her cheek. “I think this could be something really great, actually.”

“It doesn’t bother you that I was married? That I was in love with someone else?”

Steve shrugged, “I was married, too.”

“Yeah, but tonight at the carnival, when Janet was going on and on about Justin and how perfect we were together, you looked angry. I thought maybe you were angry because you didn’t like hearing about it, about my life before. And not that I would ever shove anything in your face but he was a big part of my life and he always will be. That’s never going to change.”

“I know that. I would never ask you to pretend like Justin didn’t exist. That wasn’t why I was angry. I was angry because I knew exactly what she was doing.” His eyes rolled, a deep sigh lifting his shoulders, and he took a step back. One hand ran through his hair, letting her know he was nervous or agitated, possibly both. “Look, Janet and I dated a while back and it didn’t go well. It was before you. The whole thing was done months before you and I ever met.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

She cringed, “Your friends may have told me about it. They said she got really obsessive, almost stalkerish. They said you almost had to get a restraining order against her.”

“Yeah, pretty much. I didn't see it. Maybe I didn’t want to see it. I don’t know. She was so clingy but it felt nice…to be needed, you know? I’d never had anyone need me like that. But then she got weird. We’d only been together a couple weeks and she was talking about moving in together. After a month she was talking like I was her daughter’s dad. She even referred to me as daddy once, saying let’s see what your daddy thinks, to her kid. It freaked me out. When I tried to end things, it got even worse. She started showing up at my work, sitting in her car outside of my house. She would wait to ambush me and tell me exactly why I was making a mistake.”

“Jesus…” muttered Aly. She’d never been a fan of Janet but she’d never known she was quite so unhinged. She sounded scary, like one of those crazies in a Lifetime movie.

“Yeah. That’s why I got angry. She was trying to sabotage this before it’s even really began because she’s convinced that her and I should be together. It has nothing to do with you and me. It wouldn’t matter who I was with. She doesn’t want me with anyone. I didn’t want her to scare you into running away.”

“I’m not running anywhere,” Aly assured him, taking a step forward, placing her hand on his chest. And she wasn’t. She wanted this, whatever this was, with him. She wasn’t going to let anything, let alone some whack-a-doo, like Janet to scare her off.

“No?”

“No. I like you. I mean, I really like you. You’re the first person since Justin that has made me feel…anything. I mean, I feel like that should be obvious after the…you know, baking incident. But I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t invite you over for that.”

“I’m the one who asked, remember? And the last time I checked, both of us were pretty involved in that incident.” His head dipped toward her, those hazel eyes finding hers, one finger lifting her chin. “Do you wish it wouldn’t have happened?”

“I just don’t want you to think I’m easy. I don’t…I’ve only ever had a one night stand once in my life and I haven’t even been with anybody since my husband. I don’t know what came over me.”

“I never thought you were easy.”

“Maybe not, but you’ve done that with a lot of girls and I don’t want to be lumped in with them. I don’t want to be just a number…”

His hands cradled her face, “You could never be just a number. You could never be lumped in with anyone. You stand out, trust me. What we did…I…honey, I’ve never felt like that with anyone else. It wasn’t just sex for me.”

“Me…me neither…” Aly stammered, her eyes falling to his lips that were so close to hers. “So what does it mean?”

“I don’t know but I sure as hell want to find out. How about you?”

“Yeah. I do…I just, are we like a couple now?”

Steve laughed, “I think we’ve already crossed that bridge, honey. Don’t you?”

Yeah. They hadn’t just crossed that bridge. They’d demolished it. Although, plenty of people had sex without becoming a couple. It wasn’t mandatory. It certainly wasn’t crazy for her to have doubts about what it meant.

“I guess. I just…are you my boyfriend?” She cringed, laughing, shaking her head. “That sounds so weird to me. I haven’t had a boyfriend in years.”

“I mean, yeah.” Steve’s shoulders lifted and he stepped forward, backing her into the wall. “I’ll be your boyfriend. But if I’m your boyfriend, does that mean I get to kiss you whenever I want?”

“Of course,” she grinned.

Then his lips were on hers, those fingers slipping into her hair, wrapping around the base of her head while his palms still held her face. Her fingers wrapped around the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer. He could never be close enough. She wanted to fuse their skin together, crawl inside of him, be as close to him as two people could be.

“Does that mean I get to touch you whenever I want?” he whispered and she could feel his smile against her lips.

“God yes,” she rasped, yanking on his shirt until his lips were molded against hers once more.

Fingers trailed down her neck, over her chest, slipping underneath the fabric of her top. She shuddered at the feel of his fingertips on her bare stomach as they crept upward, cresting over her ribs to cup her lace covered breast. He kneaded the flesh with his palm as his thumb danced over her nipple, teasing it into a hard peak.

He parted her lips with his tongue, slipping inside, moving over her own, and she groaned. Her back arched, pressing her breast further into his hand, needing more of him, needing all of him. She would never be able to get enough.

“Steve…”

“Jesus Christ, honey.” His teeth captured her bottom lip, raking over it, his tongue running just underneath the swollen flesh. “I have been so damn obsessed ever since the other day. All I can think about is the flush of your skin, the way you sound gasping my name, the look on your face when you came for me. You’re so damn pretty when you come.” His hand moved lower, over her stomach, a quick flick of the button on her jeans and then it was slipping past the thick fabric, underneath the silk of her panties, cupping her heat in his palm. “You don’t know how many times I had to stop myself from driving over here or just showing up at your work.”

“Oh yeah?” Aly breathed, her eyes rolling back as his fingers ran over her cl*t. “And what would you have done if you’d found me?”

“Mmm, well first, I would do exactly what I’m doing right now. But if I had you alone, truly alone, and I could do whatever I want, I would start by tasting every single inch of your skin.” His lips descended on her neck, wet kisses followed by a nip of her collarbone. “So damn sweet. Then I would bury my face between your thighs and worship you until I had you screaming my name. I would do this…” He pressed two fingers into her, causing her to gasp, her finger digging into his shoulders. “And this…”

They curled, hitting that spot, her vision going hazy, teeth digging into her bottom lip as she reminded herself the boys were here and she needed to control her volume. Her head pressed against the wall behind her as she held onto him for support, keeping herself from sliding to the floor as her legs began to shake, her release so close.

“That…that’s good…so good…” she groaned softly.

“And only after I had made you come again and again, those beautiful lips crying out my name over and over, I would lay back so you could ride me. Because, f*ck Aly, I have been dreaming about what you would look like on top of me. It’s consumed me. The idea of watching every single expression on your face, seeing those beautiful breasts as you move over me, using me to make yourself feel good.”

“Jesus Christ…” Aly whimpered, that tremble in her legs now taking over her entire body. She wanted that too. God, she wanted that. Him under her, hazel eyes watching her, her fingers gripping onto that chest hair as she rode his co*ck, her in control. The very thought was too much and as his thumb circled her cl*t, his fingers curling and exploring within her, that tight band snapped.

She buried her face against his chest, muffling the scream that was desperate to rip itself from her lungs. Her body shook against him and he held her tightly with his free arm, his own weight pressing her back into the wall to keep her upright. When her head fell back, his mouth covered hers, swallowing all of her sounds with his lips and tongue.

“Holy sh*t,” she gasped, eyes fluttering open, her body struggling to gain control after the epic org*sm he’d just given her.

Steve smiled, fingers brushing her hair back off her forehead, placing gentle kisses across her forehead, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks. God, she wanted this man, she wanted this man to completely take over her entire life. She wanted him like she had not wanted anything in such a long time.

“Aly,” he whispered, hands cradling her jaw. “You are so damn beautiful.”

sh*t. Janice was right. She was already in too deep. She wasn’t sure if love was the word but she’d already given her heart to this man, completely and totally. He had so much power right now, power he probably wasn’t even aware of, but she trusted him. She trusted him not to crush her. She trusted him to care for the precious thing she’d given him, whether she’d meant to or not.

“Laundry room,” she mumbled.

“Huh?” he asked, pulling back, confusion furrowing the lines on his face.

“The boys…we have to be stealthy…laundry room. We’ll hear them before we see them.”

“Oh!” His eyes lit up mischievously as he caught onto her meaning. “Laundry room.”

He grabbed her hand, pulling her behind him, the two of them giggling like teenagers who were thrilled to be getting away with something. The moment they crossed the threshold, his hands were on her hips, lifting her up, setting her on top of the washing machine.

“Not just gorgeous but smart,” Steve grinned and then his mouth was everywhere, and suddenly that need that had been quenched was raging within her all over again. “God, I want you, want to be inside you.”

Her legs wrapped around his waist, allowing her to feel exactly how much he wanted her, the firmness of him pressing against her heat. His fingers tangled in her hair, her hands sliding under his shirt, desperate to feel his skin, to rid themselves of all the layers between them.

“Mommy?”

“sh*t!” Aly disentangled herself from Steve, jumping down from the washing machine just before Eli came around the corner. She ran her hands through her hair, offering her son, who had the worst timing possible, a smile. “Hey honey.”

He stopped, looking at them both with sleepy eyes, as if he were trying to figure out what exactly was happening. He rubbed them, blinking as the two of them stood still as statues, praying he hadn’t heard anything he shouldn’t have.

“What are you guys doing?” he asked.

“Us? Oh, the dryer went off so I was helping your mom fold some laundry.” Steve’s eyes darted over to the full basket she’d folded earlier, grabbing and lifting it up. “See?”

“Okay. Why are you still here? I thought you were just coming over to help with Flash.”

“Me?” Steve pointed to himself. “Well, your mom and I were going to watch a movie.”

“Oh.” Eli nodded, suspicion over. It was just that simple. Sweet boy.

“Did you need something, sweetie?” asked Aly.

“I’m having that ouchie in my legs again,” he told her. “Can I get some medicine?”

“Of course.” She glanced over at Steve who was looking concerned. “Growing pains. He gets them every now and again. Doctor’s checked him out and he’s all good. Just gets a bit achy every now and then.” Turning back to Eli, she sighed, shaking her head with a smile. “I guess I should get ready to have to replace your whole wardrobe, huh?” She ruffled his hair. “I’ve begged him to slow down but he won’t.”

“I can’t help it. I have to grow, mommy.”

“Don’t I know it. Come on. Let’s get you some Tylenol and get you back to bed. Is Jeremiah asleep?”

“Yeah. We didn’t watch much of the movie. I fell asleep before Ursula even met George.”

“Well, you can always show it to him another time.” Aly glanced over at Steve. “I’ll be right back.”

He smiled as she walked off with Eli. After a drink of water, a dose of Tylenol, and a little rub of his legs to ease the ache, she tucked him in. She placed a kiss on top of his head as he was already drifting off again. Jeremiah was fast asleep, curled into a little ball at the foot of the bed.

Aly made her way back downstairs to find Steve sitting on the couch, waiting for her, the remote in his hand. She offered him an apologetic smile as he patted the couch and then opened his arm. Walking over, she dropped down next to him, curling against his side, his arm coming comfortingly around her.

“Sorry about that.”

“Ah, no worries. I’m a parent too, remember?”

“I know but…that could all get a bit complicated with little people running around.”

“We’ll figure it out. Anyway, I figured we could actually watch that movie I told Eli we were going to so we’re not liars,” he chuckled, hitting play on the remote. “I looked at your options and picked First Knight. Hope that’s okay.”

Her eyes widened, “Are you kidding me? I love that movie!”

“Richard Gere fan, huh?”

“Richard Gere is okay but have you not seen Sean Connery in that movie?”

“Seriously?” Steve’s head fell back with laughter. “He’s in his sixties.”

“So? I think he looks way better with the white hair. That man got even better with age.”

“Good to know.”

“What?”

Steve smirked, “I guess I don’t have to worry about you losing interest as I age now that I know you’re into geriatrics.”

Aly pressed her hand into his stomach, “People in their sixties are not geriatrics.”

A pleasant thrill went through her, one she was not planning on sharing. But he’d just talked as if he assumed they were certain, as if they would still be together thirty years from now. He was probably just joking but she couldn’t deny how happy it made her, the thought of the two of them working out, of this being it for her. Her second chance. Her happily ever after, something she thought she’d never have after she lost Justin.

“Alright, fine. Not geriatrics but still grandpa age. So you’ll still want to jump my bones after a day of hanging with the grandkids?”

“Absolutely. I don’t see there ever coming a time I won’t want to jump your bones, Steve Harrington. I have no doubt you are going to be a silver fox. Besides, nothing is sexier than watching a man be good with kids.”

“Oh really? Well, that explains it all.”

“What?”

“It was the coaching, wasn’t it? That’s what attracted you to me?”

“Honestly? I was attracted to you from the moment you turned around,” she admitted, her face hot with the truth she was telling him. “I’m surprised my jaw didn’t drop like one of those cartoon characters. It sure felt like it. I mean, come on. You have to know how good looking you are.”

Steve blushed, his mouth dropping open, eyes raising to the ceiling. His hand raised and then dropped as if he were trying to think of how to respond. Yeah, the guy knew he was good looking. He was just too humble to admit it.

“All those girls in high school, the moms who throw themselves at you, you know you’re attractive.”

“Maybe,” he acknowledged with a shrug. “But my looks haven’t exactly gotten me far in life when it comes to women.”

“Well, I was attracted from the moment I saw you because you are devastatingly good looking,” Aly teased with a grin. “But yes, watching you with the kids at practice, particularly my kid…I saw how patient you are. I saw what a great dad you are. What a great guy you are. And if I wasn’t already hopelessly into you at that point, seeing you with all of your friends was the clincher. So, yes, you are ridiculously attractive. I mean, like borderline, it should be illegal to look the way you do, but it’s a lot more than that. And that isn’t going to change no matter how your looks do. Besides, I think you’re going to be so sexy as an older man.”

“Oh really?”

“Absolutely.”

He pressed his lips to hers, a soft sweet kiss, so unlike the heated ones they’d shared mere moments ago. But it still left her insides melting into a puddle, like a popsicle left on the sidewalk on a hot summer day. A kiss that was full of promise for the future she’d never thought was possible for her.

“You’re perfect,” he whispered, kissing her once more. “Just so damn perfect.”

“Hmm, you might change your mind about that the more you get to know me.”

“Nope. Never happening.” His arms locked around her and she eased onto his chest as he laid back on the couch. “I’ve been waiting for you a long time, Aly. I think, maybe, my whole life.”

She swallowed hard, his words creating a knot of emotion that was going to spill over if she didn’t get it under control. Burrowing into him, she inhaled slowly through her nose, willing herself not to cry. Those words had touched her deeply, had unraveled the knots within her that were her fear that she would never be important to anyone again, never be seen that way again.

She didn’t know how to respond and was relieved when he didn’t seem to expect her to. Her eyes closed as his hand brushed over her hair, tracing down her body to rest on the side of her waist, the two of them sinking into a comfortable silence as they watched the movie.

___________________________________________________________

Steve’s eyes blinked open, a warm weight pressing down against his chest. Looking down, he smiled when he found Aly there, peacefully sleeping in the crook of his arm. The two of them had fallen asleep on the couch, watching a movie after Eli interrupted their moment. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking. Clearly they weren’t getting away with anything with two seven year olds moving about the house.

That could prove to be a problem that needed to be worked around. He had three to four nights a week free from Jeremiah but Aly did not have that. Eli was always with her. Sex could prove to be tricky. How in the hell did couples manage it with kids afoot twenty-four hours a day? He’d have to ask some of the guys at work. Many of them had been married for years, their kids grown and gone. They couldn't possibly have spent years being celibate. He’d have to learn their tricks.

Because while what they’d managed to do last night had been amazing, while he’d relished every single moan, whimper, and gasp of his name that Aly had uttered, it hadn’t been nearly enough. It hadn’t come close to quelling the ache that had been tormenting him since that moment in her kitchen. Knowing what she felt like, what they felt like together, it had been all he could think about and he needed to do it again. Needed to have her body wrapped around his, to be buried within her, to feel her as she came undone around him.

His arm tingled painfully, clearly asleep under the weight of her body resting against it all night. But he couldn't bring himself to wake her. Not when she looked so content, so peaceful, her hair splaying around her head like a crown, the sun’s rays almost making the strands appear to glow. The skin of her face was relaxed and smooth and he couldn’t stop himself from running his thumb over her cheekbone, her lips, memorizing every single detail of this woman who’d agreed to be his.

His heart swelled at the thought. The thought that this could be it, this could be the real thing. The thing he’d always wanted but felt just out of reach. He could be holding his forever in his arms right now as long as he didn’t do anything to mess it up. Because that was what he was best at, completely imploding his relationships.

Even now, he could feel it rising up in him, the desire to be next to her, to never leave her side, to spend every waking moment with her. He pushed it back down, to the depths where that kind of crazy belonged. Because if he did that, if he pushed too hard, he would push this relationship right over the edge and watch it shatter before it had even had a chance to begin.

With that urge came a word, such a simple thing, four letters, but its meaning, the feeling behind it, was so complicated. It wasn’t something he could say anytime soon. And maybe he was only thinking that word right now because he was in that fog of serotonin and hormones that came with a new relationship. That word that he always said far too soon. He wouldn't make that mistake with her, not this time, not this girl. He would bottle that word up tight. He wouldn’t utter it, not until she did, not until he was certain she was ready to hear it.

His eyes drifted over to the wall of framed photos, picture after picture of her and her husband. Their wedding day, the two of them on a beach somewhere, in the hospital room the day she had Eli, at the fair, holding up the keys as they stood on the porch of this house. It told the story of an entire life she’d lived already, a life before him, a life that she loved with a man she’d considered to be her soulmate.

She’d assumed he’d been angry that Janet was bringing up her husband. He hadn’t but he’d be lying if he said the man didn’t scare the sh*t out of him. He might be gone but he wasn’t, not truly, not for her, and not for Eli. And he shouldn’t be. Steve would never ask her not to talk about him or their life together. It was part of her. It was part of Eli. The boy deserved to remember his dad and the man deserved to have the people he loved remember him.

But he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that Janet has given voice to his insecurities. How could he ever live up to a ghost? What if he never measured up? What if no matter what he did, he could never be enough? Would Aly be able to love him as much as she had Justin? Would she be able to ever truly move on with him or would a part of her always be back there, holding on to what she had instead of embracing what she could have with Steve?

It scared him. No, it terrified him, but it wasn’t enough to make him back out. It wasn’t enough to make him run away. This, what the two of them already had, the prospect of what they could have, it was worth battling back that fear. It was worth taking that risk. Because if he walked away and never found out what this had the potential to be, he would never be able to live with himself. He would always wonder. He would measure up every woman to her, every relationship to this. And even if it had only been a few weeks, it was already more than he’d ever had with anyone else, including Nance.

Maybe that was awful to even think but it was true. Him and Nance had never fit. Their relationship was like trying to pull on that pair of pants that was just a size too small. You tried to force it but it wouldn’t work, the button digging into your waist. He’d clung to her because she was comfortable, she was known, she was safe. She’d clung to him because he was certain and reliable. He made sense in her world. But they’d always been better friends than anything else.

The silence was broken by the pounding of footsteps on the floor upstairs, alerting him that the boys were up and on the move. Carefully, he slid Aly off of him and onto the couch, lifting her head and placing a throw pillow under it. She sighed, curling onto her side, her hands in prayer underneath her face, looking every inch the definition of perfection.

The boys came flying down the stairs, Jeremiah skidding to a stop at the bottom. Eli slammed into his back and they both fell forward onto the floor. Looking up in confusion, Eli spotted Steve and made his way to his feet, his face screwed up as if he were trying to solve a challenging math problem.

“Daddy, what are you doing here?” asked Jeremiah, leaping up from the ground, the fall completely forgotten.

“Did you have a sleepover with my mommy?”

Steve’s eyes went wide, his hand running through his hair. “You saw me…I mean, I was here last night when you came down. I just…we were watching a movie and we fell asleep on the couch. It wasn’t really a sleepover or anything. We didn’t sleep together. I mean, technically we did…but on the couch, not in a bed or anything.”

“Jeremiah and I slept in a bed,” Eli replied. “I think it’s a sleepover no matter where you sleep. I just thought you went home.” He shrugged. “But it’s good you’re here. We’re hungry.”

“Yeah. We were going to ask Aly to make us pancakes,” Jere added, pointing to her sleeping form on the couch. “But now we don’t have to wake her up.”

“And my mommy bought bacon at the store and chocolate chips for the pancakes,” grinned Eli. “She was going to make us a big breakfast this morning anyway. She always makes a big breakfast on the weekend. Tomorrow is omelets. I just like cheese and ham, but she puts all kinds of veggies in hers.”

“Well, okay then.” Steve’s hands came to his hips as he nodded, thanking whatever force might be out there that the boys didn’t think twice of the fact that he’d slept there. “I think I can handle some chocolate chip pancakes and bacon.”

“Mommy will want us to have fruit too. She bought a pineapple but we have to cut it. We always have to have color with our meals.”

“Color. Got it.” He nodded again, giving the boys two thumbs up. “I can definitely cut up a pineapple.”

It wasn’t that he was ashamed of being with Aly but starting a new relationship was made infinitely more complicated when kids were involved. With Jere, he had a mom, so it wasn’t that he wouldn’t get attached to her but he would still have a strong female in his life if this didn’t work out. Hell, he had more than one between Nancy, Robin, El, and Max.

But he knew that Aly was worried about Eli. He’d already grown pretty attached to Steve. He’d gone so far as to ask if Steve was going to be his daddy now. He didn’t want to move too fast, to get the boy’s hopes up, and just crush them if this whole thing went sideways. The kid had already lost one father figure. He didn’t need to lose another.

He didn’t want Aly to pull away because things were moving too fast or she feared Eli would think things were bigger than they were. They were trying to keep the boys’ expectations in check. Sleeping over in each other’s beds would only make it seem like moving in together or getting married was logical and they were far from that. He needed to take things slow with her and Eli. They were both vulnerable, raw from the loss they’d suffered.

“Can I mix?” asked Eli, breaking him from his thoughts as he came to stand right next to him at the counter.

“Sure, but first we need all the ingredients. Where does your mom keep the pancake mix and chocolate chips?”

“In that cupboard up there,” he answered, pointing. “That’s where all the baking stuff goes.”

“Awesome. Jere, can you get in the fridge and grab the bacon? It’s probably in one of the drawers at the bottom where the meat goes.” Steve gathered everything he needed, having to ask where a mixing bowl was. A utensil caddy sat next to the stove so he found the whisk and spatula easily and Eli got two pans out for him.

“So, are you and my mommy like boyfriend and girlfriend now?” asked Eli, whisking the batter as Steve placed strips of bacon in the pan.

Steve chuckled, “What do you know about boyfriends and girlfriends?”

“Oh, we know lots,” Jere piped in as he set plates and forks down at the table. “Zoe was Joey’s girlfriend for two weeks but then she cheated on him so he broke up with her.”

Steve turned, his eyes narrowing in disbelief, “What does that even mean? How does a second grader cheat?” As soon as the question left his mouth he wished he could take it back. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

“She was holding hands with Robert at recess and Joey was really upset,” his son answered, grabbing napkins. “He asked her why she did that when she was his girlfriend and she told him that she liked Robert more. So, he told her she couldn't be his girlfriend anymore. He tried to get Lily to be his girlfriend but she has a crush on Josh so she said no. So he doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore.”

“Why does anyone in second grade have a girlfriend?” Steve sighed, turning to flip the bacon and then paused, tongs in hand. Turning back to the boys, he asked, “You two don’t have girlfriends, do you?”

“No. Yuck!” Eli exclaimed, his little face all screwed up as a shudder went through him. “I don’t want to be kissing anybody and you have to kiss if you’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Yeah. Zoe and Joey snuck behind the tree at recess and kissed.” Jeremiah paused for dramatic effect, leaning in. “Right on the lips! It was so gross!”

“Do you and my mommy kiss?”

Yeah. He’d walked right into that one. He knew, as soon as he’d asked, that he’d made a mistake but it was too late to back out of it now. Steve faced the stove, gripping the bacon and turning it over, stepping back as grease began to pop and splatter. He was considering his answer but really, what was there to consider? No. They didn’t want to move too fast. The kids had to be a factor but they weren’t going to lie to them either.

“Yes. Yes, your mommy and I kiss,” he finally said, grabbing a ladle to gather the extra grease. “We really like each other but we’re grown ups. Kids should not be kissing each other so I am glad that you two aren’t doing that. You have so much time in life for dating and girls and kissing. Right now you should just enjoy being kids. It doesn’t last for nearly long enough, trust me.”

“Do I smell bacon?”

Steve turned his head to find Aly standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Her arms were folded as she leaned against the frame, looking absolutely adorable upon first waking up. Her hair was mussed up on the side that had been pressed up against him all night and a sleepy smile played on her lips as her eyes found his.

God, he wanted to kiss her so badly. But he wasn’t sure if she’d be comfortable with that in front of the boys, even if he had just told them they did that. What he really wanted was to sweep her into his arms, carry her upstairs, and finish what they started last night. But that definitely wasn’t happening right now.

“We’re making chocolate chip pancakes and bacon!” Jere cheered. “And look. I set the table.”

“And I mixed the batter!” Eli added.

“Wow. You both did a very good job.” She padded into the kitchen, placing a kiss on Steve’s lips, her hands coming to his waist, shocking him. It was as innocent as a kiss could get but he hadn’t expected it. “You too.”

The boys giggled, Jeremiah singing, “Aly and Daddy sitting in a tree!”

Eli joined in, both boys belting, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”

Steve glanced over at Aly, expecting her to descend into one of her anxiety attacks at the mention of marriage and babies but she just laughed, rolling her eyes. Sharing a look with him that said, aren’t these boys ridiculous? And just like that, that little sprout of hope bloomed, reaching for the sun that was her smile.

____________________________________________________________

“What can I help with?” asked Aly, gesturing around the kitchen.

“Nope. You get to do nothing. We got it,” Steve stated, pointing to the table. “Have a seat and relax.”

“I could make the coffee,” she offered.

“Nope. I got it. Sit,” he commanded, eyebrows lifting teasingly.

“Yes, sir,” she laughed, a little thrill going through her at his dominance, even if it was meant to be playful.

She sat down, watching as the boys moved through the kitchen. Eli helped Steve flip the pancakes, the two of them laughing when Eli was a little overzealous with one and it landed on Jeremiah’s arm. Jeremiah brought over a bowl of cut pineapple, impressing Aly that Steve had made sure to add fruit to the meal.

The whole scene was so domestic, and instead of it spiking her anxiety, it actually brought a sense of peace to her. She could get used to this. Slow weekend mornings, all four of them enjoying a big breakfast, having the whole day ahead of them to spend together. Maybe it was crazy but she could picture this being her future.

“So, I was thinking before practice this afternoon we could all go for a bike ride,” Steve announced, setting a plate with two large pancakes and three pieces of bacon in front of her. “What do you think?”

“Oh, I don’t…I don’t actually have a bike,” Aly told him.

“Yeah. Mommy’s bike broke. The pedals just kept spinning and won’t do anything,” Eli explained as he drenched his plate in syrup. “It broke last summer when we were riding bikes by the lake. She had to walk it all the way home.”

“It was a long walk, trust me. I just haven’t gotten around to looking for a new one.”

“Do you still have it?” inquired Steve, placing a cup of coffee in front of her before taking the seat next to her.

“Yeah. It’s in the garage.”

“I bet I can fix it,” he stated confidently. “I’ll take a look at it after breakfast.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s no problem, really. If it needs some parts, the boys can run with me to the hardware store. Jeremiah loves being my helper, don’t you kid?”

“Yep!” he nodded, grinning through a mouthful of pancake. “I help daddy with all kinds of stuff. I helped him fix Aunt Robin’s sink and patch the hole in the wall when I opened the door too hard and fix our window when it wouldn’t stay open.”

“Oh, I wanna help too!” Eli said excitedly.

“Of course.” Steve winked at the boy. “See? Us boys will have your bike all fixed in no time.”

“Yeah but then we might not have time for a bike ride.”

“It’s spring. We’ve got plenty of time ahead of us for bike rides,” he shrugged. “Jere and I love long bike rides. Maybe the weekend after his party we can pack a picnic and head into the woods? There’s this trail that Jere really likes that has a great climbing tree and a creek where he loves to try to catch frogs.”

“That sounds cool!” Eli beamed. “I have a net!”

“Then you’ve already got the tools for the job.”

“We catch them but we don’t keep them,” Jeremiah said. “Daddy says their home is in the woods so we have to put them back. But it’s fun to catch them. They can be tricky but we always get at least one.”

“What do you say?”

What did she say? She said yes, yes to anything and everything that Steve ever wanted. Because as she looked around the table at these three boys, boys she was already thinking of as her boys, this was all she had ever wanted.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

Steve stretched up on his toes, holding the banner in place so Jonathan could tape it across the threshold between the dining room and kitchen. Robin and Dustin were blowing up balloons in the living room while Nancy and Karen worked on the food in the kitchen. Ted was where he could always be found, leaned back in a recliner, watching television, oblivious to the fact that everybody was helping but him.

Honestly, Steve could not figure out how he and Karen were still together. He couldn’t figure out how they’d gotten together in the first place. Nancy said her mom saw stability with her dad but they were the oddest couple he’d ever seen. And that was saying something considering who his parents were.

Karen was just so vibrant, upbeat, and full of energy. She still went to jazzercise three times a week. Her and Nancy had run a marathon last summer. She was the first to offer to help or watch Jere when needed. Ted was so boring and completely useless. Whenever he opened his mouth, everyone just stared at him because he added nothing productive to the conversation even when he actually decided to join in. He’d never shared those views with Nancy, obviously, as that was her dad but he was pretty sure she felt the same way.

Mike and El were up in Jeremiah’s room, amusing the birthday boy with a round of Battleship while he anxiously awaited the arrival of his best friend. Jere had been systematically kicked out of every room in the house. He’d been kicked out of the kitchen after he’d knocked an entire tray of strawberries to the floor, causing Dustin to announce he could run to the store and grab more before Nancy had a meltdown. He’d then proceeded to pop six balloons as he karate chopped and kicked them as fast as Robin was filling them. By the eighth time of him asking Steve if it was time yet, Steve had practically begged the two of them to get him focused on anything else.

“So, Nancy told me your new girlfriend is coming to the party,” Jonathan commented with a sly smile, climbing down from the stepladder. He was sure Nancy had relayed everything Jere or Steve had told her the minute she heard it. “Must be getting pretty serious if you’re inviting her to Jere’s birthday and introducing her to Nance. You’ve never brought a girl around Jere so quickly before.” He stepped back to assess his work, high fiving Steve when they both deemed it good.

“I don’t know. I mean, yeah. I want it to be serious. It definitely seems like it might be serious. But Jere had already met her before we started dating so her being around him this quickly doesn’t really count. We met because she wanted to set up a playdate for the boys.”

“You two exclusive?”

“Yeah. We agreed on that last week,” he laughed, shaking his head. “You would have thought I was some fifteen year old boy who’s never talked to girls. I don’t know why I had such a hard time just asking her to be my girlfriend. I’ve never had a girl get me so tongue twisted before but I like her. I really like her, man. She’s pretty amazing.”

“Sounds like it. Jere says she’s your Lois Lane.”

“Of course he did. Always a superhero reference with that kid. But he’s not wrong. I don’t know. We haven’t known each other all that long but it just feels…different, somehow. I’ve been in a lot of relationships, you know. Like, a lot, a lot.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” snorted Jonathan. “We all started taking bets on how long each lady would last. I lost on Janet by a week. Lucas rubbed that one in my face for a while.”

“You guys take…seriously?” Steve groaned, his hand slipping over his mouth and jaw. Of course his friends would make his sad love life into a game. “Please tell me no one is doing that this time. The last thing I need is her hearing that my friends are placing wagers on how long we last. I’m pretty sure she already thinks I’m some kind of lady’s man.”

“Nah, man. No one’s doing that this time. For one, we haven’t even met her yet. It’s hard to judge before actually seeing the two of you together. And according to Robin and Dustin, they think this one might actually stick. If those two are saying that, then I have to believe it's possible. They’d be the first to call bullsh*t.”

“Trust me, Robin would have no problem calling it what it is. Hell, she wouldn’t even talk about it with all of you behind my back. She’d just tell me to my face. She told me Janet was crazy the same night she met her. She told me Jill was a narcissist after hanging out with her twice. She told me Heather was annoying and she’d never be able to put up with her if we stayed together. She told me Rachel was just using me to get back at her ex. She’s got everybody’s number from the moment she meets them. This is the first girl she actually hasn’t complained about.”

“At all?” Jonathan’s brows lifted in disbelief. “Hard to believe. Robin doesn’t seem to think anyone is good enough for you.”

“I mean, she was worried initially. Aly is a widow. Her husband was a Marine and he was killed in action. It happened two years ago and she hasn’t dated anyone since. Robin worried that maybe she would use me as her jumping board. You know, first relationship after losing her ex, a way to dip her toe into the waters. But after meeting her, she thinks she’s the real deal. The two of them have been getting along great, actually. They went out for dinner Wednesday night while I kept the boys.”

“Wow. Impressive. She approves and she wants to hang out with her. I’d say this girl has the Robin Buckley stamp of approval and I know how important that is.”

“Yeah,” snorted Steve, “kind of a necessity in my life.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet her.” He nodded his head toward the kitchen. “I’m gonna go check on Nance. Make sure she’s got it all under control with the food.” He lowered his voice, hand up by his mouth. “And make sure she’s not getting too high strung over a kid’s birthday party. None of us need high strung Nance.”

Steve laughed knowingly. Nancy was the one you wanted when it came to organization but she could also be a little Type A about it. And if you let her work up too much steam, there was no slowing her down. That’s why Jonathan was so good for her. He knew exactly how to handle her when she was chugging down that track just a little too fast.

As Jonathan walked away, Steve made his way to the living room. Robin and Dustin appeared to have a system going. He would fill the balloon with air from the tank and hand it to Robin, who was tying them off. They probably had thirty balloons at this point, all yellow and black in honor of the special visitor that would be arriving later.

“You know, that’s probably enough balloons,” Steve teased. “Too many more and this house is going to lift right off the ground.”

“Nance specifically said she wanted fifty balloons,” Dustin snapped, grabbing another from the pile. “So, we are giving her fifty balloons.”

“Why fifty?”

“I don’t know, Steve,” sighed Robin, giving him that exasperated look she always gave when she felt like he was asking a stupid question. It happened far more often than it should. “Why don’t you go ask the mother of your child why she requires fifty balloons.”

It was a challenge and they both knew it. Nance would be at maximum anxiety level right now. She was handling everything for the part and until everything was checked off her list, until it was all exactly how she planned, and the event itself had begun, it was better to steer clear. Questions would only lead to icy stares and a sharp tongue. He knew way better than to get in her way.

“Nope. I’m good. Stepping into Nance’s rage cloud is Jonathan’s job now. And he’s in there doing it as we speak. I’m just gonna stay out here, far away.”

“What time is the girlfriend arriving?” asked Dustin, grinning up at him.

Steve looked down at his watch, “About fifteen minutes or so. I told her the same time we told everyone else.”

“Who? Lucas, Max, Hop, Joyce, Will, and Nolan? Speaking of, how did they get out of helping while I’m stuck sitting here blowing up an insane amount of balloons?”

“Talk and fill!” Robin snapped at him. “We’ve got eighteen more balloons to go before everyone gets here.”

“It’s the gang!” argued Dustin. “Well, and Steve’s girlfriend. It’s the same people who are here all the time. Who is Nancy trying to impress? Aly? You think she’s going to walk in and go, this party is okay but you know what would really have made this party great? Eighteen more balloons.”

“Do you want to deal with the wrath of Nance when she counts and there’s not fifty? Because you know she’ll count.”

“Damn it. She will,” he huffed, placing another balloon over the pump. “Why is your ex so scary?”

Laughing, Steve shrugged, “You’ve known her longer than me. You tell me.”

The front door opened, Will stepping inside with Nolan right behind him, balancing three very large wrapped boxes in his arms. Steve ran forward to help, taking the top two from him.

“What the hell, man? Did you buy him stereo speakers or something?”

Will smiled, “No.”

“You had to get him three things?”

“He’s my nephew. Of course I had to get him three things.”

“It was going to be five things but I talked him down,” Nolan said, dropping the box he still had with the pile of growing presents that sat in the corner of the living room.

“I’m his favorite uncle and I intend to keep it that way.”

Dustin’s lips came together as he blew a big raspberry, “Whatever. We all know I’m his favorite.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble but neither of you hold a candle to me,” Robin stated, tying off the next balloon, putting them at thirty-eight.

“You’re not an uncle. You’re an aunt,” Dustin pointed out.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m the favorite overall so that makes me the best.”

Steve shared a look with Nolan, both men rolling their eyes and shaking their heads. The truth was, Jeremiah adored everyone in his life and Steve would forever be grateful that he had so many people who loved him. Yeah. The pile of presents was large. But the support and devotion they all gave his son was more valuable than anything else.

Jeremiah had something that Steve never had growing up. He had a family. A family who cherished him, spent time with him, and supported him in everything he did. That kid had to have the biggest cheering section of anyone. The cheers were deafening when he walked across the stage at his Kindergarten graduation. His first baseball game was coming up in a couple weeks and Steve had no doubt that most of the people in this house would be in attendance to cheer him on.

“Will! Nolan!” Nancy squealed, exiting the kitchen, still looking picture perfect after hours of preparation for the party. She hugged each man in turn as if it had been months and not simply days, since she’d seen them last.

“Hey man.” Jonathan followed her, giving his brother and Nolan each a hug.

“Who’s manning the restaurant if you’re both here?” asked Dustin, remaining in his spot, dutifully filling the balloons until they reached fifty.

“Shelly is taking care of things for a few hours,” answered Nolan.

Will strolled into the living room, dropping down on the couch, “Yeah. She’s really been a lifesaver. It’s been nice having someone we can trust to handle things so we can actually both be off at the same time. You know, actually spending time with your husband really helps keep a marriage together. If she keeps doing such a good job, we might even consider taking a vacation.”

“We’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii,” Nolan added. “It seemed impossible but with Shelly, we might be able to do it.”

Will and Nolan were not legally married but everyone, including them, acted as if they were. They had a small ceremony in their backyard last year with just their closest friends and family. As far as Steve was concerned, they were married in all the ways that mattered. It was bullsh*t that the law wouldn’t recognize it. Steve had never seen a more positive example of what marriage should be.

Will had been so nervous to introduce them all to Nolan after they’d first met. He hadn’t told anyone that he was gay, yet. But it hadn’t been a huge surprise. Will, who’d never seemed interested in dating or girls. Will, who’d looked at Mike as if the sun shone on him since they were eleven. Yeah, they pretty much all knew. Steve was just happy he’d moved on from pining for something that was never going to happen and found someone who made him happy. There was nothing worse than pining for the wrong person. He knew. It was how he wound up married when Nancy came back.

The front door opened again, Hopper’s big voice booming through the house, “I hear we’ve got some kid in here who thinks it’s okay to keep growing and now he’s turning eight!”

“Shh!” Nancy chastised with a laugh, taking the gift bag from his hands to deposit it with the gifts. “Mike and El actually have him entertained right now. If he hears his Pops he is going to come running back down here.”

“So?” Hopper opened his arms wide. “The kid loves his Pops.”

“We all know he does but he’s been extremely underfoot,” Steve explained. “And he won’t stop asking when his friend, Eli, is getting here.”

“Eli? Eli with the pretty mom that you brought into the restaurant?” questioned Joyce, her lips curving up knowingly.

“Yeah, that Eli.”

“Oh, oh, oh!” Hopper bellowed, slapping Steve on the back. “You got a girl, kid? A girl who’s coming to your son’s birthday party? Sounds pretty serious! Why wasn’t I told about this?” He lifted an eyebrow at his wife.

“I just forgot to mention it,” shrugged Joyce. “Besides, you know now.”

“It is pretty serious,” Nancy smirked. “Steve is smitten. He gets all red in the cheeks when he talks about her.” She pinched his cheeks and he pulled his head away with a sigh.

“Seriously,” Robin snorted. “He’s like a little puppy who’s feet are too big, tripping all over himself whenever she’s around. It’s adorable, actually.” She tied off another balloon. “Fifty!” Holding up her hand, Dustin indulged her in a high five. “Jesus, that was a lot of balloons.”

“Great!” Nancy grinned. “Now we just need to tape them around the archway, along the table, and above the banner.”

Dustin groaned, head falling back against the couch, “Seriously? Nance, who are you trying to impress?”

“My son only turns eight once and I want it to be perfect. Now come on. We’ve only got a few minutes before Steve’s girlfriend and her son arrive and not long after that Batman will be here. I want this place birthday party perfect before Jere comes down.”

They all pitched in and with so many hands, they had the balloons affixed in no time with Nancy directing, of course, standing back, telling them where to place each one. In the midst of all the directing, grumbling, and complaining, Max and Lucas arrived, immediately being handed balloons and put to work.

Steve glanced over at the clock, edgy and tense when he saw that it was two minutes past the time he’d told Aly to be here. Had she decided not to come? Had the idea of meeting his ex been too much for her? He shook it off. He was being ridiculous. She’d never been here before. She probably just got lost or hit traffic or hell, maybe she had a hard time getting Eli out the door. He knew how easy it was to be late when you were managing a child.

A hand landed on his back and he glanced over to see Robin, “Calm down. I’m sure she’s coming. Not everybody is super punctual like your ex is.”

“I know, I know. I just…” His words cut off when her car pulled up out front, parking in front of a house across the street. “She’s here.”

____________________________________________________________

“Finally!” Eli dramatically cried from the backseat, throwing his hands in the air. You would have thought this drive took two hours instead of fifteen minutes the way he’d been moaning and complaining the entire time.

“Yes. We’re finally here.”

Unbuckling, Aly looked up at the cute little house that was their destination. The warm, welcoming brick home with brightly colored tulips in the garden should not be the most terrifying thing she’d ever seen. But her insides curdled as if this were a horror movie she was suddenly trapped, doomed to face her inevitable demise.

Steve’s ex-wife was just there, right across the street. What was she going to think of her? Would she hate her on sight simply because she was the new woman? Would she be cold and nasty? Or even worse, would she be fake nice, that kind that was so sickly sweet it gave you a toothache even though you could hear the venom dripping underneath? What would she say to Steve after she left? Would her opinion convince him that dating her was a bad idea?

“Mommy! Don’t forget his present!” Eli yelled, unbuckling himself as she was stepping out of the car.

“I know, buddy. I got it.”

Aly popped the trunk, pulling out the small gift bag inside that featured Batman and Robin. Eli had begged to get Jeremiah the Diddy Kong Racing game for his Nintendo 64. It had been twenty-five dollars, a bit more than she’d planned on spending, but Eli had given her those big hopeful eyes and she just couldn’t bring herself to say no.

It was his best friend’s party and she usually kept the budget around ten dollars for stuff like that. But it was also her boyfriend’s kid’s birthday so she figured she should spend more. How much more, she’d had no idea. She didn’t want to go overboard. Then everyone would look at her like she was trying to buy her way in and that certainly wouldn’t go over well with the ex. But if she didn’t get something good enough they would all think she was cheap and didn’t care enough about Jeremiah.

In the end, Eli had made the decision for her. She could laugh it off with how badly he’d insisted on that particular gift for his friend. She’d never been so stressed just picking out a birthday gift. But this was already a very tight knit circle and she was the outsider trying to find her place. She didn’t want to mess it up.

Taking Eli’s hand, the two of them made their way up the sidewalk. Her son bounced with anticipation while she trudged like she was heading to the gallows. The front door opened just as they reached the bottom of the stairs and Steve stepped out, the mere sight of him soothing some of her anxiety.

“Hey! You made it!”

He opened his arms wide and Eli ran straight into them for a hug, sending Steve off balance. He caught himself, hugging her son before wrapping an arm around her, pressing a light kiss to her lips. She didn’t miss the variety of faces all looking out the front windows at them.

“Hey! You stepped on my foot!”

“Stop pushing!”

“I was here first!”

“Would you give the poor kids some privacy? They’re not animals on display at the zoo!”

“Quiet! They’re gonna know we’re spying on them!”

“We already know! You guys are extremely loud!” Steve bellowed, rolling his eyes toward her. “Sorry about that. They’re all very excited that you’re here.”

“Oh…that’s nice.” She swallowed down the anxiety that was creeping up. No pressure or anything. “Sorry. Eli couldn’t decide which Batman shirt to wear and I am pretty sure he tried on every single one he owns before we finally made it out the door.”

“No worries. The Dark Knight doesn’t arrive for another twenty minutes or so. You made it in plenty of time.” He grinned down at Eli and then leaned in, his hand resting on her low back, thumb brushing soothingly as he whispered, “It’s going to be fine. If you couldn’t tell, they are all really excited that you are coming.”

A nervous smile lifted the corners of her mouth as Aly nodded, inhaling slowly through her nose. She could do this. The worst that could happen would be that Nancy would hate her guts. That would be something they would have to navigate but they could. Couldn’t they? Lots of people dealt with exes who weren’t fond of the new girls or guys in their lives. She’d just never imagined she would be one of them.

She’d barely stepped inside when a voice called out her name and then arms were wrapping around her in a welcoming embrace. Brown curly hair covered her vision as she returned the hug, a bit overwhelmed and shocked by it to do anything but reciprocate. When the bearer of the hug pulled back, she was looking into the face of a very pretty woman with stormy blue eyes and the cutest little button nose she’d ever seen.

“H…hi…” she stammered, realizing this must be the ex wife as she was the only woman in the room that she’d yet to meet.

“Hi! I’m so sorry to just bombard you like that but I’ve been dying to meet you. Steve and Jere have talked about you so much. I’m so glad you two could come today. Jeremiah has been asking about Eli non-stop. He’s going to be so excited you’re here.” She paused, laughing. “Sorry. I’m Nancy by the way, in case you didn’t already figure that out.” She leaned down to Eli’s level. “And you must be the famous Eli. I have definitely heard all about you.”

Eli beamed, proud to be so well known already, “Jeremiah is my very best friend in the whole world.”

“And you’re definitely his. My son is very lucky to have such a kind friend like you.” Nancy reached forward, ruffling his hair. “Why don’t you head upstairs? I’m sure you’ll be able to find his room. You’ll be able to hear them. Jere is playing games with his Uncle Mike and Aunt El. He’ll be so excited you’re here.”

Eli raced up the stairs, feet pounding loudly with excitement. Aly stood, a little taken aback. Nancy was nothing like what she’d expected or feared. She was so warm and welcoming. She might wonder if it was all an act but the woman seemed as genuine as they came. She truly seemed excited that they were there.

“So, Batman should be here in fifteen minutes or so. Would you like anything to drink?” offered Nancy.

“I’m okay. Is there anything I can help with?”

“I was just going to bring in the food from the kitchen if you want to help with that. Robin?”

“Absolutely,” Aly replied, pleased to be put to use. The last thing she wanted was to be left sitting or standing around awkwardly. She smiled at Steve as she followed Nancy into the kitchen, thinking this might not be near as awful as she thought. In fact, it might actually be fun.

____________________________________________________________

Two hours later, the adults were enjoying drinks on the front porch while the boys were systematically making their way through all of Jeremiah’s birthday gifts. They’d already roped Dustin, Mike, and Lucas into a game of Cranium, opened every single superhero figure he’d received and had an epic battle in Gotham City, annoyed everyone with a Furby that Aly was sure was actually a demon, and now they were taking turns with Jeremiah’s new scooter. One boy would ride it while the other ran after him and then they would swap.

Batman had been a hit, as if there’d been any doubt. Both boys had been absolutely starstruck when he’d swept into the house, announcing, “I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman. Now where’s this birthday boy?”

The college kid playing him had done an excellent job. He had the deep voice and the build for the superhero. He’d allowed the boys to use his grappling hook and his boomerang and set up a game where the adults were the villains and he and the boys had to stop them. Eli and Jeremiah had been giggling the entire time, especially when they got to tie up Steve with rope.

Aly leaned into Steve from their spot on the steps and he pressed a kiss to her temple, squeezing her shoulder gently. Nancy was grinning like a fool at them, something she’d been doing for most of the party. Contrary to Aly’s fears, the woman seemed truly happy for them. Robin was watching them too, a very satisfied smile sitting on her face, making Aly a bit nervous as it appeared she might be scheming. Given what Steve had told her about his best friend, it wouldn’t be out of character for her.

“You know, now that all of the introductions have been made and Aly is officially a part of our group, I think it’s about time we had a girl’s night so we can all get to know her a little better,” Robin announced.

“Yes!” El agreed brightly, looping her arm through Mike’s. “We haven’t had a girl’s night with all of us in forever.”

“Yeah, we need to know all your deep, dark secrets now that you’re one of us,” Max teased.

“Good grief,” grunted Hopper, standing on the sidewalk, a wreath of smoke around his head as he watched the boys. “You’re going to scare the poor girl off before Harrington even has a chance. Take it easy on her, girls.”

“Oh come on, Dad. We’re only teasing her,” El laughed with a roll of her eyes.

Lucas snorted, “She goes out with all of you and she’s going to be looking for the exit real fast.” He yelped when Max elbowed him. “Ouch! You know I’m right. I love you all but you can be a bit…much.”

“Much?” demanded Max, eyes wide. “Seriously, Lucas?”

He shrugged, ducking when Max made a swipe for the back of his head, and Aly had to swallow down her laugh.

“I think if you have a girl’s night, you should go to Brewed Awakening,” Karen sang, joining the crowd, two mugs of coffee in her hands, one of which she handed off to Joyce.

“Where’s Dad?” asked Nancy.

Karen harrumphed, “Do you even need to ask?”

“Snoring in my chair?” asked Jonathan knowingly and Karen pointed at him.

“Of course. Where else would he be?”

“Why should they go to the coffee place?” questioned Will.

“So one of them can finally get our Robin here to do what she’s been too scared to do for months,” Karen stated, patting the dark blond on the head.

“What’s that?” asked Aly curiously, leaning forward.

Robin glared at Nolan as he answered, “Robin has had a crush on the owner for months but she’s too chicken sh*t to actually make a move. Her excuse was that she wasn’t sure if she was into women but we have definitely confirmed that she is. In fact, multiple people in this group have confirmed that fact. So, now she has no reason besides her own cowardice.”

“Are you talking about June? I love June!” Aly stated. “I get my coffee from there all the time and she makes the most delicious sandwiches. I’d be happy to help you talk to her.”

“Talking to her is not my problem,” huffed Robin.

“Like hell it’s not,” argued Steve. “You trip all over your words whenever she’s around. I always do more of the talking while you stand there staring at your shoes, mumbling nonsense every few minutes.”

“Well…I mean, she’s so pretty. It’s hard for me to even look at her, let alone talk to her. I’m scared I’m going to just blurt out the wrong thing or keep talking when I should shut up. You know me. Even after I’ve said everything that I need to say, I just keep talking when I get nervous and she makes me nervous. That’s exactly what I did with Vickie so I figure maybe it’s better if I don’t talk.”

“So take the girls with you for backup,” Karen reasoned.

Joyce agreed. “Yeah. You’re always more confident when you have your support system with you. They can start the conversation and then maybe you’ll find a way to finally ask her out.”

“It took this guy six months to finally ask me out,” Nolan laughed, playfully jabbing his elbow into Will. “He kept coming into the restaurant where I worked and ordering stuff. I swear, the one day he was there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When he came back in right before closing to order dessert, I finally asked him if it was the food he was coming for or me.”

Will’s face flushed scarlet. “I mean…” He shrugged shyly. “Look at him.” He gestured to the very fit man next to him. “Who wouldn’t have trouble talking to him? I never thought some super toned, athletic guy would be interested in a nerdy string bean like me.”

“Oh, I love my nerdy string bean,” Nolan crooned, kissing him on the cheek. “Nothing gets me hotter than hearing you talk about hit points and campaign plans. Plus, you’re easy to toss around.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh gross,” Jonathan groaned. “I do not want to hear about my brother making anyone hot and I definitely don’t want to hear about him being tossed around.”

Aly laughed, resting her head on Steve’s shoulder as she observed the playful banter amid the group. It was so nice how easy they all flowed. It was effortless, like a family should be. After the upbringing Steve had, she was thankful he’d been able to find such a supportive group of people to surround himself with. She was glad that she could now call herself a part of that too.

“So Lucas, you must be pretty relieved now that tax season is over,” she commented.

The guy groaned, “Oh my god, yes. Why in the hell do so many people wait until the last minute to file? I have been working twelve hour days for the last two weeks.”

“Because they don’t want to pay the corrupt government their bullsh*t money,” Dustin snorted. “I didn’t file until the last minute I had to.”

“Yeah,” glared Lucas, “I know. I thought I was finally done and in strolls this dipsh*t at 9:30 at night.”

Dustin shrugged, “Listen, I did what I am supposed to but there’s nothing that says I can’t do it right before it’s due. I did it the night before so the postmark would be the correct date. I followed the rules.”

The conversation flowed easily. Max filled them in as much as she could on the case she’d been working on for the last month. Hopper dropped a couple amusing stories about arrests and stops he’d made recently. Mike dropped a bomb, telling everyone he’d finally decided to submit his book to some publishing companies. Aly was amazed to see how effortlessly it was to be in the middle of this large group.

Her pocket buzzed, interrupting just as Karen was sharing a story about a seventy year old woman who was putting everyone else at Jazzercise to shame. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she sighed when she saw it was Justin’s mom, Judith.

“Can you all excuse me for a minute? I have to take this.”

Walking toward the side of the house, away from the group, she braced herself before answering. It wasn’t that she hated Judith but Judith could be…difficult. It had taken a long time for her to accept Aly, struggling to believe that anyone could be good enough for her son. She acted as if Aly were stealing her boy away from her instead of including her as part of the family. It wasn’t until Eli arrived that she finally seemed to begrudgingly accept that she wasn’t going anywhere. But she’d never exactly been warm or friendly with her either.

And since Justin had passed it had just become more complicated to navigate a relationship with her. She called at least twice a week, questioning Aly like she was a hard nosed detective interrogating her, as if she didn’t believe Aly could possibly take care of her grandson alone. She’d offered to let her and Eli move in with her and her husband after Justin’s death and had taken Aly’s refusal as a personal affront. Ever since then, things had been even more dicey between them than they had before.

“Hi Judith.” She pressed two fingers against her forehead, willing herself to be as upbeat as possible because the woman would notice immediately if she had any kind of tone.

“Aly, hello. I was just calling to check in with that grandson of mine. Can you put him on the phone?”

“Actually, he’s busy right now.”

“Busy? What do you mean busy? What could a seven year old possibly have on his schedule that would be more important than talking to his grandmother?”

This was exactly the kind of thing that grated her. This was what Aly tried to ignore every time. This level of self-importance that Judith placed on herself. She couldn’t stand not being number one in Justin’s life anymore so now she was vying to be Eli’s number one. There was not a reality where she could imagine her being less important than something or someone else. What she failed to realize was that love should not be a hierarchy where people were valued more than others. You could love multiple people and they could all be important to you.

“We are at his best friend’s birthday party and he is riding scooters with him right now.”

“Oh, well I’m sure if you told him that I was on the phone he could take a break.”

“No Judith. I am not going to do that. He’s having fun. I don’t want to interrupt him right now. Besides, that would be quite rude to his friend. He’s here for his party.”

“It would only be a few minutes.”

“I will have him call you when we get home later. I am sure whatever you have to say can wait a couple more hours,” stated Aly firmly and then sighed, softening her tone. “Besides, then he can tell you all about the birthday party.”

“Oh! Well, that’s true.” She could hear it. Judith was convinced, tickled at the thought of her grandson wanting to share all the details of his life with her. “Okay. But make sure he calls me. Make sure you don’t forget.”

“I won’t.”

“Well, I know how you get, darling. I know being a single mother must be challenging but you should really find a system for writing things down. You’re so forgetful these days.”

Her neck rolled at the dig. The truth was she wasn’t forgetful. She chose to forget that Judith had called on occasion because she could only take so many minutes of listening to her list all the ways that Aly was failing. She could only handle her reminding her how she’d offered to take her and Eli in so many times. And if she didn’t occasionally forget about her, she feared she was going to lash out at her. And no matter how Judith grated her nerves, she was still her son’s grandmother.

“I promise I will have him call you.”

Keeping the goodbyes short, she flipped her phone shut, the harsh snap satisfying. Inhaling slowly, Aly rolled her shoulders, relaxing herself. The last thing she needed was to head back up there tense and ruin everyone’s mood.

“Hey, everything okay?” Steve asked as she approached, his eyes lasering straight through her, seeing through the mask she was attempting to wear. His hand settled on her shoulder and she felt her body respond, each tense muscle slowly loosening under his touch.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine. That was Eli’s grandmother. She just wanted to check in with him. I told her I would have him call her later after we got home.”

“Your mom?” asked Max with a tilt of her head.

“Uh…no…Justin’s mom, actually.”

Those eyes were burning into her even as she kept her gaze purposefully away from his. His hand trailed down her back, making slow circles through the fabric of her shirt, as if he could sense that she was on edge no matter how light she tried to keep her tone.

“Do they live around here?” inquired Nancy.

“No. They…they don’t.” Thank god they didn’t but she kept that particular thought in her own head. “They live over three hours away in Port Clinton, Ohio. It’s this city right by Lake Erie. We don’t really see them that much, honestly.”

“Oh. That must be hard for you two. Your parents aren’t close either, are they?” Nancy’s eyes were full of empathy, understanding from another mom. Most moms could at least envision how hard it would be to raise a child alone, empathize with the challenges. And really, for a while, until her and Jonathan got together, she had been doing it alone during the time she had Eli.

“No. They’re not. Even farther away actually, in Boston. But they usually fly out a couple times a year, around the holiday times. They…well…” She bit her lip, glancing up at Steve. She hadn’t dropped this particular bomb on him yet and this wasn’t really something she wanted to do in front of everyone. But she probably should, considering her mom had called two nights ago to tell her they booked flights for the week after school was out. “They're actually going to be visiting in about five weeks.”

“Well, that’s exciting!” beamed El. “Eli has to be happy.”

“Yeah. He is. They, well, they want to watch him play baseball. My dad is a huge Red Sox fan. He was even before they moved to Boston. I always tease him that that’s really why he wanted to move there. The job was just an excuse for him to be closer to his beloved team. And they…uh…they want to meet Steve, actually.”

Steve’s eyebrows lifted and Aly’s stomach clenched. Maybe this was all moving too fast. They’d barely been together and now she was asking him to meet her parents. Would this scare him off? For all the talking they’d done about taking it slow, they seemed to be going from zero to eighty in a matter of seconds.

“You know, I can just tell them you’re out of town for work or something when they come,” she rushed to add. “My mom, while I love her, can be a bit much. The minute she found out I was dating somebody she was talking about a visit. I mean, she’s going to love you. She loves everybody but I know it’s really soon for all of that. It’s crazy, right? It’s not like we’re sixteen and you have to meet my parents before taking me out.”

Robin’s eyes went wide. “Damn. And I thought I rambled when I was nervous.”

Steve shot a glare her way and she held up her hands, leaning back against the post. “No. It’s fine. I’d love to meet your parents. Besides…” He paused, grinning, “...parents love me.”

“Its true.” Karen nodded. “I’ve adored him from the moment he walked through my door. I still love him even though he divorced my daughter.”

“But you got me in exchange,” teased Jonathan.

“That’s true.” She patted his shoulder. “And we love you too.”

“You really don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Aly told him. “I don’t want you feeling obligated or anything.”

“I don’t feel obligated. They can come to a game. I can cookout one day over at my place. In fact, let’s take them to Sage and Salt one night for a nice dinner.”

“Oh yeah!” Nolan agreed. “I will whip up some of my best dishes for your folks.”

“They will get the VIP treatment,” Will promised. “We’ll pull out all the stops for them.”

Joyce placed her hands on her youngest’s shoulders, “Will and Nolan will take really good care of them. And you’re not going to find better food in the whole town. Of course, I might be just a tad biased.”

“Maybe just a bit,” chuckled Will.

“You’re sure?” she asked Steve.

“Of course I’m sure. I can’t wait to meet the people who are responsible for you coming into this world.” He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead. “Now I can thank them personally for making one of my favorite people I’ve ever met.”

“Oh my god,” gagged Dustin. “You guys are so sweet it’s sickening.”

“Don’t be jealous just because you don’t have anyone,” Mike mocked, slugging him lightly in the shoulder.

“You know, Dustin, there’s this girl at my work who…” Max began before Dustin cut her off.

“No. No. Absolutely not. Turn around and walk away with that thought right now. I am not going on any more dates that any of you set up for me. The last three have been a disaster. You’d think you don’t know me at all with the girls you try to set me up with.”

“Okay, even I will admit that Tammy wasn’t the best choice, but…,” Lucas admitted.

“But nothing! She was so self-involved. She kept pulling out her compact mirror to check her lipstick every five minutes. And every time I asked her a question or said anything, she said huh?” He opened his mouth wide, his eyes going glassy, clearly doing an impression of the girl. “She couldn’t even hold a simple conversation. And she kept talking about Devon Sawa.”

“I mean…” El shrugged. “He is pretty conversation worthy. Have you seen Wild America?”

Dustin’s eyes rolled up into his head as he gave a loud snort, “And Patricia! Are you kidding me? She told me she didn’t believe in dinosaurs and that fossils were planted by the devil to lure us away from God. You really thought I would mesh well with a girl who doesn’t believe in basic scientific facts?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t hook you up with either of them,” Max shot back. “Tammy was all Lucas and Patricia was all Robin.”

“To be fair, I didn’t know she was such a Jesus nut,” Robin defended. “I met her at the bookstore and she was standing in the Science Fiction section. I thought she’d be exactly your type.”

“The Science Fiction section that is right next to the Religion section?” demanded Dustin. “Did you even glance at the books that were in her arms because I guarantee you there was nothing there written by Dan Simmons or Connie Willis. But there was probably something written by men who claimed God spoke to them.”

“She didn’t have any books in her hands and you were so sad then. It had been months and you were still moping around about Suzie. I just thought going out with someone new might take your mind off of it or at least break you in a bit so you’d be ready to go out with someone new.”

“I was not moping!”

Steve guffawed loudly, “Oh yes you were. I found you laying in your bed, listening to Don’t Speak on repeat.”

“Whatever,” huffed Dustin. “The point is, I have learned my lesson. None of you are hooking me up with anyone ever again. I am more than capable of finding my own dates, thank you.”

“How about me?” asked Aly and they all turned to look at her. She smiled nervously, shrugging. “I mean, I’m not part of the group.”

“Oh, yes you are,” Mike stated. “Look, you’ve declared your relationship status with Steve. You’re even taking the step of introducing him to your parents. You have solidified yourself as a member of the group now.”

“Yeah,” agreed Lucas. “And I’m sorry to say, once you’re in there is no getting out. So, you’re stuck now.”

“It’s true,” Nolan shrugged. “Trust me. Once you’ve been inducted into the group there is no escape.”

Who were these people? Most people would be suspicious of a newcomer, or at least a little cautious, maybe a tad reserved until they got to know them but not them. They just accepted her. Steve was dating her so she was okay with them. Honestly, the way they just enfolded her into their group left her feeling so warm and fuzzy, like a sweater straight out of the dryer that just wrapped comfortably around your skin.

“Be that as it may, and for the record, I am perfectly okay with that seeing as I have no intention of trying to escape, I haven’t always been a part of this group. So you have no idea how my matchmaking skills are. And there’s this new nurse at my work. Her name is Heather and she’s really cute. Blond curls, gray blue eyes, adorable glasses…and she is totally into all that science stuff. I saw her reading "Neverwhere” the other day on her lunch.”

“A Gaiman fan, huh?” Dustin’s thumb and forefinger came to his chin, considering. Oh yeah, she had him interested. “That might have potential. How old is she?”

“Twenty-four.”

“Okay. What was she eating for lunch?”

“Why does that matter?” laughed Aly.

“Because it does. What was she eating?”

“A bologna sandwich, potato chips, and oreos.”

“Good taste in lunch food, too. Alright. I’ll tell you what. Since I don’t know you that well and you’ve never hooked me up with anyone, I will give you a shot. But just one. If this date goes sideways, no one…and I mean no one who is standing here right now gets to try to set me up ever again.”

“To be fair, I’ve never gotten a turn,” Joyce stated.

“Mama Joyce, while I love you with all the depth of the ocean blue, no thank you.”

Her mouth dropped open. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re sweet. You’re kind. You’re everything a mother should be and for all intents and purposes, you’re all of our mothers. But you married Hopper so I’m not entirely sure of your judgement skills.”

“Hey…what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Hopper blurted, folding his arms over his chest.

“I mean, come on Hop. We love you but…it’s like she married Smokey the Bear.”

“Oh yeah? Come here, kid!” He lunged off the porch and Dustin shrieked, darting away from him through the grass.

Aly’s initial fear for the guy dissipated when she noticed they were both laughing. Hopper grabbed onto Dustin, placing him in a headlock and rubbing his fist over the top of his head. Eli and Jeremiah noticed the commotion, Eli jumping off the scooter mid-roll, the new toy dropping to the grass.

“Uncle Dusty! I’ll help you!” Jere cried, racing for Hopper and wrapping his arms and legs around one of the big guy’s.

“I’ll help too!” Eli yelled, wrapping around the other one.

“Oh yeah? Think you can pin me down?” Hopper growled playfully, releasing Dustin. He lifted one foot and then the other, both boys giggling gleefully as he walked slowly around the front yard. “You can’t stop me!”

Steve’s arms wrapped around Aly from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder. She leaned into the solidness of him, watching with amusem*nt as the boys released Hopper’s legs and ran at him. The big man dramatically fell to the ground with a loud roar. Mike and Dustin immediately leapt on him, the boys jumping on each of them, and Hopper bellowed loudly.

“See? You both fit right in,” he murmured, his lips brushing over her ear. “You belong right here with all of us.”

Yeah. It really seemed like maybe they did.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

Aly grinned, holding out her arms when she spotted Eli coming out of the school with Jeremiah, waiting for the usual running hug she received that almost knocked her over now that her boy was getting bigger. But instead, her little boy just trudged slowly over to her, his head hung down toward the sidewalk beneath his feet. Her heart seized, just like it always did when her son looked anything but happy.

It was one of those moments of being a parent that reminded you how inextricably your heart was linked to theirs, your happiness, your very life. There was nothing that would smash through a good day with the force of a wrecking ball like seeing your child heartbroken. And right now, Eli looked like someone had taken a sledgehammer to that beautiful little organ in his chest.

“Uh-oh, it doesn’t look like someone had a very good day,” Steve muttered softly next to her as Jeremiah walked up to him, not looking much happier than Eli. He ruffled his son’s hair. “Hey kid. How was school?”

Jere shrugged, “Okay.”

“Just okay? No crazy stories to tell today?”

“Not really.” The boy sighed, the sound so big it took up his whole body, glancing over at Eli who was standing stiff and quiet next to Aly.

Aly didn’t like this. Both boys were far too subdued. Their usual excitement and chattiness after school was nowhere to be found. Eli’s arms were wrapped tightly around his middle as if he were protecting himself from some unseen danger or trying to hold something in that was threatening to fall out.

“Hey buddy,” she said softly, placing her hands on his knees, leaning over so her eyes were at his level. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” he snapped shortly, turning his body quickly as she reached for him, rejecting her touch. “Can we just go home?”

Steve shared a worried look with her. She stood up straight, offering her son her hand but he didn’t take it, her heart breaking just a little at his refusal of even this small comfort.

Steve stepped forward, dropping to his knees in front of Eli, “Did something happen at school?”

“I said I want to go home,” he stubbornly replied, refusing to look at Steve.

“I know and your mom’s going to take you home but you know, if something happened, you can talk to us. Talking about stuff usually helps me feel better.”

“Nothing happened and even if it did I don’t want to talk to you about it,” Eli growled and then stomped away.

But he paused when he got to the curb, remembering he wasn’t supposed to walk into the parking lot alone. So instead he just stood, arms folded, glaring off into the distance. It should have been comical how he still followed the rules even when he was so angry but Aly was unable to find anything remotely amusing about this situation.

Aly could see the hurt etched across Steve’s beautiful face. But he recovered quickly, rising to his feet. Stepping into him, she kissed his cheek, offering him a sympathetic smile. She appreciated that he was trying to help but this one might have to be on her. She just hoped he wasn’t taking Eli’s rejection too hard.

“Thanks for trying. I’m sorry he said that. He doesn’t mean it. Not really. He’s just upset right now. He adores you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah.” He was trying to shake it off but not doing the best job of it. She could see Eli’s dismissal had rattled him. It had to be jarring when the kid usually worshiped the ground he walked on most of the time. “Yeah. It’s fine. I just thought…you know…maybe he’d talk to me guy to guy or something but it’s fine.”

“I’m going to talk to him,” she assured him, resting her hands against his chest. “I’ll figure out what’s going on.”

“Sure looks like he might be a tough egg to crack.”

She smiled, “This isn’t my first rodeo with moody Eli.” Aly winked. “Trust me. I’ll get him to tell me.”

Jeremiah spoke up, “Brent told him he doesn’t have a dad.”

“What?” Steve turned to his son.

The boy shrugged, “We were at recess playing superheroes. We were wearing the capes that Mrs. Perry always lets us borrow from the dress-up bin and Brent was picking on us like he always does. He said we were gay because we liked to dance around in capes and that we were gay for each other. Eli got mad and said he’d rather be gay than be a jerk. Then Brent said at least he still had a dad and that was why Eli was running around in a cape because he didn’t have a dad to show him how to act like a real boy.”

A boulder the size of a small town was pressing down on Aly’s chest, a tidal wave churning her stomach, as she took in Jeremiah’s words. She swayed on her feet, her eyes darting to the pink shirt with flamingos that the art teacher was wearing, the bright yellow shoes on a child’s feet running past, the rainbow painting that adorned the window of a kindergarten classroom.

Steve hand found hers, fingers slipping between her own and he squeezed tightly, grounding her. She focused on the pressure of his hand, the tips of his fingers pressing into her palm, as she listened to the sound of children talking, bringing herself slowly back from the brink. Steve was murmuring something in her ear and as her heart rate calmed, she could finally focus on his words.

“I know you’re upset and you have every right to be. But I’m right here with you. You’re safe. Breathe for me.” As she opened her eyes and nodded, he gave her a small smile before turning back to his son. “Brent? Is his dad the one that has that giant American flag attached to the bed of his pickup truck?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that explains it,” he grumbled. “His parents are ignorant assholes. Of course they’re raising a kid who’s a little jerk. They’re probably proud of his bullying. His mom was the one at the PTO meeting yelling about the kids reading James and the Giant Peach because it promoted mysticism and that went against the bible.” He rolled his eyes and then began looking around. “Are they still here? I’d be more than happy to have a talk with them.”

“Steve…”

“Seriously Aly. That’s bullsh*t. How dare that kid say something about his dad. How cruel can that little sh*t be? He’s going after a kid for having a dead parent?”

“Steve…” she tried again.

“That’s his truck.” He pointed. “It’s hard to miss. He’s got to make sure everyone knows what f*cking country he lives in. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he knows just what an asshole he’s raising his kid to be.”

He began to step in the direction of the truck and she jumped in front of him, holding her hands out to block him. Those hazel eyes met hers and the fury she saw there, the absolute anger for her son and what someone had put him through, knocked the wind right out of her body. Because that four letter word began flashing like a beacon in her mind, the word she was trying so hard to ignore.

“Steve, stop. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. Really I do. But you know as well as I do that nothing you say to that dad is going to change the way he thinks. You can’t change someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with the way they think. Those kinds of people are convinced they’re right because they have God on their side and nothing you say will make a difference. It’s only going to cause a bigger problem. I’ve got it, okay? I will get Eli some hot chocolate with marshmallows when we get home and he and I will talk. I’ll have him right as rain before you and Jere come over later.”

“Are you sure? Because I can handle myself. That guy doesn’t scare me. I know he’s big but you know what they say? The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

“I am not doubting your ability to take him down,” she smiled, reaching out to squeeze his biceps assuringly. “You are a very strong man, Steve. I am sure you could lay him out but I am sure. I would rather focus on what I can change which is Eli’s reaction to people being mean. There will always be awful people in this world and my son has to learn how to navigate that.”

“Okay. If you’re sure…” His hands came to his hips, eyes down on the sidewalk before he finally looked back up at her. He was letting it go but she could see how much it pained him to do so. “I’ll be there around five so you can head out to meet the girls, okay?”

“I’ll see you at five.”

A quick kiss and then she was walking next to her surly child across the parking lot to the car. Her stomach rolled, knowing this was going to be a tough conversation to have with him, knowing it was going to be difficult to even get him to tell her what happened.

Her sweet boy, always concerned about her. She already knew why he was keeping it secret, why he felt he needed to just squash it down and live with it. He thought that telling her would make her sad. Eli lived with the fear that his mom would disappear on him again, retreating into that dark shell she had disappeared into for a while after Justin had died. But she needed to show him that she was strong, that she wasn’t going to fall apart at the mere mention of his death, that she could be there for him, that he didn’t have to shoulder so much of it on himself.

The car ride home was silent. Aly kept stealing glances in the rearview mirror but her son kept his focus out the window the entire time. She kept the music off, allowing him to feel what he was feeling, to stew in it for a bit before she tried to get him out of it.

Her therapist was always telling her not to fight her emotions, to let them come. It was okay to feel. It was okay to be sad. It was okay to be angry. We had to allow it in, recognize it for what it was, and only then could we try to move past it. Eli’s therapist had told her much of the same thing.

They’d had some rough moments the first year after Justin’s passing. Eli had lashed out, throwing things and screaming. He would burst into tears over the simplest inconveniences. He was feeling big emotions that his five year old body didn’t know how to handle. Sometimes those things still reared their head for no logical reason whatsoever. But as she’d learned, there was no time limit on grief and it would hit in the weirdest ways at the weirdest times and it was okay.

She pulled in the drive and before she could even get out of the car, Eli was stomping up the sidewalk and waiting on the porch. Aly quietly followed, unlocking the door, watching as he unceremoniously dropped his backpack to the ground. He tried to escape up the stairs but she stopped him.

“Eli, please don’t go up to your room yet. I would like to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“Because I can tell that something is bothering you. If something happened that made you mad, that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel mad but you still need to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he grumbled.

“I know you don’t but if it’s because you think that you’re going to make me sad…you know, that’s okay. It’s okay if I feel sad. I am not going to crumble or hide in my room anymore from being sad. I don’t want you to be scared to talk to me.”

“I’m not scared. I’m just angry. I’m furious! I hate Brent!”

“Hate is a really strong word.”

“Well, I feel really strong about it!” he screamed, his little face as red as a tomato. “He’s so mean! He said I’m not like a boy because I don’t have a dad! He said I’m gay like gay is bad but it’s not! He’s always saying stuff like that to people! He told Chris that it’s no wonder he has poor people shoes because his mom spends all her money on beer! He smacked Beth’s cookie out of her hand and told her she didn’t need it because she’s fat! He’s always mean! The teacher sends him to the office and calls his parents but it doesn’t change! He’s still mean!”

“And that makes you angry.”

“Yes, it makes me angry! I wish I was bigger so I could punch him in the nose but he’s so much bigger than me. And if daddy were here then he could teach me how to be tough because he was a soldier and he was tough. Or he could go punch Brent’s dad and tell him to have Brent leave people alone but he’s not here!”

“Oh honey…your dad was tough but he wouldn’t have punched somebody like that.” Aly moved toward him, dropping down in front of him. “Your dad would have tried to teach you how to handle people like that and violence isn’t the answer. A kid like Brent, he just wants to hurt people. He wants to see them sad or angry. Maybe because he’s so sad and angry that he thinks it will make him feel better but it won’t. But when people like him don’t get what they want, they move onto someone else. You have to be confident in who you are and know that nothing he says means anything. No one gets to define who you are but you.”

“But he shouldn’t be allowed to say that stuff!”

“No. He shouldn’t. And in a perfect world, no one would ever be that cruel but it’s not a perfect world. You’re going to come across people like Brent your whole life. Eli, I still come across people like that. It doesn’t stop. You can’t control what they say or how they act. All you can do is control how you respond.”

“Well, that just sucks.”

“It does,” she agreed. “But you can choose to be a good part of the world and I believe the more good people there are, they can outweigh the bad ones. If you all stick together and stand up to him, not just you but all the kids he’s picking on, he’ll back off. There’s strength in numbers and bullies don’t like an unfair fight.”

“So we should all beat him up together?”

“No,” she chuckled, shaking her head. “That’s not what I’m saying. But if you all stand together and tell him you’re not taking it anymore, tell him we feel angry when you call us names and say mean things and we want you to stop. Isolate him. Try to get the rest of the class to stick together at lunch and recess and don’t include him. Show him that if he acts that way then no one will want to be around him.”

“But what about Travis and Ricky? They follow him everywhere.”

“Well, maybe if you all ignore them too that will change. They’ll see that hanging out with him doesn’t have the perks they think it does. People who stick to a bully usually do it because they’re getting something in return. Sometimes it’s simply because then the bully isn’t picking on them. But if he has nobody else to pick on, I am betting he will turn on them and they’ll change their mind pretty quickly.”

Eli considered her words for a minute and then nodded, “Okay. I still think he needs a punch in the nose but I won’t do that. Monday I am going to try to get all the kids together at recess and tell them the plan.”

“There you go.”

“Thanks mommy.”

“Anytime sweetie, you know that.” She pulled him into a hug. “Don’t ever be scared to tell me what’s going on. It’s my number one job to make sure you are safe, healthy, and happy.”

“I know.”

“And I know that it scares you that I am going to go to that dark place again.” She ran her hand over his hair, breathing in that little boy scent that was fading far too quickly. “But I’m not. Mommy’s done a lot of work to get to a better place and I know what to do now if I’m feeling that way. I have my doctor just like you have yours and I can call her any time. I am not going to disappear on you again, okay?”

“Okay…I just don’t like to see you sad. And I feel like you’re always sad when we talk about Daddy.”

“I’m not always sad. But yes, sometimes it makes me sad because I miss him so much. Just like you do. But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about him. We do that all the time. I tell you stories about him all the time. Because while it’s unfair that he was taken from us, we were so lucky to get to have him for the time we did.”

“I just wish he was still here. It sucks not having a daddy.”

“I know it does, baby.” She squeezed him harder, wishing she could make all that sadness disappear but unfortunately this was one thing she would never be able to fix for her son. “I know it does. But remember, you do have a daddy. Sadly, he’s not here anymore but you do have one. And he never would have chosen to leave you. He loved you more than anything in the world.”

“Even more than pizza?” Eli asked with a smile.

Aly laughed because she’d shared with her son how much his dad loved pizza. It was why they ordered it every Friday night. Justin had always wanted pizza. Even for his birthday dinner he would request pizza and she would tease him, telling him that wasn’t special because they’d just had it last week.

“Yeah, even more than pizza.”

The sound of the phone ringing broke up their moment and she pressed her finger gently to her son’s nose, earning a smile in return. Rising to her feet, she grabbed the cordless from the end table, pressing it against her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello Aly. Is Eli there?” Judith asked sweetly and Aly handed her son the phone without even responding, making her way into the kitchen.

“Hi grandma!”

His words flowed into the kitchen as Aly made herself a cup of coffee. After their conversation just three days ago, she had nothing to say to Judith right now. Nothing that she trusted herself to say anyway. The woman had immediately started in on her because Eli had told her that mommy had a boyfriend. The questions came shooting at her, one after another, so fast she couldn’t have answered them if she tried.

Who is this man?

How well do you know him?

Is he educated? Does he have a good job?

How long have you been seeing him?

Don’t you think it’s a bit soon for him to be meeting Eli?

It didn’t matter that Aly had told her that Eli had been friends with his son before they started dating. She wouldn’t listen to the fact that Steve was Eli’s baseball coach so he already knew him. Judith was already digging in her heels, convincing herself that this man would not be good enough to have around her grandson. And the cycle just continued itself with the focus on Steve now instead of her.

“Yeah. He said at least he has a dad and I don’t have one so I don’t know how to be a boy. But I told him that I was going to have a dad soon because Steve’s going to be my dad.”

The mug slipped from her fingers, smashing against the tile floor as her son’s words reached her ears.

“Mommy, what was that?” Eli called.

Aly stared down at the shards of ceramic, the creamy brown liquid spreading across the gray floor. Her hands shook as she robotically crouched down, grabbing at the pieces. She had to pick them all up before Eli came in. He couldn’t cut himself. Wrapping her hand around a large chunk, the letters apolis oo all that was left of the mug that Justin had bought her when they’d gone on a long weekend to Indy with Eli, visiting the zoo and the children’s museum.

“Mommy?”

She stared at the letters as they slowly went fuzzy, her grasp on the piece tightening.

“Mommy, you’re bleeding!”

Her eyes moved to her hand, red trickling from within her closed fist, a slow scarlett river making its way over her wrist and down her arm to drop and mingle with the coffee on the floor.

“I don’t know grandma. Mommy broke a mug and she’s bleeding.”

“I’m okay,” she finally managed, opening her hand to release the jagged piece of ceramic. Her son. She kept her focus on her son. “Just stay back, honey. I don’t want you to cut yourself.”

“Grandma wants to talk to you.”

“Well, I can’t talk right now. I need to clean this and myself up,” she stammered, standing up. Moving to the sink, she turned on the water, allowing it to run over the cut. It was deep but not so deep that it would require stitches. “Just go sit in the living room. I am going to wrap my hand and then I will clean this up.”

“Grandma, mommy can’t talk. She has to get a bandaid and clean,” Eli explained as he walked away.

Inhaling slowly, releasing the breath between pursed lips, she leaned against the sink. Jesus, this was just what she needed. Judith was going to have a field day with this one.

___________________________________________________________

“What should we do tonight?” Steve asked Jeremiah as they rode over to Aly’s house.

He was watching the boys while Aly went out with all of the girls for a few hours. What had started as a casual suggestion at Eli’s party turned into a plan within the course of a couple days. Nancy had been the one to call him and tell him he needed to watch Eli for Aly because they were taking her out Friday night. He just hoped they all took it easy on her. He loved his friends but they could be a bit overwhelming, especially for someone who wasn’t used to them yet.

“I don’t know.” Jeremiah shrugged sadly, that despondent look still on his face that had been there since Steve had picked him up from school. “I’m not sure if Eli will even want to play with me. He wouldn't even talk to me after Brent said all that mean stuff. Do you think he’s mad at me?”

“No. Why would he be?”

“I don’t know.” The little boy sighed, the sound filling the interior of the car with his misery. “I didn’t say anything when Brent said all that stuff to him. I should have told him what a big fat meanie he is.”

“Well, why didn’t you?”

“Because he’s scary, Daddy. He says the meanest stuff all the time and he’s big. What if he wanted to fight me or something? I know I pretend to be a superhero but I’m not really one. I don’t think I could win.”

“Being a superhero isn’t about hitting somebody, Jere. Sometimes it’s just about using your words to let someone know that what they’re doing is wrong. It’s about doing the right thing even when it’s hard. And I know that can be scary because then they might start saying those mean things to you. But if you and Eli stand up to him together then you won’t be alone. He needs to know that what he said isn’t okay. It was a really horrible thing to say to someone who experienced a loss like Eli has.”

“I know. Daddy…?” Steve’s eyes caught Jere’s in the mirror as his son asked, “Will you go to heaven like Eli’s daddy did? Because I don’t want that to happen. I would be really sad if I didn’t have you.”

His heart sank faster than a rock in the lake. Everything in him wanted to promise his son that nothing like that would happen. But there were no guarantees in life. No he wasn’t in the military but life was not promised. One day you could be fine and the next you were gone, sometimes without any warning.

“Well, buddy. Everybody dies eventually. You know that. But I don’t do a dangerous job like Eli’s daddy did. And I am a pretty healthy guy. I eat all my vegetables and exercise. So, I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

“Good.”

Jeremiah seemed satisfied with his answer and Steve was grateful for that. He hadn’t lied but he’d also assured him. And chances were he would be around for a long time but he couldn’t promise it. And he’d sworn to himself a long time ago that he wouldn’t promise his son anything that he couldn’t follow through on. The amount of broken promises that his parents had made to him as a kid could fill an Olympic sized swimming pool.

He pulled in the driveway and they were barely out of the car before Eli came racing out to grab Jere, much to his son’s surprise and joy, the two of them darting into the house and up to his room before Steve had even made it in the door. At least the kid seemed in better spirits. Whatever Aly had managed to do must have turned his mood around.

When Eli had said he didn’t want to talk to Steve, it had damn near gutted him. He knew he hadn’t been around that long but he felt like he’d bonded with the kid already. Clearly not enough for him to turn to him for comfort yet but they’d get there. He chose to set it aside and believe that one day Eli would allow him to be that person for him.

“Hey there.”

Aly came out of the kitchen, a smile on her face that didn’t quite turn up in the corners, tight and closed on her face. Eli’s mood may have been lifted but it appeared hers had taken a sudden plummet. He noticed her hand was wrapped up with white gauze and stepped toward her with concern.

“What happened?”

“Oh, nothing. Just me being clumsy as usual.” She laughed, the sound hollow, not at all the usual melodic sound that he found so pleasant. “I dropped a mug and when I was cleaning up the pieces, I accidentally cut myself.”

“Is it deep? Do you need stitches?” He reached to take her hand but she stepped back.

“No, no.” She waved him off, grabbing her purse from the hook with her good hand and draping it over her shoulder. “It’s not deep at all. I cleaned it and everything. It’s fine.” Her eyes darted around before she made for the coffee table, grabbing her keys. “Anyway, there’s a frozen pizza in there if you want or whatever. You’re welcome to anything you can find in the kitchen. I don’t think I’ll be out too late.”

Steve snorted. “You’ve never hung out with this crowd. Robin will keep you there forever just talking.”

“Well, I’ll try not to be out too late so you can get Jeremiah home.”

He shrugged as every nerve ending in his body was firing, letting him know that something was going on here. Something was definitely wrong and she was doing her best to not show it but failing at it miserably. He could read it in the way her shoulders tensed up by her ears, the way she gripped her keys in her unbandaged hand until her knuckles were white, the forced way she was trying to sound casual but was anything but.

“I don’t mind. He’s easy to haul. Once that kid is asleep he is dead to the world.” She went to move for the door and he placed his hand on her arm, stopping her. “Hey, did everything go okay with Eli earlier?”

She paused, the tip of her tongue running over her lip, “Uhh…yeah. I mean, he was sad but we talked about it. We talked about ways he could handle the situation and I think he’s feeling a lot better now that he has a plan.”

“Plan?”

“I told him to try to get all of the kids in class that this kid picks on to band together against him. If they tell him they won’t let him treat them like that and choose to stay away from him, who knows? Maybe that will be enough to change him. Bullies like that love attention and they love to get a reaction. If you take away their motivation, then it loses all the fun.”

“Huh…” Steve hadn’t ever really thought of that. He’d thought about teaching the boys some nasty comebacks or possibly even teaching them how to throw a punch. “How very diplomatic of you.”

“Well, I don’t want my son thinking violence solves everything. Besides, the kid has only used his words. As far as I know, he hasn’t put his hands on anyone. Mind you, they’re nasty words but you don’t have to put more evil into the world to win. I prefer to believe you can do that by being kind while also standing up for yourself. I want my son to set boundaries with people but I don’t want him swinging every time someone says something he doesn’t like.”

“No. I mean, that’s great. I just never thought of that. I mean, when I was in school, you always dealt with those people a certain way. You had to be faster with the insults or swing to show you were tougher.”

“Yeah and that’s the problem. You swing on someone when you’re an adult and you could find yourself in the back of a cop car.”

“Well…” He grinned, eyes rolling to the side with amusem*nt. “Unless you happen to know the Chief of police.”

Aly stared at him, deadpan. “Even then punching someone like a neanderthal doesn’t solve anything. This world has enough violence in it. I would prefer my son didn’t add to it.”

“I get it. I’m just glad he talked to you.” Steve stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoe as he toed it against the carpet. “He obviously didn’t want to talk to me.”

Her bandaged hand fell gently on his arm, “Please don’t let that bother you. You know he thinks the world of you. Eli adores you. He just…stuff with his dad is going to be tricky. I don’t know if he knows how to talk to you about that just yet. I know he’s told you what happened to Justin but…this is different. He was embarrassed. He felt like he didn’t know how to handle this kid because he didn’t have a dad to show him.”

“But he has one hell of a mom who knows exactly how to handle it,” Steve told her, one hand running over her bicep, the other settling on the side of her waist. He could feel that tension he’d been sensing since he’d walked in the door seeping from her body, her muscles releasing under his hands. It made him feel ten feet tall to know that just his touch could help her relax.

“Maybe. That’s yet to be seen. I don’t want to have to storm up to the school and be all mama bear but it’s not beyond me. We’ll see if this plan works. If not, then the principal will definitely be hearing from me.” She glanced down at her watch and then reached up, her hands cradling his face. “Look, thank you. I mean it. It means so much to me that you care enough about Eli to try to help.”

“Of course I care about Eli. I love that kid, almost as much as…”

He cut himself off, cursing himself. It had almost slipped out. Just that quickly he’d almost broken the rule he’d set for himself. The rule that he would not say it first. He would not push her. He didn’t want to make her feel like she had to say it back. He didn’t want to freak her out by moving too fast.

But she knew. She knew exactly what was about to come out of his mouth. She stared at him, those lips like cotton candy parted in a perfect little o, those beautiful eyes like two big mirrors reflecting the panic he knew was written all over his face. sh*t. Was this it? Was she going to run? Was she going to tell him this was all too much? They’d agreed to take it slow and he’d just revved the engine into high gear.

Taking a step back, her hand ran over her hair and she winced as her wound pressed against her scalp. Clearing her throat, she lifted her purse higher up on her shoulder.

“Anyway, thanks. I uh…I should really get going. I’m supposed to meet the girls in fifteen minutes and I’m going to be late if I don’t leave right now.”

“Right. Yeah. Don’t wanna be late,” he stammered, suddenly unsure of himself, feeling like he was walking a tightrope, staring at the ground, seconds away from teetering too far to the left or right.

“I shouldn’t be back late.”

“We’ll be here.”

Jesus. He had to get control of himself. The words came out way too high, syllables cracking like a prepubescent kid whose voice was changing. Trying to gain back some of his cool, he leaned, resting one hand on the wall, nodding and smiling at her.

“I got this. Go have fun.”

“Right. I will. Yeah. Thanks…” she mumbled, reaching for the doorknob.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?” She halted her rush to escape, glancing up at him.

“Kiss goodbye?” he asked hopefully.

“Oh. Right.”

Leaning up on her toes, she pressed her lips to his. But instead of balancing him, it left him feeling like he was tilting, ready to crash. It was quick, forced, almost uncomfortable as if she were being told to kiss her uncle that she really didn’t want to.

“Umm…bye…”

And then she was out the door as it clicked closed behind her. Steve’s hand curled into a fist that he bounced against his forehead.

“Idiot!” he muttered angrily.

____________________________________________________________

Aly’s hands shook against the steering wheel as she drove toward Brewed Awakening. Had Steve really been about to say what she thought he was about to say? No. He couldn’t have been. It was probably just a slip of the tongue. He’d been talking about Eli. And who wouldn't love Eli? She might be biased but her son was very lovable.

But she couldn't get it out of her head. If he felt that way did she feel that way too? Was he going to say it? If he did, would he expect her to say it back? Should she say it back? Should she say it first? Did she even want to say it yet?

Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden began playing on the radio and she quickly flicked the dial down. Her brain could not handle lyrics about dreaming someone into life right now. Hadn’t she thought the same exact thing about Steve? That he couldn’t be real. That she’d somehow wished him into existence because he was too perfect to actually exist?

Did she love him? That word had crossed her mind more than a few times when they’d been together, in fact as recently as this afternoon. But she wasn’t sure if she could trust her feelings. It had been so long since she’d been in a new relationship. Didn’t your brain release serotonin that could make you feel like it was love when it wasn’t? Or was lust clouding her emotions? Making her think she was feeling things she really wasn’t yet.

But what was love, really? At the most basic level it was an emotional bond that brought two people together. But there was nothing basic about love. Love was feeling like the dullest day was made more exciting just because you got to spend it with them. It was how every minute was made brighter by their mere presence. It was having someone that made the worst moments better just by being next to you. It was having someone you wanted to share everything with. It was missing them when they were away and wanting to spend every moment you could with them. It was knowing that you were safe. Love was realizing that home was not some structure made of four walls but a person.

“Holy sh*t…” Aly breathed, her grip on the steering wheel so tight that her cut on her palm began to throb and she had to remind herself to relax. “I love Steve…I am in love with Steve.”

The realization threatened to send her into a tailspin, wildly whirling out of control. She pulled into a parking space in front of the cafe and sat, staring out the windshield because she just couldn’t wrap her head around it. Somehow it had happened with her even truly realizing it. It had snuck up on her. Janice had asked her and she knew she felt a lot for him but she hadn’t allowed herself to consider that word. It was too big for something that had just begun.

Now what? Did she tell him? No. She couldn’t. She would wait for him to say it first. Steve had been with that crazy Janet lady who had latched on far too quickly. She didn’t want him thinking she was like that. No. She wasn’t even sure he’d been about to say it to her. She would wait. That was the right call.

“sh*t!” she screeched when someone banged on her window, jumping so high she almost hit her head on the ceiling of her car. Turning, she found Robin grinning at her.

“Hey! What are you doing sitting in your car?”

Inhaling a long breath, Aly attempted to steady herself. She had to set this life altering epiphany to the side for now until she could talk to Janet. She sure as hell was not divulging this information to Steve’s friends. Shutting off the car, she opened the door and stepped out.

“Sorry.”

“Is everything alright? We were all waiting there for you. We saw your car but you weren’t getting out so I said I would check on you. You appeared to be deeply lost in your own thoughts.”

“Yeah. Everything’s fine.” Aly grasped for an excuse and realized she already had a ready made one. “Eli’s just having some issues with a boy at school and he was really upset about it today.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Robin replied as they headed into the cafe. The other girls were already at a table, smiling and waving when they saw her.

“Hey. We thought maybe you were scared to come in after I told you we wanted all your deep, dark secrets,” Max teased with a laugh. “You know I was joking, right?”

“Yeah. No, I wasn’t scared.”

“Some kid’s being a dick to Eli and he was sad,” Robin explained for her as they took a seat.

“I didn’t say anyone was being a dick.”

“Well, it was implied,” Robin replied, tracing her finger over the swirls of the pattern on top of the table. “I assume he was upset because some asshat was being a bully. Trust me, I can read between the lines.” She pointed to herself. “I was a band geek in high school. I’ve dealt with my fair share of assholes.”

Nancy leaned in, hands cupped together on the table. “What happened?”

Aly’s cheeks puffed up before she blew out a long breath. “This kid and him got into an argument on the playground. The kid was saying that him and Jeremiah were gay for each other because they wear capes and run around. Eli got mad and told him he’d rather be gay than be a jerk.”

“Oh, nice comeback! I love your kid!” Max grinned.

“Yeah. Well, then this kid said at least he still had a dad and that Eli acted the way he did because he doesn’t have a dad to show him how to be a real boy.”

Nancy’s jaw dropped, “He didn’t!”

“That’s so mean,” El added softly, hands tucked into the sleeves of her shirt, fingers playing with the edges.

“It’s also bullsh*t. Eli has a dad. He just passed away. He didn’t take off or leave,” Max muttered. “What a little dick. Eli should have punched him right in the face.”

“Now you’re sounding like Steve,” Aly sighed, shaking her head. She picked up a napkin, pulling at the edges in an attempt to keep herself calm. “I don’t want my son to hit people. I want him to learn how to use his words to stand up for himself. We have a plan. He’s going to try it and if that doesn’t work then I’ll go up to the school myself.”

“Steve? Steve, who lost a fight against Billy Hargrove in high school wants to show someone else how to fight?” snorted Robin.

“Billy Hargrove?”

Max sighed deeply with a roll of her eyes, “My step-brother who was a complete ass in high school. He didn’t like that I was hanging around Lucas. I was…having a hard time. My parents had split and then my mom moved me from California to here. It was nothing like what I knew. Some small boring town in the middle of nowhere without a real beach. And she’d moved me away from my dad. I snuck out one night to see Lucas and my mom was worried. My step-dad, who was a total dick, sent Billy to find me. He wound up at Mike’s house where we were all hanging and Steve was there with Nancy. Billy grabbed Lucas by the shirt and slammed him against the wall and Steve tried to protect him. Unfortunately he got his ass beat instead. Billy wasn’t really the kind of guy you wanted to mess with. He could be scary.”

“He attacked a kid?” Aly questioned. She didn’t want to offend Max by insulting her brother but what kind of jerk attacked a child who was probably less than half their size?

“Yeah. He was angry…really angry. All the time. He hated moving from California, too, and he blamed my mom for it. He couldn’t take it out on her because Neil would have kicked his ass so he took it out on me instead.”

“Damn. That’s still no reason to hurt a kid.”

“Well, there was a lot of other sh*t too. His dad was mean. He hurt Billy a lot. He used to beat up Billy’s mom and one day she couldn’t take it anymore and she left but she didn’t take him with her. He always felt like she’d abandoned him because then Neil had no one else to loose his fury on. Billy became his punching bag. He wasn’t allowed to show any kind of emotion because that’s not what boys did.”

This guy sounded awful. No wonder his son had grown into such a jerk. She wasn’t excusing his behavior but when that was all he’d known…it painted a little different picture. Still, people had choices in life and regardless of how you were raised, you could either choose to break the cycle or continue it.

“Is he still like that?”

“No,” Max answered with a smile. “Actually, you wouldn’t even recognize him if you’d known him back then. Our parents split. Not surprising given that their relationship was toxic as hell. I was relieved to have Neil out of the house but my mom had a really hard time for a while. She had to work two jobs just to keep us afloat and we had to move into this run-down trailer. It got really bad for a while but I kept telling myself it would get better. Billy and Neil had moved away. I didn’t know where. Then one day, out of nowhere, Billy showed up on our doorstep.”

“Yeah, Lucas told me he almost pissed himself when he opened the door and saw him,” El chuckled.

Max snorted, “Yeah. Well, Billy hadn’t exactly left the best impression. Anyway, the minute he’d turned eighteen he took off. He didn’t know where else to go. So even though he’d blamed us for all of his problems, there he was. My mom took him in. He got a job as a bartender and helped out with rent and groceries. I finally convinced him to go talk to someone, a shrink, you know? I had been talking to the school counselor and at first I hated it. I shut down. I refused to tell her anything but finally I opened up and it did me a lot of good. I thought it would do him good too.”

“Did it help?” inquired Aly, suddenly feeling invested in this guy she didn’t even know.

“Yeah. It did,” she answered proudly, nodding. “He’s married now. The girl he’s with, Val, she’s amazing. She’s really good for him. They have three kids and live back in California. We talk on the phone every week and he seems really happy. If you would have told me back then that one day I would be proud to say Billy Hargrove is my brother I would have told you that you were insane. I hated him. I wanted nothing more than for him to go away but I think we both were just so broken we couldn’t see how hurt each other was. If we would have turned to each other instead of pushing each other away maybe things would have been different back then. But he’s turned out to be a good person in spite of how he was raised.”

“Wow. That’s amazing. It takes a pretty strong person to pull themselves out of the darkness like that.”

“Steve’s still not his biggest fan,” joked Nancy.

“Well, he gave him a broken nose and a black eye,” Robin stated, instantly rising to Steve’s defense. “Can you blame him?”

“Hey ladies! What can I get for you?”

Robin’s face drained of all color, her skin resembling a sheet of paper as June appeared at their table. She wore the customary red apron and held a pad of paper in their hand. Aly noticed how her eyes went straight to Robin but Robin suddenly became very interested in the menu, snatching it from the table and holding it so closely you’d think she’d forgotten her glasses even though she didn’t wear any.

“Hey June!” Aly greeted brightly. “Can I have the chicken salad and an iced hazelnut coffee?”

“Chicken salad, huh? I was sure you were going for the turkey pesto.”

She shrugged, “I figured I would switch it up. The fact is every sandwich you make is delicious. Don’t you think, Robin?”

“Huh?” Robin mumbled, her eyes as wide as saucers as she peered at Aly over the top of the menu. “Oh. Yeah. I mean you’re delicious.” She squeaked, the color rapidly returning to her cheeks in a blaze of brilliant red. “I mean, you make delicious things. Coffee…food…sandwiches. Yeah. So good.”

June’s lips pressed together, concealing a smile that Aly knew was there. Yeah, she definitely thought Robin was cute. Now they just had to get Robin to be brave enough to make a move. Or somehow get June to do it.

“Thanks Robin. My sandwiches are pretty good.” She grinned, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Of course, I have been told that I’m a pretty nice snack too.”

Oh damn. Maybe they wouldn’t need to intervene in any way. Robin gasped, her shoulders drooping forward as if she thought she could disappear. Make herself as small as possible so June wouldn’t be able to see her anymore.

“Robin loves snacks,” Max said with a mischievous grin.

Nancy nodded, “Yes she does. You know where they have great snacks? The movie theater. Who doesn’t love that delicious buttered popcorn? Or a pack of M&Ms. And I hear Slums of Beverly Hills is playing this weekend. You wanted to see that movie, didn’t you Robin?”

Robin nodded, the move barely perceptible, holding the menu so tightly Aly was surprised it didn’t tear in half.

“Yeah. It’s too bad we’re all busy this weekend,” El sighed. “We wouldn’t want you to miss out.” Whipping around in her chair, she smiled up at June. “June, would you happen to be free this weekend? Say…oh, I don’t know. Tomorrow night around seven?”

Her lips curved up on one side, the pen in her hand tapping against her chin. “Actually, I am.”

“Huh. How convenient,” Max gasped, reaching into her pocket. “And would you look at that? We’ve got tickets and everything.” She slid one across the table to June as Robin sat as still as a statue. “Why don’t you meet Robin in front of the movie theater?”

“Yeah. Definitely!” June bounced on her heels, looking down at Robin. “I mean, if you want me to come with you.”

Robin jumped, her eyes finally looking up at the raven haired beauty who was waiting anxiously for her answer. Aly nudged her with her toe under the table and she finally opened her mouth but no sound came out. She resorted to nodding.

“Is that a yes?” urged June.

“Yes!” Robin shrieked, causing all of them to jump. The poor girl winced, her fingers curling into a fist. “I mean, yes. That would be okay. No. I mean, that would be great. I would love…I mean, I would really like it if you came with me.”

“Okay. Great!” June took the rest of their orders, unable to keep the smile off her face, stretching from one end to the other. It was so damn adorable that Aly could scream. Robin had no reason to be nervous. This girl was definitely into her. She’d just been waiting for Robin to show the same interest. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She winked at Robin before she walked away and the girl melted down in her chair, almost dribbling off of it and onto the floor as the tension dissipated from her body.

“You did it! You finally did it!” Nancy squealed, grabbing her arm excitedly.

“I didn’t do anything!” she protested, glaring over at Max. “You all did this. You conniving little sneaks! You even bought tickets already? What if she’d said no?”

Max shrugged, “She wasn’t going to. But even if she did then I would have gone with you, you dork.”

“I thought you were all busy,” accused Robin, glaring at each of them in turn.

“Of course we’re not,” El laughed. “But we knew you’d never have the guts to actually say something to her. So, we came up with a plan to help you.”

“I didn’t need help.” Robin’s arms folded stubbornly like a child.

Aly laughed, ‘Oh girl, I hate to tell you but you absolutely needed help.”

“I hate all of you. Well, maybe not Aly. Unless you were in on it too.”

Aly held her hands up in front of her, “I knew nothing about any of this but I do approve of it.”

“And you don’t hate us,” Max grinned, placing her head on Robin’s shoulder. “You love us and you’ll love us even more when all of this goes well and you’re all in love and gross like the rest of us.”

Aly’s stomach clenched at that word and she quickly looked down at her silverware, toying with the spoon. She couldn’t allow any of them a chance to see what was turning her inside out written all over her face.

“That remains to be seen. I still have to make it through this date. How am I supposed to talk to her without all of you? I barely managed a complete sentence with you all here.”

“You can do this,” El said, placing her hand over her friend’s. “I have faith in you. Just be yourself.”

“Myself!? Are you kidding me? Have you met me?”

“Yes,” Nancy stated, “we have and we all love you. June will too. Just try to relax. You get in your head and think you have to impress but all you do is freak yourself out and act all weird. Just let her see you because she is going to love you. I know it.”

“And if she doesn’t, I can always have Billy come talk to her. It worked with Lucas when he was being a turd,” Max joked and they all laughed.

“You have a date!” Aly cried with a smile.

“I have a date!” Robin agreed, looking far less enthused than the rest of them. In fact, the poor girl looked downright terrified.

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

Far later than she’d expected, Aly pulled into the driveway of her home. Dinner and coffee had turned into a stroll down the street to the local bar, The Stumble Inn, where the owner, Dan, loved a good play on words. A couple drinks, a lot of conversation, and quite a bit of laughter later, they’d finally said their good nights, everyone heading off to their own vehicles for home.

The boys were probably already asleep considering it was pushing eleven. That was alright. The four of them were planning on a bike ride tomorrow afternoon so if Steve wanted, he could always just leave Jeremiah there. No point in waking the kid to drag him home simply to bring him back again.

Opening the front door, she stepped inside to find Steve on the couch, a rerun of Who’s the Boss playing on the tv. He turned to look over at her, his arms propped behind his head, giving her one of those glaringly bright smiles that made her feel like she needed to shield herself, to bring a hand to her eyes to protect them.

“Hey.”

Dropping her purse on the table by the door, Aly made her way into the living room, smiling down at him. “Hey. Sorry I’m so late. We completely lost track of time.”

“That’s alright. I was expecting it. I told you that you were going to be later than you thought. Robin and Nancy love to talk. And with you being all shiny and new, they had endless things to ask you, I’m sure.”

Steve pushed himself up to sitting with his legs still out in front of him, opening his arms to her. Aly happily accepted his invite, her body liquefying into him when his arms came around her, pulling her into the warmth of his chest. Sighing contentedly, she wound her arms around his waist curling her legs underneath her, relieved that the awkwardness of earlier appeared to be forgotten.

“They should get jobs as interrogators. They definitely threw the book at me. I don’t know if there’s anything they don’t know about me at this point,” she joked, “including the unfortunately mortifying third grade talent show story.”

“Ohh, do tell. I’m intrigued now.”

“No. That one is better left unshared. Trust me. I don’t know why I even told them. I think your friends have some kind of superpower. I was running off at the mouth, story after story. I couldn’t seem to make myself stop. To be fair, they were shooting questions at me so fast I barely had time to stop and think. I’m stuck being friends with them forever now, you know. They have far too much dirt on me. Way too much they could blackmail me for. I fear I’ve made a grave mistake.”

Steve’s laugh rumbled beneath her, his fingers slipping into her hair, thumb pressing into her skin as it slid over the back of her neck. Her eyes slipped closed, her body practically humming under his touch. His other hand moved under her chin, lifting her face to his and a soft moan escaped her when his lips found hers, gently, tenderly.

She would never tire of his mouth, his touch, the way it set her aflame every single time. Aly wanted him in a way that was borderline dangerous. The way she wanted him was all consuming, like a fire raging through a forest, turning everything to ash in its wake. If it weren’t for the boys, she was certain she would lose her job because she would do nothing but spend hours in bed with this man.

But there were the boys to consider. It was hard to concentrate on that fact when Steve’s tongue was exploring her throat, his hand slipping under her shirt. Fingertips made rough from working with his hands teased her skin, his palms covering her breasts completely, kneading and squeezing until she was grinding helplessly against his thigh, gasping. But that little voice in the back of her head reminded her, brought her back to reality, the reality where they did not want either of their sons to walk in on this very blatant display in the middle of the living room.

“Steve…” she rasped, struggling through the haze of desire when his lips latched onto her throat, open mouthed kisses creating a path of destruction, obliterating everything that wasn’t him.

“Hmm?” he mumbled against her skin, rolling her nipples with his thumb and forefinger, the jolt of pleasure shooting straight to her core.

“We can’t.” It was a whimper, a whine because she didn’t want this to stop. She didn’t want to be the responsible mom right now. She wanted to take this man straight up to her bed, caution be damned. But she couldn’t. She knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t have him staying over, couldn’t have Eli knowing they had shared a bed, not until she was certain this was something that was going to last. She couldn’t put her son through that kind of heartbreak, not after everything he’d already lost.

“Why not?” Now his hands were creeping up her skirt, each one gripping an ample amount of her ass, pressing her center right against the delicious friction of his firm thigh.

“The boys…we can’t…the boys…”

f*ck. It was so hard to form a thought, to fight through the pleasure coursing through her very veins. His mouth teasing her earlobe, the delicious pulsing in her puss* with every press of his leg against her. She felt like a teenager. What the hell was happening to her? Was she seriously about to come just from dry humping a guy’s leg?

“But we can,” he growled, hands gripping her hips, flipping her over so her back was pressed against his chest. “Did I forget to mention they’re not here?”

“Wha…huh?” His hands slid along the insides of her thighs, pressing them open as they went. “Where are they?”

“Well, Jonathan showed up a few hours ago,” he explained, fingers slipping along the edge of her panties. “He said that Nancy had instructed him to come and get them. Repayment for me being so kind to watch them so you could go out with the girls.” One finger slid under the material, slipping through her already damp folds to toy with her cl*t. “They’re keeping them for the whole night so we can have some time alone. Isn’t that nice?”

“I…oh…uh-huh…”

Her head rolled back against his shoulder, that rubber band that was already stretched so thin within her stretching even more, threatening to snap at any moment as he circled, pinched, and slid over the very center of her pleasure. A rumble fell from Steve’s lips, his nose slipping over her jaw and down her neck. She was not going to last long. Not like this, not when she was already on the brink of destruction.

“Come on beautiful,” he urged, his thumb taking over the work on her cl*t as he slipped one large finger inside of her. “Say my name for me. You know how much I love it when you say my name for me.”

“Steve…” The word came out choked, one simple syllable that threatened to strangle her as her muscles tensed under his touch, her body ready to shatter completely.

“That’s my girl…wanna hear you screaming it, baby. No need to be quiet tonight.”

Oh sh*t. Those words…his girl, words she didn’t even know she wanted but she did. She wanted to make him say it again. She wanted to be his girl more than she’d ever wanted anything else at this moment. Everything in her world completely disappeared, shadowed by this man and the way he made her feel.

He got what he wanted. Because as he slid a second finger inside of her, his thumb playing her like the most beautiful song ever written, his name fell from her lips over and over. A crescendo of sound that began as a gasp and rose to a scream when that band finally snapped, her body taut, shaking, before collapsing back into him in a puddle of satisfaction.

“Jesus Christ, Steve…” she mumbled. “How are you so goddamn good…no, scratch that. I don’t want to know.”

He chuckled, arms wrapping around her, face nuzzling her hair, “Don’t worry, gorgeous, because nobody that came before you matters. They were all just practice leading up to the main attraction.” He nipped at her earlobe. “I’ve never wanted to make a girl come over and over again like I do you. The sounds you make, how beautiful you look, the way you say my name, it’s like a goddamn drug, Aly. I’m completely hooked on you.”

Turning her body, she straddled him, feeling just how much he was hooked on her pressing into her. The thin fabric of his sweats and the lace of her panties was not creating much of a barrier and she fought back the urge to yank them off him and ride him right here on the couch. But not yet. There was something else she’d been wanting to do first, something that had been on her mind ever since their first encounter in her kitchen.

“Well, if I’m a drug then so are you, Steve Harrington, because I am completely addicted to you.”

“Oh yeah?” His hands settled on her hips, a smirk on his lips. “Is this the part where you fulfill my fantasy? You’re already in the perfect position.” He bucked his hips up and she gasped, hands dropping to his chest.

“Oh, I will but not just yet.” Leaning forward, Aly caught his mouth with her own, her tongue gliding over his bottom lip teasingly. Her hands slid under the cotton fabric of his shirt, nails scratching gently down his chest, over his stomach. That little knot wound up within her again at the feel of that coarse hair against her fingers, tapering to a line leading her right where she wanted. Gripping the hem of his shirt, she tugged it over his head, tossing it across the room where it landed on a chair.

Steve’s lower lip jutted out playfully, “This doesn’t seem fair. You still have a top on.” Acquiescing to his request, she pulled her top, sending it the same way as his. His hands slid up her back, fingers popping open her bra expertly, slingshotting it. “Much better.” One hand gripping her between the shoulder blades, he sat up, his mouth descending on her breasts.

“Yes…” she sighed, cradling his head against her, her hips rocking against his length once again.

“You’re so damn beautiful…”

Aly smiled, pushing him back down on the couch, wiggling her body down. It was her turn to drive him crazy. Her lips moved over his jaw, down his neck, her tongue tracing a trail over the artery there before her teeth nipped at his shoulder. He grunted, hips bucking when she kept going on her journey south, mouth exploring his chest, teeth raking over his nipples. Hot, wet kisses over his stomach while her hands gathered the material of his sweats and boxers, dragging them over his thighs until his co*ck was free, bouncing back against his stomach.

Her tongue ran over her lips as she settled onto her stomach between his legs. Steve’s eyes went wide, watching when she took his co*ck in her hand, dragging the tip of it across her lips. As her tongue darted across the already weeping slit, he hissed, head dropping back to the arm of the sofa.

“Jesus Christ, honey.”

Bolstered by his reaction, Aly used her hand to raise him up, her tongue running along the vein underneath, from the base to the tip before taking him into her mouth, swirling her tongue teasingly. With a heavy grunt, his hips rose from the couch in an attempt to get more of himself in her mouth.

Grinning around him, she continued her slow torture, only keeping the tip of him in the warmth of her mouth as one hand moved down to cradle his heavy sack, rolling his balls in her palm.

“f*ck…oh my god…honey, please…need more…”

His hands fisted at his sides and deciding she’d tormented him enough, Aly took the rest of him, as much as she could, working the base of him with her hand as she slowly worked the rest of him with her mouth. The sounds he was making, the animalist grunts and groans, the curses falling from his lips, were goddamn intoxicating. She’d never felt so powerful in her life as she did knowing she could reduce this beautiful man to a mewling mess with just her mouth and hands.

Steve’s fingers slid in her hair, his palms cupping the back of her head as he lifted his hips to match the rhythm of her mouth. She relaxed her throat, gagging slightly as he thrust even further into her throat. He paused, as if uncertain if what he’d done was okay, but when she dug her nails into the flesh of his thigh, lowering her mouth over him again, he took the hint, thrusting once again until her nose was nuzzling the coarse hair at the base of him.

“sh*t…honey, I’m…f*ck, I’m so close…f*ck, stop…I…don’t wanna…not in your mouth…”

Releasing him with an audible pop, Aly rose to her feet, offering him her hand. He tilted his head in confusion, the look so adorable her heart tugged. How could one man be both the sexiest thing she’d ever seen and the most adorable thing she’d ever laid eyes on at the same time?

“If I’m going to ride you, let’s do it properly…in my bed.”

“Oh…yeah, okay…”

He scrambled, pulling his pants back up as he took her hand, following her lead up the stairs. They’d barely made it into the room when she slammed her hands into his chest firmly, sending him onto his back on the bed. Wasting no time, she slipped her underwear and skirt off before dragging his sweats and boxers down off his legs and onto her floor.

The smile he gave her was so soft, so heart melting, his hands gently cupping her face when she crawled up his body, straddling his hips. He opened his mouth and her heart stuttered in her chest, terrified but also thrilled at what might come out. But just that fast he closed it again, pressing his eyes shut tight.

Brushing away that hope that had flared and dwindled so quickly, she gripped him in her hand, slowly lowering herself down over him. Her warmth wrapped around him like a glove, welcoming him as if he belonged there. She sucked in air, her fingers slipping through the hair on his chest, her teeth biting down on her lower lip.

“f*ck, you feel so good,” Steve growled as she rocked against him, his fingertips digging into he flesh of her hips as he met each movement.

“Steve…Steve…Jesus Christ, Steve…”

“You look just as beautiful as I knew you would. Come on, honey. Take what you need. You can have whatever you want. Give you whatever you want, honey.”

“Touch me,” she gasped, whimpering when his thumb found her cl*t, teasing as she pressed her hands into the mattress, arching her back, her muscles clenching as she came down on his co*ck again and again. “Yes. Right there. Oh god…so good…”

Her hips rolled into a circle and he grunted, “Yes, baby. Keep doing that. sh*t.” His other hand came to her breast, squeezing, pinching, teasing, touching her just like she wanted and she moaned his name again. “Gonna come for me, beautiful?”

“Yes…so close…don’t stop…”

“Oh, I won’t, honey. Don’t worry. Look at me, beautiful. Wanna see you.”

Aly struggled, working to keep pace as she pulled herself straight, her hands gripping his shoulders for purchase. Opening her eyes, she looked down, that band in her stretching farther than should be possible as the heat in his gaze consumed her. His name ripped from her throat, so loudly she was sure the people in the next town could hear.

Her body turned to goo, wax from a hot candle sliding down the edges of her to pool on the mattress around her. She had nothing left, her legs shaking and Steve knew, taking over for her. His hands grabbed onto her hips as he plunged himself up and into her before holding her down against him, a roar emitted through gritted teeth, painting her insides with his own release before bringing her with him as they both collapsed.

Her cheek pressed against his sweat-slicked chest, the hair there tickling her skin softly. His fingers trailed over her back, their bodies heaving as they struggled to catch their breath.

“Holy sh*t…” he muttered. “So much better than I imagined.”

“Yeah…I…Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t think I can walk.”

His rumbling laugh shook their bodies as his arms held her, rolling them so they were side by side, her body still cradled against his. His lips pressed against her forehead.

“Good thing you don’t have to. Aly, you’re so damn amazing. I…this…” He paused, his throat moving with a hard swallow, as if he were forcing words he didn’t want to say to leave his mouth, banishing them to the darkness where they couldn’t see the light of day.

“Yeah?” she pressed hopefully, tilting her head back to look at him, wishing for him to say it. To say the words that had been torturing her for the last few hours, the words she was terrified to say until he did.

“I’m just so damn happy. I have never been this happy with anyone. I…” He stopped, eyes squeezing shut. “I like you a lot.”

Her heart squeezed tightly. No, of course he wasn’t going to say those words. Hadn’t she just thought how crazy it would be to say them so soon? Of course he wasn’t feeling any of that already.

“I like you a lot too.” She forced a smile, not wanting him to see the disappointment on her face as she nuzzled down into him, the top of her head tucked under his chin.

___________________________________________________________

Steve blinked against the harsh sunlight coming in through the window, one hand covering his eyes to ward off the glare. Last night came back to him in a burst of images that raced over the backs of his eyelids. The warmth of Aly’s mouth, the sight of her above him, her hair falling down her back, the gentle smile that curved her lips up on each side as she fell asleep nestled against his chest, her fingers toying with the coarse hair there as she hummed contentedly.

Rolling his head, he looked down to find her still there but at some point in the night they’d moved. Now her back was nestled against him, her ass pressed deliciously against him, explaining why he’d woken up with an erection. Winding his arms around her tightly, his lips explored the curve of her shoulder, the hollow of her throat, delighted when she moaned softly, wiggling in his grasp.

“Good morning.” Her voice was husky, deep and raspy, choked with sleep first thing in the morning, just one more thing that Steve couldn’t help but love about her. He would never tire of discovering new things about her. Each new thing only made him…

Love…that word was beginning to be a thorn in his side. The amount of times he’d had to bite his lip last night to keep from saying it was going to leave a bruise. The more time he spent with her, the more time he spent inside her, was making it harder and harder not to scream it out, consequences be damned.

“Good morning.” His nose nuzzled into her neck, lips tracing a line, following it over her shoulder. “I swear, this is the best damn thing to wake up to. You are the best damn thing to wake up to. So much better than a slobbery dog demanding breakfast.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” His fingers skimmed over her soft belly to the curve of her hip, squeezing the ample flesh there. “I could really get used to this, honey. You in my bed…”

“Well, technically this is my bed,” she teased, sighing when his hand dipped into the apex between her thighs.

“My bed, your bed…I really don’t care as long as I get to have you in a bed,” he growled, his lips wrapping around the skin at the hollow of her throat, sucking hard until she moaned deeply. “Jesus, I love the sounds you make. Wanna make you make them all the time.”

“Steve,” she protested, no real challenge in her voice. “Don’t we have to go get the boys?”

“We could push it just a bit.” Using his arm to push himself up, he pressed her onto her back into the mattress. Wiggling his eyebrows, he grinned. “I think Nance and Jonathan would understand if we waited just a couple more hours.”

“A couple hours, huh? You have big plans?”

“Oh honey, a couple hours is not nearly enough time for the plans I have for you.”

How about forever? It was on the tip of his tongue but he just couldn’t say it. He couldn’t risk it, not now, not when he was in so deep that he was drowning in her.

___________________________________________________________

An hour later, clad in only his boxer shorts, Steve was in the kitchen cooking eggs and toast while Aly took a shower. Unfortunately, human weakness reared its head and other biological needs needed to be met. They had made it known when Aly’s stomach had started loudly rumbling while he was buried deep inside her while he pinned her wrists down with his hands.

As much as he hadn’t wanted to pull himself away, he’d begrudgingly done so. The girl needed to eat. While he wanted nothing more than to lock the two of them in that room for the rest of the day, she was going to need her energy for the bike ride he had planned for everybody this afternoon. He couldn’t have her passing out on her bike from low blood sugar.

He slid the spatula under the perfectly cooked over-easy eggs, sliding them onto a plate. Grabbing the two pieces of toast that had just popped up, he added them and set the plate on the table. He added the butter, salt, and pepper and was just going to pour her coffee when there was a knock at the front door.

“Well sh*t,” muttered Steve, glancing down at his very bare chest. Grabbing his shirt from the chair in the living room where it had been tossed last night, he hastily pulled it over his head, figuring it would have to do if he wasn’t going to leave whoever was on the other side wondering if anyone was home.

Opening the door, he found a woman on the other side. Her blue eyes went wide as she took in the sight of him in the doorway, her hand running over her sleek gray bob. The flowy black pants and floral buttoned top she was wearing seemed like a strange choice for a Saturday, leaving him with the impression that she was a professional of some kind. But Aly hadn’t mentioned anyone dropping by.

“Hello,” he smiled pleasantly. “Can I help you?”

“I highly doubt it.” Her words were sharper than seemed necessary considering Steve had never seen this woman before in his life. “Is my daughter-in-law around?”

sh*t. So that’s who this was. Justin’s mom and Steve had just answered the door wearing nothing but boxers and a t-shirt on a Saturday morning. That didn’t leave much doubt to what kind of situation this was and he wasn’t sure if this woman even knew about him. Had Aly told her about him? Or was she being blindsided, having the new guy that had replaced her dead son shoved in her face?

“You must be Mrs. Randall. I…uh…I’m Steve Harrington. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He stammered the words. He would have offered her his hand but his palms were suddenly very sweaty. How did one handle a situation like this?

“Oh, I know exactly who you are. Although why you’re standing in my son’s house in your underwear is quite a mystery to me.”

A nervous laugh rose up in him at her words, her eyes narrowing, head tilted as she studied him. He felt like a specimen under a microscope and judging from the way she was looking at him, he was not measuring up.

“Well, you see…I…well, Aly and I…I’m guessing she hasn’t told you about me.”

“No. She didn’t but my grandson did. Imagine my surprise when I had to hear from a child that his mother has a new boyfriend.” She gave him a tight smile, the kind people usually displayed when they were trying to hide how they really felt, but this woman did not seem to be trying to hide anything. Disdain was rolling off her in waves so strongly it threatened to knock him off his feet. “You really think it’s appropriate for you to be spending the night this soon? Have you even bothered to consider Eli’s feelings in the matter? How it might make him feel that some man is sleeping in the bed that his mother and father used to share? That doesn’t seem a bit tacky to you?”

Steve opened his mouth, having no idea how he was going to respond but feeling like he needed to. The pressure of a thousand stares, like being on stage waiting to see if you’d nail it or fall flat on your face, was heavy on his chest. But he was saved when Aly came bouncing down the stairs.

“Something smells good. Did you cook break…” She came to an abrupt stop, hands gripping the towel she’d been drying her hair with when she saw the scene in front of her. Steve in his boxers, looking like a mouse staring down a cat. Judith, the cat, glaring at them both, with her hands on her hips, claws and teeth ready to slash and shred. “Judith…what are you doing here?”

“Well, after Eli dropped that particular very unpleasant and shocking bomb on me yesterday and you refused to talk to me, I decided we needed to have a conversation about this current situation.”

“You could have just called…” Aly began but Judith quickly cut her off.

“And what? Have you ignore my calls like you so often do? I don’t think so.” Judith stepped around Steve with a wave as if he were nothing but an annoying gnat she was wishing to swat. “No. I think not. I demand an explanation. I believe I am owed that. Precisely why did my grandson tell me that this man, who I don’t even know, who he barely even knows, is going to be his father soon?”

“sh*t…” muttered Steve, earning a harsh glare from the woman that reminded him way too much of Mrs. Click from high school. He melted back against the wall, trying to make himself small and invisible to her unapproving gaze.

So this was why she came. She felt her son’s very memory was threatened by the presence of Steve. She thought that Aly and him were moving too fast. Of course she did if Eli was already talking about Steve being his dad. But it was just that, talk. The kid had been hoping for it before they’d even started dating.

“Mrs. Randall, I think this has just been a really big misunderstanding.”

“Well, I was rather hoping so until I showed up to find you here in your underwear, clearly having spent the night. I mean, really Aly.” She sighed, tossing her arms in the air. “You find this kind of behavior appropriate with a child in the house?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Eli isn’t in the house,” Aly snapped.

“And where exactly is he?”

“He’s with my ex-wife and her husband,” Steve answered, folding his arms, his confidence returning now that he saw Aly wasn’t going to quaver under the glare of this lady.

“Strangers!” shrieked Judith. “You left my grandson with complete strangers?”

“They’re not strangers. I told you, Eli is best friends with Steve’s son, Jeremiah. I know Jeremiah’s mom and her husband. In fact, I was just out with her and some other women last night.”

“Oh! And where was my grandson while you were out living it up and having fun like some teenager with no responsibilities?”

“He was with me. I took care of the boys so Aly could actually enjoy a night off.” Steve’s sympathy for this woman was quickly waning each time she opened her mouth. “I made them dinner and we played some games and watched a movie. Then Jonathan showed up and offered to take the boys overnight so Aly and I could have some time alone. I have never slept over when he’s been here.”

“Really? Because according to Eli, you and his mother had a sleepover just last week.”

Aly’s teeth clenched together. “The boys were having a sleepover. We were watching a movie and fell asleep on the couch. Nothing happened.” Her eyes caught Steve’s, the two of them clearly remembering what did happen, what almost happened before they were interrupted, but it was none of this woman’s business. “And whatever happened or didn’t happen isn’t really any of your concern. Eli is my son.”

“He’s my grandson! None of my concern? It’s none of my concern that you’re acting like some rampant whor* around him? That you’re just choosing to leave him with strange people so you can run around with your friends and have a good time like you don’t even have a child?”

“Whoa! Hey!” Steve stepped into her, finger pointing at her face. “You have no right to come in here calling her names like that. Aly is a damn good mom. She’s done all of this herself for a long time and if occasionally she needs a night to herself, she’s more than earned it.”

If someone could actually explode, he was pretty certain this woman would be doing just that right now. Her nostrils flared, eyes blazing, mouth contorted into an ugly sneer as she stared him down.

“Just who in the hell do you think you are?”

“I think I’m Aly’s boyfriend. I think I’m her person. The person she’s chosen to have in her life right now. And I think I’m the person who’s not going to stand here and let you talk to her like this. I understand that it has to be hard for you to see her with someone else, to think about another guy being in your grandson’s life. But that’s not a choice you get to make. It’s hers. So unless you’re willing to have a civil conversation and listen then there’s the goddamn door.”

“I tried to help you, Aly. I offered to let you and Eli move in with me and you refused and now look at this mess you’ve created.”

“This isn’t a mess. This is my life.”

“And some life it is. I knew when Justin brought you home that he was making a mistake. You whispered all those lies about how much you loved him. I knew you never did.”

Aly’s mouth dropped, a small gasp of pain escaping her lips, making Steve want to smack a woman for the first time in his life. Tears filled her eyes but she straightened her spine, refusing to allow Judith to make her fall apart.

“That was never a lie, Judith. I did love Justin. I still do.”

“You loved him so much that you’re so ready to just replace him and move on. To allow some other man in his house, in his bed, in his role as Eli’s father.”

“There has not been any talk of Steve being Eli’s father,” Aly argued. “We are dating. There’s not even been talk of moving in together. All of that is coming from Eli. He adores Steve and he’s a kid and he just wants what other kids have. Can’t you see that?”

“He already has a father,” Judith whimpered, quickly losing steam as her grief began to take the wheel from her anger.

“He does and I will never let him forget Justin. We talk about him every night before he goes to bed. I show him pictures and videos. I tell him stories. We order pizza every Friday because it’s what we used to do when Justin was home.” Those tears that had been lingering on her lash line now broke free, spilling down her cheeks as she held her hands out in front of her, begging Judith to understand. “We go to the apple orchard and the pumpkin farm every fall because it was a tradition we started with him. I show him his favorite movies and we listen to his favorite music. Eli knows all the words to The Most Beautiful Girl in the World by Prince and he knows how Justin used to sing it to me every time he’d return from deployment and we’d dance around the living room. Judith, Eli will never forget Justin because I can’t ever forget Justin. You think I don’t grieve for him still? Sometimes it hits me and the pain is so bad that I double over with it. But am I really sentenced to spend the rest of my life alone at thirty-two because the universe was cruel enough to take my happy ending away from me?”

Judith actually looked stunned. In the ten minutes Steve had known her, even he was shocked to find her speechless. This did not seem like a woman who ran out of words.

Then the two women were hugging and crying. He stood to the side, unsure of what to do. He had the equivalent of emotional whiplash. He’d been so angry, ready to storm the castle and defend Aly to the death if need be, and now it didn’t seem necessary. They clung to each other, sobs shaking their bodies.

“I’m sorry,” Judith sniffed, shaking her head, hands wrapped around Aly’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. I just…it’s so unfair that he got taken from us and then to know you’re with…” She jerked her head toward Steve. Well, alright. She might be apologizing but apparently she still wasn’t fond of him. “To know Eli may see someone else as his…I just couldn’t bear it. I fear I will be the only one to remember my son.”

“You won’t.” Aly’s hands found Judith’s forearms, hanging on. “I could never forget him and I will never let Eli forget him. I promise you that. We…we don’t even know what this is yet.” Steve would be lying if he said that didn’t sting just a bit. “It’s so new. Who knows where it’s going but if it moves in that direction, Eli will still know who his dad is. And no matter what happens, you will always be his grandmother and you will always have a place in his life.”

Judith nodded slowly, her fist coming to her mouth. The woman appeared to at least be trying to accept it. Steve wasn’t sure what the history was here. He didn’t know what kind of relationship she and Aly had in the past but he hoped, if for nothing else than the sake of Eli, that she could.

“Can I…would it be okay if I came into town for his first game?”

“Of course. Eli would love it if you were there.”

Steve wasn’t sure he would. He wasn’t sure he wanted to spend any more time with this woman ever. But this wasn’t his decision. He knew when he started this thing that Aly came with some baggage. And if the heaviest load was some uptight ex mother-in-law, well, he’d just have to learn to heft it if he planned on sticking around.

“Okay. Well, then…I guess I’ll just go. It’s a long drive back. But maybe I could go pick him up and…”

Aly cut her off, “Steve and I are picking up the boys and taking them on a bike ride. They’ve been looking forward to it all week. So today isn’t a good day. If you would have called first I could have told you that. I could have told you all of this and saved you the drive.”

“Right. Next time I’ll call as long as you plan on answering.”

“I will answer as long as I’m not busy.”

Judith’s mouth pinched up again, the crying camaraderie apparently forgotten now. Wiping away any sign of weakness or vulnerability with her fingers under her eyes, she straightened her spine and turned for the door. It was disorienting how quickly she looked like she hadn’t just been falling apart, completely reserved once again.

“I will see you in a couple weeks then.”

“See you in a couple weeks.”

And then she was gone. Aly exhaled, her shoulders and head dropping forward, as if all the strength she’d held in to handle Judith had rushed from her in one breath. Her arms wrapped around her middle, reminding him of Eli after school just yesterday.

Steve stood still, unsure of what to do. Did she want him to comfort her? Did she want him to leave her alone? Should he offer to just head and get the boys and come back for her later so she could have some time to process everything that had just happened?

“I’m sorry.” The words were spoken so softly he almost didn’t catch them. “She loves to sneak up on me at the worst times. I should have seen this coming. She’s been itching to have it out with me ever since Eli told her you were my boyfriend.”

“It’s okay,” he mumbled, shrugging. It wasn’t, not really. He wasn’t sure how he felt after that whole exchange. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she stated firmly. “I really don’t. Not right now anyway. Can we just eat?” Lifting her head, she pasted on a smile. “That coffee smells amazing and I could really use some right now.”

“Oh…uh…yeah…”

She breezed past him into the kitchen, leaving him standing there wondering what in the hell had just happened and what it meant that she didn’t know what this was between them.

____________________________________________________________

The boys were down on the sand, building a fortress from rocks and driftwood that they collected for their superheroes. It was still far too cold to even consider stepping foot in the water. The day was warm, the sun beating pleasantly down on their skin, but it would take months for the lake to absorb that heat, usually not pleasant enough for a swim until late June or even early July.

Aly sat on the blanket they’d brought with them to sit on while they enjoyed the picnic lunch that Steve had packed. Sandwich crusts, chip crumbs, and stray blueberries laid forgotten on plates as the boys declared themselves full in favor of running off to play. She took a sip of her iced tea, glancing over at Steve.

After Judith’s impromptu interruption, ruining what otherwise had been an absolutely perfect night and morning, he’d been rather quiet and awkward. He didn’t appear mad but disoriented, like a child who’d fallen off their bike after removing the training wheels and feared getting back on because they didn’t trust themselves. It was like he’d lost his footing and couldn’t find it again. And she knew it was her fault.

Judith just had such a negative impact on her and she was so exhausted from constantly trying to convince the woman that she was doing a good job of raising Eli. Was it easy? No. Did she screw up a lot? Yes. But at the end of the day her son was happy, healthy, and loved. Wasn’t that what mattered? Why could that never be enough? Why did every decision she ever made have to come into question by a woman whose son joined the military just to get away from her?

“Steve…”

“Hmm?” His head turned toward her and she could see how hard he was working to keep an impassive look on his face, to not show how he was truly feeling. What was he feeling? Was he angry? He had every right to be after the way Judith had treated him, after she herself had dismissed him, telling him she didn’t want to talk.

“About earlier…”

He cut her off, lifting his hand in front of him, “It’s fine. Really. You said you didn’t want to talk about it so you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not fine.”

“It is. It’s obviously a tough situation for you that I don’t know anything about so…”

“But you should,” Aly stated firmly. Rising to her knees, she shifted until she was in front of him, taking both of his hands in her own. “You should. If we’re doing this…being an us, then you should know. Judith is difficult but she is a part of my life and she isn’t going anywhere. She’s Eli’s grandmother and that means that you’re going to have to deal with her sometimes so you should know our history. You should know exactly what you’re walking into.”

“But we don’t even know what this is, right? Isn’t that what you said? We’re not that serious so why do I need to know anything important about you?”

Ouch. His words hit their mark, exactly as he’d meant them to based on the tone he’d used. A missile he’d launched, his own hurt weaponized and aimed directly for her, successfully obliterating its target. She dropped down onto her heels as he pulled his hands back from her. His hand came to the back of his neck, rubbing, as if he could wipe away the tension that had appeared between them.

“sh*t. Aly, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“Yes you did.”

“No. I didn’t.” His cheeks puffed up like a chipmunk with a frustrated exhale. “I want to know everything about you. I do. I want to know it all, the good, the bad, and everything in between. I just…when you said that…”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Is that how you feel? That you don’t know what we are? I mean, I guess I just need to know what this is. I thought we were on the same page but maybe we’re not. What do you want here, Aly? Is this all just fun for you? Is this a casual thing? Are you serious about us or should I be preparing to have my heart stomped all over?”

Those beautiful eyes were begging her for an answer, for the answer he wanted. And he had it. He had all of her. He had every piece of her that she had to offer. But she didn’t know how much to say. He had no idea how completely gone for him she already was, how she dreamed of the future with him, what it would look like, the four of them together.

Her eyes drifted over to the boys, yelling and giggling as Lex Luthor and his henchmen tried to attack the Fortress of Solitude they’d built from whatever they could find on the beach. She could picture this, days, months, years of this…the two of them sitting back and enjoying their boys together. Watching them grow up, birthday parties and Christmases, Steve helping them with their ties for school dances, teaching them how to drive. Nights together watching movies and playing games. She could see it so clearly in her mind but she was terrified that if she shared all that with him he would leave a blazing path through this forest as he ran as far and as fast as he could.

“Aly?” he prompted when she’d been silent for so long.

“What do you want?” she asked, turning the tables on him, placing the ball in his court.

“What?”

“What do you want from this? Do you see this as something that has a future? Do you see us together six months from now? A year from now? Ten years from now? Or in three months will I be just another in a long line of heartbroken exes?”

Steve reared back as if she’d just slapped him across the face. And maybe it had been an insensitive question but she felt it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. Steve had been in numerous relationships throughout his life. Robin had shared that he latched on and fell fast because he was so desperate to be loved. Was that what this was?

She felt like he really liked her, like he truly cared about her. But was it just his past traumas causing him to act like that? Causing him to feel things that weren’t really there yet?

“Do you seriously not know?” he demanded. When she just looked at him, he groaned. “Aly, how do you not know how I feel about you? This isn’t even in the ballpark of casual for me. I told you I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel for you.”

“But how can you be sure? Robin said…”

“Robin said what? That I love too quickly because of my messed up childhood bullsh*t? Because my parents didn’t love me enough, I’m always looking for it elsewhere?”

“I mean, she may have said something like that.”

“And she’s not wrong. I have in the past. I stayed with Nancy because I was desperate for a family, a real family. I was desperate to make it work, to be successful where my parents weren’t. But I’m not twenty anymore. I’m thirty-two and I am well aware of my faults. I didn’t even see what I was doing then but I do now. I know every relationship I’ve ever had wasn’t really love. It was…I don’t know. Me just settling, searching for something, anything that would make me feel whole. But I’ve never found it. I’ve never felt it until you. I think you’re what I’ve been searching for. I’ve spent my whole life waiting for someone like you.”

This was the second time he’d said that to her and it didn’t fail to rock her to her very core once again. It shook her very foundation to know that this beautiful, perfect man seemed to think that she was the thing he’d been missing in his life, that she was the missing piece to the puzzle that he’d been hopelessly searching for.

Her eyes roamed over his face, the flecks of gold in his eyes brought out by the sun, the freckles like angel kisses lovingly placed on his skin, those plump lips that girls would pay thousands of dollars to have. That word, that damn word, so simple, four letters, one syllable, was driving its way up her throat, desperate to be spoken.

Her hands slid over his jaw, softly gently, as if she were holding delicate treasure that must be protected, because she was. His Adam’s apple bobbed, the muscles in his neck tensing, as he waited for her to reply to the truths he’d just laid before her.

“This isn’t casual for me either. I…I know my situation is different. I wasn’t searching all my life. I found…but he’s gone and when I lost Justin, I resigned myself to the fact that he was it. He had been my one shot at happiness and love and all that comes with it. But then here you came and you barreled through all of that doubt like a wrecking ball.” Her eyes slipped closed as she willed herself to have the courage to jump off the edge, to soar through the air with nothing but hope that he would catch her instead of leaving her to hit the ground. “You snuck up on me and there is nothing just fun or casual about this because I…I love you.”

His eyebrows crept toward his forehead, every color in the spectrum dancing through his eyes that were now as wide as the moon and just as spectacular. She held her breath, her teeth worrying over her bottom lip. But then, as if in slow motion, his lips parted, curving into a slow smile that consumed his entire face, those little crinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes. His fingers slid into her hair, pulling her to him, his forehead pressing against hers as he whispered, “You do?”

“I do. I know it’s really soon. I wasn’t even sure I should say it. I realized it yesterday and it terrified me but it also…I don’t know. It just felt right, like something just shifting into the place it belonged all along. I told myself I wasn’t going to say it, that I was going to wait.” Her eyes squeezed shut nervously. “I was going to wait until you said it and I hope it doesn’t scare you. You don’t have to say it back. I don’t want you to say it because you think you have to. I just…I need you to know that I am all in. I am not going anywhere. I have already dove in way too deep. There’s no going back now.”

“I love you, too.”

“Don’t…please don’t say it just because I…”

“I’m not.” His fingers trailed down over her arms, linking his fingers with hers and bringing their interlocked hands to his chest. “I’m not. I’ve been trying not to say it too. I didn’t want to push you. I know this is hard for you. I know this is the first time you’ve been with anybody since your husband passed. I wanted to take things at your pace, follow your lead. I was waiting for you to say it first. But I do. I love you. I think I’ve loved you ever since that night I brought pizza over. And yeah, that’s crazy and it makes no sense because we barely knew each other but it’s true. I love everything I already know about you and I want to spend my life getting to know everything I don’t.”

“You…your life…?”

“sh*t. Was that too much? I’m not about to pull out a ring or anything. I’m not asking you to promise the rest of your life to me. I just…I just meant…”

“Steve,” she laughed, pressing her lips against his to silence him. “No. It wasn’t too much. I know what you meant. I mean, we can’t really say we’re all in if we’re not expecting this to last forever, right?”

“Right.” He grinned, releasing her hands to wrap his arms around her and pull her in close. She sat between his legs, her back nestled into his chest, settling into place right where she belonged as they watched their boys run down the sand.

Chapter 16

Chapter Text

Two weeks later found Aly at the baseball diamond for the boys first game of the season. Their group took up an entire section of the bleachers, everyone had showed up to cheer the kids on. Aly was squeezed between Robin and Janice, Matt on Janice’s other side. In front of her were Dustin, Lucas, Max, Nancy, and Jonathan. Behind her was El, Mike, Will, Nolan, Joyce, Karen, and Hopper. Jeremiah had a literal cheering section that was there for him and it hit her that now, so did Eli. Somehow, they were not only lucky enough to get Steve, but also the entire family that came along with him.

Aly caught sight of Judith out of the corner of her eye, walking up, looking more out of place than a string quartet at a toddler’s birthday party. Who showed up to a baseball game in heels and a pantsuit? Judith did. Aly fought the urge to roll her eyes or hide. Judith’s eyes darted over the bleachers, looking for Aly, wincing at the raucous ruckus the dad she was standing next to was making as he loudly bragged about his son.

“Uh-oh…the she-beast has arrived,” muttered Janice, nodding in her mother-in-law’s direction.

“I saw,” sighed Aly, rising to her feet, waving her hand to make it easier for Judith to find her. There would be no hiding. Sometimes being the responsible adult sucked.

Judith somehow managed to look both annoyed and relieved at the sight of her. Sending one last scathing look toward the oblivious father, she made her way to their section of the bleachers.

“Judith!” exclaimed Karen, climbing carefully down, opening her arms in welcome. “You’re Eli’s grandmother. I’m Jeremiah’s grandmother. And so is Joyce.” She pointed to the petite woman who was currently holding onto Jonathan’s head to step down.

“So you’re Steve’s mom or are you Steve’s mom?” questioned Judith, her eyes roaming over the two, judgement evident in her eyes. Aly didn’t have to try too hard to imagine what she must be thinking. Joyce standing there in her baggy jeans and oversized sweatshirt and Karen all done up with bright makeup and a dress that, gasp, stopped above her knees and even showed some cleavage. Oh, the horror.

Karen laughed, her hand coming to her breast, Judith’s eyes about popping out of her head at the amount of bosom on display. Because heaven forbid a woman had the audacity to dress however she wanted, to be proud of her own body. And honestly, Karen had every right to show off. The woman was stunning.

“Oh no. Neither of us are. Steve’s parents aren’t really in the picture sadly. I’m Nancy’s mom.” She turned, pointing to the petite brunette who waved with a smile. “Nancy is Jeremiah’s mom.”

“And I’m actually Jonathan’s mom,” Joyce explained, pointing to her son who simply lifted his hand. “He’s Jeremiah’s stepdad but I’ve known Steve since he was just a young kid in high school and he’s practically a son to me. So it feels like I’m his mom, too.”

“Yeah, and I’ve known him just as long because him and Nance met in high school so he kind of feels like a son to me too. The poor boy went from having no mom to multiple moms who are always in his business whether he wants us there or not.”

Joyce shrugged, “Honestly, everyone here is family. Everyone you see behind you are Jere’s aunts and uncles.” They all waved, Dustin and Max a bit more obnoxiously than the rest. “Well, except for Hop. He’s my husband. So I guess he’s kind of like Steve’s dad for all intents and purposes.”

Hopper snorted and then shrugged, “I’ll guess I’ll claim Harrington if I have to.”

“How…unconventional of all of you,” Judith managed, her teeth gritted in a tight smile.

Aly’s eyes slipped closed in frustration. Of course this woman had to show up and ruin what was looking to be a perfect day. She couldn’t fathom something like found family. She believed blood came before everything else. The very idea that all of these people could come together and be more important to each other than the family genetics had stuck them with was inconceivable for a brain like hers.

“Well, come on up,” Karen invited, giving her a wave. “We can all scooch and make room for you with the grandparents.”

“Oh, that’s alright. There will be no need for any…scooching. I’ll just…” Her eyes quickly scanned the bleachers. “I’ll sit right here. I’ll be fine.” Before anyone could argue with her, she dropped down in front of Max who turned, giving Aly a, can you believe this woman, look.

Aly rolled her eyes, letting Max silently know she could not believe her but honestly, she could. She’d learned to expect nothing less than constant judgement and absolute disdain from that woman. No one was ever good enough in her eyes. Judith raised her bar so high that no one, who wasn’t Justin, could ever manage to leap over it. And even he’d struggled to make that jump sometimes.

She zoned out as the boys began talking about their latest D&D campaign in front of her, her eyes drawn to the sight of Steve out on the field with the team. He stood, surrounded by boys in baseball pants and white shirts with green stripes. And god he looked good, fitted jeans that showed off the muscles in his strong thighs, a moss green short sleeved shirt, his rounded biceps peeking out from the hem as he leaned forward, hands on his knees to talk to the kids. A baseball cap sat on his head and she didn’t know what it was but she loved him in a ballcap, all those beautiful locks spilling out from underneath.

It was difficult to wrap her head around the fact that it had only been two weeks since they’d both been brave to utter those three little words, three little words with an impact big enough to change the trajectory of their lives. Two weeks of her feeling like she was walking on air, like nothing could possibly go wrong, floating in her own little bubble of bliss. It felt like so much longer. She couldn’t even remember what her life had been like before Steve had become a part of it, the endless days of just trying to make it through, and she didn’t want to.

They’d spent nearly every night together since that moment on the beach, much to the boy’s excitement. Not sleeping over, that was still something they were trying to move slowly with for the boys’ sake, particularly Eli. Steve had been incredibly understanding about her wanting to wait a bit before they took that step. But almost every evening they ate dinner together, sometimes at her house, sometimes at his. They played board games, watched movies, went for a walk down to the local ice cream place or rode their bikes over to the park for the boys to play.

Steve had surprised her twice at work, showing up with lunch for the two of them. Dustin, Mike, Lucas, and Will had invited the boys over one night for D&D last week and Robin had offered to take them to a movie last night to allow Steve and her some alone time. It was incredible. She hadn’t just gained Steve but an entire village of people who just showed up and were there, ready to help at a moment’s notice, and she was so thankful for every single one of them. She’d never had anyone but Janice and Matt and having so many people who were willing to pitch in, who enjoyed her kid enough to want to spend time with him, well it meant more to her than she could possibly express to them.

Her attention on Steve broke with an elbow to her side. Looking over, she found Janice grinning wickedly at her, “What were you thinking about, huh?”

“Probably last night,” teased Robin. “I took the boys to a movie so she and Steve were all alone. Replaying the highlight reel of naked time in your mind?”

“Eww! Can we not?” Mike asked.

“Oh please.” Robin rolled her eyes. “Maybe I had to censor myself when you were thirteen but you’re twenty-six now. I think you can handle knowing how babies are made.”

“Babies? I didn’t know we were talking about babies.” El’s face lit up. “Are you going to have a baby? Oh, I miss babies. Jeremiah was such a cute little baby.”

“No one is talking about babies,” Aly replied, noticing how stiff Judith’s posture had suddenly gotten. She was only sitting a couple rows in front of them and there was no doubt she was listening to every word being spoken, stocking up ammunition for later. She did not need that woman to have one more reason to come at her. “Jeez. You guys are being ridiculous.”

“Not yet anyway,” teased Nancy, turning around. “But I heard the ‘l’ word has been spoken so you never know…”

“Oh my god!” Max shrieked, spinning completely around in her seat, Judith doing the same, her eyes shooting daggers at Aly. Aly braced herself but Judith quickly spun back around as Max continued gushing. “Are you serious? You’re using the love word? I knew you were in love. You got all red faced at the coffee shop that night when the word was even mentioned.”

“When’s the wedding?” Lucas wiggled his eyebrows. “Because I look like a million bucks in a tux and the way Dustin is going, I might never get to be in another wedding if you two don’t tie the knot.”

“Hey! I will have you know that Heather and I are going on our third date tomorrow night,” Dustin stated, folding his arms.

“Ohhh…” Will crooned. “You convinced her to go out with you a third time? What’d you bribe her with? Oh, or is it blackmail? You got something juicy on her that she doesn’t want revealed?”

Dustin chucked a piece of popcorn at him and Will caught it in his mouth, grinning triumphantly as he chewed. Dustin shook his head in disgust.

“I don’t think Dustin needs bribery or blackmail. Heather has been talking about him nonstop at the office,” Aly told them, sending a wink Dustin’s way. “She really likes you. She said she had a blast at the Science Museum with you last week.”

“Oh yeah? I had a lot of fun too. What else has she said about me?”

“Hmm. Let me think,” Aly taunted, tapping her finger against her chin, relieved to be talking about someone that wasn’t her with Judith sitting and listening like a hawk. “That you’re adorable and funny. She thinks you have the best smile. She told me you’re one of the nicest guys she’s ever met and that you’re super smart. She says your big brain is one of the sexiest things about you.”

Mike, Lucas, and Will began gagging on cue, perfectly synced as if they’d rehearsed it first. Dustin glared at them all but Aly could see how pleased he was at the information she’d just relayed to him. And it was all true. She’d been teasing Heather all week about what a smitten little kitten she was. They were awfully cute together.

“And speaking of new romance,” Aly sang, bopping her elbow into Robin’s side. “How goes it with the lovely June?”

Robin’s face flushed a brilliant shade of scarlett. She grabbed onto a piece of her hair, toying with it, a coy smile lifting the corners of her mouth. Clearly Heather wasn’t the only smitten kitten around here.

“June?” came Judith’s voice loudly. “That’s a very strange name for a man.”

“Well, that would be because June is, in fact, a woman,” Dustin stated.

Judith made a sound like a throttled gasp, her eyes going wide, “A woman? So…you’re…one of those…?”

“One of what exactly?” challenged Max, leaning forward, elbows on her knees. “A human? A woman? An American? An Earthling? What exactlt are you asking, Judith?”

Aly’s hands clenched at her sides, bracing herself for an ugly scene. A scene that could destroy this beautiful thing that had been building around her. Why would any of them want her to be a part of their lives when that would mean this awful woman would be a part of it too? Judith’s mouth went tight at Max’s confrontation and Aly braced herself, waiting for the nasty thing that was about to come out of her mouth.

But Judith simply stated, “Never mind. It’s none of my concern,” and turned back around. Huh. She must have realized she was outnumbered and didn’t like her odds.

“So anyway, back to the matter at hand,” Max said loudly, turning to Robin.

“Yes, we’re all dying to know,” Karen exclaimed, leaning into Robin. “Are there sparks?”

“I wouldn’t say sparks…” Robin began and when they all looked crestfallen, she grinned. “More like massive explosions that could level an entire city.” She giggled. “She’s amazing. I mean, we went to the movies and it was fun, but you can’t really talk much at the movies.”

Nolan snorted, “You? You talk through movies all the time.”

“With you guys,” she huffed. “But she doesn't even know me yet. Not really. I didn’t want to give her the full dose of how neurotic I am right out of the gate. I have to give her small doses until she’s just acclimated to it and doesn’t realize the extent of my craziness. Anyway, I thought that would be the end of it. You know? I told you guys it went well but I didn’t really expect anything to come of it. Then she called and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. So we went out Tuesday night again and we were sitting in the restaurant for six hours! Six hours! Can you believe it?”

“What in the hell do you do in a restaurant for six hours?” Hopper huffed. “I mean, after you eat what else is there?” Joyce swatted him and he looked over at her, bewildered. “What?”

“Just because you have no conversational skills doesn’t mean others don’t. They were obviously talking.”

“I have conversational skills. I am very eloquent with my words, thank you very much.” He grinned when they all laughed because nothing about this bear of a man screamed eloquent. “But six hours? What could you possibly have to talk about for six hours?”

“Everything,” Robin sighed dreamily. “She was asking me all kinds of questions and she didn’t even seem to mind when I rambled. She said she thought it was cute! Can you believe it? And I learned so much about her. She loves cats. She has two of them, Hoggle and Ludo.”

“What kinds of names are those?” Judith piped up and Aly fought the urge to throw one of her M&Ms at the back of her head. Hadn’t the woman said enough already? Why couldn’t she just shut up?

“She’s a Labyrinth fan!” Aly squealed, choosing to ignore her mother-in-law completely instead. “Great taste in movies.”

“Yes! And music…she loves Blondie, Bowie, the Beatles…”

“All solid choices,” Joyce replied.

“I don’t know,” Hopper mused. “I didn’t hear any Zeppelin or Stones mentioned.”

“You’re showing your age, Hop,” Will teased.

“The game is starting,” Judith interrupted loudly. “So maybe the inappropriate talk about love lives could finish now.”

“Damn, she’s really not any fun is she?” Robin hissed in Aly’s ear.

“You have no idea,” she mumbled back with a groan. She had to keep reminding herself that Judith was Eli’s grandmother. No matter how frustrating she was, she was going to have to deal with her but only as much as absolutely necessary. Hopefully she would just head home after the game and save them all from her unwanted presence any longer.

The game went far better than Aly had expected for it being the boys’ first time. Eli actually managed to hit the ball and made it all the way to third before the other team’s player managed to throw it in. Matt may have cheered the loudest, jumping out of his seat, proud of the kid he’d spent so much time in the batting cages with.

Matt’s cheering had not come as a surprise but the way the rest of them all cheered for her son did. It wasn’t just a casual, yay Eli, an obligatory cheer because their friend was dating the kid’s mom. They seemed genuinely excited, celebrating his moments of glory just as loudly and proudly as they did Jeremiah’s. When Jeremiah ran into home, breaking the tie and winning the game, Aly leapt from her seat, her and Nancy high fiving and hugging, two moms sharing their pride in their boys.

Both boys came racing off the field, their cheeks bright red, flushed from both the excitement and the exertion. They were swept up in a flurry of hugs and high fives from the crowd of people who had shown up just for them.

“You boys were amazing!” Hopper yelled, pulling both boys in for a bear hug. Yeah, Aly could definitely see where Dustin got Smokey the Bear from this guy.

“Did you see me slide right into home, grandpa? I saw that kid grab it but I just knew I had time! Daddy says to take chances!” Jeremiah beamed, the smile on his face so wide it looked painful.

“I saw it, kid. You did real good. You took the chance and it paid off. You’re going to be the next Barry Bonds, just watch. And you!” He turned his attention to Eli, his massive hand ruffling her son’s hair. “That was a hell of a hit, kid. Making it all the way to third before they could get it. You gave them a run for their money. They were scrambling after that ball.”

Eli looked so proud that Aly’s heart could burst. Judith stepped forward. She’d been keeping to the outside of the group, clearly uncomfortable, uncertain how to make herself known. Aly had no doubt it was killing her to see Eli receiving so much positive attention from so many people that were not her. To see that he had other people in his life that were important to him, to not be the first person that had congratulated him on his game.

Just as she stepped forward and Eli spotted her, running into her arms for a hug, Steve was making his way over from the diamond, a large bag slung over his shoulder. When his eyes found hers, he gave her one of those smiles that came with a side of a very flirty wink that he seemed to reserve just for her.

“Good game, huh?” he commented, a quick kiss planted on her lips. “The boys did a great job.”

“That’s because they have a great coach,” she replied, her arms slipping around his stomach, smiling up at this man who always had her in a state of complete awe.

“Everybody still up for burgers and shakes at Benny’s?” Hopper boomed out over the cacophony of noise.

Aly glanced over to Judith who was purposefully keeping her eyes off of her and Steve. She really didn’t want to invite her but it would be the right thing to do. She’d driven all this way for the game.

“Judith, would you like to join us?” she asked, keeping her arms firmly locked around Steve because who cared what Judith thought. Aly had made it clear to her that this new future with Steve did not erase her past with Justin. The woman was just going to have to get used to it.

“Oh. I…no, I don’t think so.” She shook her head. “Henry is supposed to be getting back this evening and he’ll need dinner.” She looked around to the others, feeling the need to explain, “Work trip.”

Yeah. Henry had an awful lot of work trips. Justin had confided in her that he wasn’t so sure they were all for work but he could never prove it. And Judith chose to go through life blissfully unaware. As far as Aly knew, she’d never confronted him or questioned him. But the two of them had never exactly been the warm and fuzzy couple. There weren’t those moments of tender touches or warm glances ever. Their relationship seemed more like a business transaction, something that was mutually beneficial to them both.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah grandma. Benny’s has the best shakes!”

Jeremiah nodded his agreement. “Eli and I both love strawberry! And Benny always brings me ranch to dip my fries in.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Judith smiled down at the boy, seeming surprised that he was taking the time to talk to her. She jumped when Joyce came up next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders.

“Come on Judes.” Aly brought her hand to her mouth to cover the snort that had slipped out at Joyce’s choice of nickname. Robin clearly found it just as amusing as she shoved her face into El’s shoulder, her body shaking with laughter. “It’ll be fun. And if these two crazy kids are going to be doing the family thing, then that means we all need to do the family thing, right?”

“Yeah, Judes,” Max agreed, grinning as if this were the best moment of her life. “We’re all one big happy family now. We all love Eli and he loves us. Right, kid?”

Eli leapt from the ground as he proudly exclaimed, “Yeah!” He turned to Judith. “Dustin and Mike and Will and Lucas all play this really cool game called Dungeons and Dragons and they’re teaching me all about it. And Robin took us to see this movie, First Kid. It’s about this kid who is the president’s son and he has a bodyguard. It’s so funny and she got us popcorn and Skittles because she says Skittles are the superior candy. And Max is teaching me how to skateboard! I fell off a couple times but I’m starting to get the hang of it. She says I’ll be a pro by the end of summer. And El came over and helped us make slime when we spent the night with Nancy and Jonathan. They let us stay up until midnight and we got to do s’mores over the fire in their backyard. It was so cool. And Hopper let us ride in his police car! He even turned on the lights and the siren for us and he brought us one of those pads to do fingerprints! And Joyce makes the best spaghetti. We went to her house for dinner and Will is an artist and he showed us all these cool things he drew when he was just our age!”

Judith looked a bit taken aback as Eli kept rambling, caught off guard at how large a part of his life each of these people were now. Aly almost felt sorry for her, the sadness in her eyes, knowing how she wished she was closer so she could be a bigger part of Eli’s life. Almost but not quite because the woman was her own worst enemy.

“I don’t know. Henry…”

“Is a grown man who can fend for himself,” Aly reminded her. “He’s fifty-six Judith. The man should know how to at least make a sandwich.”

Judith’s hands wrung together, an internal battle playing over her face. Damn. Was she really that programmed by that man or was her uncertainty coming from all the new people, the fact that she would be the one outside looking in instead of at the center of it all?

“Come on. It will be fun,” Karen urged. “My husband, Tedd, isn't here either. We’ll be two crazy ladies without their husbands. I mean, who needs them anyway, right?”

Judith laughed, her hand flying to her mouth, eyes going wide as if she couldn’t believe she’d just done that. Aly pressed her lips together in amusem*nt. There was a woman desperate for fun in there just waiting to break free. She could see it in the sparkle of those ocean blue eyes, so much like her son’s.

“Are you sure you want me to come?” she asked, the question directed at Aly.

Aly smiled, stepping forward, placing her arm around Judith’s shoulders, “Of course I do.”

Maybe this could work out after all. Maybe Judith wasn’t as awful as she seemed. Perhaps all that bluster and rudeness came from a place of deep fear. Fear not that her son would be forgotten, but that she would. Fear that Aly would move on and in turn, so would Eli, and she would be left with nothing after losing her only child besides a husband that was more boring than watching paint dry. Perhaps all of this had simply been because no one but Justin had ever really thought she mattered.

Judith’s mouth lifted at the corners, her entire demeanor changing with that subtle smile. It made her appear far more approachable and soft. She nodded.

“Okay. I haven’t had a milkshake in years. Do they have malts? Oh, malts were my favorite.”

“Mine too!” Hopper bellowed. “And you won’t find a better malt than Benny’s. Come on. You can ride with us old folks.” He pulled his keys from his pocket.

“Oh! That's quite alright. I don’t want to inconvenience you. Then you would have to bring me back here. I have my own car if you just want to tell me how to get there.”

“Nonsense!” Joyce looped her arm in Judith’s, tossing Aly a wink. “You are not an inconvenience. Us grandmas have to stick together. Come on. We’ll let the young ones be. We’ll have plenty of time to tell you all sorts of juicy stories about Steve this way.”

Steve groaned, his head rolling around his shoulders, “Or not!”

“You’ll love this one, Judith,” Karen laughed, taking her other arm as they led her toward the parking lot. “One time I found Steve climbing up the trellis of our house to sneak and see Nancy…”

“Great,” muttered Steve as their words faded, shaking his head. “Your mother-in-law is never going to like me once those three fill her head with every screw up I’ve ever made.”

“It doesn’t matter if she likes you,” Aly reminded him, rising up to her tiptoes to press her lips to his. “Because I do.”

“Besides, she’ll figure out for herself what a dingus you are before too long,” Robin snorted, yelping when Steve shoved her backward.

“So, how do you think this is going to go?” asked Janice who had always chosen to keep her distance. After one meeting with Judith, Janice preferred to not deal with her at all if she could, always saying she was going to open her mouth and piss the woman off if she said one more negative thing about Aly in front of her.

“With Judith…who knows…”

___________________________________________________________

But it went far better than Steve could have possibly imagined. He’d pictured Judith sitting there stiffly, staring them all down as she judged every single word they said. Or possibly offending every single person at the table with her words at some point. Or announcing to the entire table why Steve shouldn’t be with Aly. However, none of that happened.

Sitting between Karen and Joyce, the woman had loosened. As if the two others had slowly unraveled the strings that had been knotting her up for years and she could finally breathe. She smiled. She even laughed. And even though he’d only known her a very short time, it had even shocked him to see. He hadn’t been sure the woman was capable of frivolity of any kind. Forget actually enjoying anything.

And the best part of it was that Aly seemed to finally be relaxed. She sat at the other end of the table, Steve on one side of her and Janice on the other, keeping her distance from Judith. But every now and then she would look down at the woman and smile. Her two worlds were coming together and it wasn’t the horrendous clash she’d expected. They were actually appearing to meld quite seamlessly.

By the time dinner was over, everyone was heading out full and in good spirits. Judith had even smiled politely when Robin asked if Steve and Aly would want to double date with her and June soon. She swallowed down any bullsh*t bias she had. If she was going to be ignorant, at least she was following the golden rule and keeping her damn mouth shut if she had nothing nice to say.

After saying their goodbyes, Steve drove Aly and the boys back to his house. Aly fed Miles while Steve headed out back to get a fire going. The boys raced upstairs to play on the Nintendo 64 for a while. Aly stepped onto the back deck, sliding the door shut after Miles raced out behind her, instantly doing zoomies throughout the yard.

God, she was pretty. Even weeks after meeting, he still found himself in awe of her. Jeans that wrapped around each and every curve in a way that had his hands twitching at his sides, wanting to follow those familiar hills and valleys. She hated shoes and socks, lost them as soon as she could, something he’d learned about her over the past weeks, so bare pink toes peeked out from beneath the flared denim. The Bowie shirt she wore was cropped, a sliver of her soft stomach exposed. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, only accentuating her neck which was just calling to his mouth.

She tilted her head, those perfectly pink cotton candy lips pursing in a way that had him thinking so many thoughts that were not anywhere near the ballpark of holy. This woman was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and he fought the urge to pinch himself, to prove these last weeks weren’t some fever dream that he was going to wake from.

“See something you like?” Her tone was light, playful, as he slowly made his way up onto the deck until he stood right in front of her.

“I most certainly do.” Fingers gripped her hips, tugging her into him until she could feel just how much he liked what he was seeing. “You have no idea the effect you have on me.”

“Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea right now,” she chuckled, hands tracing over his chest and shoulders to loop around his neck. “But sadly for you, there are children afoot so there is not much I can do about that at the moment.”

“You simply existing does it for me. You don’t have to do anything but appear, honey. That’s it. You laugh. You smile. You cross your legs. You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. You take a sip of coffee. It all does it for me.”

“Yeah? Well, same for me. I swear I dreamed you into existence, Steve Harrington. I didn’t believe guys like you existed. I thought they were meant for storybooks and movies.”

Heat rushed over his cheeks at her compliment. “I’m no fairytale prince, honey but I promise to try to give you a happily ever after.”

Aly’s teeth pulled at her bottom lip, her eyes widening just slightly at his words and he was doubting himself all over again. Should he not have said that? Was that pushy? But hadn’t they said forever? Hadn’t she said it just a couple weeks ago? That if they were all in then they had to be planning on forever?

“Happily ever after? That sounds nice,” Aly murmured, pulling him in until their lips met, all his doubt vanishing like vapor on the air with her words.

His arms wound around her, lifting her up onto her toes, crushing their bodies together. She moaned softly, the sound swallowed by his lips, and his jeans felt painfully tight. She tasted just as sweet as she looked, chocolate milkshake met with cherry lip balm, a combination that had his head spinning.

Everything else ceased to exist for him when Aly’s lips were on his. Her tongue parted his lips, slipping along his own, and he couldn’t have told you what color the sky was or what month of the year it was. There was only her and him, locked in this moment that he wanted to make last until eternity. If this was how he would spend the rest of his days on this Earth, he could be okay with that.

But she did manage to think, pulling back, her lips now slick, curved into the prettiest smile, her eyes heavy with the desire that was racing under his skin. He wanted her. He always wanted her and with the boys, he never had her nearly enough. But the boys were right upstairs and they couldn’t risk it. Those kids could be down and out the door before they even heard a sound.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, her questioning barreling through his brain fog. “You don’t have to thank me. I’ll kiss you anytime you want.”

“No,” she chuckled, swatting at him. “Thank you for today, for dealing with Judith. I know she’s…difficult. But I don’t know. She seemed a little different today. I have hope. It's a very small hope but hope that maybe she’s coming around. But I know she wasn’t very nice to you and the fact that you are willing to put up with her…I’m just really grateful because you don’t have to, you know.”

“Of course I do.” Steve slid his hand down her arm, locking their fingers together. He led her to the lounger, sitting and pulling her down in his lap. His nose traced her jaw, nuzzled into her hair. “She’s a part of your life and she’s a part of Eli’s life. If I want to be a part of your life then that means she’s part of mine too.”

“That’s…very kind of you.”

“No. It’s not.” He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning her face to his. “Look. When I said I was all in, I meant it. I don’t get to be all in and then pick and choose what I am willing to handle. Anything that comes your way comes my way now too. Anything that’s heavy for you, you got me to help you carry it. Anything that’s hurting you, I will step in front of. That’s the deal. It’s not just you anymore. It’s us. We’re a team.”

“Okay coach,” Aly beamed, teasing but her eyes betrayed her lighthearted tone, shimmering with emotion at his words.

Wasn’t that what a relationship was supposed to be? Two people against the world? He loved this woman. He wanted to be in her life. He wanted to crawl inside her skin and live there the way she did in his. Aly had managed to slither her way inside. She was in the blood that ran through his veins, in every single beat of his heart, in the very cells that made up his skin.

Yeah. She came with baggage but he was more than willing to help her carry that load because she was more than worth it. She was everything he hadn’t even known he’d been searching for. He’d looked for so long, in all the wrong places, never knowing that the one that would finally fill in all those hollow places inside him already existed in the same town as him.

Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was an awful thing to think, but it felt like fate had brought them together. He was so sorry that her husband had died but maybe this was the course their lives had to take for them to find one another. He’d thought about what if he’d been first. What if he’d stumbled across her when she was out with her friends thirteen years ago? It had made him feel like an absolute piece of sh*t, but he couldn’t help but wonder what life would be like if he’d been the one.

But then there would be no Jeremiah. There would be no Eli. She wouldn’t have known the love she already had with her husband. He wouldn’t have gotten the thump on his head that he needed for him to see her, truly see her, to understand how lucky he was to have her. Maybe they had to go through all that heartache and disappointment to come to this place, where they could truly appreciate what they had. So they would never take it for granted, never throw it away, or treat it carelessly.

So yeah. Maybe Steve hadn’t been her first but he had every intention of being her last. Her last boyfriend, her last love, her last kiss, her last everything. Because he’d chosen wrong so many times before, yes, but he hadn’t this time. He knew it like he knew his own name, like he knew the sun would rise tomorrow, like he knew the beat of Jeremiah’s heart. He’d chosen right this time and there was nothing that would make him walk away. He would spend the rest of his life showing her just how much she meant to him. He would never take for granted this amazing gift that had somehow walked right onto his baseball field and into his life.

“So, can I ask…I think you were going to tell me that day at the lake but we got a little sidetracked. What is the deal with you and Judith?”

Her head tipped back, eyes tracking the stars as she inhaled deeply, “I don’t know. There was never a specific moment or an event. It’s not like we had a falling out. She’s just always been like that with me. From the moment Justin introduced me to her, she treated me like I just wasn’t good enough. I was never enough for her precious son, you know?”

Steve snorted, “She’s nuts. Has she met you?”

“You’re sweet but I don’t think there’s anything I could ever do that would be enough for her. She always wanted to be the most important to him and I feel like she saw me as a threat. I mean, it’s insane. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? You raise your son to be a good man. You hope they find someone who will see that and love them. They choose their person and that person should come first. I mean, it’s the logical order of things. But she never saw it like that. It was like she always had to find a flaw in me to prove that she was better, that she loved Justin more, that his love for her outshone his love for me.”

“Did he…”

“No.” She cut him off, shaking her head. “No. Absolutely not. He took off as soon as he could. That’s why he joined the Marines, to get away from her. He told me he felt like she was smothering him and he couldn't breathe in that house anymore. He also didn’t have the best relationship with his dad. I think Henry cheats on Judith all the time. I’m pretty sure that’s why he goes on so many ‘business trips…’” She air quoted the words. “I think they’re far more pleasure than business. Justin thought so too. He just had to get away from it.”

“Well, I understand the need to get away from toxic parents. Mine weren’t smothering…quite the opposite actually. They just were indifferent unless I was disappointing them. Did you two even see her very much if their relationship wasn’t the best?”

“Not really.” Her fingers trailed along his hand, running over his knuckles. “Holidays, birthdays…you know, the required stuff. But she would be Judith and Henry, well, when he was actually there, he would pick apart Justin. He thought he was a waste, going into the military instead of going to college. Justin was always in a horrible mood when we left. He would put off seeing them for as long as he could.”

“What about Eli? Did they want to be around when he came along?”

“Oh yeah. Well, Judith did anyway. Saw him as her second chance at getting someone to love her best. But Justin kept her at arm’s length as much as he could. He hated seeing what having her around did to me. She questioned everything I did, judged me, picked me apart. She always made me feel like an awful mother. When Eli was first learning to walk, he fell. You know how they are at that age. Their heads are too big for their bodies and they’re like a weeble wobble. He fell and smashed his forehead into the corner of the wall. He had a huge goose egg and I was panicked that he had a serious brain injury. We took him to the E.R. Judith showed up and immediately started telling me what an incompetent mother I was, questioning what I’d been doing when he fell, why I wasn’t watching him. Justin lost it. He blew up at her right in the middle of the hospital. That was the moment he told her that if she couldn’t respect his wife and the mother of his child, then she was no longer welcome to be a part of our lives. I’ve never seen her so put in her place. She had no idea how to respond. Anyway, we didn’t hear from her for about a month after that. It was a bit better then but things with her and I have always been a bit…precarious.”

“Jesus. She sounds awful. And she’s clearly no fan of mine but that’s alright. I don’t need to impress her. The only person I care about impressing is you.” He wiggled his eyebrows, planting a soft kiss on her lips.

“Oh, I am very impressed Mr. Harrington. Very impressed,” she mused, her arms winding around his neck, nose nuzzling gently over his own.

Steve was overcome with the desire to keep her there, to never let her go. Every night, when he would have to gather his things or watch her gather hers, it left him with a hollow ache. Maybe it was soon but who decided how soon was too soon? Was it too soon when all he could think about when she wasn’t around was seeing her again? Was it too soon when he laid in bed, inhaling the scent of vanilla and pear that she left behind, craving the warmth of her body curled into his?

“Stay,” he whispered, a plea sent on his breath to her skin, his nose tracing her cheek.

“What?”

“Stay. Stay the night with me.” His fingers wrapped around her biceps, holding her against him, willing her to agree. “I know why you’ve wanted to wait. I understand your reasons but your reasons aren’t really reasons anymore.”

“Steve…”

He was losing her. She was going to rationalize her way out of this and he couldn’t let her. He was overcome with an irrational need to get her to stay, to sleep curled up in his arms, to cement the decision that they were real, that this was it. That he was enough for her. That she wanted this as much as he did. He was pushing and he knew it but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to know. He was in so deep here. He needed to know that she was in it too, barely keeping her head above water, sinking into the depths with him.

“No. Look, the whole reason you wanted to wait was because you didn’t want Eli getting his hopes up just for this to all end. You didn’t want him to see this as serious with him already assuming things. But this is serious and this isn’t ending. Right?”

“I mean, I don’t plan on it but…”

“No. No buts,” he insisted, hands sliding down her arms to wrap around her hands, holding them against him. Bowing his head, he brought her knuckles to his lips, brushing a kiss over them. “This isn’t ending. I’m not going anywhere. Do you plan on going anywhere?”

“Well no…”

“So then why not?”

“I don’t know. I mean, do you really think it’s appropriate for us to share a bed with the boys in the house?”

“Did you share a bed with your husband when Eli was home?”

“That’s different and you know it.”

“Why? Because we’re not married? Marriage is a piece of paper, Aly. It’s a piece of paper that doesn’t mean anything because it can be torn in half and discarded so easily. I love you. You love me. The boys want this to happen. I’m not saying let’s get down and dirty.” He grinned devilishly, his cheek running over hers. “Not that I don’t want to. But would it really be inappropriate to sleep in the same bed? When we move in together, we’ll be sharing a bed, right?”

Aly pulled back, a look of sheer anxiety across her face, “When we…when we move in together?”

“I mean, eventually, right? That would be the logical next step. It’s silly to keep two houses when we spend most of our time together. I mean, whenever we’re apart all I can think about is the next time I get to have you in my arms. I know it may seem soon but really, we’re the only ones who get to decide what soon is. And the way I feel about you, I know it got intense pretty fast but…”

His word died in his throat as he felt the shift in Aly. Her chest rose and fell rapidly against his, her heart beating a rapid tempo against his skin. Releasing her hands, he grabbed her face, attempting to get her eyes to focus on him. But they were glazed, wide, staring off into nothing as she descended into a full blown attack, an attack he’d caused.

“Aly…Aly…you’re okay, baby. Look at me. Come on. Just breathe with me, honey,” he urged.

She was gasping, small little squeaking sounds emitting as she struggled to take in air. Jesus Christ. What had he done? Exactly what he’d sworn he wouldn’t do. He’d pushed her, ran up behind her and shoved her off the ledge before she was ready. And now she was free falling as he ran underneath her, trying to catch her but failing.

“sh*t! Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You don’t have to spend the night. We’re not moving in together. It’s okay. I’m moving too fast. I do it all the time and I’m sorry. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Just breathe for me, please.”

But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. He grabbed onto her hands again. They were ice cold. Her skin was damp, clammy, a sheen of sweat coating her forehead and upper lip. And then she was shaking, trembling and he grasped her arms, pulling her body against his but it wouldn’t stop as she wheezed.

This had gone on for too long. It wasn’t stopping. She wasn’t coming back down. Her breathing was only getting worse if that was even possible. He had to do something.

“Boys!” he screamed as he cradled her quivering body against him. “Call 911!”

Chapter 17

Chapter Text

“There she is. Welcome back, sweetheart.”

Aly fought through the fog to find the cheery face of a woman looking down at her, a woman she didn’t think she recognized but it was hard to tell when everything was so hazy. Her eyes blinked slowly, her lids feeling heavy. The face above her slowly came into focus, warm brown eyes that crinkled sweetly at the corners, a halo of short curly brown hair on top of her head. Who was this woman?

“That cute man of yours has been awfully worried. I had to practically chase him out of here to get something to eat. He was nodding off in the chair just waiting for you to wake up. He’s down in the cafeteria but I expect he’ll be back soon. He didn’t seem keen on leaving you.”

Cafeteria? Worried? She pressed her fists into the mattress beneath her, pushing herself up. The woman talking to her was wearing scrubs, a badge hanging on them identifying her as Nurse Kathleen. She slowly took in her surroundings, the stark white walls, the uncomfortable bed beneath her, the chart hanging on the wall, the privacy curtain pulled back behind her.

“Oh no…” she groaned, her head flopping back against the pillow that somehow managed to be both too flat and too lumpy at the same time.

It all came rushing back to her. Steve asked her to stay the night with him and then told her the next logical step in their relationship would be to move in together. His words had sent her spiraling, nothing to grab onto, no time to complete her usual ritual, her body completely outside of her control. And then everything had gone black.

Her hands came to her face, running down slowly, mortified that she’d fallen apart in front of him again. And not just fallen apart, but fallen apart because he’d been baring his soul to her. He’d been telling her that he wanted her to share his bed, his home, his life with her. He’d been telling her he wanted to be a family. He’d been asking her to commit to him, the way he’d already chosen to commit to her and instead of assuring him, she’d completely unraveled. Way to ruin the moment. No, she didn’t even ruin it. She completely bulldozed it.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Nurse Kathleen assured, perching on the edge of the bed, her hand coming to her knee over the itchy blanket draped on top of her bare legs. “Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us.”

No. It didn’t. Most people didn’t black out because their boyfriend started talking about a future with them. Most people didn’t wind up taking an ambulance ride because the perfect guy was declaring his commitment. Most people didn’t wind up in a hospital bed because they couldn’t handle a serious conversation. Most people were able to control their emotions, to take the blows and surprises that came with life in stride, and move on. But not her. No. She had to have a meltdown.

What was Steve thinking right now? He was probably thinking he’d made a huge mistake hooking up with someone fragile enough to come apart at the drop of a hat. He was probably thinking she didn’t want this as much as he did. Because if she did, why would the very thought of it cause a medical situation?

But she did want it. She did. Why had her body reacted like that? Why had it betrayed her during what was such a pivotal moment in their relationship? Why couldn’t she just have opened her mouth and told him she did want all of that? She wanted to fall asleep next to him each night and wake up next to him in the morning. She wanted to be a family. She wanted to commit to him. She was already committed to him.

Yeah. It was soon but he was right. She just didn’t want to get Eli’s hopes up if this relationship wasn’t going anywhere. But it was. Hadn’t Steve shown her that it was? That he was one hundred percent in it? That he wanted her and everything that came with it?

So why had she fallen apart? Why had she felt the walls closing in on her? Why had the air escaped her lungs? Why had she blacked out? She didn’t have an answer and that only angered her even more. How could she not have an answer when it was her body?

“Anyway, you should be right as rain now. I expect they’ll be releasing you any minute.”

“What?” responded Aly, having had no idea what the nurse had just told her, too caught up in her own pity party.

“I said we gave you a little sedative to help calm your system down. It allowed you to take a nice little rest and allowed everything to relax. But Dr. Carth should be in soon and I expect he’ll be releasing you as long as you’re feeling okay enough to go home.”

“Oh…thanks…”

Aly looked up at the sound of a knock to find Janice in the doorway. Her best friend covered the space in no time, rushing in and wrapping her arms around her. Her head dropped, forehead resting against Janice’s shoulder, relishing in the comfort only her best friend could provide. Her best friend who had been by her side, who had seen her at her darkest, who had breathed with her through multiple attacks, who had encouraged her to go talk to someone.

“Hey babe. You okay?”

She pulled her head back, finding Janice’s eyes, full of concern, full of memories of her descent into a pit she never thought she’d claw her way back from. Aly nodded, her hands wrapping around her friend’s forearms as Nurse Kathleen excused herself, quietly leaving the two friends alone.

“What the hell happened?” asked Janice, brushing a strand of hair behind Aly’s ear. “You haven’t had an episode this bad in forever.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“Steve called me. He said that you’d had an attack and he couldn’t bring you out of it. He said you blacked out and he had the boys call 911. He sounded terrified. Scared the sh*t out of me.”

“The boys…” Aly’s eyes widened. “Where are…”

“Robin’s with them. They’re fine. Steve called her after he called 911 to see if she could come stay with them. He didn’t think you’d want Eli hanging around the hospital.”

“sh*t! Eli’s probably freaking out!”

She’d done it again. She swore she was done with it but she’d terrified her son again, twice in a mere matter of weeks after doing so well for over a year. He was probably sitting in Steve’s house, worried, not understanding what was happening.

“No. He’s okay. I called him after Steve called to give me an update. I assured him that you were alright, that the doctors were taking really good care of you, and you’d be back home in the morning. Steve said they didn’t really see a reason to keep you once they got your heart rate and breathing under control.”

“Where’s Steve? Is he still here?”

Or had he left as soon as he could? That was the part Aly couldn’t bring herself to voice. Had he called Janice to come up to the hospital and sit with her so he could safely get the hell away from her and her insanity? Not that she’d blame him. He’d asked her to spend the night and she’d broken in half like a graham cracker. So easy to crumble, the slightest pressure and she was snapping.

“He’s downstairs,” Janice answered. “He was talking to Nancy on the phone when I got here. I am sure he’ll be back up but he was going to give us a little time first. So, back to my original question that you have yet to answer. What in the hell happened?”

“I don’t know,” she groaned, dropping back against the bed, fingers slipping into her hair. “He asked me to stay the night. He said all our reasoning for waiting wasn’t a reason anymore because we’d both said we were in it. He said what was the big deal because we would share a bed when we moved in together which would be the logical next step. And I just spiraled. Janice, I couldn’t do anything. There was no time to look at things or hear things or feel things. It was on me, completely taking over. I couldn’t breathe. It was so damn fast. None of the tools I’ve learned were any help because I was already in the vortex of it as fast as it began.”

“Okay.” Janice’s fingers pressed against her lips. “So, did you not want to stay the night? Is this all moving too quickly for you? Did him talking about that freak you out?”

“I don’t know. That’s what pisses me off. I have no idea why it happened. I mean, I love him. I do. I want all of that with him. I want to stay the night with him. I want us to live together…I mean, eventually. I don’t know. It is fast. Right? Isn’t it? We’ve only been seeing each other for a little over a month. We’ve only known each other for like two months. I do worry about Eli. I don’t want to make some big move and then have it all fall apart around us. I can’t bear to watch his heart broken all over again. But I do want it.”

“Do you? Because your brain obviously doesn’t agree with your words.”

Aly growled in frustration, fingers curling in her hair, tugging. She did want it. Didn’t she? She loved Steve. She loved the way his hand always found hers when they were close, completely swallowing it in his large grip. She loved the way he put on shades and danced around, pretending to be Tom Cruise in Risky Business. She loved the way he was so patient with Eli. She loved the way he made her feel safe and secure and like she was the most precious thing in the world to him. She loved him. She wanted this. She wanted him.

“I do!” she insisted, not sure who she was trying to convince more, Janice or herself. “I do. I don’t why the hell my body reacted like that. I don’t know why his words caused that. I want him. Janice, I want him.”

Her friend’s hands landed on her shoulders, pressing down, centering her as her heart rate kicked up, the machine next to her beeping incessantly. Aly closed her eyes, inhaling through her nose and blowing it out slowly through her mouth. They were about to release her. She had to calm herself down. She did not need to give them a reason to keep her.

“Okay. Okay. I believe you. But hon, something is sending mixed signals. Some wires are getting crossed or something. There is something that is sending you into frantic mode at the thought of taking that next step with him. You have to figure out what it is.” Janice’s fingers slid under her left palm, lifting it up to her face. Her wedding band sparked under the fluorescent lights of the hospital room. “Maybe you should start here.”

“I…but…this is…Justin…” she stammered.

“Yeah. It’s your wedding ring. The ring that Justin gave you. The ring that a man who is no longer around gave you. You’re still wearing it and it’s been two years since you lost him. Two years next week, Aly. Do you think maybe that has something to do with your attack?”

Her eyes moved to the whiteboard across the room, the date written across the top, May 17, 1996. She swallowed. She’d been so swept up in this new relationship, in the excitement of it, her little bubble of joy and happiness, that it had completely slipped her mind that the anniversary of Justin’s death was coming up. He died on May 23, 1994. The worst day of her life. No. That wasn’t right. She hadn’t known then. The worst day was May 24, 1994 when two officers showed up on her doorstep.

Could that be why the attack happened? Could that be why it came on so strong and so quick? Her subconscious remembered somehow and was punishing her for forgetting, something she swore she’d never do. How could she forget? How could she not have remembered? Had everything she’d told Judith been a lie? Was she just allowing Steve to slip right in and replace Justin? Allowing herself to forget him because she was more concerned with her own happiness?

“How could I…” she whispered, silent tears spilling from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. “Oh my god, Janice. How could I just forget him like that?”

“Oh Aly, don’t do that. It’s okay.”

“It’s not!”

“It is. Babe, you’re allowed to be happy. I haven’t seen you smile this much in two years. Steve makes you happy. You didn’t forget Justin. You forgot about a date. A date that is filled with nothing but pain and sadness. It’s not a date you should be focusing on anyway. Focus on the good ones. The day you went on your first date, the day you got married, the day you moved into your new house, the day you had Eli…those are the dates you want to remember. It’s not a bad thing that someone made you happy enough to forget about your pain.”

“But I swore that I wouldn’t forget. I swore that I wouldn’t let Steve replace him.”

“He’s not. He’s not replacing anybody. Look, when people lose a dog, they’re so sad. They go out and get another dog. It’s not to replace the one they’ve lost. It’s because they miss the companionship. They miss the love the dog brought to their life. They’re not forgetting their other dog. They’re simply trying to mend their broken heart with more love. That’s all you’re doing. You’re mending your broken heart by allowing Steve to pick up the pieces and reassemble them. It won’t look the same and it won’t fully heal the injury that was inflicted but it will soften it. You’ll never be the same but why would you want to? This new version of you is the one that gets to start a new chapter with the guy you love now.”

Her breath shuddered, Aly’s hands clasping together. She thought she’d dealt with all of this. She thought she was ready to move on but some part of her must have been holding on. Some part of her was not letting the past go and that part had reared its head, made itself be known, when Steve had merely mentioned the idea of taking the next step. He hadn’t even been saying they should do it now. He’d only hinted that it was what would come next.

“You don’t have to forget him, Aly, but you do have to let him go. And I mean actually let him go. You’re never going to be able to give yourself to Steve fully, the way he deserves, until you do. And I don’t think your brain has gotten that message which tells me you haven’t. The attack you had tonight tells me you haven’t.” She grabbed her hand, lifting it again. “This tells me you haven’t.”

Aly nodded, finger and thumb coming to her ring, twirling it back and forth, remembering when Justin had slipped it on her finger. It had been a beautiful fall day. She’d always wanted a fall wedding and Mother Nature had cooperated fully, only cementing the fact in her mind that she and Justin were meant to be. So many people had told her that she couldn’t plan an outdoor wedding in October because the weather would be too unpredictable. But the sun had shown down on them, a warm breeze ruffling her hair, as they’d promised to love one another until death do they part.

Justin got to keep that promise. But Aly wasn’t gone yet. Maybe his death nullified that vow but she had no intention of breaking it. She would love him until she took her last breath. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t love Steve as well. The heart wasn’t some box of a predetermined size. It could expand exponentially to fill with as much love as you could carry. And these days, Aly had a lot to fill it with.

“I will. I…”

“Hey there.”

Hastily wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand, Aly managed to smile up at Steve, who stood in the doorway awkwardly, like he wasn’t sure if he should be there or not.

“Sorry. If I’m interrupting, I can…” He hooked his thumb behind him.

“No, no,” Janice insisted, shaking her head. “I was just getting ready to go get some coffee and see where this doctor is.” She stood, patting Aly’s shin gently. “I’ll track him down so we can get the paperwork rolling to get you the hell out of here. I promised my nephew that his mom would be home in the morning.”

“Thanks.” Aly reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly, her insides squeezing just as tightly when her friend walked out, leaving her and Steve alone.

He pressed his lips together, barely stepping into the room. Leaning back against the wall just to the right of the door, he propped one foot over the other, eyes down on the floor. The sight tugged painfully at her heart, knowing she’d given him reason to doubt. Reason to believe that she wasn’t one hundred percent in, reason to think that she would cut and run at a moment’s notice. All of this tension was completely her fault.

“How are you feeling?” he asked at the same moment she hurriedly said, “I’m so sorry.” Steve paused, his eyes flicking up to hers.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. “I’m so sorry that happened. I don’t know what happened. I couldn’t stop it. Usually I can focus on something. You know? But this came on so fast and I didn’t mean to scare you and I didn’t mean to scare the boys and I…”

“Aly, it’s okay,” he tried but she cut him off.

“No it’s not. I thought I had come so far. It had been over a year since I’d had a full blown attack and I’ve had two since I’ve known you.”

“Well, that’s not reassuring.” His head turned, looking out the window at a group of birds flying by. “Am…am I causing you anxiety?” Those hazel eyes fixed on her but he didn’t make a move to come any closer. “Is being with me causing you anxiety?”

She sighed, blinking back tears, “Yes.”

“Great.” He nodded, lips pouting to the side.

“But not like you think. You don’t cause me anxiety. You make me so happy. The first time it happened I was just panicking because your friends were talking about us being a couple and I wasn’t even sure you wanted that. Hell, I wasn’t sure I wanted that. My head was in such a weird place. I was worried about Eli and I was worried what it meant if I liked you. And this time, it wasn’t you. It was…”

“Me pushing you,” he finished for her, his chest rising with a deep inhale. “I was pushing you to move faster than you’re ready for. Look, I didn’t mean we should move in together now.” A harsh laugh shook his body, teeth raking over his bottom lip. “I mean, that would be insane. Obviously I don’t want to move in together any time in the near future.”

“You…you don’t?”

“No,” he scoffed. “We’ve only been dating for a little over a month. That would be completely insane. We don’t even know each other that well yet, right? Besides, I like my space. I’m not ready to give that all up yet. I mean, someday…maybe, yeah, but not anytime soon.”

Her chest felt like someone had dropped a buffalo on it, the weight pressing down, her heart that had just begun to mend starting to crack at his words. But what did she expect? After the way she’d acted, she’d expected this. She’d expected him to pull away, to put the car in reverse and slam his foot down on the pedal.

It was soon. But that didn’t seem to be how he felt last night. He’d been trying to convince her that it wasn’t too soon, that only they could decide how soon. How quickly he’d changed his mind. How quickly his feelings had changed when he was faced with what he’d been dealing with if he moved forward with her. Something he’d told her he could handle but obviously couldn’t.

“Hey!” Janice exclaimed, bouncing into the room. “Good news! I tracked down the doc and he’s on his way in to release you.”

“Great,” Aly replied with as much excitement as she could muster. “I’m ready to go home.”

“So, how are we doing this? Steve taking you back to his place or…?”

“No. I just want to go home,” she mumbled. “I…Steve should get back for the boys. Could you just take me home so I can get my car and go get Eli?”

Janice frowned, “Honey, I don’t think you should be driving right now. Doc says you should rest. He put a call into Dr. Watson and let her know what happened. She wants to see you as soon as possible to talk about your meds.”

“Okay. I’ll…I’ll call her on Monday. I can drive. I just…”

“I’ll bring Eli to your house,” Steve said. “If you want Janice to take you home, I’ll go get Eli and bring him to you.”

“Okay, what is happening right now?” her friend asked suspiciously, looking between the two of them.

“Nothing. I’m just…I’m really tired after everything and I just want to go home and sleep.”

“Well, then why don’t I drop you off and then I go get Eli and bring him so he can see you for a minute and know you’re okay? And then I can take him and he can stay with me and Matt for the day so you can relax.You know you’re not getting any relaxation with that kid around. Besides, Matt’s been dying to get him back to the batting cages.”

“That’s fine,” you agreed, not having the energy to argue.

“Alright. Well, then I’ll go back to the house to let the boys know everything’s good and you’re fine.” Steve rocked on his heels awkwardly, clearly uncertain as to what he should do. Would he kiss her forehead sweetly like he usually did? Would he hug her? “I’m really glad you’re okay, Aly.”

Nope. None of the above. He maneuvered around Janice and made his way out the door with barely a backwards wave. That pressure on her chest slithered down into her stomach, boulders settling in, the reality of what was happening threatening to crush her.

“What the hell did I miss in the five minutes I was gone?” asked Janice.

Aly didn’t answer, simply laid back on the bed, draping her hand over her face. One month of building something that looked like it might last and she’d shattered it all in one night.

____________________________________________________________

“Daddy! We’re here!”

Jeremiah came barreling through the door, instantly colliding with Miles who had been racing through the house to greet his favorite little guy. The kid fell backward and Miles was on him in an instant, covering his face with sloppy kisses while Jere squealed and laughed.

Nancy walked in behind him, Jeremiah’s backpack slung over one shoulder, which she dropped down onto the floor. Miles bounded over to her and she crouched down, scratching the massive beast behind his ears and pressing a kiss to his snout.

Jeremiah leapt up from the ground, eyes shining when he saw the snack that Steve had been preparing for him. “Oreos and milk! Yes!” His feet pounded over the hardwood in his race to get to the table.

“Thanks for picking him up for me,” Steve told Nancy.

“No problem.” Rising to her feet, she brushed her hands down the front of her jeans in a pointless attempt to rid them of dog hair. “But why couldn’t you get him today?”

“Oh…uh…” He turned his back on her, placing the Oreos back into the cabinet as his brain scrambled for a reasonable excuse as to why he didn’t pick up his son. “Meeting. Yeah. Meeting about the new development. We’re breaking ground next week and we had to…you know, flesh some things out. Make sure it’s all going to run smoothly.”

“Uh-huh…”

She didn’t believe him. He could tell she didn’t believe him. Maybe they hadn’t been right for each other but he knew Nancy. He knew all her tones, gestures, and facial expressions and she knew his. And her tone right now was letting him know that she knew something was up.

Steve dropped into the chair next to Jeremiah, eager to get the focus off of himself, “How was school today?”

“It was good,” Jere shrugged before shoving a milk soaked cookie into his mouth.

“Just good? No stories to tell today?” Steve urged, needing his son to tell one of his long drawn-out stories of second grade drama. He needed something, anything, to get Nancy’s eyes to stop focusing on him.

“Well, Brent is finally being nice to everybody.”

“Oh yeah? That’s great!”

His son rolled his eyes, “I guess. But he’s only being nice because nobody would play with him anymore. Even Travis and Ricky stopped playing with him because he started calling them names and being really mean to them too.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? That he’s being nice?”

“I don’t know. Is he only going to be nice until everyone plays with him again and then he will be mean again? I think we should just keep ignoring him because he’s a bully. Beth asked him to swing with her today and he used to steal her food and tell her she was fat! Why would she even want to play with someone like that? I don’t think we should just forget all the bad stuff he did.”

“You don’t forget,” Nancy told him, stepping into the kitchen to take the chair on the other side of their son. “But you can forgive. If he’s genuinely trying to change, that’s a good thing. Sometimes even the biggest jerks can change for the better and turn out to be pretty good guys.”

She smirked at Steve, one eyebrow lifting knowingly and he pressed his lips together, putting his head down. He would never live down his King Steve days, walking around like he owned the school, picking on those he saw as inferior to himself, including his ex-wife’s current husband. He was a Brent at one time and that thought disgusted him, the idea of who he used to be, but it was something he swore he’d never be again.

“Yeah but what if he hasn’t really changed? What if he’s just pretending so we all play with him again and then, bam! He’s back to being a big, fat jerk!”

“Well, you’ll have to wait and see. If he goes back to being a jerk, then you all refuse to allow it again. But maybe you all showing him that you would not accept his behavior was enough to change him. Maybe he realized if he kept acting like that he would be all alone and he’s really trying to do better. Sometimes when someone sees how it feels to be the person who’s being treated badly, they see how wrong it is.”

“Maybe…” Jeremiah didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“Regardless, just because he was mean doesn't make it right for you to be mean back. You all ignored him because you were standing up for yourself and that’s okay but if you do it now, then you’re being just as mean as he was. You should at least give him a chance to show you that he’s trying.”

“I guess. Eli doesn’t trust him either. Brent asked Eli who his favorite superhero was at lunch and Eli just walked away from him. He said Brent was probably just asking so he could make fun of him for it. But I’ll tell him we should at least try to be his friend. But if he does it again, I will never be his friend.”

“I think that’s fair. You’re giving him a chance to show he is sorry. If he doesn’t show that, then you shouldn’t give him any more chances,” Steve stated. “I’m really proud of you two for getting everyone to stand up to him. You not only stood up for yourselves but for others and that’s something to be proud of. You’re growing into a good little human, kid. There’s not much else I could ask for as a dad.”

“Where do you think he’s getting that?” asked Nancy and when he just looked at her, she laughed, rolling her eyes. “He’s learning from you. You don’t hesitate to stand up for others. And you always do the right thing by the people you care about. You’re one of the bravest people I know. Our son has a pretty amazing role model to look up to.”

Her words hit him, a blow to the chest that almost knocked him back off his chair. Because he wasn’t doing the right thing by someone he cared an awful lot about right now and he knew it. He was hiding and avoiding instead of facing it because he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to know what was on the other side of the curtain he was concealing himself behind. There was nothing brave about it.

“Hey daddy. Can Eli come over tonight? We haven’t played together, besides at school, since his mommy had to go to the hospital.”

Nancy’s brows shot up her forehead at this revelation. Those stormy blue eyes were fixed on him, her arms folding on top of the table. sh*t. His son had just ratted him out, whether he’d meant to or not, and there would be no getting out of this now. When Nance had her laser fixed on you, there was no escape.

“Hey Jere, don’t you have some homework to do?” Nancy asked.

“Yeah, but daddy didn’t say if Eli could come over.”

“Not tonight buddy, okay? But we’ll make sure he comes over soon.”

“Why not?” Jere demanded. “We saw each other every day and now I haven’t hung out with him in four days. Are you and Aly fighting? Did you break up? Because Eli said he asked her last night when we were going to see them again and she said she didn’t know. Why wouldn’t she know? Did you mess up?”

“It’s complicated. Look…”

“Jeremiah, I need you to go upstairs and do your homework, okay?” Nancy stated calmly, letting her son know that there would be no more arguing. “Your dad and I need to talk and then we will talk about Eli and Aly and when you can see them later.”

“Fine,” his son growled, angrily dropping his cup and plate into the sink. He grabbed his backpack by the strap, dragging it behind him, his feet stomping loudly on each stair to make certain they knew just how unhappy he was.

Nancy stayed quiet, her eyes on the stairs until they heard the slam of Jeremiah’s door, an exclamation point on his anger and annoyance at being dismissed. Certain their son would not overhear, she turned to Steve, hands clasping on top of the table.

“Alright, spill. What’s going on?”

Steve put on the best clueless face he could manage, lips mashed together, eyes wide and confused, head shaking side to side. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Nance.”

“Oh cut the bullsh*t, Steve Harrington. I’ve known you for way too long to buy that. You are head over heels for this girl. I’ve never seen you so gone for anyone and you really expect me to believe you haven’t seen her for four days and nothing’s going on?”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” he shrugged, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.

“How about the truth?”

Damn Nancy and her perceptive nature. He sighed, sinking further down in the chair, resigning himself to having to tell her what was going on. She wouldn’t leave until he did.

“Fine. The truth is, I thought she felt the same way about me that I did about her but she doesn’t, okay? I thought she wanted forever. I thought she saw this as a long term, endgame kind of thing, but she clearly doesn’t so what’s the point in continuing it?”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” hissed Nancy. “Are you out of your mind? I’ve seen the way that girl looks at you. She’s just as crazy about you as you are about her.”

“She’s not. Trust me.” He shoved back from the table roughly, standing up, hands on his hips, back to Nancy.

“What made you think this? What happened? I know she had that bad anxiety attack but…”

“Yeah. She had that anxiety attack after I asked her to spend the night with me. After I mentioned that the next step for us would be moving in together. And look, I know it was fast and I know I do that all the time.” His hands flailed uncontrollably as he paced back and forth, feeling all the threads that held him together coming unraveled as he poured out his soul. “I probably shouldn’t have even mentioned something like that yet. But Nance, I’ve never felt the way I do about her. I…it’s not like the way I love baseball or a medium rare steak or hitting the snooze button an extra time in the morning. She consumes me. She’s all I can think about. When she’s with me I never want to let her go and when she’s gone I just want to be with her again. It’s like I’m in free fall and I’m scared to death I’m just going to splat on the ground. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want her.”

His fingers moved roughly through his hair, his feet stopping. Steve turned to Nancy, chest heaving, his hands curling around the top of the chair, to find her wide eyed, jaw almost to the table.

“Wow…okay…I mean, I knew you really liked her but you’re completely in love with her.” Her tongue traced the seam of her lips, fingers coming to her chin. “You’re in really deep, aren’t you?”
“I’m f*cking drowning, Nance. I’m out here in the waves being thrown about, water filling my lungs, holding my hand out to her but she’s not going to take it.”

“You don’t know that, Steve.”
“I do! I do know that. Why would the idea of moving in with me send her into an anxiety attack unless the very thought was too much for her to handle? And I’m just going to keep sinking in the endless ocean if I don’t get out now until it’s too late and I am destroyed. Stuck on the bottom like the Titanic until I rot and pieces of me fall off and everything that was good about me is rusted and decayed!”

“Wow…you know King Steve really was the perfect nickname for you.”

His eyes shot over to her, annoyed, “Excuse me?”

“King Steve, as in drama king. Jesus, Steve. The girl struggles with anxiety. She has no control over when it happens and you’ve made it all about you. You’ve convinced yourself that this mental illness she struggles with has anything to do with you. How about you make your way out of the deep end and head back over to the shallows with the rest of us Mr. Swim Captain?”

“I’m not saying it’s all about me but it’s called an anxiety attack because it’s triggered by anxiety, right? Which means the idea of moving in with me someday caused her to have anxiety. Doesn’t exactly scream that she’s excited at the idea of a future with me.”

“Maybe she is. I mean, did you even talk to her about it?”

“No,” he scoffed. “I’d just sent her to the damn hospital, Nance! That was on me and my big mouth. So I assured her I didn’t mean now. I didn’t want to move in together now. I told her that would be crazy, that I wasn’t ready, that I like my space. I didn’t want to send her into another attack.”

Nancy’s hand covered her face, a deep groan audible from behind it, “You are such an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Trying to keep her calm makes me an idiot? She clearly didn’t want to be around me. She asked her friend, Janice, to take her home. She wanted no part of coming back here.”

“And that couldn’t have been because you’d just made it sound like she was invading your bachelor lifestyle, could it? “

“What? No! I…” Had that been what he’d said? No. He hadn’t said that, not in so many words, but could that have been how she’d taken it? “Okay. Maybe not the best way to word it but I just didn’t want to upset her again. I panicked, okay? I’d just had to call 911. I’d watched her struggle to breathe, Nance. It was terrifying. I didn’t want to say anything that could set her off again.”

“She’s not a rocket, Steve. There’s no fuse to light. You will never know what is going to cause it because she probably doesn’t know. So, let me get this straight. The girl has an anxiety attack, one that is so bad that she has to be taken to the hospital. She’s scared, obviously, and probably nervous about what you’re thinking. Not to mention embarrassed that it happened in front of you, again, if I’m correct. And then you tell her that you don’t want her invading your space and haven’t called her in four days to even see how she’s doing and are such a wuss that you send me to pick up Jere on your day so you don’t have to see her? This sounds like how an adult handles things to you?”

“Well, I…I mean…”

But what does he mean? He doesn’t even know. Nancy’s right. He didn’t even give her a chance to explain. She apologized to him and he just shut her down, his fear rising up, stacking bricks in front of him in an effort to protect himself because he was terrified. Terrified of the power she had to completely annihilate him with just a few words.

“I’m scared,” he admitted, chewing on his lower lip, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the pity he was sure was all over Nancy’s face. “I’m scared of how bad it will hurt if…when she decides to leave me.”

“I know you are. But Steve, that’s the risk you take. You can’t be with someone, truly give yourself to them, without there being the risk that you could have your heart broken. Even now, there is always a risk that Jonathan could walk out the door. He could wake up one morning and tell me he doesn’t feel the same. So what do I do? Choose to walk away first? Choose to be alone just in case? But alone is lonely, Steve. If you want this, you’re going to have to accept the risk that comes with it.”

“But what if…”

“What if what? What if you get hit by a bus tomorrow? What if a plane crashes into the middle of town? What if aliens invade or there’s a zombie apocalypse? You can play the what if game forever if you want. But it won’t get you the one thing you really want. It won’t get you her. It won’t get you happiness. It won’t get that happily ever after you’ve been chasing for years. All it will get you is you talking yourself right out of this. Aly’s already suffered loss. Don’t make her lose you too. Not when she doesn’t have to. Not when it’s just your own ego and fear that’s in the way.”

“Okay but what if…” He held up his hand when Nancy opened her mouth, ready to interrupt him again. “What if I go to her and she tells me this was all a mistake? What if she says that the mention of moving in together just showed her she’s not sure she really wants this? What then?”

“Then at least you know instead of sitting around here moping and sending me to pick up our kid like I’m your personal chauffeur. Wouldn’t it be better to know? Because if you don’t, you’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering.”

Would it be better to know? Steve wasn’t so sure. It depended on what Aly had to say.

___________________________________________________________

Four days…four days and absolutely nothing from Steve. She wanted to scream into the void, to pound her fists against the wall, to throw things and feel the satisfaction of watching them smash into pieces. But she couldn’t. Her son was downstairs eating his snack of popcorn while watching Hey Arnold. She had to keep control of herself. She couldn’t scare her son anymore. She’d done enough of that over the last couple months.

She’d thought Steve just needed some time. And she was more than willing to give that to him. But when Nancy had shown up at pick-up today, on a day she knew was supposed to be Steve’s, all hope that this was some temporary thing disintegrated. Nancy didn’t seem to really know why she was picking up Jeremiah for him but Aly didn’t need a reason because she already knew.

He’d decided she was too much for him. It was a lot to ask anyone to take on. Her grief, her past, her overbearing mother-in-law, her mental struggles, her son…what man would willingly want to walk into all of that? He’s even said it. He didn’t want her invading his space. He didn’t want her with her anxiety that crept up at the worst times with no notice and her past that kept dragging her down.

Her eyes fell to her ring again, the simple engagement band with a small diamond in the middle, tiny diamonds on either side, soldered to a solid gold band after they were married. Justin apologized right after she’d said yes, assuring her he would get her a better ring when they had more funds. But she never wanted one, not even after they were bringing in more cash. The cost of the ring had never mattered. This piece of jewelry was priceless to her. It wasn’t just gold and stones. It was a promise. It was a feeling. It was a period in her life that would forever be precious.

But Janice was right. It had been two years. How could she possibly hope to ever move on when she was still holding on so tightly. When she couldn’t let go of the symbol that represented what was, how could she possibly hope to embrace what could be?

Maybe it wouldn’t be Steve. Maybe she’d ruined any chance she had of him being the one. Maybe he was done with her, glad he’d dodged the bullet that was her instability. But that didn’t mean she didn’t still have a chance of moving on, even if it was alone. If she truly wanted to let the past go, then she had to release it and along with it, the guilt that weighed her down, that kept telling her that she was still tied to Justin.

She knew what she needed to do. It was time. It had been time for a long while now. Walking over, she grabbed the phone and made a call.

___________________________________________________________

“Hey, baby,” Aly greeted the slab of granite as she dropped down to her knees on the soft ground. Her fingers trailed over the grass, plush and full now, remembering when it was nothing but dirt, her fingers clawing into the loose soil as her tears created puddles, her screams wrenched into the empty air.

A soft exhale released through pursed lips as she prepared herself for the toughest conversation of her life. Well, until the conversation she intended on trying to have after this one. Her fingers gravitated to the stone, tracing over the etched letters, spelling out the name of the person she had believed would be her forever.

She didn’t come here often anymore. Her and Eli would bring a pizza and have a picnic on his birthday in August. That was something she’d promised him they would always do. They would always bring a wreath at Christmas. The first year she’d been here twice a week, needing to feel close to him, even if logically she knew nothing was here but a cold, empty body.

But then she’d started therapy and as she began to feel like she was getting a handle on her grief, her need to be here lessened. It wasn’t gone. People who say that grief passes with time are lying. It enters your body and stays, altering you forever. It never completely disappears. You just learn to live with it more as each day passes. The jagged edges get just a bit more rounded, softer, not quite so painful but they’re still there.

“I miss you, you know that?” Her head dropped, her body rounding in on itself. “I miss you so damn much, all the time. I thought it would never get better. I thought it would never get easier. For so long, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I couldn’t live without you.”

She could barely remember those dark days when Eli was the only thing dragging her out of bed in the morning. She could barely remember them because she wasn’t really there. It was like a part of her had died right alongside Justin and she was just a body walking around, going through the motions, for the sake of her son.

The nights when Janice would take him because Aly didn’t have the strength to pretend. When she would lay in her bed and cry and scream until she had nothing left. When she would curse God and the universe for taking him from them, for leaving her son without a father, for leaving her alone in the world, for destroying her life.

Now, grief would hit her at the weirdest times. Most times it was just a small twist of her stomach, uncomfortable but manageable. Sometimes it was debilitating, to the point where she wanted to curl into the fetal position. She missed his smile, the way he laughed with his whole body, his voice whispering in her ear…things that were getting harder and harder to hold onto as time passed. But she wouldn’t let them go. She held on as hard as she could, refusing to let him fully slip away from her.

“But somehow, day by day, breathing became a little easier. I finally felt like I was back in my body. I was still sad. I was missing you. But I was able to enjoy the sun on my face, the sound of our son’s laughter, getting a cup of coffee with Janice. I could smile again. I could live again. All these things that I’d lost for so long because I was shrouded in my grief. It was a weight pressing down on me but I got help and…and now, there’s someone. Someone who is helping lift the weight off of me, who makes me feel like I might really have a shot at being happy again.”

She swallowed, her eyes slipping closed as tears escaped, trails of emotion running down her cheeks and off her chin. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth, bracing herself.

“His name is Steve and he makes me really happy. For the first time since I lost you, I have hope. Hope that I can still have love. And Eli adores him. He’s so good with him. He’s a dad too. His son is the same age and they’re best friends. That’s actually how we met each other. He coaches Eli’s baseball team. You’d be so proud of him. He’s learned so much and he’s a hell of a little player. Him and Jeremiah…” She snorted, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “They’re such devious little rascals. They’ve been plotting us being together since we met. I think they knew something we didn’t or something.”

Her eyes roamed skyward as a flock of geese soared overhead, their honking breaking the silence of the cemetery. They were coming home to the warmth and the new life that Spring brought with it. Just like her, they were turning toward new possibilities and leaving behind the past.

“I love you. I will always love you. You…you showed me what love is. You showed me what it means to give all of yourself to another person. You showed me what a beautiful gift that can be, even if it was taken from you far too soon. I will never forget you. I will always be grateful for the time we had together. You will always be my first love, but…” Her thumb and forefinger gripped the gold band, slowly sliding it along her fingertip until it was free, the skin bare for the first time in over a decade. “But it’s time to say goodbye. I have to let you go. I have to do this if I have any chance of moving on. And I may have ruined my shot with Steve. It might be too late already because I couldn’t do this before but I have to try. I have to believe you’d want me to.”

A warm breeze suddenly picked up, lifting her hair, wrapping around her like a hug and she closed her eyes, smiling, tears streaming down her face.

“I love you to Pluto and back…” she whispered into the wind, recalling their phrase, Justin declaring the moon wasn’t far enough to show how much he loved her. Pressing her fingers to her lips, she pressed them to the stone, slipping her ring into her pocket.

“Aly?”

She gasped at the sound of that voice, in this place. What in the world was he doing here? Turning her head, she wondered if he was a figment of her imagination, something she’d dreamed up because her desire to see him was so strong.

“Steve?”

Chapter 18

Chapter Text

Steve stood frozen as he took in the tears running down her cheeks, her knees sunk into the grass, her hand pressed next to the name carved into the stone.

Justin Keith Randall

Beloved Son, Husband, and Father

1963-1994

What in the hell was he doing? He’d intruded on her conversation with her dead husband. He’d cut right into what was obviously an emotional moment for her. He’d shattered this very private heartbreak for her, coming in like a baseball bat colliding with a window. Had he really thought that following her to the cemetery was a good idea?

“Steve? What…what are you doing here?” she asked, her brows meeting in the middle in confusion.

Good question. What was he doing here? After his chat with Nancy, he’d been so desperate to talk to her, to make things right, to apologize for being the jerk who’d walked away from her at the hospital and then hadn’t even bothered to check on her. When she wasn’t home and Lucas told him where she’d gone, he hadn’t even stopped to think through what he was about to do. Hadn’t even considered why following her there was a bad idea. He hadn’t even contemplated why she might be in a cemetery, whose grave she might be visiting. He’d just gotten in his car.

“I wanted to talk to you. I mean…” He gritted his teeth, hands coming to his hips, wincing at his own stupidity. Now he had to backpedal, get himself out of this, not appear to be the heartless jerk who hadn’t considered her feelings again. “I showed up at your house first but you weren’t there. Max was out with Eli practicing the skateboard and Lucas told me they were watching him because you’d gone to the cemetery. And so I came here…to talk to you…but now I’m thinking that was a really stupid idea. Obviously, this is not the place or the time. Clearly you wouldn’t want me to be here. I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry. Jesus, I’ll just…”

He turned to go but her voice, quavering and soft, saying his name, stopped him. She rose to her feet as he turned back to her, brushing her knees off of the dirt and grass that was clinging to her jeans.

Pushing her hair back off her shoulders, she faced him, and even in this state, broken and grieving, she was beautiful. The red, swollen eyes, the grass stained knees, the sadness etched into every facet of her face did not take away from how absolutely stunning this woman was. It took every ounce of self control he had not to pull her into his arms, to hold her until he could take all of that hurt away.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt. I should have known…when Lucas said you were at the cemetery…obviously you were here to see your husband. I feel like such a dick right now. I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.”

“No. No. It’s okay,” she insisted, shaking her head.

Her arms wrapped around her stomach, that familiar gesture he’d seen both her and Eli use, as if they could hold all their broken parts in, as if they could keep them from spilling out into a messy pile on the floor. It gutted him to know they’d both known such devastation that they’d had to learn to compartmentalize it. She looked so fragile, as if the smallest pressure would shatter her, and he couldn’t stop himself this time. Steve stepped into her, not touching, terrified she would rebuff him, but feeling the ache in his chest ease a bit at just being close enough to do so if she wanted that.

“Are you alright?” he asked, worried that he was the cause of her tears and sadness. Had he ruined any shot he had with her? What kind of guy just disappeared on the girl he loved for four days after she’d been in the hospital? What kind of guy disappeared on the girl he loved for four days, period? What kind of guy didn’t even call to check in on her, knowing the struggles she dealt with on a daily basis?

Those pretty pink lips pressed together as she nodded, “Yeah. I’m alright. I was actually going to try to come talk to you when I was done here so I guess you saved me the ride.”

“Oh. You were?” Did that mean she’d been planning to come to fix things or end things? He wasn’t sure he wanted the answer but it was too late now. He would find out where he stood one way or the other.

“Yeah. Steve, I’m so sorry,” she cried, the tears falling from her eyes once again and all he wanted to do was stop them. He couldn’t bear to watch her shed another tear because of him.

“No, no…I’m the one who should be sorry.” His hands wrapped around her arms, giving in to the gnawing need to feel her, leaning down to catch her gaze. “I was such a jerk, honey, and I am so sorry. I just…I got scared. I got scared because I thought you didn’t want me. I thought you didn’t see a future with me.”

That little furrow appeared between her eyebrows again. “But I told you I did. I said forever. I used those exact words.”

“I know you did but when you had an attack after I talked about moving in together…well, I thought maybe you were rethinking everything. Maybe you weren’t seeing a future with me. Maybe being slapped in the face with the reality of what that meant, you didn’t want it anymore. I thought maybe you were going to end things and I…I was a coward. I didn’t want to give you the chance to do it so I didn’t give it to you. And I felt like I was the reason you wound up in the hospital in the first place. I swore I wouldn’t push you to do anything you weren’t ready for but there I was, pushing, just like I always do, and I didn’t want to cause you to have another attack. I don’t know. My brain was in a million places at once and I just took the coward’s way out and avoided you. Hell, I even sent Nancy to pick up Jeremiah so I wouldn’t run into you at the school.”

“Yeah, I noticed that.”

Steve’s arms pulled back, fingers running through his hair in agitation. This conversation was not going at all the way he’d planned. He’d thought it all out in the car, all the things he wanted to say to her, how to get her to understand. But now, standing in front of her, none of it was going the way he’d planned. His words were coming out a jumbled mess as his nerves took over, his fear that this wouldn’t work and she would simply walk away from him.

“Look…I have never felt like this before, okay? I’m thirty-two years old. I’ve dated a lot of women in my life.”

“Thanks for that reminder,” muttered Aly, crossing her arms, kicking the grass with the toe of her shoe, her eyes downward.

“No. That’s not…my point is, I’ve never had a woman make me feel the way I do when I’m with you. I wish I could explain it but I don’t even have words for it. You make me crazy, but like, in the best way possible. You make me want to be the best version of myself. It’s something I’ve been working on for a long time but I’ve never wanted to work harder than I do for you. You’re everything and when you…when the thought of us living together caused you to have anxiety, I was afraid that I was about to lose everything I’ve wanted my whole life. And I was afraid because I thought I had caused it. King Steve royally f*cking everything up again because I got too attached too fast. And I know I do that. I know I do but this isn’t like that. I’m not too attached or pushing or wanting to be close to you because of my f*cked up childhood. It’s because with you I see everything I want. With you I see the future I want and I just want to start it as soon as possible. I don’t want to miss out on any time with you because I love you. I am completely in love with you and it scares the sh*t out of me because I don’t really think I’ve ever really been in love before you.”

Aly’s eyes were wide, soaking him in, her mouth parted as if the words were there but just not coming out. She looked back at the headstone behind her and then at him, a subtle reminder that she had been in love before. She had her great love and his hands trembled at the thought that she might not have any more room for another one.

“Steve, you didn’t cause anything. None of it was your fault. I wasn’t…my anxiety sometimes has no rhyme or reason. I hate it. I hate that even a serious conversation could mean me having a complete meltdown. I don’t want you to be scared to talk to me about stuff. I hate that when you mentioned us moving in together it sent me to the hospital. I hate that it caused you to avoid me. It’s so damn frustrating and I wish I could handle things like other people do.”

“No. It’s okay. You just said that you hadn’t had attacks that bad for a long time. Well, until you met me. And I assumed that maybe I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was causing you stress.”

“You do but not like you think you do,” Aly groaned, her hands flying through the air before covering her face. “I wish I could give you one solid reason for why it happens but I can’t. The oddest things can bring it on. And it’s not everything. Sometimes I’m fine but sometimes I’m not and I don’t know. You asked about staying over and all your reasons made sense but it’s something that worries me because of Eli…”

“Hey, hey.” Steve stepped into her, his hands cradling her face. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. I won’t bring any of it up again. I won’t push. You tell me when you’re ready. You can make all of the decisions going forward.”

“No Steve,” she sighed, her hands wrapping around his forearms and his heart sunk. Here it came. This was the moment where she told him no, she didn’t want this, didn’t want him. This was the moment she told him it was over, leaving him broken like the box of old toys in the garage. “I don’t want to make all of the decisions. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t share how you feel or ask me questions.” She gently pulled his hands away from her face, stepping to the side, pressing her fingers against her forehead.

“I just want to do what you need, Aly. I don’t want to ever cause you anxiety.”

“But that’s just it. You will. You will cause me anxiety, Steve,” Aly huffed, tossing her hands in the air in frustration. “There’s no way of avoiding that in a relationship.”

“I can try. I mean, I know you probably came here to talk to Justin because I made you feel awful. You probably needed to feel close to the guy who didn’t do that to you and I get it. I just disappeared and I’m a sh*t for it. I should have talked to you, checked on you. I’m a sh*t for pushing you into something you’re not ready for. I’m a…”

“Steve! Stop,” she pleaded, her hands held in front of her before covering her eyes. Dropping them to her sides, she looked skyward and inhaled, releasing it slowly before looking at him. “Please. Just stop and listen. I didn’t come here to talk to Justin because you were a sh*t. I didn’t come here because he never made me awful. Christ, Steve, of course he did and I did it to him. We’re human. Humans tend to do that to each other from time to time. I didn’t come for any of those reasons. I came to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” he asked, wondering how she could say goodbye to someone who’d already been gone for two years. Hadn’t she already done that? But he didn’t voice it, not wanting to be insensitive to whatever reason had brought her to her husband’s grave.

“Yes. I had a long talk with Janice at the hospital while you were downstairs, before you even came up. She helped me realize some things, to see things that I was doing without even knowing I was doing them. And then I called my therapist on Monday and she squeezed me in because of the severity of my attack.”

“That’s…I mean, that’s good, right?”

“Yeah. It was. We talked about a lot of stuff, stuff I didn’t realize I was doing. Losing Justin was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It completely destroyed me. It felt like the floor had been ripped out beneath me and I was just swallowed into this dark pit of anger and despair. I never thought I would claw my way out of it. The attacks started soon after that. They would come on for no reason…or at least that’s what it seemed like. My therapist helped me see that they came on when anything reminding me of Justin popped up. It would be the smallest things. The neighbors would have pizza delivered, his favorite food, and I would be curled into a ball on the floor. I would catch a whiff of the cologne he used and I would be hyperventilating in the middle of the store. Our song would play on the radio and I would have to pull over because I thought I was having a heart attack. Once we realized why it was happening, she started to give me tools to help in the moments when it did. She started me on meds. After a year, I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was letting it all go and moving forward with my life.”

“You are doing okay,” Steve assured her. “You’re doing amazing. I am in constant awe of your strength and perseverance. You went through something devastating, something that would have shattered someone else, and you’re still standing.”

“I am. And I am not going to dismiss that fact. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come. Eli is the one thing that really kept me upright because I knew I had to be his mom. I had to be there for him even when I couldn’t be there for myself. But what I didn’t realize was that I hadn’t really let go. I was still holding onto Justin because…because I was scared that if I didn’t, that I was saying that what we had meant nothing. And it meant something. It meant everything. I didn’t want to just forget him. I didn’t want to just move on. I felt like he deserved so much more than that but in doing that, I wasn’t allowing myself to live.”

She lifted her left hand, turning it to face him, a pale line where her wedding ring used to be. Steve had noticed that she still wore it. Of course he had. How wouldn’t he notice that the woman he was falling for was wearing another guy’s ring? But the circ*mstances were complicated. She wasn’t wearing some guy’s ring that she’d left, that was still out there on the fringes, a threat looming that he could just swoop back in and she’d be gone. She was wearing a ring of a man she’d loved and had taken from her, a man who wouldn’t have left, wouldn’t have walked away. How could he say anything? So he hadn’t. He’d never shared that it bothered him a bit every time that glint of gold and gems caught his eye.

“I was still wearing my ring. It never even occurred to me to take it off, not even after we started dating and I knew it was something serious. I think because I still felt like I was married. I didn’t choose this. He didn’t choose this. We didn’t sign papers and hire lawyers and decide to part ways. It was forced upon us. I think the anxiety attack came on because next week is going to be the two year anniversary of when we lost him. And I…I don’t know if forgot is the right word but it wasn’t in the forefront of my mind like it was last year. My therapist…well, and Janice,” she snorted, rolling her eyes, “think my subconscious, that guilt I’ve never really let go of, took over in that moment because you make me so happy. And you making me happy makes me feel guilty because I feel like I am somehow betraying him. And I know that’s silly. He’s not here. I’m not cheating. I’m not doing anything wrong. But there’s also Eli and I am so scared for him to get his little heart broken again. He already loves you so much and he wants you to be his dad so much and I don’t think he could handle losing another one.”

Steve’s synapses were firing with her confession of everything that had been tormenting her since all of this began. It was a lot to take in and he was struggling to focus on more than just the part where she said she was happy, the part where she was considering him to be a potential father figure to her son. Because that part let him know that she wasn’t walking away, that she was as deeply entrenched in this as he was. He searched for the right words, feeling like it had never been more important to get this right, to say the right thing.

“Aly, I understand all of that. But I have to believe that your husband, knowing you and how amazing you are, and knowing the little bit that you’ve told me about him, would want you to be happy. And as for Eli, I have no intentions of going anywhere. I want this. I’ve told you. I am completely in.”

“I know that. I know you are. And so am I. I wanted to stay the night with you, Steve. I want to spend every night with you. I wasn’t even looking for anything when you came along. I’d gone on a few bad dates with guys from a dating site only because Janice pushed me to, and I wanted to get her off my back, but I wasn’t really looking. I’d resigned myself to being alone because I never thought I would find something like I had with Justin again. But then here you came and you made me question everything. You made me question if I was ready. You made me question my belief that no person can get lucky enough to find happily ever after twice. You made my son so happy. You made me so happy. You made me smile again. You made me laugh again. You made me feel alive again and I mean…how is that not worth the risk? I want to be with you, Steve. I want it all with you. I want to spend my nights and my mornings with you. I want to move in together someday. I want to be a family with our boys together. And yeah, you’re right. It is soon but we’re not fifteen year old kids who are blinded by our hormones. I know it’s you that I want in my life. In such a short time, it just feels right. It just feels like it’s the way it’s supposed to be. You make so much sense. You just fit in my life. But if that’s all too much for you right now, I understand. I know you don’t want your space invaded. I understand if you need some distance to breathe in this relationship but I just needed you to know how I feel. Because I don’t want you to ever have to doubt it again.”

“Aly…I didn’t mean any of that sh*t.”

“What?”

“Honey, I want you to invade my space, all of my space. Go ahead and take it all up. I only said that because I thought it’s what you wanted. I thought you were freaking out that I’d even mentioned you spending the night with me, let alone moving in together. I panicked and I said it and it was stupid but I never meant it.”

“You…you didn’t?”

She sounded so hopeful and it just made him want to flog himself. These last four days could have been avoided if he hadn’t been such a dingus, as Robin liked to call him. If he’d hung around just long enough for her to explain then neither of them would have had to go through all this uncertainty. What was Nancy always telling him? Communication was key. Obviously, because this miscommunication had almost cost him the best thing that had come into his life since Jeremiah.

“No. God no. I would lock you in my house and never let you go if I could.” He stepped into her, his arms wrapping around her, folding her against him, relishing the way she just melted into his embrace. His lips brushed against her forehead. “Aly, I love you. I don’t want distance. I don’t need to breathe.”

She laughed, “Actually, you kind of do.”

“Okay, yeah, I do, but being with you makes me feel like I can breathe. I want this too. I want it all. And we don’t have to rush anything. But maybe we could start with staying together tonight? Jeremiah’s already at your place. I left him with Lucas and Max so I could talk to you alone. We can talk to the boys first and see how they feel about it.”

Aly tilted her head back, smiling up at him, “Yeah. I think that sounds like a great idea.”

“Good.” His lips found hers, the moment they touched was a sigh of relief, his body relaxing into the kiss, having her right back where she belonged.

____________________________________________________________

Four weeks came and went in what felt like the blink of an eye. May had been there and gone, with so many activities to fill up the spaces on her calendar in the kitchen. From baseball games to the end of year picnic to field day, Aly felt like she’d barely turned the page on her calendar and she was already turning it again. Already they were in the middle of June and the boys were taking advantage of every moment of their summer break.

Her and Steve had settled into a pleasant rhythm. The boys had been more than okay with the idea of sleeping at each other’s houses. They had been more than okay, giddy even, at the idea of Aly and Steve sleeping in the same bed. Those devious little grins shared between the two of them, marking their pride in their own role in the current situation. She was sure they were already plotting the next step, feeling this was just the beginning of everything they’d been working toward since that night at the ice rink.

On nights when Steve had Jeremiah, they stayed over at Steve’s house so Jere could have all of his things. On nights that he didn’t, Steve had been staying over at her place. She’d thought Eli may find it strange to have Steve there without Jeremiah but he didn’t seem to mind at all. He still had a playmate, just in adult form, as Steve would challenge him to video games and endless rounds of Uno, hours playing catch in the yard, and he loved helping Steve with anything around the house.

Every fear and uncertainty she’d had about moving forward, about getting her son’s hopes up, her own hopes up, had been completely unfounded. Because taking the next step, being a part of each other’s days and nights, had only made everything infinitely better. On the rare nights they didn’t spend together, she found herself tossing and turning, reaching for the warmth of a body that wasn’t there.

It didn’t happen often but Steve had to travel a couple times for work. This new development was taking up a lot of his time and he’d had meetings with companies for supplies they needed that took him out of town. Last week he’d been gone for three days and Aly had been pacing the floor, anxious for him to appear on the doorstep, missing him more than she’d miss her own arm if it went missing. She pounced, almost knocking him to the ground as she leapt into his arms, the moment the front door opened, that familiar shape appearing in the doorway.

Now she was pacing around the house, anxious for an entirely different reason. She’d already cleaned the house from top to bottom, weeded the garden, done laundry, and no longer had anything to keep her nervous hands busy. Fluffing the pillow she’d already fluffed four times, her eyes looked up at the clock. Her parents were going to be arriving at any moment and they were going to be meeting Steve for the first time.

It really shouldn’t make her anxious. Her parents loved everybody. Justin had a far easier time with his in-laws than she’d had with hers. They’d adored him from the minute they’d laid eyes on him, probably before, because they’re version had always been as long as she was happy, they were happy. But her mom and dad, while they were two of the best parents anyone could ask for, could be a bit overwhelming when you didn’t know them. She just hoped Steve knew what he was in for.

A hand came up, wrapping around her arm gently, “Put the pillow down.”

She sighed, dropping it to the couch. That hand spun her, strong arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her into a firm chest. All the tension oozed right out of her now that she was in her favorite place, her safe space. Steve pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, those hazel eyes twinkling amusedly.

“You have got to relax. This is going to be fine. I told you. Parents absolutely love me. I’m not worried so you shouldn’t be worried, okay?” His hands locked at the small of her back, a gentle kiss to the tip of her nose. “The house looks great. I’ve got the spare ribs marinating in the fridge. The potatoes are baking in the oven. The boys are all showered and primped with strict instructions to stay inside until after the grandparents have seen how nice they look. You look amazing…” He growled playfully, head dipping into the curve of her neck, inhaling deeply. “You smell amazing.” A playful nip to her ear that had her squealing. “We’re totally ready.”

“I know. I know.” Her head fell back, a soft gasp escaping her lips as his mouth explored the column of her throat. “I just hope you’re ready for this. My parents…” Her fingers speared past the nape of his neck into his hair as those lips found their way between her breasts, exploring the skin her top didn’t conceal. “My parents will love you. They just love a little…aggressively.”

“Mmm…aggressive love can be fun, you know,” he murmured. She could feel the smile against her skin before his fingers pulled the v-neck of her top to the side and his teeth sunk into the curve of her breast that spilled out from the cup of her bra. His other hand cupped her ass, pressing her against his very obvious erection.

“Jesus Steve.” Her tongue traced her bottom lip, heat pooling between her thighs, leaving her to wonder if they had time, if they could manage to hide from the boys. They could be quick. They could…the sound of the doorbell quickly dashed any hopes of that plan. “sh*t. They’re here.”

Steve moved to the bottom of the stairs to call the boys down while Aly made her way to the door. She opened it to instantly be swept up in a group hug, her dad on one side and her mom on the other, her head smashed between their arms. The sound of footsteps barreling down the stairs let her know the boys had arrived.

Her mom pulled back, eyes wide, grinning at the sight of the two kids standing in front of her. Opening her arms wide, she rushed at them both, pulling them into her sides as she exclaimed, “Oh, look at my beautiful boys!”

Steve’s eyebrows lifted toward Aly and she just shrugged back. But he didn’t have long to ponder her mother referring to his son as one of her boys before she was on him as well, enveloping him in a hug before taking his face in her hands.

“Oh my goodness. You are quite beautiful yourself, aren’t you? No wonder my girl is so smitten. Who wouldn’t be with that hair and those eyes and…would you look at those eyelashes! Frank, have you ever seen such long eyelashes before? Good lord. What I wouldn’t give for a set of eyelashes like that. You must have had all the girls swaying on their feet in high school. Bet you still do.”

“Now Sally, give the boy some space to breathe,” Frank grumbled, dropping their bags onto the floor. “You haven’t even introduced yourself and you’re already fawning over his eyelashes.”

He shared a knowing smile with Aly, neither of them surprised. Her mom had absolutely zero filter and no sense of personal space. The moment she met you, you were her best friend in the world. Her friends had all adored her mom when she was younger. Sally always felt like a friend instead of a parent, joining in the gossip, painting nails, taking them shopping and to the movies.

“It…it’s nice to meet you Mrs. Madden,” Steve stammered and Aly couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him. She had tried to warn him and he’d insisted it was fine. But her mom could be suffocating, a blanket of warmth and love that would smother you until you couldn’t find any air.

“Oh, none of that Mrs. nonsense,” she insisted, swatting at his arm. “You just call me mom. I mean…” She turned to Aly. “You are all a family now, aren’t you? So that makes you my family too. Oh, this is so exciting. I got another grandson and a son in one go.”

“I’m not your grandson, though.” Jeremiah’s statement wasn’t rude, just confused, wondering how this was all working.

“Well, you are now.” Sally walked over, dropping down to her knees in front of the boys. “I’m Eli’s grandma so now I’m your grandma too. I mean, if you’re okay with that, of course. You don’t have to call me grandma if you don’t want to. I know you already have a couple of those. You can just call me Sally if you’d prefer.”

Jeremiah looked at her and then at his dad. Steve smiled and that seemed to be the only confirmation he needed. With a shrug he said, “You can be my grandma too. I mean, most kids only get two but now I have three!”

Steve leaned down, his mouth at Aly’s ear as he whispered, “He means Joyce and Karen. He doesn’t really know my mom and honestly, that’s for the best.”

“Well, then I guess that makes me your Grandpa Frank,” her dad said, stepping forward, offering his hand to Jeremiah. The boy took it, shaking. “Wow. Strong grip there, kid, but that’s no surprise since my daughter’s told me what an amazing baseball player you are.”

Jeremiah beamed at her, “You told them I’m amazing?”

“Of course I did,” she replied with a smile. “Because you are. You and Eli both have done so well this season.”

“Yeah. We can’t wait to see you play on Saturday. Specially planned this trip just so we could catch a game,” Frank said.

“Well, why don’t you all head into the living room and relax? I’m gonna grab the ribs from the fridge and get them on the grill,” Steve announced.

“Well, I can help you out with that,” Frank offered, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know if my daughter told you, but I’m a master griller. Won the rib-off three years in a row.”

Steve’s eyes widened, “Really? She failed to mention that. I guess the pressure’s on then for my ribs to be good enough.”

“Oh, no pressure son. I just like grilling.”

“I’ll get the salad going and pop the macaroni and cheese into the oven,” Aly told them.

“Well, looks like we are not needed,” Sally smirked, one arm coming around each boy. “Now, tell me everything. I want to hear about school, baseball, girls.” When both boys ewwed, she laughed. “Oh, we’re not there yet, I see. Just give it some time.”

____________________________________________________________

Will and Nolan had not been exaggerating when they said they would pull out all the stops for her parents. Aly’s pants were digging into her stomach uncomfortably after enjoying course after course of delicious dishes. They were all Nolan’s specialties but someone else was preparing them tonight as he and Will were sitting at the long table with everyone else.

This was her parent’s third night staying with her and it was not the first time they had met everyone that was currently sitting at this table. That had been yesterday at the baseball game when they’d been inundated with new faces. Luckily she had the kind of parents who were absolutely delighted, hugging every single person, excited to meet new people, wanting to know absolutely everything about their lives.

Janice had even taken the opportunity after the game, while they were all enjoying ice cream cones at the park, to announce her pregnancy to the whole clan. Nancy had squealed as if her own sister had just shared the good news. Robin had hopped on her feet while El beamed, exclaiming how she loved babies, much to Mike’s apparent unease and everyone else’s amusem*nt.

“Oh Janice, we’re going to have to throw you the biggest shower,” Sally gushed and then winced. “Sorry. I’m probably overstepping. I am sure your own mom is handling everything, right?”

Her friend laughed, “Yeah. But she would love the help. My sister is driving her insane with all the phone calls and ideas. You know Krista, she just can’t help trying to run the show.”

“Sounds like someone I know,” snorted Steve, his eyes rolling pointedly toward Nancy.

“Oh, haha,” she snorted, rolling up her straw wrapper and tossing it at him. “There’s nothing wrong with being organized. Someone in this group has to be responsible.”

“I’m responsible!” Lucas protested. “I’m an accountant. I mean, how much more responsible can you get?”

“You still think it’s funny to make fart noises with your armpit,” Max pointed out, her nose wrinkling in disgust. “You’re basically a man-shaped child.”

“Oh, because it’s so adult to skateboard,” Lucas snapped back.

Eli straightened up in his chair, “I think skateboarding is cool.”

“That’s right.” Max nodded, putting out her fist for the kid to bump. “You tell him, Eli.”

Sally looked absolutely delighted at the chaos around her, grinning as her head turned this way and that, following each conversation as it happened. Aly knew her mom had always wanted a big family but that had been dashed when she suffered complications after having Aly. Complications that wouldn’t allow her to have anymore kids.

“And how long have you two been seeing each other?” her mom asked, turning to Robin and June, her chin resting in her palm, eyebrows bouncing with interest.

“Oh…us…it’s really new. Only forty-three days.”

Aly’s lips pressed together, her hand grabbing onto her glass of wine and taking a drink so she didn’t comment on Robin knowing the exact number of days. She didn’t want to embarrass her friend but damn, girl must be really far gone if she was counting out exactly how many days. She was far gone too but she couldn’t have told them days. Weeks? Yes but not down to the days.

June smiled at Robin, a look full of so much adoration that it even warmed Aly’s heart watching it. Maybe they were both in deep. That thought made her happy because Robin deserved this and so did June. June’s hand covered Robin’s on top of the table.

“Aww, babe, you know how many days?” Robin flushed. “Best forty-three days of my life.” With a small laugh, she turned back to Sally. “Of course it took her friends asking me out for her. I was waiting, hoping that I wasn’t reading into things. I thought she might be interested but it was hard to tell when she wouldn’t even speak to me.”

“It was hard to speak to you! You’re so pretty,” Robin gushed. “You intimidated me. And to be fair, I didn’t know if you were into women. I mean, imagine if I would have asked you out and you wouldn’t have been. You would have been disgusted by me.”

“Oh please!” Sally exclaimed, her hands coming to her chest. “Do you know how flattered I would be if a woman hit on me? I mean, come on. Men will hit on anything with boobs. But if a woman hits on you, she genuinely thinks you’re attractive.”

“Do I need to be worried here, dear?” Frank teased, leaning in. Sally swatted him with her napkin, laughing.

“So, now I have three grandmas!” Jeremiah exclaimed from where he sat down the table between Eli and Dustin. “I mean, how cool is that? How many kids can say they have three grandmas?”

“That is pretty cool,” Dustin agreed. “I only have one.” He shrugged. “I mean, I have two but since I don’t know my dad, I don’t know that grandma. So she had to exist for me to be sitting here but…”

“Does that mean I have three grandmas?” interrupted Eli, his face turning to Aly.

Before she could answer, Karen leaned over the table, winking at him, “You are even luckier because you have four grandmas, kiddo. You have your Grandma Judith and your Grandma Sally. And now you have Grandma Karen and Grandma Joyce.”

“That’s right, kid,” Joyce agreed, tossing him a wink. “I’m afraid if you’re going to have Steve around, then we all come along with the package.”

“I hope you’re okay with having a Grandpa Hop, too,” Hopper added, raising his beer.

“So…so I have four grandmas and three grandpas!” Eli’s eyes were wide, a smile stretching from ear to ear. “That’s more than like any kid has ever had, ever!”

“Not to mention a bunch of aunts and uncles,” Lucas told him.

“Yeah, Eli. You just inherited a whole family,” Dustin said, gesturing around the very full table.

“Wow! That’s a lot of birthday presents!” Eli declared, causing a round of laughter from the table.

“Yeah, and we don’t play when it comes to presents,” Will stated.

Nolan snorted, “Seriously. Your Uncle Will has no self control when it comes to shopping. He would bankrupt us if I didn’t control him.”

Jeremiah’s face crinkled, his brow furrowing as he considered all the words being spoken at the table. He appeared to be in serious thought and then he looked down at Aly.

“So…so are you like my mom now, too? Do I have two moms?”

Aly’s stomach clenched, her hand gripping the edge of the table as her eyes darted over to Nancy, hoping the woman was not offended by his question. She had never been trying to replace her, ever. Jeremiah had a mom and she was fine just being Aly to him. Besides, they weren’t even living together. They weren’t married. This was all just…she didn’t know what this was but it seemed a bit soon for this discussion. Even though the boys had talked about marriage, it felt different doing it in front of everyone.

Nancy smiled at her son, “If someday you would like to call Aly mom too, that’s okay with me. She’s going to be a big part of your life now.”

“But you don’t have to,” Aly assured him. “I can just be Aly.”

“Yeah, like I’m just Jonathan,” his stepdad told him. “You don’t call me dad because Steve is your dad and that’s okay. You still love me, right?”

“Yeah. I do, a lot.”

“So…I just call you Steve?” asked Eli.

Steve looked at Aly for help but she had none to give. She wasn’t sure what to say or where this was going. This was really up to Steve and without them even living together, it seemed an insane question. But Eli was seven and he’d been wanting this for a while. It didn’t surprise her that he was asking. He’d been trying really hard to make Steve his dad for months.

“Well, you also have a dad,” Steve finally answered. “But if someday, you think you would like to call me dad, I would be honored, kid. Really, I would. Nothing would make me happier, Eli. But I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to. I can just be Steve too. It can be whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Damn honey, you snagged yourself a good one,” her mom whispered in her ear. “Don’t let that one go.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

Steve’s hand found her knee, squeezing gently and she laid her head on his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she sat, content and happy, watching everyone she loved laugh and talk and eat together.

“I love you.” It was the softest whisper, caressing the shell of her ear.

A soft smile tilted the corners of her mouth, “I love you too.”

Yeah. This was happiness. This was love. This was her second chance at happily ever after, not just with Steve, but with every single person sitting around this table. They’d given her and her son a sense of belonging, a sense of peace, and a sense of safety. She was absolutely at peace with the idea of this being her forever.

Chapter 19

Chapter Text

The peak of summer had hit. Humid days meant lots of time at the local pool and lake. Aly and Steve were enjoying every moment of the boys' break from school with them. Picnics in the woods, cookouts with friends, mini-golf, and trips to the zoo filled up their weekends. Evening bike rides had become part of their routine, often ending with ice cream cones or slushies from Scoops Ahoy. Nights spent chasing fireflies and roasting marshmallows over a fire. Aly and Steve had taken to enjoying evenings on the deck after the boys were in bed, glasses of wine in their hands.

Mid-July found everyone once again sitting around a large table at Sage and Salt, minus Aly’s parents, as they were there for an entirely different reason this time.

“To Mike!” everyone cheered loudly, glasses clinking in celebration all around the table.

Mike’s cheeks blazed bright red, his lips disappearing in embarrassment at everyone making a fuss over him. He’d told them last week that he finally got an offer for his book. The book he’d been working on for years was finally going to be published, he was getting a decent advance for a new author, had signed the contract just that afternoon, and everyone had insisted on going out to celebrate.

“Thank you but this all feels a little…premature, doesn’t it?” he asked. “I mean, yeah, I got an offer and signed a contract but we have no idea how the book is going to do. Getting published doesn’t mean anything. Lots of people get published and their book just sits on a shelf collecting dust. It could still horribly flop.”

“It will not,” insisted El, looping her arm through his, a proud smile on her face. “You are going to do incredible. Michael Wheeler is going to be a household name.”

“Yeah, man. You could be the next Stephen King,” Lucas said.

Dustin snorted, “Nobody’s the next Stephen King. Stephen King is the only Stephen King there is or ever will be. Besides, his books are in a totally different genre. You can’t even compare the two.”

Max rolled her eyes, “Jesus Christ, Dustin. Can you just say yeah and be happy for your friend?”

“I am happy for my friend but it would be more appropriate to compare him to Eddings or Brookes as his book would be of the fantasy genre and they are fantasy authors. Of course, those are big shoes to fill. If his books do even half as well as theirs I will be impressed.”

“Okay, we get it,” Steve sighed, shaking his head. “Anyway, this is a huge deal and I am sure your book is going to be great. Congratulations Mike.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes, we’re so proud of you,” Karen beamed, teary, reaching over the table to pinch his cheek as he grimaced and pulled back from his mom.

“It’s about time,” Tedd grumbled, taking a long drink of his beer. “Only been working on the damn thing for five years, letting his wife pick up the slack.” Karen elbowed him and he looked over at her, completely unaware of how rude he was being.

“Well,” Joyce added, “I think it’s great. I can’t wait to read it. I will be first in line to buy it the day it comes out.”

Mike smiled at her, “Thanks.” He glanced around the table at all of his friends. “And thanks to all of you. If you wouldn’t have pushed me so hard, I’d probably still be editing it over and over again, too scared to ever actually put it out into the world.”

Nancy ruffled his hair, “No problem, kid. We all knew you had it in you even if you didn’t.”

“It’s an amazing story,” Will told them. “Mike really did his research. It’s well planned out, the plot is gripping, the characters are amazing, and the world building is on point.”

Dustin’s mouth dropped open, his fork hitting the plate with a clang, his eyebrows furrowing, “Wait. You’ve read it?”

Will shrugged, “I mean, yeah. Mike wanted me to look it over to see what I thought. I actually helped him with some of the editing.”

“How come he got to read it?” demanded Dustin, offended. “You said we couldn’t read it until it was published and perfect?”

“It’s Will,” Mike stated as if that should be enough explanation. “I trust Will to be honest with me.”

“We’re honest,” Lucas scoffed.

Max’s eyes rolled into her head, “Boys, boys…calm down. You all will have a chance to read it in a few months when it comes out. No need to bicker over who got to read it first. You’re all very important to Mike.”

“Speaking of people who are about to be famous, you will never guess who I saw at the record store today,” Robin said, turning to Steve as the boys continued to banter back and forth, her hand reaching across the table to grab a roll from the basket sitting in front of Steve.

“Who?” he asked.

“Eddie Munson.”

Steve’s eyes went wide, “For real?”

Robin nodded with a grin like she’d just spilled the juiciest news ever but being that Aly had no idea who she was talking about, she just munched on her bread. It didn’t appear that June had any idea who it was either as her and Aly shared a look of confusion. Based on the look on Steve’s face, this was very big news indeed.

“But I thought he took off,” Steve continued. “After senior year…well, his third try at senior year, anyway. He said he was getting out of this hellhole and never looking back.”

“He did get out. Hasn’t lived here for years but he came back to help Wayne pack up the trailer. Apparently, his band just got a record deal with this big label in L.A. He said they’ve been playing in clubs for years and were just thinking of packing it in and giving it up when this big record executive came to one of their shows. Anyway, they gave him this huge advance and he bought a house out there and Wayne is going to move in with him.”

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Steve remarked, his hand on Aly’s shoulder, thumb stroking the bare skin along the strap of her tank top. She had learned over the last few months that he was a very physical guy. Some part of him was almost always touching her and she wasn’t complaining about it. “Good for him. You know, the way this town treated him, I always hoped he’d do well and show them all.”

“Who’s Eddie Munson?” June questioned just as Aly was about to ask it herself.

“He’s this guy we went to school with. He’s Steve’s age but he had some struggles in school so he wound up graduating with my class. Honestly, I think he might have had ADD but of course they didn’t really talk about that back then. They’ve only really started talking about it in the last couple years. If you couldn’t keep your ass in the chair and learn like everyone else then you were just out of luck. Most of the teachers wrote him off as a lost cause so he lived up to it. He was sent out of the classroom so many times for being obnoxious or causing a disruption. But he was crazy talented at the guitar and he always had a book he was reading. People called him dumb but I never thought he was. Annoying, absolutely, but not dumb. I think he just couldn’t get it the way they were teaching it and no one took the time to figure out how to teach him.”

Steve shrugged, “He had it hard here. The town treated him like trash because his dad was trash. His old man went to prison for selling hot car parts and his mom took off when he was just a toddler. He wound up living with his Uncle Wayne when he was in middle school. Wayne had a trailer in Forest Hills. So on top of being a felon’s kid, on top of having trouble at school, he also lived in a trailer. It was the trifecta of judgement for the people in this town. Everyone always said he was up to no good and he was going to turn out just like his father.”

“You know,” Robin mused, tearing off little bits of her roll and stuffing them in her mouth, “one time some of the cheerleaders were being mean to me. Not that it wasn’t something that happened all the time.” She snorted, rolling her eyes. “I was a band geek so the jocks and the popular kids loved to give us sh*t. Anyway, they took my trumpet and were playing keepaway. Eddie stepped right in and swiped it from them, depositing it in my hands with a flourish and a bow before strolling off down the hallway. I always kind of admired him. He never let those asshats get him down. He just was who he was and he didn’t care what anyone thought of him.”

“I don’t know,” countered Steve. “I think everyone cares what other people think of them. I just think some of us are better at pretending like we don’t. I think that obnoxious, boisterous exterior was a shield he put up to protect himself once he realized he was never going to be accepted by this place. It was easier to pretend it didn’t matter than to allow himself to be vulnerable to the mockery. Dustin sure loved the guy though.”

“Loved who?” asked Dustin, catching the sound of his name.

“Eddie Munson,” Steve answered.

“Hell yeah I did. All of us did.” He gestured down the table to the other boys. “He was a Dungeons and Dragons Master. He was the head of our D&D club, Hellfire, and we all joined our freshman year of high school. Me, Lucas, Mike, and Will were never what you’d call…popular. Lucas was a bit once he started playing basketball and helped them win the championship game. But Eddie, man, he just accepted us from the first day. He gave us a place to belong. We were happy to be one of his sheep.”

Steve snorted, “It was like a damn cult. He referred to them as his sheep like he was a shepherd leading the flock. All four boys loved him but Dustin freaking worshiped the ground he walked on.”

“He passed the reins onto Dustin when he finally graduated, appointing him Dungeon Master,” Robin said, pausing to thank the waitress as she brought their food. “But he was heartbroken when he found out Eddie was going to completely skip town.”

“He was my friend. Hell, he was more like a brother, and he was a hell of a Dungeon master. I tried to fill his shoes but nobody really could,” Dustin stated. “I’ve been out there to visit him a few times, actually. He’s in town right now. Did you know that?”

“That’s what I was just telling him, doofus,” Robin said. Dustin stuck his tongue out at her and she laughed.

“And were you close to Eddie?” Aly asked Steve.

“Me? No. Not so much. Eddie and I…we didn’t have a lot in common. He was a metalhead who loved to play nerd games. I was an athlete who would rather do just about anything than Dungeons and Dragons. But I never had an issue with him like some people. I always thought he was a pretty good guy. Henderson’s a good judge of character. If he says you’re solid, you probably are. My few interactions with him were alright.”

One of Robin’s eyebrows lifted, her elbow dropping to the table as she leaned forward, “Oh please! You hated that Dustin and him were so close.”

“Yeah he did! He didn’t like that I had another older male friend. He wanted to be the only one.”

Steve’s lips came together, making a noise of disbelief, “Okay, one, gross. And please. Like I cared who you spent your time with. I was just relieved you weren’t constantly following me around anymore.”

Robin turned to Aly, “Don’t let him fool you. He was so jealous that Dustin was spending more time with Eddie. He got used to being the only one that the kid hero worshipped.”

“Aww,” Aly teased, poking him in the side, giggling when he jumped. “You didn’t like having to share your little brother?”

His eyes narrowed, “Please. Like I cared who Dustin Henderson hung out with.”

“Oh, he did,” Dustin shot back. “He can act like he didn’t want me around but he’d be lying. Steve loves me.”

“Okay, anyway, onto another topic please,” Steve begged, popping a fry into his mouth as the other guys caught wind of the conversation and started asking Dustin about Eddie.

“Alright, how about we talk about how my amazing girlfriend had some brilliant ideas about how to get more business into the coffee shop?” June offered, her hand covering Robin’s. “I was telling her how weekday evenings can be pretty dead and I wasn’t sure if I should start closing early and she had some amazing suggestions.”

“Oh yeah?” Aly leaned forward, arms folded on top of the table. She smiled at how red Robin’s cheeks flared at June’s compliment. “What amazing suggestions did you have?”

Robin shook her head, fingers tearing little pieces of her napkin nervously. “It wasn’t really anything spectacular…”

“Yes it was!” June huffed, rolling her eyes. “She’s just being modest. She mentioned starting a book club night. We could have specials to lure them in. I mean, what goes better with a conversation about a good book than a cup of coffee and yummy sweets?”

“Oh, I think that’s a fantastic idea!” Aly exclaimed, bringing her straw to her lips for a sip of co*ke. “We don’t really have anywhere in town that does book clubs. I think you’d get a lot of people interested. You could even make a special dessert to go with the book they’re reading.”

June’s eyes lit up. “I love that idea! Like I could make something with orange marmalade for Bridget Jones's Diary. We think that might be the first pick. I could even come up with some fun drinks to go with it. Maybe instead of coffee, have a fun tea beverage.”

“Yes! I’m totally in for the book club.”

“Oh, did I hear you say you’re starting a book club at the cafe?” asked Nancy, making her way down the table to join them. “I’m in.”

“Really?” Robin asked. “I mean, you really think it’s a good idea?”

“I told you babe,” June sighed, “it’s an amazing idea. We’re thinking about Tuesday nights. We’ll feature one book a month. I’m partnering with Terry, who owns the bookstore. He said he’ll make sure to order extra of whatever we pick so people can buy it directly from him instead of having to drive into the city to find it.” She shrugged. “I mean, it’s a win-win for both of us, you know?”

“I also mentioned a live music night and maybe a poetry night where people could come in and perform,” Robin added, posture straightening as her confidence built seeing that everyone thought it was a good idea. “That’s why I was in the record store today. I was talking to Tom about the local bands he knew of. We want to get the word out but we need to know where to find the people to give the word.”

“Yeah. But we’re thinking of waiting on the live music for a couple months. I want to make sure we have the book club thing down before I try adding in anything else. If that all goes well, then maybe in a couple more months we can phase in poetry night.”

“The Hideout would probably be the best place to find bands,” Jonathan offered as he headed down to join them as well, his arm slipping around Nancy’s waist. “I mean, that’s where Corroded Coffin always played.”

Robin nodded, “I know but we want to host a variety of music. I think The Hideout is pretty heavy stuff. Not that we don’t want that too but it would be nice to do a variety to get more people in.”

Steve snorted, “Yeah. Not everyone wants to listen to a bunch of screaming. Makes my ears want to bleed.”

“You know, Matt works with a guy who’s in a band. They play more acoustic stuff. I could talk to him and see if his friend would want to play at your shop,” Aly told them.

“That would be great. Like I said, it wouldn't be for a couple months. Probably not until the end of summer but I wouldn’t mind lining up some talent so we have a schedule and are ready to go when it’s time. Plus that would give us some time to figure out logistics.”

“If you’re looking for something Monday through Friday, you could always eventually add a local artisan night too. People who make things could have small displays in your shop and in front of it. From my experience, people love that kind of stuff,” Nancy said. “There’s just something so gratifying about finding that unique something special that you can’t find anywhere else because it’s not mass marketed. You know?”

“That’s not a bad idea, either,” June agreed. “And I love getting to support artists and small business owners. Especially given that I am one.”

“Oh, I wanted to ask, would it be okay if Eli stayed over tonight?” asked Nancy, turning to Aly. “Jere has been bugging me all day since we were all going to be here together. We rented Space Jam and he refuses to watch it without Eli.”

Steve glanced over at her, eyebrows wiggling suggestively at the thought of the two of them having a night alone. She wasn’t used to having Eli gone as much as he was these days. He usually wound up hanging out with one of the gang or having a sleepover at least once a week but she’d learned to appreciate any time she could have alone with Steve.

“Yeah. Absolutely. I’m sure he’d love that.” A soft smile lifted the corners of her mouth as she glanced down the table, watching as the boys took turns shooting straw wrappers at Dustin and Lucas, a skill that Hopper was apparently teaching them. The man was like an over-sized child sometimes.

“Thanks. We’ll bring them both back around lunchtime tomorrow if that’s good for you,” Jonathan said, him and Nancy sharing a smile. “Give you some morning time too, you know, if you need a little extra.”

A couple hours later found Aly strolling next to June as Steve and Robin argued ahead of them. Everyone had headed home and the foursome decided to walk off some of their food first. She was only able to catch a word here or there of Steve and Robin’s conversation and had no idea what they were arguing about. But considering it sounded playful, she wasn’t worried. If there was such a thing as platonic soulmates, those two were it. They bickered like siblings but their love for each other knew no bounds. That was obvious to anyone who witnessed their interactions for even a few minutes.

“So, it seems pretty serious with you and Robin,” Aly observed, hooking her arm through June’s as they walked along the main street.

A smile like a crescent moon curved the raven-haired beauty’s lips, “It is, I think. I’ve been crushing on her for months. I didn’t think she’d ever get the nerve to say anything. I mean, honestly, I wasn’t even sure if she liked me for a while. The girl never made eye contact with me. I knew she was into girls but I just figured maybe I wasn’t her type and she didn't want me to get the wrong impression or something.”

“Oh, she liked you,” Aly laughed, pausing to look in the window of the general store. Eli had been begging her for the Batcave playset that had come out a couple weeks ago. With his birthday coming up next month, she was going to need to stop in and get it. If she waited too long, it might not be there and she’d never hear the end of it. “She liked you a lot. I just think she was scared to say anything.”

“Obviously. But she’s…I mean, she’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. She’s so kind and thoughtful. I love the way she rambles when she’s nervous. It’s just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. And those little freckles…I just want to kiss each one.” She giggled. “I often do, actually. It’s only been a few weeks but somehow I just know. I know this is going to be something amazing. I know it’s going to last, you know?”

Aly curved her lower lip in, nodding as her eyes instantly moved to Steve, “I do know.”

“You sure seem to. You and Steve are the freaking cutest. Anyone watching you two can see it’s something special.”

It was special. It was everything. It was more than she could have ever imagined she’d get in life. After losing it all, she’d never expected to find something this magical again, someone this amazing. She knew exactly what June meant because she just knew. She knew that Steve was it for her. She knew six months from now, six years from now, sixty years from now, the universe willing, that he would still be by her side and she would still be just as deliriously happy.

Robin shoved Steve, his hand coming to her face and shoving her back, both of them laughing. Aly watched the exchange with amusem*nt. She already loved both of them so much. They had seamlessly been sewn into the fabric that was her life. What girl not only got to have the perfect guy but also the amazing people who came along with him? Sometimes it felt like too much, like she couldn’t possibly deserve this much.

“Are you two talking about us back there?” Robin questioned, walking backwards ahead of them.

“Only good things,” June promised.

“Aly’s not complaining about how I don’t hang up my towel after a shower?” Steve asked, spinning around to face them. “Or how I leave little hairs in her sink when I shave? Or how she trips over my shoes because I don’t put them by the door where they belong?”

“I can accept all of those things if you can accept how I hog all the blankets at night,” she replied. “Or how I take showers so hot you feel like your skin is melting off. Or how I always take the last of the coffee and don’t make another pot.”

Steve stopped walking, waiting until she was right in front of him. His arms wrapped around her, hand locking at the small of her back, a gentle kiss pressed against her lips. Those lips, so damn soft. The man always had a chapstick in his pocket. She knew because she’d run it through the washing machine more than once.

“I can accept every single one of those as long as it means I get to have you,” he whispered, his lips pressing softly against her nose.

“Did we just watch them exchange vows?” teased June. “Because those sure sounded like vows.”

“Seriously, when are you two just going to bite the bullet and move in together?” asked Robin.

Steve’s eyes went wide, zeroing in on her, examining her and she knew why. He was waiting. Waiting for her to sink into the dark abyss of an attack the way she had the last time moving in together had been brought up. She hated the way his body tensed, readying himself to try to pull her out of it. She hated that he assumed she would fall apart at the mention of the future with him.

Because she wasn’t. She wasn’t panicking. They spent more nights together than not these days. They had toothbrushes at each other’s places. They had a drawer with a spare change of clothes for those last minute decisions to stay over. He had a thermos in her cupboard for his coffee for work when he woke up at her place.

“Robin, we’ve only been dating for a few months,” Steve urged, darting a warning glance at his friend. “We’re taking things slow.”

Robin guffawed, her head thrown back with loud laughter, “Moving slowly? You sleep at each other’s houses every single night.”

“Not every night,” Steve argued.

“Practically,” she stated. “You already act like a married couple. Aly packs your lunches for work for crying out loud.”

Aly shrugged, “I mean, I’m already packing Eli’s and mine so I just…”

“I don’t care that you pack his lunch. But if you’re packing lunches, taking turns picking up the kids from school, and sleeping next to each other every single night, what’s the difference if you just go from two houses to one?”

“She’s not wrong,” June agreed. “You’re basically living together in two different spaces. Just sell one. It’s definitely more economically logical. You’d only have one house payment.”

“And if you sell one, you’d have a decent chunk of change. You could use it for…oh, I don’t know…a wedding?” Robin’s eyebrows wiggled tauntingly.

“We haven’t…I mean…we’ve talked but not…” Aly stammered.

Steve’s hands found hers in an attempt to ground her. Oddly, she didn’t need it. This talk about weddings and living together, talk that used to make her heart run a marathon, that used to suck the air right out of her lungs, wasn’t doing anything. She just didn’t know how to respond. After the hospital incident, they hadn’t really discussed it anymore.

It wasn’t like it wasn’t there, a thought that kept jabbing at her brain every now and then. But they’d been happily just going along the way they were. If he had Jere, they would stay at his place so Jere could have his things. If he didn’t, they stayed at her place. Miles had even gotten comfortable at both houses. The dog was at home at her place, leaving dark hairs everywhere that she could never seem to fully vacuum away. Somehow she always went to work covered in him but she didn’t mind.

But did Steve want to take that step? He’d told her that he hadn’t meant it when he said he liked his space. But the man had been living on his own for a while. He didn’t have to be attached to a child seven days a week. If they moved in together, he would have Eli around all the time. Maybe he wanted to be able to head back to his own place, his sanctuary of peace and solitude.

“Okay Robin. Your suggestions and opinions are duly noted,” Steve said, putting an end to the discussion. “Thanks for the input.”

Robin shrugged, grinning, “Just wanted to get my two cents out there. Voice the idea into the world. Because we both know you two will never do it if left to your own devices.”

____________________________________________________________

Steve stroked Aly’s hair as she lay with her head on his chest, the two of them relaxed back on a blanket. A cool breeze tickled his skin, crickets creating a soundtrack for their evening as they enjoyed a moment of quiet together in his backyard. Stars twinkled like diamonds in the night sky, the half moon providing what little bit of light they had.

He felt completely at ease with her right here where she belonged, cocooned in his arms, their hearts beating rhythmically against one another, sharing each other’s warmth to ward off the chill of the early summer evening.

He’d been expecting her to go into a full blown anxiety attack earlier when Robin started talking about moving in together. He’d expected another call to 911 when she’d mentioned marriage. But he’d never been so glad to be wrong. Aly had taken it in stride. She’d stammered a bit, looked a little nervous, but she hadn’t lost control. It was a small step in the right direction.

Steve hadn’t broached the subject of living together since that night when he almost ruined everything. They were spending most nights and mornings together as it was. It wasn’t enough. He didn’t think it would ever be enough but she seemed to be okay with it and so it was what he would make himself okay with for now. He’d made a silent vow not to push her anymore and he’d stuck to it, waiting for her to let him know when she was ready for the next step.

Had he wondered if she never would be? Of course he had. With her past, her struggles with anxiety, it concerned him that this could be what their relationship looked like forever. Her frozen in place, terrified to move even an inch in a forward direction. Him never saying anything for fear of pushing her away. The two of them at a standstill, their relationship never evolving, never changing past two people who dated and stayed over at each other’s places.

Steve had thought she’d fallen asleep until she said softly, “Maybe Robin has a point.”

“Hmm?” he questioned, pulling himself from his thoughts.

Aly lifted her head, placing both hands over his heart before resting her chin on the backs of them. She took his breath away. Every time she looked at him it was like he had forgotten just how beautiful she was and he was stunned all over again. Every damn time. His fingers slid a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I said maybe Robin has a point,” she repeated, turning her face into his touch, her lips pressing a kiss to the center of his palm.

Steve snorted, “Robin’s never right about anything.” At the look she gave him, he relented. “Okay. Fine. Yeah, she has some great ideas about June’s cafe. I think those things will really help bring in the business. We’ve yet to see but maybe she does have a point.”

“Steve, that’s not what I’m talking about.”

His heart stuttered in his chest. She couldn’t be saying what he thought she was saying, right? No. That was just him getting his hopes up far too high. It had only been a little over a month since that night in the hospital. There was no way she was going from barely able to breathe at the idea to suddenly saying they should move in together.

He swallowed, trying to rein in the desire that was raging in him for her to open her mouth and say those words. Because if she didn’t, the disappointment would come crashing down on him like an avalanche, his heart crushed under the weight of hundreds of tons of rock and rejection.

“So, what are you talking about?” he asked, attempting to keep the hope he was feeling out of his voice.

Her head tilted, her mouth curving into a gentle smile, “I mean, we are practically living together as it is. We’re just doing it in two different spaces. It does seem kind of silly, doesn’t it?”

Steve swallowed hard, nodding, barely trusting himself to reply with more than that. He wanted to grab onto her, pull her into him, kiss her breathless, and beg her to move in together. To choose a place. He didn’t care which. If she wanted to keep her place, that was fine with him. He just wanted her to be in his life, all of it, every day for forever.

“I understand if you’re not ready. I know you’ve probably gotten used to having your own space. I’m sure it’s nice to come home to a quiet house on the days when Jeremiah is with Nancy and Jonathan. So, I’m not pressuring you or anything. I’m just saying maybe it’s something to think about?”

He nodded. Emotion was clogging his throat. He knew he needed to say something. He needed to respond to her but he couldn’t seem to get sound past the lump in his esophagus.

Aly blinked quickly, burying her head against his chest again as she muttered softly, “Anyway, just a thought. No big deal. I wasn’t saying we have to do it now.”

Jesus Christ, he chastised himself. Open your mouth. Say something. His arms wound around her, rolling them so she was underneath him. Those beautiful eyes, eyes he hoped he was lucky enough to look into for the rest of his life, opened wide. He traced the back of his hand over the soft skin of her cheek.

“Move in with me,” he urged. “Or I’ll move in with you. I don’t care. But let’s move in together.”

Those perfectly pink lips arced up on both sides, “Really?”

“Yes, really. Invade all of my space. I told you, I don’t want space. I don’t want quiet. I don’t want alone. I just want you. You and Eli and Jeremiah. I want you to fill up all the space until there’s none left.”

“Are you sure? You’re not just saying that?”

“Honey, I’ve never been more sure of anything than I am of you,” he said. “I know I want you forever. I know you’re it for me. I don’t need to wait and see. I don’t need time to figure anything out. I’ve known from the moment I saw your face that you were going to be something special in my life. And you are. I want you and everything that comes with you.” He cradled her face in his palms. “I want this face to be the first thing and the last thing I see every day.”

Tears sparkled in her eyes under the light of the moon. “Me too. Maybe it’s quick but I don’t care. I thought I needed to move slowly. I thought I would need time to know if this was right but I don’t. I feel it, so deeply in my bones. You’re right. This is right. I was worried about Eli but I don’t have to be because I am certain. I love you and so does he. It won’t matter if we decide today or six months from now. I will be completely certain it’s you.”

“So, your place or mine?” he asked.

“I…” She paused, inhaling sharply.

“It’s okay if you want to keep your house, honey. My house is just a house. Your house holds a lot of memories for you. I know that. I truly don’t care where I live as long as you and the boys are there.”

“No. I mean…I don’t think I want to keep the house. That house is full of memories but they’re memories from a different life. I want to start fresh. I want to build new memories with you. I don’t need the house to remember. Those memories will always be with me but I’m tired of living with a ghost and that’s what it feels like there. I mean, I should probably talk to Eli about it and see how he feels. But what would you think about buying a new house? Something we choose together? Something where we can create our own history and stories?”

“I think that sounds perfect.”

And it did. A whole new space where they could choose things together. They could slowly make it their own. A house that they would turn into a home by filling it with love and a shared history. A place where they could raise their boys together and then a space for just the two of them when the boys were grown and out creating their own futures. Four walls that would contain all the memories of their years, the happy and the sad, that they would look back on years down the road.

“I love you,” she whispered, beaming from ear to ear.

“I love you, too. God, I love you so much.”

Aly pushed herself up, resting both knees on either side of his hips, straddling him under the stars in his backyard. Miles lifted his head from where he lay observing on the deck and Steve raised his hand, his command for stay. The dog released a heavy sigh but dropped his big head back down on his paws.

“You are everything I never thought I could have.” Whispered words as her mouth, hot and sweet, covered his, her tongue teasing, flicking and brushing over his lips, teeth, and tongue. “You are a damn dream, Steve Harrington and I hope I never wake up.”

Her words, transmitted on her breath from her mouth to his, traveling throughout, spreading, inhabiting every single space. His hands ran over her body, grabbing and squeezing, as he made a vow to himself to keep her feeling like that. To ensure she never woke up, never looked around and doubted her choice right here on this blanket, never was disappointed to find the dream wasn’t her reality.

She ground her hips over him and hissed at the feel of rock hard denim pressing over her cl*t. One hand slid up her shirt, taking her breast in his palm, while the other slid underneath her skirt, grabbing a handful of her ass. Aly rocked harder against him, whimpering when he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth between kisses.

Steve sunk into her mouth, taking the kiss even deeper, his tongue exploring, gliding and dancing over hers. His hand on her ass grabbed onto the lacy fabric covering her hip, his fingers wrapping around it, wanting to tear it off of her and bury himself to the hilt right now.

“Should we…?” she tried but gasped when he pinched her nipple, rolling the pert little bud between his thumb and forefinger. “Should we go inside?”

“No, honey…can’t wait…wanna f*ck you right here…under the stars…” he mumbled against her skin, sucking and nibbling a path up her neck to her chin. “Wanna have you under me…take you in the moonlight…”

A squeak escaped her when his arms came around her waist, flipping her to her back beneath him. His fists came down on either side of her head, taking in the sight of her wide eyes, parted lips, flushed skin.

“f*ck, you’re so damn beautiful,” he growled, his lips crashing down over hers again as her fingers dove into his hair, her legs locking around his waist as her heat sought out the friction of him again.

“But neighbors,” she protested weakly when his fingers wrapped around the edge of her panties, yanking them down and away, tossing them carelessly somewhere in the yard. “What if someone sees?”

“No one’s gonna see,” he assured her, his lips traveling down her body, lifting her shirt to press open mouthed kisses over the soft skin of her stomach. “Maybe Miles, but he won’t tell anybody. He’s good at keeping secrets.”

She giggled at that, the sound filling his ears, delighting his senses. It was one of his favorite sounds in the world, maybe his most favorite. It was a sound he wanted to cause her to make every single day but it’s not the sound he wanted right now.

Sliding down the blanket, he slipped his head under her skirt, taking her puss* in his mouth, and that’s when he got the sound he wanted. She choked out his name when he sucked on her cl*t like a throat lozenge. She writhed, whimpered, when he licked her from top to bottom, swirling his tongue over her teasingly.

The taste of her made him feel drunk, his head fuzzy in that delicious way when the world just goes soft. He wrapped his arms around each of her thighs, holding her in place, as he feasted on her. Her back arched, fingers tangling in his hair, as he flicked his tongue over her cl*t.

“Jesus, Steve,” she groaned, her hips rocking against his face, seeking sweet release.

f*ck, he would never get enough of her. Her taste. Her scent. Her sounds. The way she felt. He could spend the rest of his life buried between her thighs happily and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Aly was panting softly above him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her thighs trembled around his head and he knew she was close to coming undone. Steve wrapped his mouth around her cl*t and her entire body froze as she cried out his name loudly. He gently lapped at her sweet center, not stopping until he felt her relax beneath him.

“Steve…” Her voice was raspy with lust, her fingers threading through his hair, leading him up her body. He stared down at her, the way her skin glistened under the faint light of the moon, her eyes heavy, her lips curled in a satisfied smile. “I think the neighbors might have heard me.”

He grinned, pressing his forehead to hers, “Let them. Then they all know you’re mine.”

“I am, you know? Yours. Just yours,” she whispered, bringing his mouth to hers, kissing him deeply.

Those words did something to him, scratching an itch in his brain he hadn’t even known was there before this woman came into his life. Steve worked at his belt, undoing his jeans and kicking them down his legs, needing to be inside of her.

Nestling himself between her legs, he took his co*ck in his hand, sliding the tip over her cl*t and through her folds, teasing. Aly moaned, low and deep, her eyes fluttering as he slipped just the tip in before bringing it back out to run through her slick tauntingly. Her feet slid over his calves, her hands slipping under his shirt, nails running over the skin of his back.

“Steve…stop teasing…” she pleaded.

“Lift up your shirt for me, honey,” Steve told her. “I want to see all of you while I f*ck you.”

Aly obeyed, tugging her shirt up and over her head, leaving her lying beneath him in nothing but her little black skirt and a scrap of lacy pink fabric that was so sheer he could see her nipples, dark pink and hard. He couldn’t take it anymore, his hand grabbing onto her hip as he thrust inside of her, burying himself in her heat.

“Oh f*ck, yes…Steve…” she groaned, her nails digging into his flesh.

Jesus, she felt so damn good. He thrust again, sinking even deeper into her if that was possible, both of them moaning. Her legs locked around him, their bodies melding together until he could barely pull out. His hips rocked into her, small movements that kept him sheathed the whole time, his co*ck dragging over her walls.

“I love you…Jesus Christ, Aly…I love you…so f*cking good…you feel so f*cking good,” he grunted, rutting against her, chasing his own high as he felt her already starting to tremble beneath him again.

“Love…you…” she panted, fingers gripping his shoulders, her mouth catching his for a moment before she broke off, head dropping back. “Don’t stop…please don’t stop…oh god…Steve…right there…I’m gonna…”

His head fell back, riding it out as her puss* clenched down around him, clinging to him as she rode out the wave. He was almost hyperventilating as he thrust into her hard, fingertips digging into the flesh of her hips, his eyes squeezing shut as his own org*sm crashed down over him with force, spilling into her.

His co*ck throbbed within her as her puss* pulsed around him. He dropped down, his elbows on either side of her head, his hands cupping her cheeks. She looked like a f*cking vision glowing and flushed in the subtle light of the moon above them. Her hand came to his cheek, smiling up at him, looking as satisfied as he does after he’s power washed every damn thing outside of his house.

“You’re mine, huh? Just mine?” he teased with a smirk, thumb coasting over the curve of her cheekbone.

She turned into his touch, pulling the tip of his thumb between her lips, “For as long as you want me to be.”

“Careful what you wish for, honey because that’s a long time. I’m thinking forever.”

“Works for me,” Aly beamed, grabbing a fistful of his shirt, pulling his lips down to hers.

Chapter 20

Chapter Text

Two Years Later

Indianapolis in the summer was hot and humid. Aly tugged at the cotton of her shirt, pulling the material away from her wet, sticky body. All she wanted right now was to lie on her couch, her feet propped up, enjoying the air conditioning and an iced coffee. But coffee was limited to her these days and decaf just didn’t bring the same joy. What was the point? And no matter what anyone said, it did not taste the same.

The bookstore was packed with people, the air conditioner not doing much amidst the radiating body heat of the crowd, books cradled in their arms, waiting to meet the author. Mike sat at a table in the center, smiling up at a customer as he signed the copy of his latest book, Paladin of the Dead Kingdom, a sequel to his debut novel which had raced up the charts to number one on the New York Times bestseller list, shocking everyone but probably him mostly.

Releasing a long slow breath, she pressed her hand against the base of her back in an attempt to soothe the ache that had settled low in her spine. Rolling her shoulders, Aly moved forward, continuing to browse the selection of books on the shelf in front of her. With as much time as she’d been spending with her feet up every night, she’d been getting a lot of reading done. A few new additions to her quickly dwindling pile would be good.

Her fingers trailed over the spines as she read, waiting for something to catch her eye, the sun shining in the window hitting the diamond on her left hand with a shimmering sparkle. A soft smile crossed her lips as she flashed back to last year, her and Steve under a trellis of flowers that the girls had put together in their backyard.

It had been a small ceremony, held on the anniversary of the day they had met each other the previous year. Their closest family and friends had gathered around as they vowed to love each other until death parted them. A slight twinge of panic had raced up her spine at those words but she had pushed it down, refusing to believe that life could be that cruel twice. No. She had been lucky enough to find him and she would be allowed to keep him. She had to believe that.

Everything with them had moved pretty fast. They’d bought their house, with the wraparound porch she’d always dreamed of and the pool in the backyard that they couldn’t get the boys out of during the summer, only a few months after meeting. Steve had proposed two months after that. Seven months later they were married. From first sighting to wedding rings in the span of a year but Aly wouldn’t change a single thing. It didn’t matter how quickly it moved when you were certain you’d found the one that was meant for you.

“Mike is eating all this attention up,” El groaned, approaching with little Max on her hip. He’d just turned one last week and Aly could not get enough of his full little cheeks, dimples appearing as he grinned widely at her, drool slipping out of his mouth as he chewed at the teether El was trying to soothe him with. “But I’m so proud of him. He never thought his book would go anywhere, let alone be an instant bestseller.”

“Yeah. Well, there’s a lot of nerds in the world,” Dustin said, stepping up and holding out his arms. Baby Max leapt right into them. “The nerds far outnumber the non-nerds and he wrote something that appealed to every single one of them. Didn’t he, Max?” He grinned, bouncing his hip, Max giggling. “That’s right. Daddy did good. Huh, Max?”

“While I appreciate you naming your child after me,” Max interrupted, leaning against the side of the bookcase. “It is highly creepy to hear Dustin say my name in that baby voice.”

“Oh, Auntie Max is such a downer, isn’t she? She’s as grouchy as Oscar. We just need to find her a trash can,” Dustin cooed. “Come on little Max. I saw some cookies on the table in the back. Let’s get you one.”

“Dustin, not too much sugar, please,” El called but he was already gone and she sighed, tossing her hands in the air. “He’s going to let him have way too many cookies, isn’t he?”

“Oh yeah,” Aly grinned. “Not to mention punch. There’s fruit punch back there and cupcakes. Max will be all sugared up.”

“Great. At least the hotel has a pool. He can swim it out before bed.”

Robin and June walked up, hand in hand, and Aly smiled. Sometime within the last year, Robin has stopped being so self conscious about being affectionate with her girlfriend in public. She’d stopped worrying about what other people thought or what their reaction would be. She just let herself be happy. Even better, the two hadn’t encountered too much ignorance, choosing to ignore the side eyes or wrinkled noses. If anyone had anything to say, Aly would be more than happy to put them in their place.

Robin had moved out of her apartment when the lease was up last August and moved in with June. The two were now running the coffee shop together. Business was booming with all of Robin’s ideas. They had things going on every single night and the town was eager to come in, not only for the coffee and sandwiches anymore, but for all the extras. People waited anxiously to hear what the next read was for book club or to see the sign advertising what new musician would be playing. Local artists and poets signed up on a waiting list that was six months long to be able to come in and feature their work.

“This is one hell of a turnout,” June commented, eyes wide as she took in the crowd packed into the bookstore.

“Isn’t it amazing? It really means a lot to Mike that you all came to support him,” El told them with a smile.

“Of course we did,” Jonathan said, him and Nancy walking up. “Plus, it gave us a nice little getaway. We’re all going to take the boys to the Indianapolis Zoo tomorrow and to a baseball game on Sunday. They can’t wait. Jere is so excited to see his first professional game.”

Nancy laughed, “Well, the guys are going to take the boys to the baseball game. Aly and I have appointments at the spa.”

Aly smiled, inhaling and exhaling deeply, “You have no idea how much I am looking forward to that. My feet could use some serious pampering right now.”

“Everything could use some pampering right about now,” Nancy said, waving her hand up and down to indicate Aly’s whole body. “Why do you think Steve booked it?”

Every time she thought Steve couldn’t get anymore perfect, he managed to prove her wrong, to do something to surprise her. When talk of this trip to support Mike’s book release came up, he’d instantly suggested they should turn it into a little vacation for all of them. She was all for the idea, excited to show him the Indianapolis Zoo that she’d enjoyed so much five years ago when Justin had brought them. She fully intended on replacing her broken coffee mug on this trip.

Then last week, he dropped a brochure on her lap. It was for a spa in the city. He’d booked her the Ultimate Package. It included a massage, a facial, manicure, pedicure, a hair wash, and style. She’d argued with him, telling him it was too much, but he’d insisted. Then he’d tempted her even more by telling her that Nancy was going with her.

Her and Nancy had grown exceptionally close over the last couple of years. The woman she’d been so terrified of had turned out to be one of the most exceptional people she’d ever met. She’d welcomed Aly into their little family from the moment she’d met her and she had supported her and Steve every step of the way. Janice had been her maid of honor but Nancy had stood right next to her, a beautiful bridesmaid, her eyes shining with tears of joy as she and Steve had promised to love one another forever.

The bell above the door rang lightly, barely heard over the chatter of conversation within the four walls. Eli and Jeremiah came racing in, darting straight for their moms, red faced, shiny with sweat, and beaming from ear to ear.

“We pet a dog!” Eli yelled. “He was so big, mommy, like way bigger than me. Even bigger than Miles!”

Steve trailed behind them, clearly out of breath from trying to keep up with the boys. He stopped in front of her, hands on his hips, chest rising and falling deeply.

“Great Dane,” he muttered.

He’d offered to take the boys for a walk to get them out of everybody’s hair for a minute. They had been bursting with energy and sitting or standing nicely in the bookshop was not cutting it at the moment. Aly had been nervous they were going to cause a commotion if they didn’t get out of there for a bit.

“And we went to a playground!” Jeremiah added. “You should have seen it! It had everything and the monkey bars were so high but I did them anyway! I wasn’t even scared!”

“Yeah! And they had this swing that two people could sit on! It was like a circle and we sat on it and Daddy pushed us and we went so high!” Eli yelled.

“Wow, that’s incredible,” Jonathan replied, leaning down, hands on his knees. “How about we go get you both a cookie and some punch and you can pick out a book and sit and rest for a bit. I bet you could use some rest after all that excitement.”

“I sure could,” grumbled Steve, but his smile didn’t match his tone. The man might grumble and moan but he loved those boys with everything he had. And nothing made him happier than spending time with them.

“Aww,” she cooed, running her fingers through his hair, damp at the base of his neck from the heat and exertion, “did the boys wear you out, baby?”

“A bit,” he nodded. “They never stop, those two. They just have endless energy. I wish I could bottle up a fraction of it. It’s hard keeping up with them.”

“Well, you better get to training then,” Nancy teased, her eyes dropping to Aly’s stomach and then back up to Steve. “You’ve only got a couple months to get ready for an all new one. You think they’re exhausting now, do you remember Jeremiah at one and two and three?”

Yes, Eli was getting the sibling that Aly had always hoped for him to have but hadn’t expected to happen. After they were married, she had stopped birth control, the two of them deciding that if it happened, it happened. They weren’t stressing it. They would be content either way but when Aly realized in February that her period was a month late and that stick had shown two pink lines, they’d both been elated.

The idea of a little person that was a mixture of the two of them, a living, breathing testament to the love they shared, filled them both with more joy than they’d expected. It felt like a symbol of not only their relationship, but the blending of their two families into one. Beautiful splashes of color that collided to create the most beautiful piece of art. Because there was no doubt in her mind that this baby would be beautiful, especially if she got her dad’s lashes and that head of full, thick hair.

“Have you guys finally picked out a name?” questioned Robin for what had to be the twentieth time. “You know, I keep telling you that Robin is a pretty great name.”

“I would offer up Max but that’s already taken,” the red head shrugged. “Not that you couldn’t also name your child after me. I mean, I am obviously the coolest one here.”

El laughed, “While I agree, it would be very challenging to have two little ones running around with the same name. It’s already hard with you and my son.”

“Besides, Robin is the obvious choice,” Robin cut in.

“Why is Robin the obvious choice? Why not June?” her girlfriend asked. “I think it’s a very pretty name.”

“It’s a beautiful name for the most beautiful girl,” Robin said, “but I have been friends with Steve for fourteen years.”

“Well, if we’re going by the longest time knowing someone, then I should win,” Nancy argued. “I’ve known Steve for sixteen years and I am the mother of his other child. I think that gives me bonus points. Maybe the baby should be called Nancy.”

“I don’t know that Jere would want his little sister to be named the same thing as his mom,” Steve mused.

“Why not? Guys name their kids after themselves all the time.”

“While that is true,” Aly began, cutting off the conversation, “we have already settled on a name. She will be Peyton Robin Harrington.”

“Ohh!” El’s eyes went wide, her hands clasped to her chest. “I love Peyton. That’s such a cute name.”

“Yeah, and it doesn’t lend itself to any weird nicknames,” Steve said, his arms coming around Aly, hands covering her round belly. “That was one of my biggest concerns. I didn’t want to pick anything that could be turned into something awful.”

“Like Pey?” offered Lucas, earning a glare from Steve.

“Oh! Peyday!” Max grinned.

“Or PeyPey,” teased Robin.

Nancy snorted, “How about Ton? Come here little Ton!”

“You all suck,” Steve snapped, rolling his eyes. “None of you will be calling my beautiful little girl any of those awful names.”

“I don’t know,” joked Aly. “Peyday has a certain ring to it.”

“Don’t you start, too,” groaned Steve.

“Oh! Or Peycheck!”

“Aly, seriously…”

“Peyroll! No! I got it. Peypaya.”

Steve’s hands rested on his hips, his face so unamused that she couldn’t help but laugh.

“You guys are so funny. Leave my daughter alone.”

“Hey,” protested Aly, winding her arms around his waist, feeling him melt against her, his hands leaving his hips to come around her. “She’s my daughter too.”

“So stop trying to start off her life by traumatizing her. She’ll never live down a name like Peypaya.”

“While I think Robin should have been her first name, I guess I am willing to accept the middle name,” the blond huffed, folding her arms and rolling her eyes. “I guess it’s still a little recognition of how neither of you could function without me.”

“We really couldn’t,” Aly agreed. “I mean, who would keep this one in line for me?” She nodded her head toward Steve and he snorted, shaking his head.

“Seriously. This dingus thought doing the whole baby room without you as a surprise while you were visiting your parents would be a good idea.”

“Hey! I thought it would be nice for her to come home to a finished nursery. I was just trying to save my wife from extra work.”

“Yeah and then she wouldn’t have had a say in any of it. She would have smiled and thanked you and secretly hated it every single time she walked into the room and it wasn’t what she’d envisioned,” Max told him. “Robin was right. You cannot do home renovations without your wife’s opinion.”

“I asked Janice for input. She knows Aly better than anyone.”

It was true. Janice knew exactly what Aly would want. The sage green nursery, photos of zoo animals that her friend had taken for her adorning the walls, soft pastel orange bedding and pillows, cuddly stuffed animals propped throughout. It was perfect and Janice would have guided Steve to do exactly that.

The two women had been ecstatic when they’d found out that Aly was having a girl. Janice’s daughter, Olive, was only eighteen months so the girls would be close in age. Both women hoped they would be just as inseparable as their moms were, a built in life-long friend.

Max relented, “Okay. I mean, asking her best friend was a solid plan. If anyone would know what she wanted, it was her.”

“Exactly and what she told me is exactly what Aly wanted anyway. I could have done it and then she wouldn’t have had to stress.”

“Either way, the nursery is perfect. The boys had the best time helping us get everything ready. They even each picked out an animal for the room. Eli wanted an elephant because it starts with ‘e’ and Jeremiah went with giraffe because it has the same sound as his name, even if the letters are different. His words, not mine.” She laughed, remembering how excited the boys had been running through the baby store, helping them pick out things for the room.

“They were a little bummed that we didn’t go with a superhero theme,” Steve added.

“Well, of course,” chuckled Lucas. “What little girl wouldn’t want Batman and Superman?”

Max shrugged, “I mean, you could have gone with Catwoman and Wonder Woman. That would have been pretty kickass.”

Mike stumbled over into their aisle, looking exhausted but happy, a wide smile stretching his face. He leaned down to kiss El and then dropped down to the floor dramatically in front of the bookshelf.

“My hand is going to wither and fall off,” he groaned, shaking his fingers. “I don’t even know how many books I signed.”

“Oh please. You love it,” Lucas told him.

Mike grinned, “I do. I never thought this would actually be me. I mean, nothing Mike Wheeler, kid who was picked on by the assholes all through school, now a bestselling author. People actually line up just to meet me and get me to slap my signature on something I wrote. It’s insane, man, but so damn cool.”

“Dada!”

Little Max came racing over, Dustin rushing behind him, clearly having lost control of the situation. The little guy flung himself into Mike’s open arms and the guy who’d looked terrified at the thought of being a father, scooped him up, kissing the top of his hair that was the shade of midnight, just like his dad’s.

“Hey buddy.”

Max held up the cookie he currently had in his hand, the whole thing a mushy wet mess from where he’d been gnawing at it. He tried to put it in Mike’s mouth and he grimaced, shaking his head.

“No thank you. That’s Max’s cookie. You eat it, buddy.”

“And how many cookies is that, Dustin?” inquired El, the girl already having the mom look down, currently giving it to Dustin.

The boy shrugged, curls spilling out from under his ballcap, “I don’t know. Not too many…I mean…” He ran his hand over his mouth, mumbling, “Four.”

“Four! Did you say four?” El groaned, her head dropping back. “Dustin, seriously. I am going to make you deal with him when he’s running up and down the hallways of the hotel and refusing to go to sleep.”

“Okay. I don’t mind hanging out with the little dude.”

El’s eyes rolled up into her head as the adult Max patted her shoulder gently.

“Well, while he’s had four cookies, I’ve had nothing for the last three hours and I am starving,” Mike announced, one arm around his son as he rose up to his feet. “What do you all say we head out and get some dinner?”

“You buying?” asked Nancy.

“Yeah, with that big advance, you can afford it, right?” Lucas agreed.

Robin placed an arm on his shoulder, grinning, “Mr. Big Bucks over here these days.”

“Oh! If Mike’s buying, I am getting all the drinks,” June said.

“And dessert,” Max added. “Maybe we should order every dessert on the menu. You know, so we can taste everything.”

“Don’t forget appetizers,” Will stated.

Nolan nodded, “Yeah. I love to taste test things at other restaurants. Give me ideas for new recipes. I bet we could manage to order one of everything on the menu, for research, you know?”

“You guys are jerks,” Mike huffed.

“What, with that fancy Range Rover you drive now, I assumed you must have lots of expendable cash,” Jonathan said as he and the boys joined them.

“I mean, I’m doing okay,” Mike shrugged, his ears turning bright red. “I wouldn’t say I’m rolling in cash but I can buy dinner.”

They all whooped and cheered, heading out of the bookshop and onto the streets of Indy.

“But not one of everything on the menu!” he yelled after them.

“What?” Robin bellowed. “Sorry. Can’t hear you!”

“Yeah!” Lucas yelled. “Too busy imagining all the food I’m going to eat!”

Steve rolled his eyes at the group, his arm coming around Aly’s shoulder as they trailed behind everybody. His mouth dropped to her ear, lips brushing over the tender skin as he whispered, “Regretting getting mixed up with this crew? Rethinking your choices?”

“Never,” she said, and she meant it, because this guy right here and everyone that came along with him were the best choice she’d ever made. Two years ago she’d said she would never find something this amazing again. But never say never.